Examiner: elementary school did not graduate.
Examiner: ever been in a fight?
Candidate: home and home.
Examiner: have a record?
Examiner: just out.
Examiner: what about physical fitness?
Examiner: not bad, a foot can kick over the hawker's small tricycle.
Examiner: dare to take people's things?
Examiner: this is my strong point, just like taking my own things.
Examiner: does the old man dare to fight?
Examiner: small dishes, my father is letting me cripple.
Examiner: you passed the exam, our city management needs is your talent!
Examiner: one more question What if something happens?
Candidate: Just say it's a temporary job.
Examiner: work tonight
2, one day on the bus, due to crowding a man and a woman had a collision.
The fashionable woman turned around and flew her eyes, "Are you sick?"
The man felt puzzled and said back, "Do you have any medicine?"
The people in the car snickered!
The woman feels angry and says back, "Are you mentally ill?"
The man coldly confronted, "You can cure it?"
The whole bus burst out laughing!
The bus driver stops the bus and slumps over the steering wheel, laughing!
Two:
The bus was super crowded and there was a woman standing in the doorway.
From the back of the bus squeezed over a GG to get off the bus, and the woman said: "Let's get off the bus".
The woman didn't move.
The GG stepped on her as he squeezed past.
The result was that the woman was so powerful that she kept cursing, "You're crazy! You're crazy! ~~I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do, but I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm going to be able to do it.
GG has not said anything, get off the car can not bear, turn back to the woman said: "repeaters ah you!"
There were a few funny kids in the back who kept playing up the scene,
A said, "You're crazy! ............" and B said, "You repeater ah you ......... ..."
The whole car laughed out loud~!
Later, a small MM also want to get off, squeeze over and timidly said: "I ~ I ~ I want to go down, I'm not crazy ~!"
The whole bus laughed again!
The woman didn't say anything, but from the side drifted a sentence, "Are you out of battery?"
The whole car roared with laughter~!
3, the son said; fighting with a brick hoo, not yi chaotic hu! The head of the light! I'm not going to die again!
The Buddha said; nonsense! I Buddha compassion! Do not play much! A brick is dead!
4, Monday, I got on the bus with nothing but a dollar for the ride. From the beginning to the end of the station, I felt calm all the way. But when I got off the bus at the terminal, I found an extra note in my pants: "A grown-up goes out without a penny, shame on him.
Tuesday, I carried a broken wallet with 10 cents in it. When I got to the terminal, I realized the money was still there, and a note had been slipped into the wallet, "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession,.... -- "
On Wednesday, I still tucked in my broken wallet, which was filled with $100 in counterfeit bills. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and the wallet was stuffed with a note: "It is illegal to keep large-denomination **, so please consciously go to the relevant departments to turn it in. -- "
On Thursday, I took an envelope containing a stack of expired Straits Talent newspapers. When I arrived at the terminal, I found the envelope was still there, and when I took out the newspaper, it was replaced with the latest Straits Talent News, with 1 note: "This is the age of consultation, keep up-to-date with the latest information in order to grasp the opportunities and win success! -- "
Friday, I put a toy cell phone in my coat pocket. When I arrived at the terminal, the phone was still there, with an extra note: "Please do not make this joke to affect the normal work of my company. -- "
On Saturday, I took a toy pistol and stuck it in my waistband. When I got to the terminal, I realized the gun was gone, and a note was shoved in the waist of my pants: "Hate you robbers, no skill at all! Confiscation of the tools of the crime! -- "
On Sunday, I was getting ready to get on the bus, and there were too many people to squeeze on. Was waiting for the next bus, I touched my pocket, found more than 20 fast money, and a note: "Brother, do our line of work all day wind and sun is not easy, here's to 20 dollars, you want to go where to take a taxi to go, please don't fix us "
6, one day in the public **** too many people on the bus, especially hot, especially stuffy I don't know who let a fart, the environment is even worse than before. This is now a more deteriorating environment. My friend really can not stand, and do not know who, no way. Just in time, the conductor is asking: "Who did not buy a ticket? My friend suddenly had a plan and said loudly, "The one who farted didn't buy a ticket." "Suddenly, a particularly fat woman, with her hand high in the air, said loudly, "I have bought a ticket! "
7, a university new building inaugurated a sculpture: a young girl holding a book in her left hand, the right hand of a dove symbolizing peace. The school outside the open to all students to collect the name, the results of many people's slogans coincide - read the top of a bird!
9, the school lost the bike situation is particularly serious, the new car in the blink of an eye, but sometimes good luck, the lost bike every few days will pop up again. One day, the same dormitory Xiao Jing bought a new gearbox car, she was bragging about it, said: "This car I put the latest locks! "The next day, Xiao Jing on the evening self-study back, a depressed look, hand also pinched a note, which reads: Do not pretend that there is no master here, the car I borrowed, a few days back to you!
Not a few days, the thief really gave the car back, Xiao Jing is very happy, but she was worried about the car was again "borrowed" away. So I bought ten big locks, the car is tied up and locked a solid, but also a thief posted a note: see how you still "borrow"! The next morning when Xiao Jing went downstairs, found the car more than five locks, locks and a note: see how you still ride!
10, there are three tadpoles, they go to the restaurant to eat ... ... After waiting for a while, the first dish was served... It was fried frogs...
The three tadpoles sang in unison: I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to grow up...
11 One day, Cao Cao captured Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei. Cao Cao said to the three of them, each of you go to the fruit forest to choose a fruit out. After a while, Zhang Fei brought out an apple, and Cao Cao said that if they could shove the fruit they brought up their asses, he would let them go, and Zhang Fei tried for a while, failed, and was killed. A little while later, Guan Yu came out with three grapes, and Cao Cao said the same thing to him, so Guan Yu started stuffing them... When he got to the third one, Guan Yu suddenly gave a giggle and ended up smashing the grapes and was killed again. When he got down to hell, the King of Hell asked Guan Yu: "You are so stupid, why do you laugh? If you don't laugh, you won't die," Guan Yu said with a long sigh, "I don't want to! Heaven is jealous of the red face! When I was stuffing the third one, I suddenly saw Brother Liu walking out with a durian in his arms..."
12, yesterday to eat KFC, behind me in line like a couple, watching them order a whole lot of food, and then sit next to me. After sitting down, the girl began to bury her head and eat, as if hungry for days, while the boy is a one by one chewing fries, as if there is something on his mind.
Suddenly, the boy put down the fries, moved forward, and asked seriously: "Qingqing, can I chase you?
The girl did not raise her head, and directly said: "No."
The boy said, "I don't want to see you, but I want to see you! "
The boy asked again: "Is it possible at all? "
The girl simply said: "Not at all! "
The boy froze, looked straight at her, stayed there...
At that time, the girl held a chicken drumstick in one hand and a burger in the other, and felt that the boy was looking at her, so she paused to eat, and then looked at the boy with a pitiful look, and whispered: "That's not a good idea. ...... can I still eat? "
The people next to me including me all laughed out loud, the boy was helpless, busy saying: "Eat it, eat it ..."
This MM is too cute .... If I don't let chase must also chase .... The deadliest chase ！！！！
13, school has always been restless, freshman year on the first self-study, even sitting in the classroom depressed, then ran to the aisle smoking.
Just lit the cigarette not a moment, came a PL girl, asked the widow, "Now on the study!
Just lit the cigarette not a moment, came a PL girl, asked the widow, "Now on the study hall! "
I said, I was bored to come out to smoke, MM you are which class?
This is the first time I've ever seen a person who has been in the same position.
PLMM pointed to our classroom and said, "That class!
At that time, I was so excited that I said, "We are in the same class.
She said, "We're in the same class," and said, "What, are you depressed?
She said: Well, a freshman in our class ran out during study hall, and I came out to look for him.
偶笑笑，看来也还有还有坐不住的，你找他干啥，你又不是他妈!
MM: I can't help it, I'm his homeroom teacher!
偶當時就蒙了...........
A minute later, stifled a sentence: Teacher, you look really young...
Dad is a glass factory worker, have the habit of wearing gloves to work.
One day after the night shift, he took a cab home. As the car passed through a small suburban forest, a cool breeze hit him. Feeling a little chilly, Dad pulled his gloves out of his pocket and put them on. The driver saw it in the rearview mirror and asked cautiously, "What are you doing, brother?"
"Oh, nothing, I'm used to it, I wear gloves every time I work, so I don't cut myself and leave marks..."
A middle-aged man went on a business trip to a local private hotel.
When dining the first night, the middle-aged man saw a few stains on the edges of the dishes and was uneasy.
He asked the owner of the hotel, "This dish doesn't look clean." The owner replied, "Don't worry, the mineral water will make it clean."
Hearing this answer, the middle-aged man ate his meal with great peace of mind.
A week passed, and the middle-aged man ate at the hotel every day, and got acquainted with a big dog in the hotel.
At the end of the week, when the middle-aged man stepped out of the door, the dog caught up with him and pestered him to death.
The hotel owner saw, walked up and patted the dog's head, gently said: "Let the guests go, mineral water."
The hunter hunting, look at the tree there are two birds, raised his gun to hit down one, found that it is a hairless, is wondering, the other bird flew down and cursed the hunter: he *, the old man just coaxed her to take off her clothes, and you hit her down.
A certain hotel has a parrot hanging in the doorway, a guest to say: "Hello and welcome!" One of the regulars thought: "I'll get in quick and see how you react. One day he "rubbed" ran in, the parrot said: "his grandmother! Scared me!!!"
A child in the delivery room after the birth of a child laughed out loud, the nurses are very strange, gathered around to observe the child's fists tightly clenched, after breaking open the discovery of an abortifacient pill, only to hear the child said: he *! Want to kill me? The company's website is a great source of information about the company's products and services, and the company's website!
The end of the show, the leader went on stage to hold the hand of the beautiful Mongolian actress, but did not let go, but also asked repeatedly what is the name? The actress said excitedly: Mare Gebi
Stand higher, see a more distant; water to clear is no fish, people to cheap is no enemy! Go your own way and let others take a taxi. Wear someone else's shoes and let them find it.
What do you mean by depressed? It is three dozen a let people beat, handful of hemp let people to embrace, wallet let people steal, wife and people slipped, home left porridge a smell also rancid, eyeballs a rolled pumped, to the hospital ambulance also fell out of the ditch!
Mooncake fell in love with buns, desperately pursuing, buns swore not from. Mooncake sad: (Hong Kong accent) What is this for? Steamed bread: My mother said, your stomach is all flowers and intestines.
One day the hen flew up to the roof, the owner of the gas angry said "you down, and then not down I will be here all the roosters slaughtered, so that you are worse than death." The hen laughed and said "Finally I can go to the ducks."
An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese man walking in the desert, walking and saw a bottle, open the cork floating out of a man, the man said: "I'm a fairy, I can fulfill each of you three wishes!" The American was the first to jump in and say, "My first wish is for a lot of money." The fairy said, "That's easy, I'll grant you that! Tell me your second wish." The American said, "I want a lot more money!" After the fairy granted his wish, the American said his third wish: "Get me home." The fairy said, "No problem." So the American went back to America with a lot of money. The fairy asked the Frenchman again. The Frenchman said, "I want a beautiful woman!" The fairy gave him a beautiful woman. The Frenchman said again, "I want more beauty!" The fairy satisfied him and gave him a beautiful woman. The Frenchman finally said, "Send me back to France." The fairy sent the Frenchman back to his country and asked the Chinese what he wanted. The Chinese man said, "Let's start with a bottle of Erguotou." The fairy gave it to him. He asked him what his second wish was. The Chinese man said, "Another bottle of Erguotou!" The fairy asked him what his third wish was. The Chinese man said, "I miss the French and the Americans, get them back." The Frenchman and the American were furious, but there was nothing they could do, so the three of them had to keep walking. Walking and saw a bottle, open the cork and then appeared a man, the man said: "I am the brother of the fairy just now, magic power is not as strong as his, so I can only fulfill each of you two wishes." The French and the Americans thought that it would be better to let the Chinese say it first, so as not to get him back again. So the Chinese said, "Let's start with a bottle of Erguotou." The fairy granted his wish. The French and the Americans urged the Chinese to make his second wish quickly. The Chinese man finished his bottle of erguotou and said to the fairy, "OK, it's OK, you go." An American, a Japanese and a Chinese were exploring the jungle. They were all captured by a tribe of cannibals. The chief of the tribe said, "I'm in a good mood today, I won't eat you, but you'll all have to take a hundred lashes, but before you take the lashes you can have a wish come true." The first one to get the flogging was the American. He said, "Before I get the board, put 1 cushion on my butt." Cushion, the board rained down; the previous 70 boards are still okay, 70 boards after the cushion is broken, and then it is the board to see blood ...... hit, the American old touching the buttocks to go away. The Japanese saw the situation, asked for 10 mattresses. 1, 2, 3 ... 100 after the fight, the Japanese got up, patted his ass, all right; and then opened his mouth to their own ability to imitate the ability and the ability to recreate bragged about it, and want to sit on the side of the Chinese to see a good show. The Chinese man slowly gets down and leisurely says, "Here, pad the Japanese for me." ...
Wish: "Happy everyday to those who read my jokes". Thanks!!!