influenced by the traditional moral atmosphere, Hakka women in the past had to be educated in three obedience and four virtues since childhood. At that time, Hakka women, whether in dress or hairstyle, contained many metaphors unknown to outsiders. Because my mother is a woman who pays great attention to traditional details, she has been deeply influenced by her education since childhood, and I have passed on the thoughts and behaviors of the older generation unconsciously.
from childhood, when life can take care of itself, my mother told me that girls should be like girls, not careless like boys, and should pay attention to their words and deeds. The appearance of the dress is not beautiful, but it must be neat and clean, even if you wear patched clothes, you will be washed clean. Hair should be tied at the first time after getting up and washing your face before you can go out of the house. Hakka women are particularly particular about hair etiquette.
For example, unmarried young women only wear their hair in braided hair or ponytail, while married women wear their hair in a bun at the back of their heads, which makes people look dignified and virtuous. What's more significant is that the hairstyle represents the symbol of their status, so people can know whether the woman is married or not by looking at the hairstyle. Also, on the first or fifteenth day of the lunar calendar every month, you can't wash your hair, because my mother said, but I forgot, but I always abide by it.
If you have guests at home, you can't wash your hair, because there was no hair dryer before, and the washed hair can only be tied up after it is naturally dried. Hakka women, on the other hand, can't meet their guests in long hair, which is a very rude behavior to the guests. The so-called ceremony is to wear good clothes and comb your hair to be polite to people.
The so-called dressing well is also very particular. At that time, women wrapped themselves up in clothes and could not show their arms and calves, let alone bare their backs like now. Also, you can't wash your hair on the day of the Chinese New Year holiday. The reason is that during the Chinese New Year holiday, the family will offer sacrifices to the gods and invite the deceased ancestors and relatives to go home for reunion. If the hair is long, it is disrespectful to the gods. For the same reason, people and gods need to be treated with courtesy.
Perhaps in the eyes of many modern people, this is a superstitious statement. But this is a kind and simple spiritual belief of Hakka people. In the difficult days of poverty, faith has infinite power and can often support the hopes and thoughts of life. As the saying goes, there are gods three feet above our heads. We may not believe that gods really exist, but we must hold a sincere and awe-inspiring heart towards them.
Married Hakka women have more etiquette than unmarried women. Generally, before getting married, the mother will earnestly teach her daughter that after getting married, she should respect her in-laws and be a virtuous brother-in-law. I am afraid that my daughter will behave inappropriately after passing through her husband's family's door, causing criticism from her husband's family and humiliating her family style. There is a proverb praised by everyone in Hakkas: See a mother marry a wife. The meaning is self-evident, that is, when you marry a daughter-in-law, first look at her family atmosphere, whether it is harmonious and warm, and whether her mother's character accomplishment is excellent.
A mother is a child's first teacher. Only an excellent mother can educate an excellent child. Judging her mother, although it is impossible to absolutely judge her daughter's character, to a great extent, there are similarities, subtle influences and strengths between parents and children, which are deeply rooted. When I was a child, I once heard my neighbor's grandmother scold her unruly daughter-in-law: there is no mother to teach. The daughter-in-law is still cursing her mother, which shows how important the mother's education for her daughter is.
A woman who is a daughter-in-law should look like a daughter-in-law in her husband's family, and she can't be as laissez-faire as she was at home. Remember, there is a Hakka children's song, which sings like a wife's girl: Chicken, with a crooked tail, it's really difficult to be a wife. People still say it's late to get up early and cook a good meal, but they still say you are idle. It can be seen that the difference between being a woman and being a woman is gone.
In the past, a Hakka woman who was a wife had to wash her family's clothes, make breakfast for her family, clean the courtyard, feed the poultry, and go to the village collective well to pick up enough water for her family. Later, every family dug a well and carried water in their own patio, so there was no need to do it.
when eating, you should give meals to your parents-in-law, husband and other family members, and consciously clean up the dishes and chopsticks after meals. At night, we should burn the hot water for a family to take a bath. In previous rural families, every household did not have a water heater, so the hot water had to be burned with a large iron pot and firewood. After doing housework, you can go to bed and rest. When it is dawn, you get up again and start a busy day. After busy at home and busy with the fields, there is little leisure time all year round.
if you want to go back to your mother's house to visit your parents, you must consult with your mother-in-law and get her permission before you can go back to see your parents. Hakkas pay attention to men for the sky, women for the land, men outside, women inside, housework is too busy, and they can't call their husbands for help. In the past, it was not popular for rural men to go out to work, but it was women's business to plow the fields and do manual work, and they didn't ask.
If a man helps his daughter-in-law wash clothes, etc., it will become the laughing stock of the villagers after dinner. Also, during the Chinese New Year, on the morning of the first day of the Lunar New Year, every Hakka woman should quickly boil water to make tea after getting up. When her parents-in-law get up, they should serve them a cup of tea, and then they will give their daughter-in-law a red envelope at will, meaning that the year will be prosperous.
Of course, times have changed, and now it is a new era and a new society. These old and bad ideas are not suitable in today's open concept. If we hold this mode of thinking again, we will discuss these etiquette details with Hakka girls and girls in their teens and twenties, and I believe they will also scoff and dismiss them.
But at that time, every Hakka woman, no matter at any age, was influenced by traditional ideological education, and she was proud of it, silently fulfilled it and accompanied it for life. Many things are the same. Once a habit is formed, it will be natural. You don't have to do it deliberately, but it won't run counter to it. The Hakka culture, which is drifting away, has long since faded out of people's sight unconsciously.
Hakka women, as the dominant of Hakka culture, used to be like a beautiful scenic line, shining in the sun and enchanting in the moonlight ...
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