Zi Ming's emotional information:
Not only did the wine last night make me cry; It's not just your tenderness that makes me reluctant to part.
In love, I'm not afraid of a woman's face changing, but a man's heart changing! There are always sisters clamoring for men to love more, but they let men give up in countless "posturing".
I want to save it, but I think of the girl's reserve and the embarrassing appearance when I am entangled in the back. After all kinds of attempts, I found that the other party was still heartless at this time, and I could only sigh helplessly: love is really too cheap, let's break up.
In fact, what is cheap is not love, but your behavior after breaking up.
For example, in saving feelings, sisters will always enter the following misunderstandings:
1, eager for success, the contradiction between the two sides intensified, making him more disgusted with you.
2, do not know how to self-review, blindly push the responsibility to the other side.
3. Expose your emotional needs too early, and you can't control your emotions well.
4, according to their own instinct to save, do not understand the real needs of men.
5, like to chat, make the other party more disgusted to contact you.
6. I can't realize my own shortcomings and improve myself in time.
A man who loves you always has a thousand reasons to stay for you; And a man who wants to leave has 10 thousand ways to end the relationship, even if he doesn't have to break up. Therefore, after breaking up, blindly pestering and pleading can't solve the problem. Only by finding out the crux of the relationship can men love you again!
If you want to make him change his mind and rekindle love like the scorching sun this summer, you can trust me privately and get the recovery manual.
Today, Ziming's emotional education tells everyone what to do after breaking up through a case of a real student Luo Mei that happened not long ago, which is the fastest, best and best route to make men fall in love with you again.
Case self-report:
Save the students: Luo Mei
Age: 26 years old
Recovery difficulty: ★★★★☆.
Keywords: poor communication skills, low emotional control, low framework
Xiaomei is 26 years old. She is not very attractive in appearance, but she can get by. She is 165, and currently works in a bank.
Xiaomei loved that handsome guy with long legs when she was young. In Korean dramas, Oba with long legs is so tender in her love with the hostess that she envies her and fantasizes that a prince charming will love her in the future. ...
My boyfriend Xiaohui, 27 years old, is an urban white-collar worker with handsome sunshine. He meets Xiaomei's standards in all aspects, and more importantly, Xiaohui's height 186cm!
They met in a tour group. On the way, the two chatted more congenially and added WeChat. After the trip, their feelings not only increased a lot, but also made an appointment to go to all the interesting places in the world.
Finally, one day Xiaohui euphemistically expressed her love to Xiaomei. At that time, Xiaomei did not express her position, but Xiaohui did not give up. She has always been very kind to Xiaomei and has great perseverance.
One afternoon in the rainy season, two people confirmed their love relationship.
During their love, they got along well. Xiaohui and Xiaomei went to many romantic places and witnessed their romance. They stuck together every day and went to dinner together no matter how late, no matter what Xiaohui met Xiaomei's requirements. ...
But it didn't last long. Before long, Xiaomei felt that Xiaohui began to change slowly. She doesn't care about her as much as before, and even the speed of returning information is not as fast as before. She is always perfunctory.
Xiaomei couldn't stand such feelings, so she showed her cards to Xiaohui. He spoke out his thoughts helplessly, saying that he liked freedom, and didn't like Xiaomei sticking to herself so much every day, and felt great pressure.
Xiaomei finally realized that she had a problem. Although Xiaohui won't have so many strange requests later, she still can't help asking him if he is eating and what he is doing every day. She is very depressed. Isn't dating supposed to be? You are so thick and I am so thick, and we are both tired of each other.
Besides, it's right to care so much about him!
The days passed day by day in Xiaomei's incomprehension, but one day in the shower, Xiaomei found Xiaohui's chat records with other women, which made Xiaomei very unacceptable and felt that he must have cheated.
So after the two quarreled, Xiaohui stopped contacting Xiaomei.
Although Xiaomei is very angry, she is still very sad compared with losing Xiaohui. She tried to contact Xiaohui many times, but Xiaohui didn't respond at all. Xiaomei is very sad now and doesn't know what to do!
On the emotional crux of Zi Ming s The Tutor;
To solve the problems in a relationship, the first thing to do is to analyze the problems. Only by finding the problem and then prescribing the right medicine can we achieve better results. Now let's analyze Xiaomei's mistakes in this relationship:
1, emotional loss, low emotional control.
Although Xiaohui was active and Xiaomei was passive at first, Xiaomei formed a model of getting along with Xiaohui emotionally.
Moreover, the attitude in feelings is to look up to Xiaohui, which is very insecure and will always be swayed by considerations of gain and loss, so it will be particularly attached to Xiaohui. I have always wanted to know what Xiaohui is doing, and the most important thing is to worry that Xiaohui will move on. This also shows that Xiaomei is not confident in herself. When Xiaohui feels that her space is completely occupied, she will naturally have a great dislike for Xiaomei's mode of getting along, thus generating negative emotions.
And many women in love have a kind of "disease" called being swayed by considerations of gain and loss.
For example, if you want to do this, you don't want to wronged yourself, but you are afraid of provoking him. Thus becoming capricious when getting along. In fact, everything has its own two sides, as long as the advantages of both sides outweigh the disadvantages, it is worth doing!
Just like many people in society advocate feminism now, if you respect yourself too much, you will inevitably ignore others. Because men are also fragile and need to rely on; If I can't get warmth from you every time I need you, how can he still be around you?
In this case, Xiaomei doesn't understand a man's mind, and she doesn't know how to control her emotions. She thinks that chatting with other women on WeChat is cheating, which is ridiculous! In the end, it became a real breakup, which is very wrong.
It should not be because something that can communicate well itself is broken because of Xiaomei's suspicion and distrust; It's not terrible to quarrel in love. What I fear most is not talking about things and forcing you to compromise with stubbornness!
2. I didn't see my own problems in time and lost the framework of getting along.
In this relationship, Xiaohui has made it clear that she doesn't like Xiaomei's attachment to herself, but Xiaomei still turns a blind eye and continues to go her own way, showing her selfish side without considering Xiaohui's feelings.
Xiaomei thinks that contacting him every day is a concern for him, but ignores Xiaohui's need for such care?
For Xiaohui, this is a kind of bondage, which makes him under great pressure and disgusted. Xiaomei didn't learn to reflect on her feelings in time and didn't communicate in time, which made her feelings come to this step. Of course, feelings are two people's business. Since there is a problem with the relationship, both parties are responsible. Xiaomei should face up to her own problems.
A smart woman in love lies in turning a man into what she likes, rather than turning herself into what the other person hates to force him to change; So is redemption. Simply relying on your concession and pleading for reunification will only make men more resistant. Because a man knows you like the back of his hand, he can quickly find a way to confront you and behave more resolutely and ruthlessly, and he is also afraid of being hurt by you again.
Brief analysis of recovery scheme;
1, stop loss in time, hide emotional needs-ignore men!
Xiaomei began to contact Xiaohui after breaking up, admitted her mistake and asked Xiaohui to give her a chance, but she didn't get any response from Xiaohui.
In fact, both of them were emotionally unstable after the breakup, so we made a detailed analysis of Xiaomei's situation. First, we advised Xiaomei to calm down and not to expose her emotional needs in a hurry. At the same time, we also gave Xiaohui some time to sort out your feelings. What we need to do at this time is to wait patiently, not to entangle too much, which will make the other party look down on you.
This truth is easy to understand. When you hate doing something and don't even want to see it, but someone forces you to accept it, then your heart must be very reluctant. In the same way, the most taboo to save is to pester each other when they have a negative impression!
However, Xiaomei also raised her own concerns. She is afraid that Xiaohui will get back together with her ex or find a new girlfriend during the break-up period. Isn't choosing to disconnect just giving others a chance to get involved?
In fact, this idea is mainly caused by their negative emotions, because men like others and it has nothing to do with whether you go to find him or not! To take a step back, is it true that a woman does not take the initiative to contact a man in a relationship, and he must cheat?
Men are like sand. The tighter a woman holds him, the easier it is for him to disappear!
Men fall in love with others either because they choose you short, or because they are too negative for you and think that others are the best destination.
So at this time, Xiaomei really needs to adjust her mentality and improve herself at the same time.
So we arranged a tutor to give her a psychological counseling, and analyzed the psychological activities of men at this time in detail, so that she could understand the mentality of men after breaking up and seize the opportunity to save them!
At the same time, we also put forward some suggestions for Xiaomei to help her improve herself, exert her charm and attract men again, because our ultimate goal is to let Xiaohui take the initiative to save Xiaomei.
2. Look for emotional opportunities, create opportunities and pave the way for breaking the ice hanging man.
In Xiaomei's emotional case, Xiaohui obviously chose to disappear because she was very dissatisfied with the way they got along. At this time, we worked out a plan suitable for Xiaomei.
First of all, let Xiaomei seriously consider what changes Xiaohui likes to see. In this case, they have a common hobby-traveling.
Then at this time, we will let Xiaomei go to the place where they have been before, this time with her best friend, and then take more photos of her life to show her changed best state and her optimistic attitude towards life. When Xiaohui sees this place, he will recall the beauty of you together, remind him of your feelings, and naturally think of your goodness.
3. Throw out the "olive branch" and rekindle the love fire-let the man take the initiative to save it.
When Xiaomei's state was adjusted in all aspects, our tutor observed each other's dynamics through Xiaohui's circle of friends, trying to figure out each other's mentality, waiting for the best opportunity, and then contacting each other actively. To this end, our professional tutor specially formulated a set of words to contact Xiaohui.
Greeting Xiaohui like an old friend shows that you have let go and can eliminate Xiaohui's guard. At the same time, it shows that you respect Xiaohui's choice and won't pester him like you just broke up. I hope to be friends with Xiaohui.
As our tutor expected, Xiaohui also told Xiaomei that she was wrong, and hoped that they could be friends again in the future.
When Xiaohui's attitude shows that their relationship has eased, what Xiaomei needs to do next is to update her circle of friends and always pay attention to Xiaohui's dynamics.
Our tutor team specially studied Xiaohui's psychological state and formulated the dynamic process of Xiaomei's exclusive circle of friends, as follows:
A, cook a delicious meal with red wine, and then take photos to send friends (show your positive attitude towards life and show your elegant side at the same time).
B, find out the places he has traveled together before, and find a photo that can arouse Xiaohui's feelings. It's best for Xiaohui to see this photo, remember the romantic things when you were taking pictures, and then add a paragraph, such as: the person who accompanied me here in the past, I hope you can meet her better and be happy together. This writing is mainly to arouse Xiaohui's emotional resonance.
C, photos of yourself in the gym, or photos of shopping with your girlfriends, let him see you with positive energy, and your attachment to her is actually very independent.
Sure enough, it didn't take long for Xiaohui to update in the circle of friends, so she took the initiative to invite Xiaomei to Jiangnan, which was what they had agreed before. Xiaomei used the words prepared by our tutor to communicate effectively with Xiaohui, and Xiaohui also took the initiative to express her feelings and expressed regret now. At that time, she didn't know how to cherish Xiaomei and hoped Xiaomei would give him another chance.
Love is not something you can always maintain, but more needs to be managed. Two people can make progress and grow together in this relationship, and work together to keep this relationship lasting. Anyone will encounter many problems in the relationship and don't know how to deal with them. At this time, you need people around you to help him. Fortunately, Zi Ming's emotional education has been playing such a role.