Will smith? Smith) is one of my favorite actors. He has created countless classic scenes on the screen, one of which is like this:

In the famous inspirational film The Pursuit of Happyness (The? In Pursuit of Happyness, Chris (Smith), a poor and battered salesman, speaks the following enduring lines to his five-year-old son Christopher-

calm, brief and firm, and Chris used this tone when admonishing his son.

just eight words.

However, people with a little life experience can easily find out how difficult this sentence is in reality:

You always hesitate when you see your favorite clothes, mobile phones and delicious food;

You set your eyes on the ideal company, position and reward, but you never move;

you have a crush on your favorite object, lover and partner, but you wait silently.

......

I always feel my heart, but I don't act.

obviously want to change, but the result is to maintain the status quo; So escape from reality and dare not pursue what you want; It's really annoying to look at it, keep it in your heart, be unable to move, and worry about it!

-why are you in such a predicament?

two reasons.

Let me talk about the first one, which is also the most common, universal and important one: low self-esteem.

The subconscious is always telling itself: I don't deserve it.

People with low self-esteem are used to thinking the worst of things, and they are not able to make efforts:

"I really want a new dress/XX mobile phone, but is it too expensive?

I really want to go to XX company, but it's a big company. Will it fail the first test?

The boy I met at the last party was so stylish, but does he already have a girlfriend? /The new girl is really beautiful. I really want to ask her for a phone number, but I guess people don't like ordinary people like me? "

-things you want are usually hard to get. When the goal is full of challenges and the pursuit becomes arduous, things often go nowhere.

People who miss their favorite things again and again, and people with low self-esteem begin to belittle themselves and excuse their failures and setbacks:

"Am I useless?

anyway, I knew I couldn't do it myself.

Alas, it didn't belong to me. "

The defeatist mood began to spread. Gradually, people with low self-esteem became afraid to" act rashly ",unwilling to take risks in pursuing new things, entering new environments and developing new interpersonal relationships. It is best to let nature take its course and do nothing.

how is low self-esteem formed?

a key factor is family. Especially in the life environment of children, it is particularly important. If the family relationship is tense, conflicts, quarrels and even fights often occur, and the children find that they are different from other children, they blame themselves for the problem. "Is it because I am not good enough?". Some parents are indifferent, overbearing and abusive to their children due to financial difficulties, poor health, unsatisfactory career and unsatisfactory life, which will also hinder their children's normal self-esteem development process and produce the psychology of "I am inferior to others".

another key factor is education. Some children have poor academic performance, which may be caused by many reasons, such as late physical and mental development, improper study methods, noisy learning environment, irregular work and rest hours, etc. However, parents or teachers lack patience and confidence, academic counseling and psychological guidance are not in place, coupled with rude accusations, simple comparisons, scolding and corporal punishment, children's self-esteem is seriously frustrated. This process has always been criticized by the society, and many classic famous sentences have been born, such as:

"I have never seen a student like you!

look at him!

If you are like this, you will be worthless when you grow up! "

then there is work and socializing. Some enterprises advocate tough management methods, and superiors are accustomed to imperative communication methods and lack dialogue with subordinates; A slight carelessness at a lower level in the work will cause a change of face, anger and rage at a higher level, ranging from swearing to humiliation, intimidation and even punishment; Usually, this behavior will become a corporate practice, and the lower level, especially the grassroots employees at the bottom, will stay in this environment for a long time, which will also lead to low self-esteem.

the second reason is traumatic memory.

no one wants to get hurt or suffer misfortune. However, life is always full of ups and downs, and sometimes it is inevitable to encounter more serious injuries, which will cause our psychological, emotional and even physical abnormalities. This is traumatic memory, also known as mental trauma or psychological trauma.

Generally speaking, a slight abnormal state can be cured after a period of self-adjustment. But there are also some mental trauma effects that will last for a long time, even with life. This is called "post-traumatic stress disorder" in the classification of psychology and psychiatry.

If the degree of trauma is high, memories or pictures of injury events will appear in people's dreams or reappear in their minds when they are awake. Many times, in order to avoid triggering memories of trauma again, people will try their best to avoid contact with things related to traumatic experiences.

There are many scenes in film and television works that reflect traumatic memories. For example, in the Japanese drama A liter of tears, the hero Aso (played by Nishikido Ryo):

Aso is concerned about human life and death. Attitude is quite calm

The heroine Masaya Ikeuchi (played by Erika) finds it hard to accept Aso's statement. Very unsettled

Aso didn't agree

One night, Aso returned to the lab. He also explained that the reason why he came back so late was because he was worried about the goldfish < P > Ya also said that he could not understand < P > Aso was with his brother when he was a child (in green). There is something wrong with my brother's walkman

I can't bear to throw it away for a new one, because my brother is a warm man

When I grow up, Aso and my brother (left) go fishing by the river. My brother always releases the caught fish

A terrible accident happened unfortunately ...

My father and mother were heartbroken.

Aso was deeply hurt

A lot of details clearly explained why Aso Yaodou seemed indifferent to people:

His most admired, favorite and closest brother left him alive, losing his relatives and idols, which caused great harm to his spirit; In order to avoid triggering such traumatic memories, Aso had to deliberately keep a distance from others in order to protect himself.

From then on, although I was extremely eager to communicate with others, I couldn't get out of the shadow of the past, and I couldn't develop new interpersonal relationships and make new close partners.

-heartbeat, but no action.

until Yaya appeared in the pool.

There is a similar situation:

The former famous Arsenal striker and Dutch star Bergkamp, who is known as the "Ice Prince", is afraid to fly.

When the Dutch team participated in the 1994 World Cup in the United States, once the engine of the plane they were on suddenly stopped during the flight, a reporter took the opportunity to joke with Bergkamp that there was a bomb in his bag. From then on, Bergkamp never dared to fly again, even if it was an important game, as long as it needed to fly. The star has also sought psychological help. He once described his feelings like this:

The above example is far from the life of ordinary people, and the situation below is more universal:

The things he loves are deprived.

The most typical example of this kind of traumatic memory comes from childhood. Toys that I cherish and cherish very much were given away by my parents, and they were also taught to be generous and not stingy. If you can't protect what you love, you will fail to fight many times, and then you will "learn" and stop doing such futile things as "pursuing what you want".

I can't keep it anyway, so why insist? Another example is that men and women who have suffered major setbacks in love can easily fall into the dilemma of "wanting to love and being afraid of being hurt" and simply bury their feelings deeply in their hearts.

the above is a brief analysis of the phenomenon of "always moving, but not acting".

finally, I attach a warm-hearted photo of Smith and his son: