1 cold jokes or brain teasers

1: Once upon a time, a man was fishing and caught a squid. Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat. The man said, OK, then let me ask you some questions. Squid is very happy to say: you take the exam! Then this man roasted the squid .. 2: I used to have schizophrenia, but now we have recovered. 3. An international student took a driver's license test in the United States, and the road sign ahead suggested turning left. He was not sure and asked the examiner, "turn left?" Answer: "right" so ... hung up ... 4: One day mung bean committed suicide and jumped down from the fifth floor, bleeding a lot and turned into red beans; Has been pus, and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally became a black bean. 5. Xiao Ming cut his hair and came to school the next day. The students saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. Crying and crying ~ He flew ............... 6: A man looks like an onion and cried when he walked ... 7: The little penguin asked his grandmother one day, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's the matter?" "But, but why do I feel so cold?" 8: A pair of corn fell in love … so they decided to get married … On the wedding day … one corn couldn't find another corn … The corn asked the popcorn beside him: Have you seen our corn? Popcorn: Honey, I'm wearing a wedding dress ... 9: In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune. Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?" Xiaohua: "Yes" Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?" Xiaohua: "Piano." 1: Q: Two people fell into a trap. The dead are called dead, but what is the name of the living? A: Call for help! 11. Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of? Answer: cloth is afraid of 1 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand. Reason: not (cloth) afraid of 1 thousand, only (paper) afraid of one thousand. 12: One day, a mother-in-law took a bus ... halfway through, her mother-in-law didn't know the way ... Her mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, Where is this? Driver: This is my ass ... 13: An egg went to the teahouse to drink tea, and it turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it turned into a preserved egg. One egg ran to Shandong and turned into a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg is homeless, and as a result it becomes a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground, resulting in a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and turned into an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and turned into a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and turned into a bad egg; An egg got married and turned into an asshole; An egg swam in the river and turned into a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and turned into a Hua Dan; An egg is riding a horse and holding a knife. It turns out that he is peking opera blues. An egg is female and ugly, and the result becomes a dinosaur egg; One egg is male, and his wife is adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes a bastard; An egg ... 14: The host asked: Can cats climb trees? The eagle answered first: Yes! Moderator: Give an example! Eagle tearfully: That year, I fell asleep, and the cat climbed the tree … Then there was the owl …15: Two dung beetles discussed the welfare lottery, and A said: I will buy all the toilets in Fiona Fang 5 miles if I win the grand prize, and eat enough every day! B said: You are too vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day! 16: why the chicken cross the street answer to get another side17: A: What is that man doing? B: He's shaking. A: Why is he shaking? B: He's cold. A: Oh, it turns out that shivering won't lead to cold drawing. A: ... 18: A Mr. Banana was dating his girlfriend and walking down the street. It was very hot, so Mr. Banana took off his clothes, and then his girlfriend fell down ... 19: One sausage was kept in the refrigerator and felt very cold, then he looked at the other one beside him, and felt a little comforted. He said, "Look at you all frozen like this, and you are covered in ice!" As a result, the root said, "Sorry, I'm a popsicle." 2. Once upon a time, a marshmallow went to play ball for a long time. He said, I am so tired, I feel that my whole body has softened .................................................................................................................................. 22: mm got lost looking for a university. Meet a gentle professor. MM: Excuse me, how can I get to the university? Professor: Only by studying hard can you go to college. 23: The director and the section chief * * * take the elevator. After the director farted, he said to the section chief: You farted! The section chief said: I didn't let it go … soon the section chief was dismissed, and the director said at the meeting: You can't afford to bear the big fart. What's the use of you? Miss: Business is not good now! Boss: Why? Miss: "Bird flu ..." 25: A woman trembled when she met a robber. She said, "I'm from XX school. I just graduated. I haven't found a job. I really don't have any money ..." The robber even cried after hearing this. "Sister, I'm from XX school, too. You take a good student ID card. It's still XX school that robbed in front. Don't worry, we will never rob one of our own!" 26. I want to talk to my girlfriend ML. My girlfriend said that I can't take a shower. She promised that it would be "partial" if it was cold. After washing, my girlfriend was very shy and said, "Dear, you are lazy. Where to wash it ..." I fainted after listening to it, and I even brushed my teeth. ~ ~ (A huge and taboo joke) 27. A blind beggar was begging in the street wearing sunglasses. A drunk came up and felt sorry for him, so he threw him a hundred yuan. After walking for a while, the drunk turned around and happened to see the blind man facing the sun to distinguish the authenticity of the hundred-dollar bill. The drunk came over and took back the money and said, "You fucking don't want to live, how dare you lie to me!" " The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, "Brother, I'm really sorry. I'm here for a friend. He is blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I'm dumb." "Oh, that's right," so the drunk dropped the money and staggered away ... 28: Bird flu-it's all caused by "heaven shit"! ! ! There are two kinds of people who have a great chance of getting bird flu-1. "Animals"; 2. People who are "worse than animals" ... 29: A: Hey, how did you learn to smoke? B: I did when I stole the forbidden fruit from Adam and Eve ~C: Do you know why Adam and Eve stole the forbidden fruit? AB: I don't know! C: Because Adam has no cigarettes! (Hint: homophonic word) 3: Someone just got abandoned by his girlfriend and happened to meet his ex-girlfriend flirting with her new lover in the street. The more he watched it, the more angry he became, and he wanted to humiliate them. So I said hello politely and said contemptuously to my girlfriend's new love, "You don't dislike the secondhand goods I used!" Just when he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend laughed and said, "One inch outside is old, and all inside is brand-new!" 31: When we parted, she gave me a kiss, and it felt as real as People's Daily ... 32: I just saw something like a news scroll bar on the top of the computer screen of Senior Sister, and the words on it passed very quickly. I am curious to ask: Is this the lyrics? Senior Sister: Yes! Senior Sister: How did it pass so quickly? I didn't even see it clearly! Senior Sister: From Jay Chou! ! 33: Wife: I'm really blind. I'll marry you when I step in shit. Husband: I'm really blind to step in dog shit before I marry you. Shit: I am so unlucky! Lying there, both of you stepped on it ... 34: College entrance examination chemistry questions: A and B can be transformed into each other, B can generate C in boiling water, and C can be oxidized into D in the air. D smells like rotten eggs. What are A, B, C and D? I replied: A is a chicken, B is a raw egg, C is a cooked egg, and D is of course a rotten egg! 35: Which is the worst, rubber, tiger skin or lion skin? A: Eraser. Because of the eraser. 36: Q: What is it with three heads and one foot? Answer: A monster with three heads and one foot! ! ! ! ! ! 37: The ant went to the desert. Why didn't he leave his footprints in the sand, but only a line? Answer: Because it rides a bike! The ant came home from the desert. He didn't inform anyone, but his family knew he was back! Why ah! Answer: I saw his bicycle parked downstairs ... 38: One day, a female drug addict was caught in the police station. When police saw a tattoo on her hand, she asked her why you tattooed your boyfriend's name on your hand. Is his name Xiao Liang ... Ah ... isn't it? Come on, say ... Did he take drugs? Come on, I saw that female drug addict looked up and told Police with angry eyes that it was hate. Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her, "I'll pick up my hat and you cheer for me." My boyfriend just ran away, when she heard Xiaomei shouting behind him: "Come on! Come on! 41: An orangutan passed through the Woods and accidentally picked up the feces of a gibbon. The kind orangutan cleaned the ape. After a while, they fell in love and others asked how you got together. The orangutan replied,' It's ape dung (fate).!' 42:: .........., a fat man, jumped from a tall building ... and turned into a fat man ... 43: A duck named Xiao Huang was hit by a car while crossing the road one day and shouted, "Gung!" Since then, it has become a cucumber ... 44: There is a penguin whose home is very far from the polar bear's. If you walk, it will take 2 years to get there. One day, Penguin stayed at home and was very bored. He was going to play with the polar bear, so he went out, but halfway through the road, he found that he forgot to lock the door. It had been 1 years since he left, but the door still had to be locked, so Penguin went home to lock it. After locking the door, the penguin set out to look for the polar bear again, which means it took him 4 years to get to the polar bear's house ... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, penguin is looking for you to play!" " And guess what the polar bear said when he opened the door? "Let's go to your house to play ~" 45: The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" Boss: "Oh, I'm sorry, not that much." "Here. . 。” The little white rabbit left dejectedly. The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" Boss: "I'm sorry, I still haven't." "I see. . 。” The little white rabbit left dejectedly again. On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?" The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ！” The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " Xiao Ming said, "Kang, ask you," A shark ate a mung bean, and what did it become? Kang said, "I don't know. What's the answer? Xiao Ming said, "Hey! Hey! The answer is "green bean paste (mung bean shark)", you are stupid! 47: The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution. Classmate A: Make the lunch box blue. 48: There was a man who had a bad stomach. One day, he went to the Stomach Hospital to see a doctor and said to the doctor, "I pull whatever I eat, eat watermelon and pull cucumber!" "The doctor thought about it and said to him," I think you have to eat shit! " 49: On the plane, an air hostess asked a little girl, "Why doesn't the plane hit the stars when it flies so high?" "The little girl replied," I know, because the stars will flash! 5: A polar bear and a penguin were playing together, and the penguin pulled off his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold! "When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said," It's really cold! " 51: Q: What do African cannibals eat? A: people! Q: Then one day, the chief was ill and the doctor told him to be a vegetarian. What did he eat? A: vegetable eater! 52: There are two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time, one sausage shakes. Wow! It's so cold ~ Another sausage said in surprise, huh? You're a sausage. How can you talk? 53: One day, a male deer ran faster and faster, and at the end, it became a high-speed male deer. 54: One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruits. She announced, "Children, after picking fruits, we will wash them together. After washing, we can eat them together." All the children went to pick fruit. As soon as the gathering time came, all the children gathered. Teacher: "Xiaohua, what have you got?" Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I have picked apples." Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?" Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes." Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? " Amin: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit." 55: The teacher asked Xiao Ming a question in class, but Xiao Ming stood up without saying a word. Teacher: Xiaoming? Teacher: Xiaoming Teacher: Xiaoming! What's wrong with you? Do you know the answer or not? At least let me know! Xiaoming: Zhi ~56: An elephant asked the camel,' Why do your boobs grow on your back?' The camel said,' Stay away from death, I don't talk to things with dicks on my face! 57: How to make drinks bigger? Read the Great Compassion Mantra 58: Xiaoming: What's the temperature today? Xiaohua: It's 3 degrees below zero! Xiaoming: No wonder it's so cold. 59: A little boy came home from school and peeped out the window at a woman lying in bed rubbing her chest and shouting, I want a man, I want a man! The next day, the little boy found a man lying on the woman out of the window, so the little boy went home and lay in bed rubbing his chest and shouted, I want a bike! I want a bike! 6: Once upon a time, there was a bird. He passed a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in that cornfield, and all the corn turned into popcorn! ! ! After the bird flew over ... it thought it was snowing, so it was cold ... 61: It was said that there was a polar bear who had to wear sunglasses to see things because the snow was too dazzling, but he couldn't find sunglasses, so he crawled around on the ground with his eyes closed, crawling and crawling, and found sunglasses only when his hands and feet were dirty. I put on my sunglasses and looked in the mirror, only to find out: Oh, I am a panda. 62: The science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? No one answered. The teacher asked again: Does nobody know? At this time, a classmate stood up and said: that's because the mind is calm and naturally cool. 63. Xiaoming lost a leg in a car accident, another leg in a car accident, another leg in a car accident, and another leg in a car accident. In fact, Xiaoming is a dog. 64. One day, A, B and C went out to play together and wandered around the road for a long time. Later, A said, I'm so bored, I really want to play B. Then C took a look at A and dragged B into the alley to fight. 65: Three rabbits poop. The first one is long. The second is only spherical. The third one is actually triangular. Asked, it answered: I pinched it with my hand. 66: When will Taiwan Province want reunification? When buying instant noodles 67: One day Xiaoqiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid boy?" Dad said, "silly boy, how could you?"