Traditional Chinese parenting concepts often take the form of education through hardship and education through setbacks. Some people believe that children should not always have smooth sailing as they grow up, otherwise they will become flowers in the greenhouse and fail to achieve success.

In life, we often hear this saying: Only by enduring hardship can one become a master.

Hard-working education seems to be equated with success. Under the influence of becoming a master, many people began to provide their children with hard-working education for the purpose of enduring hardship.

Children do need to experience some "hardships" as they grow up. How do you know how to handle hardships for your children? Is it irresponsible to blindly provide a "hard environment" for children? The purpose of hard-working education is to experience hardship, not for the sake of hardship

Many parents fall into a misunderstanding, thinking that the best way to help their children become talented is to let them experience all the experiences of successful people.

After Mo Yan won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 2012, parents flocked to the house and even removed the walls of Mo Yan’s home in Gaomi, Shandong, in order to bring back a hint of the “Wenquxing” life to their children. Almost swept away.

Hard-working education cannot be missed by these parents. The parents who flocked to the school did not even bother to understand the true meaning of hard-working education.

Parents need to understand one thing first: "Hard-working education" is a means, not an end.

Nowadays, more and more parents hope that their children can achieve success through hard-working education, and they often put the cart before the horse:

Suffering in order to let their children endure hardship. The reflection on the setbacks that children should encounter in life is transformed into children's despair about the future.

It is true that children’s growth cannot be smooth sailing. A correct understanding of the word “hardship” in “hardship education” plays an extremely important role in helping children grow.

Wang Xiaobo once shared his experience of jumping in line in Yunnan in "The Silent Majority".

In order to cater to a certain default form of remembrance rice, I should have chosen to eat banana tree hearts, taro flowers, and pumpkin flowers. Originally, these things were not that unpalatable, but in order to express the bitterness of remembrance rice, , people at that time specially replaced them with banana trees, taro stalks, and pumpkin vines until everyone ate until they vomited.

When Wang Xiaobo summed up this experience, he said: "I don't think this is education, I just feel that it is tormenting people." Suffering also needs to be viewed dialectically. New hardships and old hardships are essentially different. Which is home?

Hardship in hardship education is a relative concept, not an absolutely unchanged concept.

With the rapid development of society today, the definition of hardship should also change. Does the hardship during this period refer to material and spiritual limitations, or does it refer to the repeated tempering of personality, which requires parents to reflect.

In March 2015, in Chengdu, where the spring was freezing, people were still wearing thick cotton-padded clothes. A one-year-old and three-month-old Lajier (nickname) was already wearing a "bare trunk" Running all over the street.

I heard from my neighbors that even in the dead of winter, I have never seen this child and he never wears clothes. His father also let the children take cold baths in winter from time to time.

Rajier’s father, Tan Juncheng, is a representative of “wolf dads” who believes that having a low reputation makes him easy to make a living. In his words, the purpose is to make the children stronger, to better protect themselves, and to train the children's ability to endure hardship.

Education experts once commented on Lajier’s case: “Such a way of raising children may have an impact on the establishment and development of their social adaptability in the future.?”

One-sided pursuit of physical and mental suffering while ignoring the child's physical fitness and psychological development is actually irresponsible to the child. Just like Lajier in the story, when he was just over 1 year old, he was asked to endure hardship for the sake of suffering. In the end, it was the child himself who was harmed. Is the "painful environment" blindly provided by parents really good for children?

1) Affects children's physical development

In order to let their children feel the pain of the past, many parents often Make a fuss about the child's diet. Even taking children of limited age to perform physical labor that is far beyond their physical strength has caused serious damage to the children's physical development.

Children’s physical development stages often require a large amount of nutrition and appropriate exercise.

If in order to make the child endure hardship, the special period of the child's growth is ignored. Expressing hardship through "remembering hardships" and "excessive labor" are actually manifestations of parents not being responsible for their children.

2) Influence the establishment of a child's correct psychology

The child's growth stage is the key stage of the child's psychological maturity. During this stage, parents must not only take care of the child, but also ensure that the child can To grow up healthily, you also need to pay attention to your child's inner development.

Parents who adopt rough and hard-working education and do not consider their children's inner thoughts just to "flaunt" their own education methods are no different from tool holders.

The Lajier in the news didn’t wear any clothes when she was one and a half years old. Her father, Tan Juncheng, took pride in his child’s lack of colds and never thought about how Lajier would grow up in the gender-recognition period.

3) The parent-child relationship becomes farther and farther away

Blindly providing a difficult environment for the child will make the originally close parent-child relationship become farther and farther away.

After children are repeatedly and unreasonably asked to "endure hardship" by their parents, children often develop rebellious emotions.

Rebellious emotions arise because parents are the closest people to children when they are young. When people close to them cause harm to them, they will become a big shadow.

This also leads to the relationship between children and parents becoming more and more distant.