I couldn't help searching some videos about him, and one of the famous scenes was particularly impressive. That was when Mr. Bo Huang was on the program "Lu Yu You Yue". The host Lu Yu asked him, "Do you think you are very hot now?" Bo Huang cleverly replied: "We have an appointment in Luyu. Can we not be angry?"
Lu Yu has actually dug a hole for Mr. Bo Huang here, just waiting for him to jump. If he answers that he is not angry at this time, others will call him hypocritical and belittle himself. But if he answers that I am old, he will be said to be too proud. But his answer not only gave Lu Yu enough face, but also affirmed his own value. He was supercilious and won the audience's knowing smile.
When we think that Teacher Bo Huang's EQ is really high, if I tell you, you can actually become such a person, because this is actually the difference between being able to speak and not being able to speak. As long as we master the speaking skills, we can also say something with high EQ, then our life will be smooth sailing from now on. Do you think I'm joking?
I tell you, this is of course true, because "wording is like cooking, there are rules to follow." As long as we master the menu, anyone can cook delicious food. This sentence comes from Keiichi Sasaki, Japan's top communication expert, advertising genius and copywriter.
He is not good at communication and expression, but after repeated attempts and failures, he discovered the language mystery that can touch people's hearts. The book I want to recommend to you today is The So-called High Emotional Intelligence, written by Keiichi Sasaki. This book has been rated as a popular interpersonal communication course in Japan and designated as a training material for employees of world-renowned enterprises.
In this book, the author tells us that speaking is not only based on feelings, but also a "technology"! Just like cooking has a recipe, speaking also has its "secret recipe". Generally speaking, it is to sum up the effective speaking facts and get the "formula" (that is, the formula) of speaking. We only need to practice the "recipes" given to us by the author, and we will certainly be able to cultivate into "culinary masters".
Well, after introducing the book and the author, I will interpret this book for you from three dimensions.
First of all, let me look at what high emotional intelligence discourse is, and we will also understand why we should learn high emotional intelligence discourse skills and what impact it has on us.
Secondly, let's talk about how to say something with high emotional intelligence on different occasions, so that people can accept it gladly.
Finally, what I want to share with you is how to create a "epigram" with high emotional intelligence and become a touching person.
Ok, next, we will officially enter today's study.
First, let's take a look. What is the discourse of high emotional intelligence?
1. What is the discourse of high emotional intelligence?
When it comes to words with high emotional intelligence, we must first think well. Can we talk?
You may say: Who can't talk unless he is dumb? In fact, speaking is very learned. What can be said, what can't be said, what occasion, when and how to say it all have certain skills, and speaking can be said to be the wisdom of being a man.
Take a familiar example: President Tao Xingzhi saw a boy hitting his classmate with bricks one day. After stopping the boy's behavior, let the boy wait in his office.
When President Tao returned to the office, the boy was already waiting at the office gate. President Tao didn't blame him for the first time, but took a candy out of his pocket and told him it was a reward for you. You arrived before I came, which shows that you are a punctual child.
Then I took out the second candy and said that if I stopped you, you wouldn't fight. This shows that you respect me, and this candy is also a reward for you. The suspicious boy took the sugar.
When President Tao took out the third candy, he said, I know you didn't mean to hit people, but you hit people because that classmate bullied that female classmate, which shows that you are a child with a sense of justice. As soon as the voice fell, the boy began to cry and admitted his mistake.
During the whole process, President Tao didn't blame the boy. He analyzed the boy's behavior, stood on the other side, spoke for the child and changed his point of view. I know you are a good boy, and you have a reason to struggle, which is commendable. Under the guidance of President Tao, the child realized his mistake: fighting is wrong.
Therefore, the so-called high emotional intelligence words are actually words that know how to put yourself in the other person's shoes and say it in the most appropriate way in a specific situation.
2. Why should we learn to speak with high emotional intelligence, and what impact will it have on us?
Knowing what high emotional intelligence is, let's talk about why we should learn to speak high emotional intelligence, and what impact does this have on us? Let me use two positive and negative examples to illustrate.
For example, a girl at home buried herself in her homework and didn't think of it for a long time, so she scratched her head. Finally, she reluctantly put down her pen and sighed, "Mathematics is really difficult, and I don't want to write."
The mother sitting next to her didn't blame her, but said to the girl seriously, "Sister, I'm sorry! Both? Damn it! " The girl was very surprised. Why didn't her mother scold her? She asked her why she said she was sorry. Her mother replied that her mother was not good at math either. Maybe she passed on her genes to you. I'm really sorry! Now, mom, let's work something out with you, shall we?
The girl smiled and said, "That's what my mother did. It's okay. I will make it up to you. " . Then I buried myself in my homework.
In this case, the mother puts herself in the girl's shoes. When a girl gives a speech that she doesn't want to learn because she can't figure it out, she blames herself first, because she didn't pass on the good genes to her children, which aroused their sympathy and regret and indicated that she would study hard. And this mother also achieved her educational goal.
There is an old saying that "a good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June". Well-intentioned words play a vital role in interpersonal communication. Good language can help you resolve conflicts and build good relationships. It will warm others and you at the same time.
Suppose my mother responds here: "God, you can't do such an easy problem. How did you learn it? " Mean words are estimated to hurt a girl's self-esteem, and she may reply, "I have listened carefully to the class, and math is very difficult." Just be good! " Well, the contradiction escalated like this, and the quarrel between mother and daughter became more and more fierce.
In this case, the mother directly satirizes the child, and will not shirk the child's attitude of not studying hard. Naturally, the child who is tired of learning will be angry, his self-esteem will be hurt, and the relationship between mother and daughter will be deadlocked.
It can be said that an untimely word will be like a sword, stabbing others' fragile hearts, even in June, it will be like a cold winter. A bad word often leads to the rapid deterioration of the relationship between people, and "bad luck" will eventually become a stumbling block to a person's life.
This is because the author tells us that people's willingness to act will be influenced by wording. Clever wording is more acceptable. In other words, for ordinary people, EQ is more important than IQ.
Talkative is a sign of high emotional intelligence. He can express his intention fluently, make the truth clear and beautiful, and make others willing to accept it. Can make you get twice the result with half the effort and make your life better.
The author also mentioned in the article: My life has not changed gradually, but has undergone earth-shaking changes after mastering the "language law". Therefore, we must learn to speak with high emotional intelligence and master grammar rules, so that our life will be smoother.
3. Speaking with high emotional intelligence, just like cooking, has a spectrum to follow.
Then you may ask, how can we learn to speak with high emotional intelligence?
The author told us that "the wording is like cooking, and there is a score to follow." Anyone can cook delicious food as long as we master the recipe. "
For example, when cleaning, if you want your family to help you take out the garbage, we usually say, go ahead and throw it away. As a result, depending on the other person's mood, the answer may be: I am very tired now, or I am watching TV. In this case, put it another way: "Which do you choose, throwing garbage or cleaning the bathroom?" In this way, the other party will naturally choose one of them, and most people will naturally choose a more relaxed life and throw garbage. Your goal has been achieved.
For another example, mothers don't like to give their children too much fried food such as KFC barrels, but if you ask your children what they want to eat today, you ask, "Son, what do you want to eat today? Mom will do it for you. " At this point, the child is expected to say happily, "I want to eat French fries, fried chicken and hamburgers." ), but the mother directly denied: "No, these are fried foods, which are unhealthy and can't be eaten. Please choose another one. "The child probably quit. All the mothers asked what they wanted to eat, but told him to choose another one. Can he be happy?
But if his mother asked him at the beginning, "Son, are you going to eat coke chicken wings or chicken mushroom soup today?" In this way, no matter how the child chooses, he has achieved your goal and let him eat nutritious food.
The case here is effective not because of the protagonist's eloquence, but because he has mastered the speaking skills. When the protagonist asked the other person to choose "A" or "B", no matter which one the other person chose, her purpose was achieved.
This is the wording skill of speaking. Speaking with high emotional intelligence has a certain formula just like cooking methods. As long as we follow the recipe and practice more, everyone can become a talking "cooking master".
4. Key points of knowledge
Let's call it a day. Let's review:
We have learned what high emotional intelligence is. In other words, in a specific situation, you know how to put yourself in the other person's shoes and say it in the most appropriate way.
We also learned why we should learn the discourse skills of high emotional intelligence, and what impact does high emotional intelligence have on our lives?
Finally, today, we also learned that speaking with high emotional intelligence, like cooking, has a secret recipe. As long as you keep practicing according to the "recipe", you will become a master speaker with high emotional intelligence.
Ok, that's all for today's sharing. Tomorrow, I will take you to learn how to say something with high emotional intelligence on different occasions, which will make people accept it gladly.