On Monday, my friend Jingjing told us that she was injured by her childish injury in Terrible Two, and she was shutting herself in the kitchen, crying bitterly. She was afraid that she could not control her emotions and hit the kid.

Jingjing knows very well that the child's seemingly unreasonable behavior is his normal performance at this stage. She doesn't want to vent her emotions on the child.

Because she knows that her emotions need to be handled by herself.

Her mood has nothing to do with children.

But it is precisely because of the children's behavior that we can see the discontent, depression and resentment that have accumulated in our hearts for a long time.

Mom and Dad, if you are angry next time, you can refer to a principle-the 9/1 principle.

9% of what makes you angry comes from the unsatisfied needs in your heart,

and only 1% comes from the objective events that happen now.

So the next time you get angry, you can shut your mouth and stop hitting your child and ask,

What is the 9%?

When you do this, you are actually telling yourself,

You need to be responsible for your own problems and be the master of your emotions.

At the same time, you are telling your child,

My emotions have nothing to do with you.

this is very important. why is this important?

/

I want to share this view with you through a movie.

The film is Miracle, from Hirokazu Koreeda.

The four people in the picture were originally a family of four.

But because the relationship between parents broke down and they chose to separate, Dad took his younger brother Ryunosuke to live together.

My mother took her brother Hangyi to live with her grandparents at her parents' home.

The two brothers have very different personalities, which can be seen only from the pictures of their parents quarreling.

Brother Hanghang will take the initiative to stop the conflict between mom and dad from escalating.

and his younger brother, Ryunosuke, will immediately flee the scene and continue shoveling rice into his mouth.

Even though my brother called for him to help stop the fight, my brother remained unmoved and ate his meal with a straight face.

Many people may not understand what my brother did when they saw this picture. Why don't they help him to stop the fight?

isn't it related to him?

actually, it really doesn't matter.

In this family, only my younger brother Ryunosuke understands this truth.

Only Ryunosuke can carry it clearly.

Although he continued to eat as if nothing had happened, from his rigid eating movements and empty eyes, we can see that his heart is actually as flustered and uneasy as his brother.

But he's trying to keep telling himself through these clumsy movements, "No,no."

He is telling himself that the problems of adults have nothing to do with him.

Let's take a look at my brother Hangyi. His inner fear and anxiety keep telling him, "I want to manage, I want to manage."

Mom and Dad's business is his business.

Even if Mom and Dad choose to separate, he still bears this responsibility and lives with his mother.

in his life, from now on, there is only one goal.

I just want to try my best to make mom and dad second time around.

In this way, he can relive the beauty of old family reunion.

My elder brother will keep in frequent contact with my younger brother, keep track of my father's movements, and beware of any improper actions of my father.

Sometimes, even the opposite sex my father came into contact with, my brother has to take care of it and ask my brother to report his whereabouts.

My brother and mother live in Kagoshima, a city full of volcanic ash.

he hates this city, and every time he sees the balcony covered with volcanic ash, he gets bored.

He prays devoutly every day that the volcano in Kagoshima can explode so that he and his mother can move to Fukuoka to live with their father and brother.

Because I think about the idea of reuniting with my family every day, the life that originally belonged to children's childlike interest has been boring at my brother's place.

For him, every morning is a gloomy day covered by volcanic ash.

and what about my brother? In fact, it is a very different life from my brother.

Every morning, for my younger brother, it is a day full of vitality.

He will get up early to make breakfast for his father, wash his clothes and take good care of the tomatoes he planted in the yard.

Every day after school, he will buy a snack he likes with his friends and enjoy it at home. Even if he is alone, he still enjoys himself.

He will set off fireworks and play music with his friends and his father's friends, and spend a pleasant and fulfilling weekend.

unlike my brother, my younger brother doesn't pay all his attention to my parents. Even if he lives with his father, his relationship with his father is like a friend. Speak frankly and discuss it well.

On his mother's phone call, he happily said to her,

"I'm trying to have a good time."

I believe that what he said is true.

he wants to be happy by himself.

He also wants his mother to be happy because of his living condition.

But the mother on the other end of the phone was not as happy as expected when she heard the news that he was happy.

Because before making this call, my mother was worried about whether my brother would be hungry and warm because he didn't live with her.

I was particularly touched when I saw this.

Sometimes, a child knows better than his parents who life is for.

Life has always been for yourself.

If a younger brother, like an older brother, takes all the things of his parents on himself, he thinks that his parents are unhappy.

Can he really sigh the harvest of each labor, enjoy the taste of each delicious food and appreciate the joy of each interpersonal interaction as he is now?

no.

he knows that his parents' unhappiness has nothing to do with him.

this is a sense of boundary that is both restrained and precious.

the way to make mom and dad happier is not to go back to the past, but to use the past methods to make them happy again.

This is the most inappropriate way for a mature but still naive brother.

The way to make mom and dad happier is to let go of the past, look forward, and regain the happiness of the present life in the way they like.

this is the most appropriate way for a younger brother who looks silly and naive, but is very stupid.

At the end of the movie, Lisa didn't play it thoroughly. This is my favorite movie in 22. I sincerely recommend you to feel the touching moment at the end of this story.

/

Through this movie, I hope to bring some inspiration to my parents.

Your emotions have always been your own problem.

If you beat and scold your child because of your emotions, it is actually easy to send a signal to your child

"You should be responsible for my emotions."

The child is responsible for your emotions. He makes you happy,

but he also loses the opportunity to be responsible for his own life.

at the same time, it is also given to friends who are not yet parents.

If you, like your brother Hangyi, have been responsible for other people's emotions for a long time,

Now, can you think about it,

Give yourself a chance and be responsible for yourself?

Because your happiness is always about yourself.