Writing | Dao Feng

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What do you think of a soul mate?

is that the person you fell in love with at first sight? Is it the karma of your past life? Are they like each other? Or the so-called "twin flames", the other half of each other's souls? Or only when you meet your soul mate can you reap perfect happiness?

I just want to say, NO! These are just our fantasies, or rather, our beautiful fantasies about "love".

Mr. Hu Yinmeng: "Soul mate is the person who gives you the most hardships".

Mr. Zhang Zhihua: The end of true love is to go to yourself, not to others. A partner who really loves you will make you bloom in his hands and will not let you wither in his hands. We always set a lot of standard requirements for "partners", but it is difficult to achieve them. Instead of empty talk about "soul mate", it is better to draw attention back to the reality level, and the partner who can live a good life is the best partner.

Botti Utan: Men and women are not antagonistic, they are equal members of the opposite sex. The original intention of cosmic harmony is that different parties live together and live a harmonious life. Matching two ends can create a beautiful melody, and if you can understand each other, you can create music.

John Gray, the author of "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus", expresses in his book that the desire to spend a lifetime with someone is precisely the truest expression of the soul. Only the decision made by an open mind can create a better life. By loving our partners, keeping our promises at all times, truly facing ourselves and living in love with each other, we have established a paradise on earth.

psychologist Zhu Jianjun: if you want to have a soul mate, you must have a soul first. If you don't have a Soul, there is no Soul Mate. Therefore, soul mates actually have psychological requirements for people: first, your psychological problems should be solved, which will not hinder your growth; Secondly, you should be sensitive to the spiritual world. I think the soul is more like a kind of awakening, that is, under the stimulation of some opportunities, some people suddenly, some people gradually, he (she) will feel that kind of soul. With this feeling, you may need a soul mate.

From these teachers' answers, we try to extract the key words of "soul mate": tribulation, self, suitability, promise, spirit ... Perhaps more precisely, a soul mate is the person who can grow into a better self together and want to promise each other a lifetime.

it is a miracle that two people can meet, know each other and love each other in the vast sea of people.

if you are in a city with a population of 8,, do you know the chances that you love each other?

in a city of 8, people, .53 people may call us.

Back to our city, the statistical results in 217:

There are 12,468,3 people in Guangzhou, and there may be 8.3 people who make your heart beat;

There are 11,378,9 people in Shenzhen, and there may be 7.5 people who make your heart beat;

There are 18,777, people in Beijing, and there may be 12.4 people who make your heart beat ...

Look at the TA around you, do you have anything to say?

you are single, so please grow up with your heart, because you will meet the same frequency TA!

The city of Beijing is very prosperous, but sometimes there is endless busyness behind it. When you are busy, you forget your heart. Lonely, uncomfortable and pessimistic, this kind of emotion is easy to immerse into the human body, achieving a hundred poisons and invulnerable physique. Slowly, our hearts are immune to love, while our minds are still seeking love and longing for love, hoping to meet their soul mate one day. Of course, for us who love immunity, "soul mate" seems to be more like a desire, more precisely, a desire for unconditional love ... < P > Like the girl in the video above, I once asked my partner the question "Do you believe in soul mate?" He looked indifferent, then looked at me and said, "Anyway, this life is you"!

Now, according to my own heart, Liu Tongxue can be regarded as my soul mate. We are connected with each other, and now we are together for the ninth year. Compared with the beginning, we are less naive and more mature. Less uneasy, but more firm; Less tender, but more tolerant; There is less pretending maturity and more childlike innocence. Because, we believe in love and trust each other more.

We will sincerely support each other's decisions. We are responsible for each other's own decisions, and the other party will always stand behind you. When you hesiTAte and dare not move forward, ta pushes you; When you are afraid, TA holds you in her arms and protects you like a parent. When you make a little progress, TA is happier than you, pulling you to celebrate together ... < P > The mode of getting along with each other is more of "mutual praise and mutual praise", and we really see more advantages in each other, so we can give them a timely affirmation. We are grateful to each other, because of each other, we all have more courage to grow into better ourselves. And they are also willing to accompany each other through the ditch and grow together.

is this how we got along from the beginning? Of course it is NO! !

at the beginning, I was a full-fledged "daughter", that is, the zuo without Zuo and Die! Liu Tongxue, however, is just an immature Liu student. We are both each other's first love. To be more precise, each other is the first time that we formally fell in love and really know what "love" is.

When we first fell in love, we were more satisfied with each other, and each other was everything in our lives. We even said that we had to do each other's demands even though we were very tired. Among them, the other party's requirements are actually more "what they think of each other's requirements", and everything is untrue. During that time, we often went out to play, and we played all the places near the university. By the way, I forgot to mention that we started dating in college, from 29 to now.

Love in college is very simple, and it seems to be well maintained. Let's go to the library, study together, eat together, travel together and have activities together. There are so many intersections with each other, and there will naturally be no less topics with each other. Although there is friction with each other, it will soon pass. Until the year of graduation ...

We sat on the stone bench of the school and watched the graduates leave the campus with heavy luggage. We don't know what will happen in the future, let alone everything. Where to go next? Go home, or go to a certain city ... Who knows? We looked at each other without saying a word, for fear of breaking the peace and not wanting to end it.

looking at him, I suddenly smiled, "hey, I've decided, where you go, where I go. Who cares? Anyway, I don't want to regret it myself in a few years, but I want to be willful once. "I have forgotten his reply at that time, but I just remember that he took my hand and it became tighter ... < P > The time after graduation is really different from college, with more life training and more down-to-earth happiness. When renting a house for the first time, the windows in the house can't be closed. When it rains, things often need to be moved to prevent the rain from sweeping through the window from wetting things at home.

actually, that home is very simple, with a rocking table, a bed, a pot and a wardrobe. In summer, because it is the top floor, the room is very hot, and the bed is as hot as a steamer. However, the two children at that time were all smiles all day. We go out to buy food and cook together; After work, he picked me up; During the holidays, he prepared surprises for me; We walked around all parts of the city together, played with water, climbed mountains together, and had endless fun together ...

It was the time we spent with him after graduation that began to make me understand the happiness of my parents in those years, and also made me understand that happiness is really not necessarily related to material and money ...

Now, we are all doing our favorite jobs and our own suitable things in Beijing. Among them, I have encountered renting a house and being cheated; Disagreement; I almost broke up ... but we always want to stick to it, just because we don't want to regret it later. It's been nine years. If you ask me, are we still the same as we were nine years ago? I want to answer, of course not!

We are all more rational about reality, knowing that we should work hard and support each other to do what we want. Instead of being bored with each other every day like in college, I remember that at that time, every time my counselor saw me, there was only one sentence: I must study hard and don't always care about falling in love! I really didn't understand at that time, but now I just want to thank him.

Now, we know that we both need an independent space, respect each other's needs, and when problems arise, we should communicate sincerely and express our inner needs. Not as before, even if you are tired again, you have to force yourself to adapt to each other; When there is a contradiction, you don't talk in the cold war and think that the other party should be able to understand. The thinking of men and women is different, so how can we let each other fully understand the career in their hearts? If boys really love you and girls communicate frankly, what obstacles can there be between them? We grow up in each other's company and gratitude.

I wonder how you understand soul mates? I think that soul mates respect each other's independence, support each other, respect each other and love each other; Being able to understand each other's words and have the same topics can help each other become better selves!

"cultivate"? I don't know if this word is right. Just from the relationship between us, we just liked each other at first, or for me, we just wanted to have a serious love try. I don't know if I have the ability to love. Then slowly run in, and now ...

1. Communicate in time if there are contradictions

Don't think that the closest person must tolerate all your little temper, he will certainly understand you, wrong! No one is a worm in your stomach. How will he know if you don't tell him? At the beginning, I was also very stubborn. I always felt that you should apologize and not be mainly, and he was always in an inclusive role.

Later, after work, friction began to appear. I asked myself, "Why should I do this? What if I am wrong?" Later, when I tried to say "I'm sorry", I found that everything could really be so simple. Sincerely communicate, do not hide, in our relationship, I met a better self.

2. The same values, right and wrong

Everyone has his own attitude towards everything. In love, we don't ask each other to be exactly the same as ourselves, but at least our overall values are the same.

For example, regarding money, work and life, we all think that improving ourselves is the first step. If we move forward in a down-to-earth way now, everything will be fine in the future. Although we are sometimes in a hurry, we are aware of each other and remind each other. On this road of growth, sometimes I feel that he is more like a comrade-in-arms, cooperating with each other, growing up with each other, and moving forward for a goal.

3. Treat both parents and sincerely express love

It is said that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is difficult. Although we are not married, now his parents also like me very much. Every time his mother comes, my aunt will hold my hand and go shopping together. When I go to his house, he won't leave me all the time, because he is afraid that I am stiff, and because of his presence, it will be easier for me to let go of being myself and express my love.

He will chat, cook and do housework with his mother. When he leaves, he will be reluctant to give up and hug each other. His mother felt very relieved when she saw the way we got along. Sometimes she praised him in front of her aunt, who was a little embarrassed, but I could see that she was very happy.

In front of my parents, he doesn't talk much, but he will take the initiative to do a lot of things. All the adults see it and my parents are very satisfied.

Of course, our parents must be urging us to get married, and we can understand our parents' feelings, but we still want to live our own lives and don't want to do anything because of other people's judgment. In this regard, we all frankly communicate with each other's parents and look for ways to neutralize them.

Now, I often have phone calls and WeChat videos with my parents, so as to strengthen communication in my life and improve the quality of accompanying my parents.

4. Support and understand each other in life

There will inevitably be many problems in work. The interpersonal relationship and career confusion of the company will become emotional bombs between two people.

Liu Tongxue has done better than me in this respect. When I am in a bad mood, he will accompany me for a walk downstairs and listen to me. It's really good that someone listens to you attentively. When I calm down, he will help me analyze and find my own reasons. Sometimes I feel as if I have a healer who loves me as much as white.

When he is tired from work, our role will be transferred again. I pinch his shoulders, beat his back, chat and soak his feet together. A man, sometimes like a big boy, needs to be tolerant.

5. Praise each other in time and be grateful for their efforts.

We are used to cooking by ourselves, and there is no rule that whoever has time will do it. Every morning, two people have breakfast together, watching each other enjoy the delicious food you cooked, sweeping away all the food and eating it contentedly. Isn't it a kind of happiness?

I will express my happiness, and he will praise my food and me. The morning that started like this is already a kind of perfection. Sometimes when two people are not together, when I meet something, I suddenly think of him, want to thank him, and send him a WeChat message, which will be full of love.

6. Many people will worry about how to distribute housework.

There is no obvious distribution of housework between us, and it is more who has time to do it. But one thing, after the other party has finished, there must be changes in the home. For example, the ground is cleaner because of mopping the floor; The clothes are all hung; The book is more tidy ... Another person will praise it and say exactly where it has changed.

At that time, the praised party usually enjoyed it like a child, because the effort was seen. This pattern may also have something to do with our childhood! Children expect praise from adults, so it is!

I dare not say that Liu Tongxue and I will have a smooth and unimpeded journey in the future, but so far, as our respective partners, we are still qualified. Life is so long, we all want to live well and grow up with each other. I hope that in the future, like now, there will be endless topics to talk about every day, and I can see myself more deeply in the company every time. The * * * in this love will last for a long time.

I like what Liang Yong 'an, an associate professor in the Chinese Department of Fudan University, said:

Love is not a bank. You see that he is talented and rich, and that thing is erratic and will eventually run out. The most fundamental thing of love is to open a new world.