I had the same experience with you, even every day, and I was puzzled at that time. I remember when Duoduo was 5 years old, she was a little girl who especially loved watching TV and eating sweets. Every time I watch TV, blossoming is absorbed, staring straight at the screen; Every time I eat snacks, I don't know much about moderation.

Dad Duo and I reasoned with her many times and said tirelessly, "Duo Duo, watching TV for too long is bad for your eyes, so you have to wear heavy glasses. Eating too much candy is also prone to tooth decay, so go to see a doctor! "

At this time, like most children, they either pretended not to hear, or looked at us innocently, turned their eyes, and continued to watch TV or picked up their favorite snacks without blinking. I admit, sometimes I really lose patience, just turn off the TV, or confiscate snacks, and then I will turn on the "Lin Daiyu" crying. Cycle after cycle, cycle after cycle, there is no way, a vicious circle.

I am very puzzled. Why do you want to reason with her but not listen, instead of making me use violence? Later, I specially asked a child psychological counseling expert around me to talk about the topic that children can't listen to reason. She smiled and said, "In fact, this is normal. It is basically useless to reason with such a child."

At that time, I didn't agree with my friend's statement, and I still handled it in my own way. After many times of reasoning, I finally "surrendered completely" and sought the advice and scientific guidance of children's psychological counseling experts again.

Science finally triumphed over experience. After several times of communication under the guidance of science, I found that it was really more effective than reasoning, and there was no rejection or disgust among blossoming. Since then, the relationship between blossoming and us has returned to the right track, but it has become more intimate.

Piaget, a famous psychologist in modern times, once said that children can only see the world from their own perspective. In the face of children making mistakes, most parents will choose to reason with their children. Generally speaking, children under the age of 12 may not be able to deeply understand the teachings of their parents Kan Kan. They don't have systematic thinking and logic trained by adults. For example, when adults see a rose, they will think of love, lover, marriage and romance; In the eyes of children, it is just a red and beautiful flower, which has thorns and is difficult to hold.

and the truth we tell is just like we want to force the meaning behind this rose into the child's mind. Children can't share the same feelings with their parents, so the effect of persuasion is greatly reduced. For example, when we educate our children by reasoning, we often quote the classic saying: "We must persevere in doing one thing, and we cannot fish for three days and dry the net for two days."

I thought it would be more convincing for children to listen to it. In fact, children seem to understand it, and they will have more questions in their hearts: What is shit? What is fishing and drying the net? This is why many parents report that their children will continue to make the same mistakes after telling the truth. Because the younger the child, the less he can understand what his parents say.

Before the age of 7, the human brain has not developed, and it is normal for children to have long-term memories. Just like the ancient poems that blossoming likes every day, she has to read them many times before she can recite them. This is still her hobby. Children can't remember the truth that adults have been telling for a long time. Usually at home, we often say to our children, "Baby, watch less TV, it's not good for your eyes. You have to rest after watching it for more than 2 minutes ..." But the children still watch TV motionless.

Some of the children's minor faults and bad habits have not changed after we have finished the education. Therefore, even if parents give their children reasonable education many times, it is of little significance to play a positive role in education, and finally they are exhausted physically and mentally.

If parents reason for a long time, in children's eyes, it becomes parents whispering and grinding their ears. Just like the Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey, he kept reading about the Monkey King, and finally he was extremely disgusted and mad.

If we put ourselves in the other's shoes, I believe we will reject this truth ourselves. We always thought that if we told our children more truth, they would listen, but we never thought that this was the beginning of children's aversion to you, and reasoning became an ineffective communication between parents and children. After puberty, children will even contradict their parents and become more rebellious.

Therefore, it is harmful to the growing children to be too reasonable to them. We just touched ourselves, but unconsciously hurt the children.

Speaking of which, I believe there are many precious parents who are the same as I thought at first: children have so many bad habits, a lot of bad habits, and they can neither beat nor scold, nor be too reasonable. So how can we educate children? In fact, different age groups adopt different educational methods for children's education. For children aged 3-7, parents must talk less and take them to experience more. You can try the following educational methods:

Children's world is very small, and they are often unhappy because they don't want to eat bread or drink milk. Therefore, many parents think that this is a child's disobedience, and then take action to reason with children. For such a similar parenting problem, in fact, we can easily solve it as long as we distinguish the reasons for the child's disobedience. For example, the daughter wants to wear a blue skirt at school and get angry. As a parent, she may wish to recognize the child's ideas and support her.

Pay more attention to children's opinions, let children make their own decisions, and label children less "disobedient". Her idea is not necessarily wrong. Children don't have to grow up in the way set by their parents, but they can also grow up in their own unique way.

It is said that a smart mother will take her child to solve the problem on her own initiative after she makes a mistake, instead of just reasoning with him.

"who told you to hit people? It is wrong to hit people. " "Are you bullying other children?" "......"

When parents come up with a sermon and blame, the child will not listen, but will also make him more scared. It doesn't matter if you make mistakes. Everyone will make mistakes. After a child makes mistakes, parents should take the child to find a solution at the first time.

For example, if a child really hits a classmate, first take the child to apologize to the classmate, make amends, and get forgiveness from the other party. After the child makes a mistake, parents should find a solution with him and fight side by side. After the problem is solved, not only the parent-child relationship will rise linearly, but also the child's ability to solve problems can be cultivated.

parents are children's first teachers. In the face of problems, if reasoning doesn't work, it's better to let children experience it themselves, and the effect may be better than fighting and nagging. Ran Ran's mother shared such a case with me: at that time, 4-year-old Ran Ran didn't love school, and she cried every day on her way to school. Once, Ran Ran's mother told him countless times that it didn't work, but she still rolled on the ground and refused to go to school.

"how can I not go to school? All the other children are at school. ""... "

Later, however, Mom said that it is ok not to go to school, so you can pick up bottles and sell money. You don't go to school, but you have to earn your own living. At first, I heard that I didn't have to go to school, and I promised to go to the nearby trash can to look for waste bottles, but I haven't picked up a few yet, but I feel too tired to walk.

At this time, Ran Ran Ma suggested: If you don't want to pick up bottles, go to school, where you can not only have a rest, but also have food and children to play with. However, after thinking about it for a while, I felt that going to school became acceptable compared with the two, so I finally went to kindergarten obediently, and there was no crying in school since then. Therefore, from the child's point of view, it is far more useful for him to experience and feel personally than our reasonable education.

The process of children's growth is also a process full of problems: procrastination, procrastination, disobedience, mistakes, psychological problems, etc., all test parents all the time. There is a classic line in the movie "See you later": We have heard countless truths, but we still can't live a good life.

The same is true for children. Faced with parents' teachings, children's attitudes are often disgusted and exclusive. Every day, we tell our children the truth, the children next door, and the consequences of not studying hard. This will not only have educational significance, but will arouse their rebellious psychology.

It's far better to respect children's growth rules and let them gain knowledge in their own way than to talk about those cold truths.