Wen/Mom and Dad come and see

The other day, I talked to my close friend Tian Tian about a time when my two daughters were busy taking care of me. Although the children were all thumbs, they were still warm in their hearts. I didn't expect Tian Tian to directly envy me when I told her, saying "Your life is really good, there are two girls who are so sensible and filial", and later said more.

After learning about the incident, I learned that Tian Tian was sick once, and her mother was also sick and her daughter was the same. However, the maid of Tian Tian's family showed indifference. Tian Tian, who had a splitting headache that day, got up as before to make breakfast for her daughter. When her daughter saw that it was fried leftover rice, she shouted "I don't want to eat leftovers" and explained to her daughter that after she simply cooked a meal because of illness, although her daughter didn't.

Later, when Tian Tian asked her daughter to help her pour a glass of water, I didn't expect the child to say "I don't want it, I don't have time". Tian Tian, who recalled it while telling it, looked sad, but the sadness turned to sadness. The sentence "I gave my heart to her, but I didn't expect to raise a baiwenhang" made me hear a mother's various voices of dissatisfaction with her daughter, which was also the wrong beginning of a bad parent-child relationship.

Later, when I took my daughter shopping together, I smelled an invisible sense of oppression when I got along with her daughter. When I passed by the milk tea shop, my little girl ordered a cup of bubble tea, and when I passed by KFC, I changed it to the same cup of milk tea. Although Tian Tian kept criticizing her children, she didn't refuse them. Even my girl whispered to me, "Hello, mom!"

after learning about Tian Tian's daily life with her daughter, I am more convinced that whether a child is filial and sensible is definitely influenced by his parents. It is every parent's instinct to love children and meet their needs, but it is a bad start to nag after taking benefits. Parents' love is very pure and should not be mixed with anything in return, and whether a child is filial and sensible is as instinctive as his parents' love. Forcing obedience under special circumstances is not sensible.

It seems difficult for children to be instinctively considerate and filial to their parents. In fact, just like growing habits, parents need to set an example. Parents should do a few more things to give their children an opportunity to react instinctively:

1. Seeking truth from facts, children's Excellence should be praised

Many parents are used to educating their children modestly. For example, when their children are praised by others in the outside world, Many parents are modest and will directly tell many children's shortcomings to respond. In fact, such modesty is inappropriate and unfair to children. We must be realistic about the fact that children are praised, and their Excellence should be recognized and praised by more people.

In this way, children's self-confidence will grow and they will have more energy to challenge the next difficulty. Of course, some parents may suppress their children's flames with the fear that their children will be spoiled and arrogant, but there are many ways to prevent their children from being proud. It is really the worst policy to veto their children in public. We can express our concerns when our children are praised.

For example, "My children really do well in this respect, and I'm not afraid that the more you praise, the more indulgent your children will be." On the basis of recognizing your children, you can tell them that you are worried about seeking truth from facts. On the one hand, it reminds them, on the other hand, it also inspires them mentally, which makes them know how to be positive more than those modest responses.

2. It's better to show weakness than to be brave in front of children

Realistically recognizing children is only the basis of good parent-child relationship. If children want to be considerate and filial instinctively, they also need parents to create opportunities for their children to be needed. In traditional parenting, parents are omnipotent, and children follow their parents' orders like followers. How can such a gap be achieved from day to day, including good parent-child relationship?

If children want to be considerate and filial, parents should convey a sense of need of "wanting to be taken care of" to their children, so that children can feel that they are dependent on what they need, and children will react instinctively. In daily parenting life, I have met many parents who "don't trust" their children. For example, children want to bring a cup of hot water to their parents, but their parents nervously say "Don't move, it will be terrible to break it".

In parents' eyes, this is a kind of worry to protect their children, but in children's eyes, parents value cups more than themselves. Rejecting children is a great distrust of them. Behind the rejection is the alienation of parent-child relationship. How can children instinctively be considerate and care for their parents in the alienated relationship?

Therefore, whenever parents are educating their children, showing weakness must be much better than being brave!

3. Parents who don't "give" themselves

Many parents love their children too much, and leave nutritious food to their children when eating. This kind of parents who give all the good things to their children is not worthy of sympathy, because the message that parents send to their children is misunderstood "they should give", and this kind of selfless parents is also an invisible potential harm to their children, because "giving" is.

If parents don't give and contribute as usual one day, they will feel that their parents no longer love themselves, leaving only complaints and grudges. How can such children expect them to be grateful and considerate? Therefore, if you want your children to be grateful and considerate, you must start with parents who never "dedicate" themselves, and don't let your children take their parents' contributions for granted from the beginning.

When a child helps us with something, we respond with "thank you". The next time we help a child with something, we get a sweet "thank you" echo. Children's imitation is self-taught. Only when they love each other, don't hide their needs and don't sacrifice their feelings, children will instinctively get close to and care for their parents. Because they are needed, they will instinctively go.