One mother of two children lives in a small village in the fifth line town. After graduating from college, I have been working in the provincial capital city. Two years after marriage, the first child was pregnant for seven and a half months, resigned from the provincial capital city and returned to the village for labor.
Married far away, after giving birth to a baby, my in-laws are old, so I can only choose to be a full-time mother. Four and a half years, the first three years have been quite painful. Married far away, different living habits and eating habits, depressed for a long time after giving birth to children. Strong psychological gap, all kinds of can't adapt, once made me think about all kinds of ways to die every once in a while.
The economic conditions in the husband's family are relatively poor, and there is a set of self-built houses in the countryside. There are three families living in our family, and we use a kitchen and a toilet. My husband's meager salary at work has to support four of us. My father-in-law is 68 years old and still works in other places all the year round. Eldest brother divorced for six years, with an average of half a year working in other places, and the remaining half a year working as a temporary worker near the village. My mother-in-law takes care of my eldest brother's children and helps me with my second child when she is free.
Three years ago, at my strong request, we used our only savings of more than 50 thousand yuan to buy a second-hand house in the aluminum city of the industrial zone here, which is old and small and has collective property rights. The surrounding facilities are very good, and there are supermarkets, kindergartens, primary schools and high schools. Finally, I have a little property of my own, but I'm still unhappy, and I'm stuck in my emotions all day.
I met uncle Lian last year, and I hated seeing him late. But influenced by your ideas, I think it's never too late to meet you. For me, this is wealth.
After meeting you, I read your articles and recommended books, and began to reflect on the causes of my pain. Economic problems may only account for a small part, and I am the biggest problem. Since last year, I have tried to position myself correctly-I am a stay-at-home mother first, and I should enjoy taking care of my children instead of constantly resisting.
With your guidance, this process is not too painful. I began to "heal myself" by reading constantly. If you don't have the conditions to see a psychiatrist, just create it yourself. Reading, let me analyze my own problems little by little and see clearly the crux of my pain.
Half a year has passed since I made up my mind to change myself, and I feel much better. I began to enjoy the joy brought by my children, thanked my husband for his patience and tolerance, and thanked technology for bringing me a convenient life.
When ideas change, many things will change. Share a story about buying a car. My husband didn't like used cars before, and he always wanted to stage new cars. I lent a little money I had saved in the past two years to my sister who bought a house and my brother who was getting married, so he could only think about it. Last year, he was fed up with the trouble of not having a car. One month before the outbreak, his in-laws funded most of it, and spent more than 10,000 yuan to buy a Big Dipper, which was licensed in 15. Her mother-in-law disliked all kinds of things, saying that the car was "too unbecoming" (in this dialect, it means indecent). My husband and I feel very good, the car is in good condition, the displacement is small, and we can run after changing the oil. As for face, you can't use it to buy a house. With this car, when my son had a high fever of 40 degrees in the middle of the night in 1 month, we drove it to three hospitals on snowy days, and finally didn't delay the children.
When it comes to buying a car, if I were the old me, I would definitely follow suit, regardless of whether I agree with my parents to buy a new car by stages. If we had picked up the car last year, we would have been completely unable to live this year. The concept of Lian Shu's communication made me rational a little, and finally avoided the turmoil of the whole family.
Thank you for meeting uncle Lian. The door you opened for me is something I never wanted to touch before. I also learned that the choice of whether to live happily or not is mostly in my own hands.
It's still "into the pit" from time to time. For example, at eight o'clock one night, my husband suggested driving to the biggest park 10 km away. My first reaction was whether we would have a car accident when we drove out at night. Based on long-term study and introspection, I soon realized that this state was wrong, adjusted myself and "got out of the pit" in time. Thoughts like this often occur after childbirth. The "baby-bearing sequelae" are stubborn, and I still need to keep practicing.
There is a famous story. A young monk asked the host, "What is enlightenment?" The host replied: "chopping wood means chopping wood, carrying water means carrying water, and cooking means cooking. This is the way." Now I am learning to enjoy chopping wood and fetching water for cooking, which is quite rewarding.
Thank you, Uncle Lian, for being a mentor to so many of us. With people like you, we ordinary people will live a clearer and easier life. It doesn't matter what you don't understand. If you follow your steps, you can't go wrong.