Is there such a person around you?

They are sharp-tongued, quick to respond, good at observing words and emotions, and always win the favor of their leaders. They are always laughing and familiar with everyone they chat with, and everyone praises him for his high emotional intelligence.

However, most of his colleagues don't like him, and very few of them have a heart-to-heart relationship with him. Some even hate his sleekness and sophistication and deliberately avoid him... "W-what on earth is going on?"

Doesn't speaking and winking mean you have high emotional intelligence? How can you not be liked by others? "What does high emotional intelligence look like?" You may have a series of questions.

In fact, the problem is that many of us don't understand the definition of "emotional intelligence" at all. We think that speaking beautifully, convincing the other person, or leaving the other person speechless is high emotional intelligence.

In fact, no one likes this kind of aggressive atmosphere. If you don't speak, you will just be tired of communicating.

This "high emotional intelligence" look is really annoying.

What is true emotional intelligence?

Academically speaking, emotional intelligence includes four aspects: environmental adaptability, emotional regulation, will control, and goal clarity.

Environmental adaptability is well understood. Humans are social animals, existing in the environment and interacting with the environment, so we have to work hard to adapt to the surrounding environment. Emotional regulation is in order to cooperate well with others, so we understand emotions.

And learn to express your emotions appropriately.

Will control can also be understood as persistence, which means developing a focused spirit; and goal clarity means that people should have short-term or long-term goals.

Without goals, there is no motivation in life. People with a sense of purpose are more likely to succeed.

To analyze simply, if this definition is put into life practice, then the real meaning of emotional intelligence lies in: being yourself happily; making others feel comfortable; and always moving forward firmly with goals in mind.

01 We train emotional intelligence not to distort ourselves to please others, but to be ourselves happily.

The well-known Taiwanese host Tsai Kang-yong once said in "Tsai Kang-yong's Emotional Intelligence Class": Our pursuit of high emotional intelligence is not the pursuit of no emotions, but the pursuit of appropriate emotions; it is not the pursuit of distorting ourselves to please others, but the pursuit of high EQ.

Being at ease makes people around you relaxed and likable.

So what is the appropriate way to express emotions?

In life, we do not take the initiative to look for trouble, but we are not cowardly or flinch when encountering trouble. We will not wrong ourselves and give in repeatedly to obtain the so-called superficial harmony.

Guo Jingming, a well-known mainland writer, is often criticized by the public because of his thin and short stature.

Once I participated in a variety show. After performing the show, several tall and strong male contestants greeted the host and judges. Their first words were: "I heard that Teacher Guo Jingming came today, why didn't I see him?

"There was a burst of laughter in the audience, and then the contestant said provocatively: "I want to ask how thick Teacher Guo's thighs are." After hearing this, Guo Jingming was very calm, picked up the microphone and said slowly: "Let me remind you,

Humor is about making people happy, not attacking others right away. It’s okay to entertain the audience, but you don’t necessarily need to say this the next time you meet a boy who is small, thin, and not as strong as you.” This is a polite answer, neither.

Making the situation very embarrassing, he responded to the contestant's complaint, which aroused admiration from the audience.

The host continued to ask several male contestants if they had anything to say to Teacher Guo at the end.

One of the contestants said: "I hope Mr. Guo will study hard in the future and contribute to the shipping industry of the motherland like us." Not only did this sentence not express apology for the previous rude ridicule, but it was also said inexplicably.

There are specialties in the technical field. Guo Jingming is not a scientific researcher, so there is no need to contribute to the shipping industry.

Guo Jingming replied: "You are practicing very well, but I think you should be a positive force. Instead of meeting someone who is thinner than you, you come up and say I can't see him, where is he. You exercise

You have practiced well, and everyone is envious of you, but this does not give you a sense of superiority. I have a sense of humor, but I don’t like to joke with people I don’t know well.” This answer first affirmed the performance of the players.

, and then expressed his opinions and dissatisfaction, which won unanimous praise from netizens, saying that Guo Jingming’s words were quick to respond, reasonable in expression, and correct in his three views.

Cai Kangyong believes: "Traditionally, our definition of high emotional intelligence is to deny one's own emotions, and then wrong oneself to help others. But I don't agree. If there is a person who smiles all day long, you will think that this person is scary and hypocritical.

, This is not what emotional intelligence should be like at all. The most important thing for true emotional intelligence is to feel comfortable yourself." 02 People with high emotional intelligence always make others feel comfortable. The evergreen host He Jiong's high emotional intelligence has always made the public very happy.

admiration.

Friend Huang Lei said: "He is a person who makes everyone feel very comfortable." Movie star Wang Luodan also said on the show: "I feel safe with Teacher He. Even if I accidentally say something wrong, he will be there to take care of me."

." It has been 25 years since He Jiong debuted, and he has a magical existence with zero negative reviews in the complex entertainment industry.

Facing all kinds of people, from big names in entertainment to young newcomers who have just debuted, he always has the same attitude: gentle and humble, neither humble nor arrogant.