The demon king: "You can scream your throat out... No one will come to save you. ...."
Princess: "Break your throat.... "Throat..."
Nobody: "Princess... I've come to save you..."
Demon King : "Speak of the devil..."
Cao Cao : "Demon King... Why are you calling me..."
Demon King: "Wow... I saw a ghost."
Ghost: "Shit! Got caught..."
Ghost: "You can see me..."
Demon: "Oh, My God!"
God: "Who called me?"
Who : "No one called you..."
Nobody : "I didn't.... I'm just pretending to be the boss."
Boss: "Who's pretending to be me?"
Who : "Me again? Are you looking for trouble?"
Trouble: "Which one is looking for me?"
Which one: "You? I didn't... Hey, there's a lot of people here."
Many people: "I just got here ...... Who are you?"
Which one: "I'm nobody."
Which : "He's not me."
Princess : "Is everyone here to save me?"
Everyone : "I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the fun."
Buzz: "What's there to see in me?"
God : "It's none of my business, I'll go first."
The Devil: "Answer one question before you leave, why are there so many people saving the princess? How can I continue to play the role of the Devil King?
Going on: "Why are you playing me instead of being a good demon king?"
Princess: "If there is no one to play the role of the Demon King, I can leave.
Nobody: "If I were to play the role of the Demon King, why would I let you go..."
How: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the fun."
Watch: "What are you looking at me for?"
What: "You're going to 'do' me?"
You're like, "I'm not?"
Me: "What do I care?"
Monster: "Shit! I'm going crazy ......."
Crazy : "What do you want me to do?"
You want me to : "I don't know anything!"
I don't know anything: "I don't know anything!"
I don't know: "I'm here! Is someone calling me?"
Someone: "I didn't call you!"
I didn't: "Who called him?"
Who: "Injustice... I didn't..."
I didn't: "I didn't mean to wrong you..."
You: "I'm sorry, you wouldn't dare."
You: "Who said I wouldn't dare!
Who: "Come on... I didn't say anything."
I didn't say anything: "What do you want me to say?"
I didn't say anything: "... You... Aren't you my long lost brother?"
Who: "... I need to get the hell out of here."
My long lost brother: "Crap... My name is so long... I'll be called..."
Right and wrong: "So this is my place..."
I'm nothing&no: "Don't argue, we're talking..."
Don't argue with us: "I'm not talking..."
I'm not: "I'm not talking."
I'm not saying anything: "-_-"... Come on... Let's go outside and talk..."
Go: "I'm sorry..."
I didn't say anything: "It's none of your business...". I'm outta here..." (The two brothers walk out angrily)
What do you care? Why are you kicking me out..."
Why: "I'm not kicking you out...". Be good... Don't cry."
I didn't: "Oh... What's wrong with me again"
What's wrong with me: "What? Did someone call me?"
Someone: "Who's calling you..."
Someone: "I really have to go.... .T.T"
Who: "I'm really sorry.... *V.V*" ("Who" collapsed)
What the hell: "...aren't you my cousin? Aren't you my cousin?"
What's it to me: "... Cousin... Long time no see..."
Demon King: "Damn... This is a family recognition meeting..."
Continued)
Recognition meeting: [Why me?]
Why: [How am I you?]
Me: [He's not me! I'm here!]
I'm here: [Call me?]
My mom: [didn't call me!]
No: [I didn't call you!]
I didn't: [I didn't call you either!]
Nor did I: [Where did I call you?]
Where did I: [What are you talking about?]
You Hu: [I didn't say anything!]
I didn't say anything: [I... What did I say?]
What did I say: [Call me?]
Me: [who called me?]
Who: [I didn't call you!]
......
The Demon King commits suicide.
One day there was a fudge walking down the street.
As she walked, she suddenly said, "Aaah! My legs are so soft!"
Once upon a time, there was a man named Yu,
and one day he was hungry,
so he ate himself ....
A classmate named Cai was walking down the road when he was suddenly end up...
There was a Mr. Banana who was on a date with his girlfriend, walking down the street, and it was hot, so Mr. Banana took his clothes off, after which his girlfriend fell down
There was a polar bear and a penguin playing together, and the penguin pulled the hairs from his body one by one, and after doing so, he said to the polar bear, "It's cold! "
The polar bear heard this, and also pulled the hairs off his body one by one, turned his head to the penguin, and said, "It sure is cold!"
One day the green bean committed suicide by jumping off the 5th floor, bleeding a lot and turning into a red bean; it kept bleeding pus and turned into a yellow bean; the wound scarred and finally became a black bean.
One day, the beanbag was walking on the road, suddenly got into a car accident, his belly was broken, and before he died, he looked at his belly and said, "Oh, so I'm a beanbag."
The matchstick suddenly felt an itch on his head, so he reached out to scratch it, and as he did so, he burned himself to death.
Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new haircut and laughed: Xiaoming, your head shape looks like a kite oh! Xiao Ming felt aggrieved and ran outside to cry. While crying ~ he flew...
Once upon a time once upon a time there was a bird
He passed by a cornfield every day
But unfortunately
One day there was a fire in that cornfield
All of the corn turned into popcorn
After the bird flew past ......
Thought it was snowing and it was cold...
There was a man who looked like an onion and cried as he walked...
The little penguin asked his grandmother one day, "Grandma, Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin then asked his dad, "Daddy daddy, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong?" "But, but why do I feel so cold?"
There's a hide-and-seek society, and their headmaster hasn't found it yet.
On the airplane, an air hostess asked a little girl, "Why don't airplanes fly so high and hit the stars? "
The little girl replied: "I know, because the stars 'flash' ah! "
There was a pair of corn in love
So they decided to get married
On the day of the wedding
One of the corn couldn't find the other one
This one asked the popcorn beside him, "Have you seen our corn?
Popcorn: Honey, I'm wearing a wedding dress
One day, a rare steak was walking down the street, and suddenly he saw a rare steak in front of him, but he didn't pay any attention to him
Q: Why didn't they say hello?
Answer:Because they were not familiar with...
Please:
Who is Rice's mom?
- It's Hana, because "peanut rice".
Who is Rice's dad?
-It's a butterfly, because "butterflies love flowers".
Who is M's grandmother?
--It's Wonderful Pen, for "Wonderful Pen".
There's a fat guy ..........
Jumped off a tall building...
and ended up as .......
Dead fat guy...
One day a green apple went out shopping and suddenly saw a red apple, so he said to the red apple...
You have a crush on me, why else would you be blushing?
In music class, the teacher played a piece by Beethoven
Ming asked Hua, "Do you know music?"
Siao Hua: "Yes"
Siao Ming: "Then do you know what the teacher is playing?"
Siao Hua: "The piano."
Small Red asked: do you use your right hand or your left hand when you stir the coffee
Small Mei said: right hand
Small Red said: oh you're so good, you're not even afraid of the heat, like me I use a spoon.
Small A says to Small B: digg .... It's raining outside too!
Small B was very excited:Yes, I saw it. How about you
Small Ming kept begging his mom to let him be an artiste,
Mom said "You are still young, let's talk about it later", but Small Ming didn't give up and kept begging his mom
Lastly, his mom couldn't take it any more and said:
We are born with red beans, we can't be an artiste. You can't be an entertainer (Job)!
The little snake was very panicked and asked the big snake brother... "Brother, are we poisonous" said the big snake: "Why do you ask.?" The little snake said: "I just accidentally bit my tongue."
Once upon a time, Tomato A and Tomato B went shopping together
Then one day, suddenly, a truck came out
and crushed Tomato A
Tomato B laughed at Tomato A
[Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ketchup~]
Chocolate and tomato fought and chocolate won.
Why?
Because chocolate bars~
The tortoise and the hare race... The hare quickly ran ahead...
The tortoise saw a snail crawling very slowly... He said to him:Come up here, I'll carry you on my back...
Then... The snail came up...
After a while... The turtle saw another ant... And said to him:You come up too...
So the ant came up too...
After the ant came up... He saw the snail above him... He said, "Hello."
Do you know what the snail said?
The snail said: "Hold on tight, this turtle is fast...".
Someone looks like a sweet potato and falls down while walking...
Do you know why penguins live in Antarctica?
Because it's colder there...
Two people fell into a trap, and the dead one is called Dead Man, and the living one is called what?
A:Call for help!
Small Ming said: "Ah Kang, ask you, "A shark ate a green bean, and what did it turn into"?
Kang says, "I don't know, what's the answer?".
Ming said, "The answer is "Mung Bean Sand (Mung Bean Shark)", you are very stupid!
Q: A rabbit races a fast turtle, guess who wins?
A: Hare~~
Q: Wrong~! The tortoise is a very fast tortoise, and it's a very fast tortoise.
Q: The rabbit races a tortoise wearing sunglasses again, and who wins this time?
A: Well, the rabbit did. The rabbit did
Q: Wrong~~! That turtle took his sunglasses off, too! It's that fast running turtle again just now Oh ^O^
There's a man and a woman eating dinner
The girl kept asking the guy:Do you love me?
The boy looked at the girl and went back to eating his dinner
The girl got angry and asked again:Do you love me?
The boy finally said, "Yes."
The girl asked again, "How will you prove it?
Suddenly the boy took thirty dollars out of his pocket,
and asked the girl: do you have ten dollars?
The girl took ten dollars and gave it to the boy.
The boy put forty dollars on the table
After a while .....
The girl was very angry and asked the boy: Do you want to prove that you love me or not
The boy said I have already proved it!
Clever students
In physics class, the teacher was talking about vibration and ****ing, and in order to make the students understand, the teacher asked, "If I throw a stone towards the fish pond, what will happen?" The students answered in unison, "A $5 fine!"
Withdrawal
Teacher: "You just started the first half of high school, why do you want to withdraw?"
Student: "Because I don't need to go to school anymore considering that I'm now more educated than Mr. Hua Luogeng."
False Eyes
One day, the teacher gave Li Gang and Wei Li a lecture on the Analects of Confucius. When they came to the sentence "Zi said: to learn and study, is not it a pleasure", the teacher explained: "Zi, Confucius; said, said; learn, study, and, false words; time, often, study, study; the, false words; pleasure, pleasure; hu, false words." After the speech, the teacher asked:
"Do you two understand?" "Understood!" Li Gang and Wei Li answered in unison.
The teacher was very happy to hear this, so she said to Li Gang, "Then you can say it again."
Li Gang stood up and shook his body to speak, "Confucius said, learn the false words, always review the false words, the false words, the false words, the false words, happy on the false words!"
Wu Zetian was a great mathematician
History teacher: "Do you know what Wu Zetian was?"
Student: "Wu Zetian was a mathematician. Wu Zetian is the great mathematician who invented rounding."
That's right
The teacher pointed to the blackboard and wrote "Puffing" and said, "Mr. Han Wei, tell me the meaning of this idiom."
Han Wei stood up, pushed the highly myopic glasses on the bridge of his nose, looked carefully at the blackboard for a while, and said hopelessly, "I can't see it clearly."
Teacher: "Han Wei is right, please sit down."
Pictures and Belly
A kindergarten teacher spoke Mandarin and couldn't get the sound bite right. During class, she took out a picture and said, "Children, take out the picture that was sent to you."
The children misheard the word "picture" as "belly," and one by one, they lifted up their clothes to reveal their little bellies.
The teacher asked, "What's in this picture?"
The children answered in unison, "The navel."
Motivation for letting the pear
In a language class at an elementary school, the teacher told the story of Kong Rong Letting the Pear, and then asked the students to write about Kong Rong's motivation for letting the pear go.
In the submitted scripts, the answers could be divided into four categories:
1. The pear was rotten;
2. Kong Rong happened to have a toothache at that time;
3. So that he could ask the person who took the pear to help him with his homework;
4. In order to become famous.
The teacher was disappointed.
Tuning the tiger away from the mountain
Teacher: "What do you mean by 'tuning the tiger away from the mountain'?"
Student: "For example, if the principal suddenly calls the teacher out of the classroom during an exam, this is called 'transferring the tiger from the mountain'."
Test question
Fill in the blank: racking up the - juice
Students answered like this:
A: racking up the ink.
B: rack up the milk.
C: Hang up the juice.
D: Strangle the soup.
Teacher's critique: strangled doesn't write strangled.
Kid's Truth
A young teacher had just finished telling a young boy in her class the story of the sheep, about a sheep that was eaten by wolves because it left the flock.
"See," she said, "if this sheep had been honest and hadn't left the flock, it wouldn't have been eaten by the wolf, would it?"
"Yes, teacher." The little boy replied, "But it will be eaten by us later."
Arithmetic is even worse
The teacher: "Your marks for your exercises are too low. I told you to write 100 sheets and bring them in, and you only wrote 75."
Student: "I can see that my arithmetic is even worse."
Banana Peel
Math Teacher: "A banana, 3 children want to grab it to eat. As a result, it was grabbed for 2 children to share. Do you know what the remaining 1 child, got?"
Student: "There's ......"
Teacher surprised: "There's what?"
Student: "A banana peel."
Exercise problem
Student: "I've done this problem 6 times."
Teacher: "Great."
Student: "Here are the 6 answers."
Scared of Flying Birds
Ming Zheng was a naughty little kid. He was afraid of drawing pictures, especially birds. One day, the drawing teacher drew a bird standing on a branch on the blackboard for the students to make specimens. Mingzheng drew it left and right, but he couldn't get it right, so when he saw his classmates handing in their papers, he sent them in muddled. Drawing teacher looked at his painting, not feel the whip on the podium a beat, "Where did you draw the bird?" Mingzheng hurriedly replied, "It flew away from you with this whip."
The cockroach story
One of my classmates, surnamed Zhang, one day he was alone with a girl he had long desired, and the two of them were chatting while eating snacks, when suddenly the girl called out "Zhang Lang," and he almost fainted with happiness.
Waking up very quickly, the girl was talking about a half cockroach on the cookie he was holding!
Arithmetic is even worse
Teacher: "Your marks for word study are too low. I told you to write 100 sheets and bring them in, and you only wrote 75."
Student: "I can see that my arithmetic is even worse."
Banana Peel
Math Teacher: "A banana, 3 children want to grab it to eat. As a result, it was grabbed for 2 children to share. Do you know what the remaining 1 child, got?"
Student: "There's ......"
Teacher surprised: "There's what?"
Student: "A banana peel."
Exercise problem
Student: "I've done this problem 6 times."
Teacher: "Great."
Student: "Here are the 6 answers."
Scared of Flying Birds
Ming Zheng was a naughty little kid. He was afraid of drawing pictures, especially birds. One day, the drawing teacher drew a bird standing on a branch on the blackboard for the students to make specimens. Mingzheng drew it left and right, but he couldn't get it right, so when he saw his classmates handing in their papers, he sent them in muddled. Drawing teacher looked at his painting, not feel the whip on the podium a beat, "Where did you draw the bird?" Mingzheng hurriedly replied, "It flew away from you with this whip."
The cockroach story
One of my classmates, surnamed Zhang, one day he was alone with a girl he had long desired, and the two of them were chatting while eating snacks, when suddenly the girl called out "Zhang Lang," and he almost fainted with happiness.
When he woke up, the girl told him there was a cockroach on the cookie he was holding!
Compactness
My middle school classmates were known for their compactness. One day the class had a group meeting that was unbearably long.
At the end of the meeting, everyone was asked for their opinions, and when asked, he replied, "Piss."
Fossil geology students were doing a field practicum and one student happened to find a large fossil. Lecturer A said it was a fossilized tree, and Lecturer B insisted it was a dinosaur leg bone. Both sides argued. The students didn't know who was right, but they did know that both lecturers were going to grade their internship reports, so one clever student wrote on his report that the find was a dinosaur's wooden leg.
Electroshock
In a medical class the male student asked, "How do I have to impress you?"
Female student, "Didn't your teacher teach you that? To use electric shock."
Live and learn
An American law school had a test on criminal law one day.
The first question the professor posed to the students was, "What does it mean to commit fraud?"
One student replied, "If you don't let me pass the test you commit fraud."
The professor was very surprised, "How do you explain that?"
"According to the criminal law, anyone who takes advantage of another person's ignorance and causes him to suffer loss commits fraud."
Mr.
Son: "Today our teacher taught us to say, 'Yes, sir,' and 'No, sir.'"
Father: "Did you learn?"
Son: "No, sir."
Father: "You can't call your father sir."
Son: "Yes, sir."
Answer
On the exam, one of the test questions was: what Lu Xun was.
A sloppy student who had not studied carefully before the exam misread the word "Shu" in Lu Xun's original name, Zhou Shuren,
and answered: Lu Xun was a native of Zhou Village.
After the exam
Wang You did not do well in his final exam. So he sent a telegram to his brother and asked his father to prepare his mind.
Soon his brother called back, "Father is ready, now please prepare your mind."
Eliminating Discord
A school conducted a discussion class on family issues.
In one classroom, the teacher asked the students, "What do you think is the best way to eliminate parent-student discord?"
One student boldly stood up and told the teacher, "The best way is: you put all 5s on my academic report card."
Who burned down Yuen Ming Circle
The teacher asked Xiao Qiang, "Who burned down Yuen Ming Circle?"
Small Qiang said aggressively, "Teacher. , no no I didn't burn it."
"What? You you you. Get your dad here", said the teacher angrily.
After school, Xiao Qiang's dad came and the teacher said to him, "Today I asked your son who burned the Yuanmingyuan, and he actually said he didn't burn it, that's ridiculous, isn't it?"
Small Qiang's father blinked and hesitantly said, "Teacher, it really ...... wasn't him. Burned it, our kid wouldn't do this."
"How about ...... we ...... pay for it, okay?"
The pig killer
A student is a diligent student, he used the summer and winter vacations part-time to earn tuition. During the day, he helps the butcher cut meat, while at night he works at the hospital.
One night, an old woman had to be operated on in an emergency, and A-Sheng pushed her into the operating room on a gurney. The old woman took one look at A-sheng and suddenly cried out in panic, "Oh my God! You're the pig killer, where are you pushing me?"
Stand up
A certain class president slept in class and told his classmates to call him after class, and they pranked him, A: "Get up, class is over!"
The class president rubbed his eyes: "Stand up!"
At this time only a dozen or so students sleepily stood up and said, "Thank you, teacher!"
Vending machine anecdotes
The final exams are here, always stay up late at night, hungry, of course, eat instant noodles is the most convenient ......
The dormitory has an instant noodle vending machine, and I am thinking of saying that "meat soup noodles" and "sesame oil chicken noodles" are the most convenient. "The first one is the one with the best flavor, and the second one is the one with the best flavor, and the third one is the one with the best flavor, and the third one is the one with the best flavor! The result was:
"Beef noodles with black pepper."
Geography Exam
On a geography exam, the teacher asked the students to briefly describe the following places: Arabia, Singapore, Cape of Good Hope, Rome, Nagoya, and Macau.
Which Xiaoming wrote: Once upon a time there was an old man, everyone called him Arabia, one day he went out to climb the mountain, when he climbed to Singapore suddenly saw a head with the Cape of Good Hope Rome straight over, scared him to pull his legs and run into the Nagoya, rushed to close Macau.
King of the Beasts
"Class, who is the king of the beasts?" The teacher asked. "The zoo director." Little John answered.
Answer
In English class, the teacher was talking about the differences between Western and Chinese languages,
and a student raised his hand and asked, "Teacher, how do you say 'dumpling' in English?" The teacher looked puzzled and scolded him, "Ignorant to the core! The English don't eat dumplings!"
Can't find it
"Teacher, you've told us about the 'Taiping Heavenly Kingdom', right? "Yes, lectured."
"Then how come I can't find it on the map?"
How a Tsinghua student got 100 points with a blank paper
Final exams, a Tsinghua male student, faced with a super-difficult physics question from Prof. Yang Zhenning, had no way to start, so he walked straight to the podium and said to Yang, who was invigilating the exam! "I really can't answer the question you asked, but I'll ask a question that you, too, may not be able to answer. If you can't answer my question, can you give me 100 points?"
Yang Zhenning stroked his chin, which was already beardless, and thought, "Just you -- a Tsinghua nerd who spends all day picking up NPC girls -- how hard can you come up with a question that is difficult for me to answer? I have won the Nobel Prize! So he replied, "Yes!"
The Tsinghua boy pontificated, "What is legal but unreasonable?
What is reasonable but not legal? What is neither reasonable nor legal? Bracket: these three things are intrinsically linked"
Professor Yang couldn't figure it out, and cheerfully scored 100 on the white paper and asked for the answer
The Tsinghua boy said, "Since you've already scored it, I'll tell you."
"You are an 82-year-old man, but you married a 28-year-old young wife, which is, legal but unreasonable."
"Your young and beautiful wife, who has another young student outside, which, is reasonable but not legal."
Yang Zhenning by this time has a yellow face into a green face, angry, said:
"Then you say, what is neither reasonable nor legal?"
..................
The student said triumphantly, "You have just scored a perfect mark on your new young wife's young lover's white paper with a perfect score, a matter that is neither reasonable nor legal."
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