We are all pursuing happiness. What does happiness look like? Different people understand differently. However, I'm afraid there aren't many that can be said specifically.

The Definition of Happiness

Taylor Ben-Shahar, a master's degree in psychology from Harvard and a Ph.D. in organizational behavior, proposed in "The Happiness Method" that happiness should be "the combination of happiness and meaning." .

Truly happy people can enjoy every bit of it in a lifestyle that they find meaningful. This explanation is by no means limited to certain moments in life, but the entire process of life. Even if you experience pain sometimes, you can still be happy overall.

Happiness represents the good times now and belongs to current interests; meaning comes from goals, a kind of future interests.

This is the definition of "happiness" from positive psychology. Understanding the definition is just like having a goal in life. A clear goal allows us to have a concrete pursuit instead of a dreamy fantasy.

Psychologists have found that 50% of a person's happiness level is related to genes, 10% is affected by the environment, and 40% is personally controllable factors. Genes are innate, and environmental factors may not be as you wish. We can only place our hope on factors that are personally controllable. Whether it’s happiness or meaning, it all depends on the individual’s experience and perception.

The happiness of mindfulness

The happiness we can experience is mainly in the present moment.

For example, for running, we can set a goal, which may be to consume 200 kcal at a time or 5 kilometers each time. However, all happiness is produced by focusing on the current action.

The more you focus on your goals, the easier it is to think about "why you haven't arrived yet" and the easier it is to get discouraged. Adjust your attention, pay attention to every step under your feet, pay attention to the reaction of the body muscles, the changes in breathing, the expansion and contraction of the lungs when taking each step... What you can feel is more relaxation and happiness.

The explanation of "mindfulness" is awareness. For example, when washing dishes, maintaining mindfulness requires us to just wash the dishes. In other words, we must remain fully aware of the fact that we are washing the dishes. At the moment of washing the dishes, I am completely myself, following my own breathing, aware of my existence, aware of my thoughts and actions.

If when washing dishes we only think about the cup of tea we are going to drink next, or hurrying to join a chat or game with friends, or watching a favorite TV series, you will be in a hurry Trying to wash the dishes quickly as if they were disgusting. Then you can't experience the joy.

Maintaining mindfulness can better experience the happiness of the present moment.

Goals are meaningful

Robert M. Pirsig, in "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance", mentioned the story of him climbing the Himalayas with a group of old monks. Although Pisig is the youngest among the members, compared with the old monks, he has to climb the hardest.

Because Pirsig only focused on getting to the top of the mountain as quickly as possible, he was always affected by the mountain road ahead and was unable to enjoy the fun of climbing, which ultimately led to him losing his desire and perseverance to climb. Of course, the old monks also wanted to climb to the top of the mountain, but climbing to the top was not the first priority. After they determined the right direction, they began to enjoy their journey relaxedly and happily without being bothered by the mountain road ahead.

The purpose of goals is to help us liberate ourselves so that we can enjoy what is in front of us. If we embark on any journey blindly, the process itself is certainly not going to be fun. If we don’t know the direction, or even where we are going, then every fork in our life will become very contradictory - it seems that either left or right is right, we don’t know the direction, and we don’t know every path. The end of the road. In this way, we will not be able to enjoy the beautiful things such as the journey itself and the scenery, and will only be swallowed up by hesitation and confusion - is it okay for me to go this way? Where will I end up if I turn here? Therefore, only after we confirm our goals can we focus on the journey itself.

The key point here is to have a goal, whether it can be achieved is secondary. In “The Role of Positive Emotions,” psychologist David Watson emphasizes the importance of the journey, “Contemporary research indicates that the process of striving to achieve goals has a greater impact on happiness and positive emotions than achieving them. ". The goal is to allow us to enjoy what is in front of us. The goal is the meaning, not the ending.

If we want to maintain a sense of happiness, we must change the expectations we usually have about goals: Instead of thinking of them as an ending (believing that they can make us happy), we should think of them as meaning (believing that they can make us happy). Enhance our sense of joy during our journey).

When the goal is recognized as meaning, it will help us plan every step of the journey; and when the goal is recognized as the ending, it will only bring us endless difficulties and challenges. A correct understanding of goals brings us a kind of peace.

Goals are necessary for happiness, but they are not everything. We must understand that in addition to the goal itself being meaningful, the happiness it brings us during the journey is also indispensable.

A 'Catalyst' for Happiness

Research by Sheldon and Linda House-Mark shows that pursuing self-actualization goals (engaging in things that are meaningful to you) also Affects other areas of life that are not directly related: "Those who can identify goals that are in line with their intrinsic values ??and interests are more efficient and flexible, and will be more creative in applying these advantages to other areas of life." Their confidence , enthusiasm, and fulfillment are indeed contagious.

Meaningful and happy actions are like candles in a dark room. Only one candle is needed to light up the entire room. A happy experience can infect many aspects of our lives. I call these small things that have a ripple effect "happiness catalysts" - things that take a few hours or even minutes to bring us meaning and happiness, not only benefiting us now, but also affecting the future.

"Happiness Catalysts" inspire and propel us. For some single parents, their "shot in the arm" may be spending time alone with their children on the weekends. This power can sustain them through a busy week, give them a sense of purpose every day, energize them, and help them perform better at work. For a young investment banker, two hours of community service per week, coupled with warm gatherings with friends, can help him relieve the boredom caused by work.

Altruistic happiness

Bringing happiness to others means bringing meaning and happiness to yourself, which is why being helpful is a major factor in a happy life.

However, this does not mean that we should live for others. If we don't plan for our own happiness, slowly we will hurt ourselves and our willingness to help others. An unhappy person is unlikely to be kind to others, which will bring more unhappiness.

Barbara Fredrickson’s research points out that positive emotions will broaden our horizons. In this way, we don't just look at the world through tunnel vision, but instead focus on the needs and desires of others. In fact, research by Ellis Eisen and Jennifer George shows that the happier we feel, the more likely we are to help others.

Our greatest happiness comes from meaning and joy, and if there is an element of helping others, that is the icing on the cake.

Meditation for Happiness

Research reports by Harvard Medical School professor Herbert Benson and others point out that regular meditation can bring about profound changes in life.

First choose a quiet place, find a chair, or sit on the floor. Make sure you are in a comfortable position, but with your back and neck straight. It's up to you to decide whether you want to close your eyes or not.

Take a deep breath, try to keep your mind calm, inhale to the end every time, and when you exhale, exhale slowly through your mouth or nose.

Scan your entire body with your mind. If any area feels tense, bring your breath there and allow that area to relax. Hold for at least 5 minutes (maximum 20 minutes), focusing on your deep, slow breathing. If you notice your attention wandering, simply and naturally bring it back to your breathing.

Continue to breathe deeply and surround yourself with positivity. You can imagine yourself in a very happy state, such as having sex with your lover or doing well at work. Take 30 seconds to 5 minutes to allow this positivity to spread throughout your body and flow through your body.

Make meditation a regular practice. Spend 10 minutes to an hour meditating every morning, lunch time, or afternoon. Once meditation becomes a daily routine, you may only need a minute or two.

Whenever you feel stressed, angry, or want to be happy, just take a few deep breaths to release positive emotions. A quiet place is ideal, but taking a train, a taxi, or in the office will also work.

Write down 5 things you are grateful for every day

Research by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough, professors at the University of California, USA, shows that writing down 5 things you are grateful for every day People who record (write down at least 5 things they are grateful for every day) are indeed healthier physically and happier mentally.

Every night before going to bed, write down 5 things that make you grateful and happy. These things can be big or small, from a delicious meal to a conversation with a good friend, from daily work tasks to an interesting idea, you can write it down.

If you do it every day, you may list some things repeatedly; the point is, in addition to repetition, in order to keep your emotional experience fresh, please write them down every time , to imagine the experience and feelings at that time. When gratitude becomes a habit, we appreciate the beautiful moments in life more and stop taking them for granted.

You can do this exercise by yourself, or you can do it with someone you love, such as your spouse, children, parents, siblings. *** Expressing gratitude for life together can make the relationship between each other more intimate and harmonious.

Advice from the Wise Within

Imagine that you are 110 years old. Give yourself 5 minutes and tell yourself (you can also write it down) how you can have more happiness in your life. Write down your answers, and then put those ideas into action whenever possible. For example, if you want to spend more time with your family when you get older, then from now on, arrange more activities for yourself with your family.

Do this exercise often, take a look at what you have written, add to it at any time, and then give feedback to see if you have done what the "wise man" suggested.

Reference book: "The Method of Happiness"