—— Zhang Haidi
[ Introduction to Zhang Haidi]
Zhang Haidi was born in Jinan in the autumn of 1955. At the age of 5, he suffered from myelopathy and was completely paralyzed from the chest down. From then on, Zhang Haidi began her unique life. Unable to go to school, she taught herself the middle school course at home. At the age of 15, Heidi followed her parents, decentralized the rural area of Liaocheng (Shandong), and became a teacher for her children. She also taught herself acupuncture skills and treated the villagers for free. Later, Zhang Haidi taught himself many foreign languages and worked as a radio repairman.
In the face of the cruel challenge of fate, Zhang Haidi did not feel depressed and sink. She fought against the disease with tenacious perseverance and perseverance, endured severe tests and was full of confidence in life. Although she didn't have a chance to enter the school gate, she made a determined effort to study, finished all the courses in primary and secondary schools, taught herself college English, Japanese, German and Esperanto, and studied the courses of universities and postgraduate students. In 1983, Zhang Haidi began to engage in literary creation. He has translated hundreds of thousands of English novels such as The Beach Clinic, and compiled books such as Windows Open to the Sky, Questioning of Life, Dreams in Wheelchairs, etc. Among them, Dream in a Wheelchair was published in Japan and South Korea, while Quest for Life was published less than half a year and reprinted three times, winning the national "Five One Projects" book award. Before The Quest of Life, this award had never been awarded to prose works. Recently, a novel with a length of 3, words, Extremely Top, will be published soon. Since 1983, Zhang Haidi has created and translated more than 1 million words.
In order to make greater contributions to society, she has taught herself more than a dozen medical monographs, consulted experienced doctors and learned acupuncture and other medical skills, and treated the masses for more than 1, times without compensation.
In p>1983, China Youth Daily published "Being a Meteor, Leave the Light to the World". Zhang Haidi became famous in China and won two reputations, one was "New Lei Feng in 198s" and the other was "Contemporary Paul".
Zhang Haidi, with the belief of "being alive is to be a person who is beneficial to society", took Paul as an example and bravely dedicated his light and heat to the people. With her words and deeds, she answered the questions of outlook on life and values that hundreds of millions of young people are very concerned about. Deng Xiaoping wrote an inscription: "Learn from Zhang Haidi, and be a new capitalist with ideals, morality, education and discipline!"
Then, Zhang Haidi became a moral force.
Zhang Haidi is now a member of Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference, and works in Shandong Writers Association, engaged in creation and translation.
[ The Story of Zhang Haidi]
[ Dialogue between Lu Yu and Zhang Haidi, the host of Phoenix Satellite TV-Real and Beautiful Zhang Haidi (Excerpt)]
More than 2 years have passed, and Zhang Haidi, who will turn 47 this year, seems to have gradually disappeared in people's minds. After suffering from cancer, the controversy of love and marriage, and the challenge of death, ... I still face Lu Yu calmly. What will she say ...
Zhang Haidi: When people first knew my name, I was only 26 years old, and I will be 47 years old this year. More than 2 years have passed, and time really flies. But when I think about it sometimes, I feel like a dream, and I still feel like something happened to someone else.
Lu Yu: Do you still remember the time when you were most mythical? What was your life like every day?
Zhang Haidi: Life was restless every day. At that time, the letters I received every day were packed in sacks, which were delivered to my work and my home one by one. At that time, there was nothing I could do. Moreover, in my home, there were groups of people, ranging from hundreds to dozens, or even several people. We went every day. We must meet Heidi. Can I have a look at her?
Lu Yu: But from an outsider's point of view, for example, from my point of view, one day, Zhang Haidi seemed to disappear from my sight, and then I seldom heard from her. It feels like slowly, you don't know whether you will fade out of our sight on your own initiative or whether the outside world is slowly moving away from you. Is it a two-way choice or is it purely your personal choice?
Zhang Haidi: Probably, I think it's two-way, because first of all, I think it's personal. Personally, I think I should keep a clear head, especially when I choose this career. As a writer, I should work behind the scenes, not at the front desk. Because I'm not an actor, I'm not going to act, and I don't need to go on stage, because my work should be invisible to everyone, which is my own choice. When people can't see me, it may be the moment when I trudge through the long river of my career. Then, in this propaganda media, their propaganda of a character should be relatively long for me. Up to now, there is often something written about Heidi page by page or something. However, by 1986, the situation would be better.
(Explanation) In 1991, Zhang Haidi was diagnosed by a doctor and learned that he had melanoma on his nose. So, she experienced the sixth major operation in her life. Lu Yu: Was the operation painful?
Zhang Haidi: It's very painful. It should be said that it's the time from peeling to suturing, because the best doctor in Shanghai has done his best to treat me in such a small place, and more than 4 stitches have been stitched in such a small place. Tiny needle, although the thread is very thin, seems to me to be pulling a hemp rope.
But as a woman, I feel that I have suffered the kind of pain that men can't bear. This kind of pain is not only physical, but also spiritual. At that time, after the operation, my hands were cold and a little shaky, but I didn't scream. When I came out, my wife was waiting for me outside. His hand was colder than mine when I touched it. Later, I told him that I had a feeling that if I was caught by the enemy during the white terror, I wouldn't say anything. I said, would you? He said I wouldn't say anything. I say no, you will. At that time, I couldn't laugh because my face was too painful, but I knew I could stand the most unbearable pain in the world.
Lu Yu: didn't you shed a tear at that time?
Zhang Haidi: No, I have never shed tears because of illness since I was a child. I am very emotional, but I have never shed tears because of illness. Always because of parting, I left my relatives, friends, and then something, tears, that's all. Can everyone wait a minute? I'm looking at the toilet on the watch.
Lu Yu: I found one thing about Heidi, that is, she is sensitive to time. Since she is completely unconscious from the chest down, she must observe the time very strictly. Every two hours, she must use the bathroom, and every time she doesn't need to be reminded by others, and she doesn't need to set the alarm clock. It seems that there is already a natural biological clock in her body, and she will be reminded when the time comes. Heidi told me that it took her 4 years to form a habit.
(Explanation) After the operation, Zhang Haidi's physical condition was extremely poor, but she still insisted on studying in the Philosophy Department of Jilin University and pursuing postgraduate courses. Two years later, he got his degree and became the first master of philosophy in China in a wheelchair.
Lu Yu: I've been with the disease for 42 years. I don't know what kind of feeling and state it is.
Zhang Haidi: Sometimes I think for myself, and occasionally I feel moved by myself when my eyes are full of tears. Why? Sometimes, I think about it this way, alas, especially when I talk to my mother. Sometimes I just say, mom, if I was sick at that time, I could persist for ten or twenty years, and I could persist for thirty years. Really, if I can persist for 4 years, I think it is really very, very difficult, because I have to overcome many things that others can't see at all. Then you have to overcome many puzzles and obstacles that others simply can't imagine.
Lu Yu: But why didn't you give up?
Zhang Haidi: I didn't give up. I thought about giving up every day, but I picked it up every day. I think I carefully put the flame of life, that is, the flame that is about to go out. As I told them the other day, I said that I want to give up every day and pick it up like a small flame. I blow this small fire, and I turn it into a bonfire of my heart. The bigger it blows, the bigger it blows, and let it continue to burn.
Lu Yu: For a long time, Zhang Haidi has been regarded as a heroic figure, but in our minds, heroes are always different from ordinary people, and there is no worldly desires. But Zhang Haidi, like every ordinary woman, was full of fantasy and pursuit of love since she was a child. Of course, she has tasted the happiness of love and suffered the blow of lovelorn. But she said that even if her wings were broken, her heart would fly.
(Explanation) In 197, Zhang Haidi followed his parents to the countryside of Shenxian County, Liaocheng City, Shandong Province. There, Zhang Haidi seed of love, a girlhood, had her first love.
Zhang Haidi: One day I liked a boy, and that boy liked me very, very much, just in our small county. But after all these years, probably, I didn't expect this. One day, he suddenly brought a girl to my house, and I still remember that girl. It was a winter, and she was wearing a dress that was rare at that time, because she came from other places, wearing a rare wool coat and Mao Mao collar. It was like that, and I felt like that dress worn by tonia, because our place was very cold at that time. He came in and said, Ah, Heidi, this is my cousin. We went to the movies together that day, and they pushed me to the movies, so he told me that this was his cousin.
But I was very sensitive at that time when I saw this girl. She was really beautiful and so healthy. It was after this day that my feeling was that the boy I liked really alienated me. What did I feel at this time? I just felt that the place was really too small, and my disability was too heavy. That is to say, when he is making realistic and imaginary love choices, he must be biased towards some aspects of the secular society, which I can understand. I'm willing to chew off the pain myself. I believe I won't suffer by this time next year. It really is.
experienced great pain. Later, I did everything as before. Sometimes my friends push me to go to the movies and go to the open-air theater to see movies. At the movies, my friend went. I really want to see him, and I really want to see him again. But not necessarily face to face. Face to face is impossible. He doesn't dare to look me in the eye, and I don't want to see his eyes. I'd like to have a look silently from a distance. Later, my friend pushed me, that is, when I walked through an alley, he happened to be at the other end of the alley. When I looked at it, he was walking with that girl, his cousin, and my heart was really like, you know, what is a needle prick?
Lu Yu: I know that feeling.
Zhang Haidi: I really know it's the feeling of acupuncture. I think every woman should experience that kind of pain. Love is really, just like Shakespeare said, love is to let people taste all the flavors in the world. If it is really sweet from the beginning, a woman will not be complete without this kind of pain.
Lu Yu: What about later? Have you tasted anything other than the pain of feeling? You should have tasted all the sweets and bitters, including the sweetness.
Zhang Haidi: There was sweetness, and there was something I experienced. For example, I have a male friend who left me a message when he visited me, which made me think about it for several years. He said, Heidi, he said that when I come back next time, you will feel really happy. Just this sentence, we were all very obscure at that time. A few years later, he was far away, and he was also an intellectual youth. He was in the Yellow River Army Horse Farm, and in that place, I seldom told others about this matter. Some years later, one day he sent me a letter, which contained a photo. After seeing this photo, I tore it up.
Lu Yu: Why?
Zhang Haidi: Because (in the photo) he is standing on a step with a woman, on the steps of a building. He stands higher and the woman stands lower. What did he write later? That is to say, Heidi, I am married. What does my lover do? He said such things very, very flatly, and sent me such photos. I think he probably expected my blessing. For me, he is like a bullet, all of a sudden, not to mention a bullet, just like a sword stabbing me at once. It is that kind of pain that even makes my whole body twitch fiercely, which makes me suddenly return to reality from that dream, and I will feel that the reality is very cold and so cold in an instant. I pursued it again and again, and I lost it again and again.
(Explanation) Zhang Haidi's husband is Wang Zuoliang, who teaches foreign languages at Shandong Normal University. The combination of the two was in 1982. They didn't have a wedding, and everything is spent in peace now, just like now.
Lu Yu: I remember that in the early 199s, there was a debate in the newspaper about whether Zhang Haidi should get married or not. Zhang Haidi herself laughed at these arguments. She said that as early as 1982, before she became a household name, she had been married and had been married for nearly 2 years. From the perspective of outsiders, if it weren't for that wheelchair, this couple would not be much different from millions of ordinary couples in China.
Lu Yu: Before I met Zhang Haidi, I was always a little worried. I was afraid that she wouldn't talk about her emotional experience and family life, but Heidi was very frank. At the time of this interview, Heidi's husband and sister were at home, and Heidi didn't shy away from us at all. From time to time, she instructed her husband to help her cushion or pour a cup of coffee. I could feel that Heidi was the center of the family, not because of her illness.
(Explanation) Mr. and Mrs. Zhang Haidi have no children. Ten years ago, they adopted this puppy and named it "Bench". The couple love it so much that people think it is their child.
Lu Yu: I've heard two voices about Zhang Haidi. Some people say that it's really unfair for a smart and talented woman like her to suffer so much physically. However, some people say that Zhang Haidi has everything, fame and status, and has published so many books. What else can he ask for? But Heidi told me that she was willing to give up all this, just hoping to have a healthy and normal body. I think this is difficult for ordinary people to understand.
Haidi talked about death together. I asked her what she would write if she wrote her own epitaph. Heidi said that she would write like this. Here lies an unyielding Heidi, a beautiful Heidi.
A first-class writer in the workshop, member of the 9th and 1th Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference, vice chairman of China Disabled Persons' Federation, member of the National Committee of Chinese Writers Association, and vice chairman of Shandong Writers Association.