Yan Hui: It's like white flour thrown down.
Zi Lu: The head of the grave is bigger than the size of the bun,
Yan Hui: The well is a hole.
Zi Lu: Thank you all!
Zi Lu: I am under Zi Lu.
Yan Hui: I am Yan Hui.
Zi Lu: Since following the sage, our teacher, we've been out for a long time, traveling around the world, we've been to a number of places. What places have we been to?
Yan Hui: that's too much, Vientiane, Laos, Bangkok, Thailand, Yangon, Myanmar, Kolkata, India, Bengal, Mumbai, New Delhi, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, Turkey, Ankara, across the Black Sea to the Poland and Ukraine, well, this ......
Zi Lu: Where else have you been?
Yan Hui: forgot the words.
Zi Lu: forgot the words? I've been to a lot of places. We've been to a lot of places already.
Yan Hui: Right, right, right.
Zi Lu: We ...... are hungry.
Yan Hui: gurgle gurgle!
Zi Lu: We don't have a penny on us!
Yan Hui: Not a penny left.
Zi Lu: You don't have any, and I don't have any.
Yan Hui: What should we do?
Zi Lu: Let's invite the master out, ask for some money, and buy something to eat?
Yan Hui: Right, right, right. Let's have the master invited!
Zi Lu: Let's invite the master!
Sage smoking a roll of cigarettes on
Sage (singing): big ~ snow ~ floating ~ ~ ~, look at the flying snow ~, dancing in the sky ~, the towering Congshan was ~ silver ~ ~, a good faction ~, white and fat ~~~~
Zi Lu: Master!
Sage (voice trembling): snow down, not small a ...... (smoking)
Yan Hui: Yes, today snow.
Zi Lu: Master, you work hard.
Yan Hui: Master, don't smoke.
Sage: Huh?
Yan Hui: It's burning my hands!
Sage: Saving a little is a little ......
Sage (stubbing out his cigarette and getting up): From a distance, it looks like a lullaby, but up close, it looks like a flutter. Some say it is a gourd, some say it is a dipper. In the water, one out of a bubble, two people bet on the river to see, it turns out to be, Wang Wenlin (De Yun She, a comedian) bathing!
Zi Lu: This is a poem about bathing.
Sage: This is written in the Analects of Confucius.
Yan Hui: Yes, yes, yes. (Looks down and writes)
Sage: My name is Kong Qiu, and my nickname is Sage. With two disciples, (a finger pointing to Yan Hui) Zi Lu, (a finger pointing to Zi Lu) Yan Hui. Hey no, (a finger Zi Lu) Zi Lu, (a finger Yan Hui) Yan Hui.
Zi Lu: This time it is right.
Sage: It's hard to remember your names. This ah, we are trapped Chen Cai ah, some days.
Zi Lu: Some days.
Sage: We have traveled around the world for many years, but we have not gone to many places!
Yan Hui: I dare you!
Sage: by hitting the eastern land of the Great Tang came ah, to go to the West to seek the true scriptures ......
Zi Lu: no no no ......
Sage: this way ah... ...
Zi Lu: You said that was San Zang! Aren't you a sage? That's Sanzo!
Sage: Oh, right, right, right, I forgot.
Yan Hui: Ahem!
Sage: I'm all sage :)
Zi Lu: Yeah!
Sage: How can I justify this?
Yan Hui: You repeat, you repeat.
Sage (coughing): we are not from the east of the Great Tang, we are fighting the state of Lu to ......
Yan Hui Zilu: Hey, yes, Lu.
Sage: Going to the Western Heaven to seek the true scriptures ......
Zi Lu: Here we go again!
Yan Hui: How come you can't get away from this
Sage: Where is this?
Yan Hui: Chen Cai'a!
Zi Lu: Chen Cai? We're from Lu, ah,
Sage: Oh, right, right, right.
Yan Hui Zilu: master, master master master!
The sage: can not say again to hit the brine this thing ah, a few days have not eaten ......
Zi Lu: good, do not mention it do not mention it.
Sage: We are fighting Lu came to go to Chen Cai to seek the truth ...... always change this.
Yan Hui: what a mess this.
Sage: not eaten for several days, see who are like pancakes.
Zi Lu: what to do?
Sage: bring money?
Zi Lu: No, I don't have any!
Sage: Do you look again?
Zi Lu: No, there's cigarette butts!
Sage: The other day, I won the gold flower smash ......
Zi Lu: But then, didn't you take it back?
Sage (rushing at Yan Hui): Have you?
Yan Hui: No, I didn't!
Sage: Turn it over! What's this?
Yan Hui: It's an invoice.
Sage: Oh, it doesn't work, this is what was left from the taxi ride the other day ...... Hey, there's a way out! (Picking Yan Hui's fur coat) Good boy, obedient!
Yan Hui: No, master! (Struggle) master don't a, master! (Struggling) There are so many people here, Master! (attempted struggle)
Sage (taking Yan Hui's coat): Hungry, we have to do business, let's sell this. I'm not sure if anyone wants it, but I'm not sure if anyone wants it.
Zi Lu: Let's see how we can sell it.
Sage: Is this old garment okay? Sell it to make some money ......
Zi Lu: OK, it looks good. This evaluation clothes (Beijing dialect, refers to the old clothes to be sold) divided into a variety of well.
Saint: Beijing has a valuation of clothes! It sounds good to yell.
Zi Lu: It's called Jingkou.
Sage (singing): This one that leather jacket ai ~~, the original is when the ~ ~~, really oil black a, pants satin surface a ~ ~~, look at the surface, turn over, you look at the cylinder it ~ ~ ~ ~, this leather is nine bends, pressure race over the screws turn a ~ ~ ~. No matter how cold the day, how much wind, how much snow, wear my coat ......
Zi Lu Yan Hui: how?
Sage (singsong voice): sleep in the ice, go roll in the snow ~~~, how could you forget the cold? ~~~
Yan Hui Zilu: The leather jacket is warm!
Sage (singing voice): it froze you up~~~
Yan Hui (singing voice): if it freezes any more, you'll die~~~
Sage (laughs): hey, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Yan Hui: This is the estimated coat of Jingkou.
Sage (holding up Yan Hui's coat): Anyone want it? Who wants it? Hey, look at this, it's expensive when you buy it, but it's finished when you sell it.
Zi Lu: It's worthless.
Sage: The goods to the ground dead, meat cheap nose smell ah. This is not finished? Wait, there is a buyer we give him.
The horse hung Luang bell ringing, a farmer riding a donkey on.
Sage: (shouting) Hey! There is a meal rut. (Throw the coat under the donkey's hooves). Down!
Zi Lu Yan Hui: Down down down!
Farmer: What are you doing?
Sage: (pointing to the coat) You stepped on this one!
Zi Lu Yan Hui: What to do!
Sage: This is imported stuff. It's over, you're in deep shit.
Zi Lu: What to do, you say what to do.
Yan Hui: It's new, you stepped on it, you say what to do!
Sage: let's do it this way, and don't be a bully, you shell out 10 million, this is for you.
Farmer: poor crazy, this is ......
Sage: hey you curse curse curse!
Farmer: did not curse ......
Sage: drink, you still dare to beat people! (Three people surrounded the farmer, the farmer returned fire, Zi Lu fell to the ground)
Sage: dead?
Yan Hui (probing Zi Lu's nose): out of breath, dead!
Sage to farmer: you killed someone!
Farmer: No, I didn't beat him ......
Sage: Who said that? I have witnesses here! Where are the witnesses?
Yan Hui: I am, I am a witness!
Sage: I'm convincing people with reason, you know? You go, rummage through his body, see if there is any money?
Yan Hui: (searching the farmer)
Sage: This is outrageous, there is no law of the land this is not!
Farmer: This is not robbery ......
Yan Hui: There is a penny!
The sage: just a penny ah?
Yan Hui: It's just a penny. Shall I take it?
Sage: Take it first. (To the farmer) Go, go, go!
Yan Hui: Go away!
The farmer rode down on his donkey.
Zi Lu: Is it all right master?
Sage: It's fine!
Zi Lu (getting up): the fall hurt me.
Yan Hui: hard hard hard.
Sage: That's enough. Toward well-off, the first step. Have you got the money?
Zi Lu Yan Hui: There is money.
Sage: What do we have to eat?
Zi Lu Yan Hui: Yes! I'm starving.
The sage: hit just smell this side, hey, what is this flavor this?
Zi Lu: roast duck flavor?
Sage: Let's eat! This is this side?
Zi Lu: It's this way. Boss, what's for sale ah?
Worker A: This is a shit field!
Sage: What's your nose this?
Zi Lu: smell wrong smell wrong.
Sage: Can you smell the roast duck smell from a large manure field?
Yan Hui: This can not this.
Sage: I smell this side of the Ziran flavor is quite big?
Yan Hui: Oh, Brazilian barbecue.
Sage: Let's go this way, let's go this way.
Sage: What's for sale here, Mr. Boss?
Worker B: This is the headquarters of the shit farm.
Sage Zilu Yan Hui: ooh~~~!
Sage: Where are these dung fields?
Zi Lu: No, no, no, no. Hey, this side of this house is!
Sage: Okay, this side this side. The shopkeeper, come out, come out!
The shopkeeper (the one who played the role of the farmer who rode the donkey just now): Hey, here we are. What do you want to eat?
Saint: It looks familiar.
The shopkeeper: Why do I look familiar with these three people?
Saint: What do you sell here?
The shopkeeper: What do we have here? We have steamed lamb, steamed bear's paw, steamed deer's tail, roasted duck, roasted chick, roasted goose, oven pig, oven duck, chicken, bacon, pine flowers, tripe, drying meat, sausage ......
Saint: Stop! Report the name of the dish ah? I ask you, do you have stewed donkey head here?
The shopkeeper: that ah, that my father rode out.
Sage: Oh my god. Oh, this is the one who just rode the donkey, their family huh?
Zi Lu Yan Hui: It is their family.
Sage: What else is for sale? What's cooking in that pot?
The shopkeeper: What's cooking in the pot is the Lantern.
Sage: Lanterns? How do you sell them?
The shopkeeper: ten for a penny.
Sage: Ten? I'll take ten.
The shopkeeper: I can't share it with the three of you.
Saint: How come you didn't get any?
The shopkeeper: Why don't you come to twelve? I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to get out of this one.
Saint: no. I'd like to have ten, four for me and three for all of them!
The shopkeeper: Well, this Japanese this! (On the end of the Lantern)
Zi Lu: Hurry up, hurry up. Good guy, this hungry!
Sage: hurry to eat hurry to go ah, a moment his father will be back! Hey, the shopkeeper, what are you trapped?
The shopkeeper: well, eat half a day did not eat what trap? The sugar filling!
Saint: Sugar filling. You that soup, Lantern soup, how to sell?
The shopkeeper: soup a, soup is free to give away.
Sage: Free? Good, have a bowl.
Zi Lu Yan Hui: Sheng soup Sheng soup! Quickly go quickly!
The shopkeeper serves the soup.
Sage: Oh, this bowl is too small to solve the problem, you give me a bigger one!
Zi Lu Yan Hui: We also change, quickly!
The shopkeeper brought a large bowl on. The crowd drank it down.
Sage: Let him settle the bill.
Zi Lu: Good. (to the shopkeeper) Pay the money!
Palmist: Who's paying who?
Zi Lu: (handing a penny to the shopkeeper) Don't talk outside!
Sage: Did you ask him for money?
Zi Lu: I gave him money!
Sage: Hey! Confused!
Zi Lu: What's wrong?
Sage: He's the one who paid us at the checkout! Go, ask him for it!
Zi Lu: Bring it! Give it to me! (snatches a penny out of the shopkeeper's hand) There, it's in your hand!
The shopkeeper: What's the matter, is there no law here?
Sage: You have to know how to do business, ah, understand?
The shopkeeper: You have to pay for the meal!
Sage: Pay? Beat him!
The three of them beat the shopkeeper down.
Sage: Is it done?
Zi Lu: set it right!
Sage: Remember A, the master's taught you. Life in the world to come out and go in must know how to be polite. And you guys today with the master again grew able.
Zi Lu Yan Hui: how?
Sage: Thieves do not go empty! I stole three bowls.
Comedy scripts:
Some comedy scripts, you see can
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