An idiot married a wife. On their wedding night, he asked: Which man am I? After listening to this, the woman looked at the wall and said nothing. Men know it's impolite and apologize. The woman said, don't interrupt, I'm counting, and the man suddenly fainted!

At the beginning of school, a beautiful girl was transferred from the middle school next door. The teacher asked her to go to the podium to introduce herself. The girl went to the podium and said, Hello, my name is Yuan Jiao, and I am 17 years old. Thank you. As soon as I heard the name, I laughed. The teacher glared at me: What are you laughing at, Mai Biyan? My daughter is three years old, and my wife came home from work at noon last night to have lunch together! Wife: Honey, did you watch TV last night? My daughter looked at me and asked, Dad, did I watch TV last night? Me (hesitating for 3 seconds): No! Daughter: No! Mom ~ Wife: Hmm ~ Hum, you two are so treacherous ~ < P > I remember a few years ago when I met an old fortune-teller on the road. At that time, he stopped me and insisted on making a divination for me. I asked him, "Anything?" The old man confidently replied, "Well, five dollars is anything." Me: "Do you think I have money in my pocket now?" The old man stared at me for a long time and asked me strangely, "Young man, you don't even have five dollars, do you?" Mad, there really wasn't. . . . .

once again, the reporter went to interview penguins and asked what you are doing every day now. Penguins: eating, sleeping and playing peas! Ask the second one, the third one ... and the answer is the same. When the last one arrived, the reporter said: You are Doudou, right? Penguin slapped the reporter in the face. Crying and saying, I am sleep. . . Sleep. . . .

When I was a child, I dug up a well-sealed antique jar while digging in the yard. I thought it was a treasure left by my ancestors, but when I opened it, it was modern money. . . I gave the money to my mother, but my father beat me up. . .

I heard from a friend that when he was in college, a boy with low EQ finally met a girl he liked, and they just started dating. Once a girl was ill, the boy accompanied her to the infirmary for a drip. Ten minutes passed, twenty minutes passed, and nothing happened. Thinking about breaking the silence, the boy asked, "Is it cold?" Girl: "cold". Boy: "I'll cover you when it's cold?" The girl blushed and whispered "Yes". Then the boy got up and put his hand over the drip bottle.

When I went to the drugstore to buy medicine for relieving fire, I saw a sister weighing herself on the scale at the door, and her boyfriend stepped behind her while she was not looking. Sister looked at the display results, obviously paused, turned and hugged her boyfriend, and actually began to cry ... cried ... < P > In high school, she made a bet with her deskmate, and the bet was to help each other cook. The first day he lost, he helped me cook and gave me at least half a catty of rice! Then say no wasting food! I'm a girl. I got hurt. The next day I lost, and he laughed and said, Go ahead and fight. I'm not afraid! I can eat as much as I want! So I waited in the last line before the delivery car left and only gave him a bite of rice.

A monk came to the canteen and bought a bottle of shampoo and two cans of beer. My friend was curious and asked the monk: wine and meat go through the intestines, but the Buddha keeps it in his heart. Master, you don't need this shampoo, do you? Monk: Oh, this is for my daughter-in-law. Friends feel that a master is a master!

Dad called and said that my sister had an accident. I hurried home to see my sister sitting on the sofa crying, and my mother's eyes were red. I quickly asked my dad what happened, and my dad said, "Your sister deleted your mother's happiness, and your mother played at 5 levels!" Young man, do you want a girl? Free

I've been with my friend for almost two years, and my feelings have always been good. But recently, I found that he is getting colder and colder to me, and he is not as good as before. Until one day, I had something to do on my way to work, and then I came back halfway. When I opened the bedroom door, I found him lying in bed with a strange woman. I froze for a long time, and finally, I silently said, "Can you tell me when you began to like women?"

Xiao Wang went to buy a car. The salesman asked, "Do you want a hatchback or a sedan?" Xiao Wang said, "It's all small. I want a five-compartment one." Sales: "Why don't you have a spicy one?

I teased the boss's daughter (16 or 17) that she didn't know when the boss came, but no one told me. After work, the boss invited me to dinner, and spicy squid, leek and squid were fired. Now I'm thinking about whether to go to work tomorrow.

There is a little daughter-in-law in the street who has a bad temper and doesn't have a good relationship with her husband. Her grandmother has a bad temper. Her husband once quarreled with her. I really rolled away at night ... it was freezing ... my family was far away, and I couldn't bear to stay in a hotel. After an hour, she rolled back in despair ... and went back ... < P > Dad bought a chess set, and when I got home from work, I had to pull me to play a few games. Seeing that Dad was so cheerful, I sat down with him to play a few games. Suddenly I lit a cigarette, and my dad grabbed it by the load, put it in his mouth and smoked a few mouthfuls. When he saw that my mother was coming out of the kitchen, he quickly stuffed it into my hand. Looking at half a cigarette in my hand, and then at my dad's calm expression, I suddenly found that this chess game is getting more and more interesting.

In junior high school, when I was in Jianghu, I bought a pair of sombre wings, which were abnormal and spicy. The boss hit the pepper hormone on the chicken wings with a needle. I took a bite, drank two cans of Sprite, and threw the rest to the stray dog on the roadside. As a result, the dog ate a chicken wing and jumped directly into the river.

"During this time, I quarreled with my wife every day." "Can you ever argue with her?" "Every time I say it at the end, she doesn't say anything." "So powerful, what did you say?" "I said, I'm sorry, I was wrong."

The second wife was pregnant for more than two months, and the calculated date was similar, but she was pregnant after all the measures were taken. I said it might be Tt's fault. I bought it from a small vendor, and the second wife suddenly collapsed. I asked why, only the second wife said very seriously: What if the child asks us how he came from? Can it be said that it was bought by an impostor?

I remember when I was in high school, all the delicious food I often took was robbed by my classmates, and once I celebrated April Fool's Day! I bought several packs of Oreos in a big way and turned all the white things in them into toothpaste. Since then, no classmates have robbed me of my delicious food. .

I was a little hungry at night, so I went out for a snack. As a result, just after eating for a while, an aunt came running furtively and asked me, "Do you want a girl?" Free! " . I got excited at that time and thought there was such a good thing. I said, give me one right away. After a while, my aunt brought a plate of duck's head ...

My teacher was going to the toilet that day, and a student ran over and said, "Teacher, I don't have any paper. Can you give me some paper?" Based on the teacher's moral quality, I gave her my paper and asked him to go to the office to get it for me again. It's been a long time in class now, and he hasn't come yet ... A very subtle young man's confession

A very subtle young man's confession

1. The wind is ruthless and people are affectionate. Heavy rain is merciless, and people are affectionate. The snow is ruthless, and people are affectionate. My affection for you will never change. Believe me, I love you forever!

2. I feel feverish all over today, and I feel burnt by fire. Do you know why? It is because of your appearance that there are two suns in my life. The sun in nature shines on my body, but you are burning my heart. I am in love with you.

3. If you are worried or sad because I love you, then no words can replace my feeling of guilt. I'm sorry! What should I do to you?

4. It is really difficult to decide one thing. I don't know how to go on and start again. Living alone? Suddenly I realized that I was such an indecisive person.

5. Time changes day by day, years pass by day, and trees get old day by day. But my heart for you will never change and I will always love you.

6. I am the brightest morning star in the sky. I have never changed for thousands of years just to protect you. From dark to dawn, from this world to life, I just want to look at you from a distance, quietly watching you and guarding you. This is my greatest happiness and happiness. I love you!

7. I would like to become a goldfish with you and swim freely in the fish tank. I would like to become a butterfly with you and fly freely in the sky. I would like to become a rabbit with you and run freely on the grass. As long as we are together forever, I will be satisfied.

8. Love you till the seas run dry and the rocks crumble! Your face looks forward to it day and night! I just want to be with you all my life! Never regret after life! Read the first word of each sentence together!

9. Time will prove my firm and persistent love for you. Don't let the distance between time and space doubt each other's true feelings and confidence. Stick to it and never give up easily.

1. With the company of white clouds, the sky is no longer lonely. With the company of flowers and plants, the earth is no longer lonely. With my company, you are no longer alone. I will accompany you forever!

11, eat a rotten apple, it will not have a sweet taste; Taste a moldy cherry, it won't have delicious beauty; You can't eat spoiled food, and fickle people can't love it. Choose me. I'm the best, and I promise I will only love you and never change it.

12. If this love is to be exchanged with my life, I am willing. If this love allows me to live only one more day, I am willing!

13. If I don't propose to you, I will regret it all my life, because you are the only one for me. I don't want all of you, just your ring finger; I can't give you all I have, only a wedding ring.

14. The pursuit of life lies in your acquaintance; Love me, dear baby; Let's grow old together.

15. You treat me as a kite, either let me go, or take it home. Don't tie me with an invisible emotion, which will break my heart.

16. From now on, I won't allow you to disappear from my sight. From now on, I won't allow you to keep anything sad from me. From now on, I won't allow you to work so hard. Believe me, I will always be there for you.

17. When we first met, you were so different. My refined temperament moved me. I don't need to carve your name in my heart with a knife, and I don't need to draw your appearance on paper, because you have left an indelible shadow on my spirit.

18. I dare not say that I will make you all happy, but I will try my best to make you the greatest happiness!

19. You are my cotton-padded jacket in winter and ice cream in summer. You are the Apollo in my life. I am willing to pull a scooter and collect junk for you! I wish I could walk side by side with you, and Qian Shan will surely walk through it!

2. Love, like charcoal, needs to be cooled when it burns. If you let it go, you will burn a heart.

21. I want you to know that I really love you and I am worried about you. What will you do without me to take care of you all your life?

22. Since I had you, I have converged my mind. From then on, loneliness and loneliness will not occupy the days with you.

23. You are the most beautiful in my eyes, and every smile makes me intoxicated. Your bad, your good, your pout when you lose your temper.

24. I close my eyes and make a wish to the meteor, so that you can know that I love you! Can I see a meteor when I close my eyes? No, so you still don't know that I love you!

25, regardless of the ends of the earth, regardless of spring, summer, autumn and winter, I will definitely take you with me, no matter where I go, you will be the heaviest bag in my life!

26. I am a graduate of a famous university with a doctor's degree in Animal Anatomy. After getting married, we will start our own business and open a stall selling pork in the food market. I will cut the meat and you will receive the money.

27. No matter what happens in the future, you will always be the person I love and care about most.

28. If I bother you because I miss you, then nothing can replace my guilty and sad heart. I'm sorry! What should I do to you?

29. If one day you think of someone who loved you, there must be one of me. If one day no one loves you, it must be my death.

3. I won't run away again. And I won't back down again. I hope that I have the opportunity to take responsibility for your happiness, health and happiness. Love you forever!

31. Thinking of you is a kind of beautiful sadness and sweet melancholy, but in my heart, it is a kind of warmth that can't be expressed in any words.

at this moment, because I miss you, everything is no longer important. At this moment, because I miss you, everything becomes misty. At this moment, because I need you, time is so hard.

33, coffee and partner, coconut milk sago, just like you and me, perfect match! If I don't marry you, I'll become an "old bachelor"!

34. What? Waste paper? Is that a long lyric poem written by me, or is it to propose to you ... Don't you understand? Then what are you doing for your brother? He is a garbage collector. Can he read poetry?

35. How many times have you been in my dream? How many times have I called you from my heart alone? I just want to hold your hand and walk the road of life. How great love is! Get married! Do you think I'm still the one who has to think about it for a long time for fifty dollars? I want all five dollars

. The world is sick, and what's more, I have to support it.

2. Don't go out when the road is frozen in winter in single dog, because if you fall down, it will freeze into ... barking and breaking ice.

3. My personality is lazy, my interest is playing, my specialty is eating, and my skill is sleeping

4. Is it more important to be a daughter-in-law or a game? Of course, daughter-in-law is important, so I only dare to play games, but I dare not hit my daughter-in-law

5. When I got up in the morning, I saw someone in the mirror shouting, "Wow, this beautiful girl looks like a flower."

6. I'm so stupid. You said you would love me forever, but I forgot to ask, is it this life or the next?

7. What is a friend? Just put 5 yuan on the table and you won't lose it. If you put a bag of melon seeds back, there will be a pile of skin left.

8. This is a magical age. Primary school students call themselves gods and demons, junior high school students call themselves my palace and me, senior high school students call themselves brothers and fathers, and college students call themselves babies.

9. After the haircut, the barber asked me how it was. I was silent for a while and said, I'm glad you are happy.

1. Please don't smirk at me when I call your full name, because I'm serious at this moment.

11. The old vine is a faint crow, the school food is too bad, and the classmates are hungry. The sun is setting. Well, I'm going home.

12. Grandpa said that in their day, when they met a question that they couldn't do in the exam, they wrote "Long live Chairman Mao", and no one dared to cross it.

13. every woman is looking for a man, but in the end, she finds that the most man is herself.

14. In the afterlife, I want to be a dandelion.