This reminds me of the word "best friend" and the girl friendship behind it.
Nowadays, the word "best friend" is used by many female friends to address their friends, which is a hot word. Many people think that a girlfriend is a female friend who can go shopping together, talk about all kinds of gossip, talk about everything and share feelings.
However, individuals have always been less interested in the term "best friend" and prefer to be friends directly. Why? Let's share our personal views.
What is a "girlfriend"? Let's first understand the meaning and origin of this word.
"girlfriends", that is, boudoir close friends. "Boudoir" is the inner room where unmarried women lived in the old days, and "honey" means congenial and intimate. Therefore, the correct interpretation of "best friend" is a close friend of unmarried women.
Of course, the meaning is wider now, and women of different ages may call their friends "girlfriends".
Why is this word so pleasing? Personally, I guess that one may follow the trend, and the other is that this word can give people a youthful and feminine taste, full of a girl's fragrance and mystery, and it sounds good.
From this word, it is associated with the characteristics of female friendship.
I believe that in the impression of many people, it seems that girls are always more likely to have strong feelings from school, and they always like to go out in pairs: study together, eat together, go back to the dormitory together, and even go to the toilet together. And I will also exchange many things, mainly daily life experiences, such as clothes and bags, cosmetics, star entertainment, life experiences, as well as inner secrets and those budding feelings.
In short, they will always keep in sync with each other, both externally and internally. Sometimes even if it conflicts with your own plan and time, you will choose to sacrifice yourself to wait for each other. They are often afraid to walk alone.
Most people who are called "girlfriends" have this relationship.
In contrast, boys rarely have this kind of situation. Even if they have good brothers, they rarely have too close physical contact. It's okay to be alone.
Beauvoir said in The Second Sex that women's friendship is different from men's.
Men are more "communicating as individuals through thoughts and personal plans" and are independent individuals from beginning to end;
However, women share a common destiny. For example, they will eventually become "second sex", which makes them "linked by an internal collusion". They communicate with each other more about their common life world and various life experiences, such as recipes, housework, children, husbands, pregnancy and cosmetics, rather than the exchange of views.
Through communication, they have gained a certain degree of affirmation and dignity in the field of experience neglected by the mainstream patriarchal society.
In short, because it is difficult for women to become independent individuals (without this opportunity), they adopt the way of combining into a whole to gain strength. This kind of friendship is essentially mutual appreciation, "holding a group to keep warm", not because the three views fit together.
Moreover, due to the lack of opportunities to expand more aspects of life like men, they can easily regard their girlfriend's friendship as the source of self-worth and produce emotional dependence.
And dependence will lead to possession. Therefore, once a girlfriend has a new friend or boyfriend, it is easy to be jealous and afraid that her position will be replaced, left out in the cold and lose value. Therefore, the word "best friend" will be exclusive.
These possessions and dependence will give people an illusory sense of security and hinder self-growth and spiritual independence.
To sum up, "girlfriends" is actually an interdependent symbiotic relationship, which is the mutual warmth between women who are difficult to be independent in a patriarchal society. And this is more the creation of the environment than the "nature" of women.
Therefore, the reason why I am not interested in the name "best friend" is not because I don't like the name itself, nor because I deny the value of female friends, but because I don't like the female gender role that is not free and independent, the friendship that is dependent and possessive.
So for me, in order to be a better female friend, I will still choose the neutral title of "friend".
In fact, regardless of gender, friendship, affection or love, two independent individuals should establish a mature relationship. Moreover, this relationship has a sense of boundaries and will not interfere too much in each other's lives.
True love and true friendship are not possession and dependence, but gathering and sharing, which are the creation and fulfillment of each other.
In fact, freedom is the best gift for each other. Because in the case of freedom, there will be the greatest growth, and the purpose of the relationship is to grow. Binding and binding will only narrow each other's space.
It is no problem to help each other, but this kind of help should be conducive to each other's growth, not to strengthen mutual dependence. It is better to teach people to fish than to teach them to fish.
In such a relationship, seeing others make new friends or lovers will not cause a sense of loss, because they will sincerely hope each other to grow up and be happy.
Finally, I hope everyone can feel the beauty of independent relationship.