The reader's suspicion is right. There is such a saying, which is not mysterious. This is just out of personal selfishness. I used to be a "revolutionary" teenager-actually not all young-I have set foot on a thousand feet and will never turn over. Can I? After the disaster, I not only turned over, but also prospered, making some teenagers who beat me and tortured me tremble with fear. If I really want revenge, I will have a thousand means, handy and effortless, and I can retaliate.
But I didn't do it. I didn't strike, retaliate or abuse anyone. Am I a tolerant gentleman? No, no, not at all. I have love, hate, jealousy and revenge, and my tolerant heart is no higher than anyone else. However, the idea of revenge immediately came to my mind. In that situation and atmosphere at that time, everyone, no matter which hill or faction, was alienated like drinking ecstasy soup. Nowadays people sometimes call people "animals", which I think is an insult to animals. Animals eat people because they are hungry. It won't lie, it won't play tricks, and it will never tell a long story about eating people before opening its mouth to eat people. On the other hand, people are not. When I say "nonhuman" here, I don't mean an animal, I just call him "nonhuman". I myself believed in the correctness of the Cultural Revolution when I was beaten "One Buddha was born, and two buddhas ascended to heaven". How dare I be harsh on others? The hitter and the victim are both victims, but they are in different positions. Because of these thoughts, I have no revenge.
However, this is just a grandiose side, not everything, but also my selfish side.
Anyone who knows the "Ten-year Catastrophe" knows that all schools, institutions, factories, enterprises and even some troops were divided into two opposing factions, each of which was "self-centered" and "self-centered". Now it seems that both factions are fighting, smashing and looting, and even killing and setting fires. Are birds of a feather, no one is better than anyone else. There is really no point in discussing or arguing about who is right or wrong now. But at that time, there was something called "factionalism", which was intangible, invisible, unfounded and unreasonable, but cruel, vicious and irrational. Whoever wins is possessed. A once close and harmonious family, if unfortunately divided into two factions, divorced husband and wife, father and son turned against each other, or at least "brothers love the wall", quarreled at home every day. I have studied it for 70 or 80 years, and I have never found this psychological state in books at all times and in all countries. It is indeed worthy of serious exploration by sociologists and psychologists.
I am no exception. My factionalism is not insignificant. However, in my own opinion, my factionalism is hard-won, and I earned it with my life. At the beginning of the movement, as the head of a department, I was not qualified to join the "revolutionary masses" to make a revolution. "Revolution is innocent, rebellion is justified" resounds through the land of China, but it has nothing to do with me. At first, I was in the position of the object of "revolution" and "rebellion" However, before liberation, I hated politics the most and had nothing to do with the Kuomintang. Big sins can't be laid on me. It is inevitable to be labeled as "capitalist roader" and "reactionary bourgeois academic authority". After these two strong winds passed, I returned to my original shape, became a free citizen, and was able to mingle with the revolutionary masses.
If I keep my position and be honest, I may be a carefree bard and live happily for several years. But fortunately? Unfortunately? God gave me stubbornness, and I dare to say it. If there is anything commendable about me, it is this, stubbornness. No matter how many shortcomings I have, it is worth masturbating with this stubbornness. My life is not in vain. I'm at large, looking on coldly. The more I look at it, the more I feel that the hot Lafayette of Peking University has rebelled, taking charge of the financial power of the whole school, crazily suppressing weak opponents, and even cutting off water and electricity, allowing his minions to assassinate middle school students from outside the school with spears. It is tolerable and unbearable! I don't know anything about this route or that route, but I got pleasure from it and decided to join a "revolutionary organization" opposed to "Lafayette". "Galeries Lafayette" is notoriously ruthless. I almost lost my life. It's all described in the detailed book, so I won't repeat it here.
If I don't join the party, I will. Once I joined, factionalism was like a poisonous snake, which bound me tightly and made me lose the rationality of speaking and doing things. After ten years of catastrophe, it will be dawn again; However, factionalism will still leave a strong or weak trace in people's minds, which will be revealed if they are not careful. More than half of my colleagues who work with me are the opposite of the ten-year catastrophe. They criticized me, slandered me, questioned me and kicked me. Many of them seem a little ashamed. I think these people are all good comrades. Like me, they were confused for a moment and did some irrational things. It is generally acknowledged that there is no one who does not make mistakes, which is a truth. These people, who used to be good people, will definitely think that I am an Monday morning quarterback and a private black account if they know that I have a copy of Miscellaneous Notes of the Cowshed hidden in my drawer, and they are ready to take revenge in the future. Although I didn't write a name in my book-I did it on purpose-the parties knew who it was at a glance, and it was a piece of cake to sit in the right place. How can you work at the same table when you are so nervous? In order to avoid this embarrassing situation, I wrote it but kept it a secret.
Then why don't you just write such a book? This question is right and to the point.
In fact, I really didn't intend to write such a book at first. Otherwise, the ten-year catastrophe officially ended in 1976, and my book was written in 1992 after 16 years. Why did I come after all these years? These sixteen years are a period of reflection, observation, confusion and expectation. I hate being the same donkey in politics. The so-called "great proletarian cultural revolution" was cruel and chaotic, humiliated our great Chinese nation and pushed our country's economy to an unprecedented desperate situation. No one can give a comprehensive and reasonable explanation-this is my hope. Many people have long recognized its essence, but I didn't open my mind until after the collapse of the Gang of Four. I'm really ashamed.
As soon as I was clear-headed, I felt that there was something wrong with the way the parties handled the disaster. It is not unreasonable to be thicker than thinner. However, I think we have gone too far. As I said above, most people are cheated. Even if you are deceived, you should learn enough lessons from this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to improve your level so as to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future. I'm afraid it's hard to have such an opportunity again in the future. Besides, among those who beat, smash and rob, there are indeed some bad people who are worse than animals. These bad guys are more capable than good guys. There is a common word in the Cultural Revolution: chameleon. These bad guys are chameleons. As soon as they saw that the limelight was wrong, they immediately changed color. Some disguised as gentlemen, some became sons-in-law of generals or leaders, and took refuge under this big umbrella. Some drum their tongues like springs, display the tricks of vertical and horizontal cooperation, temporarily hide their strength and spy on opportunities, and one day, they will become people again. These people are ambitious, have many ideas, have a deep understanding of theft and are good at flattery. They are actually potential cancer cells in our socialist society, which will swell sooner or later. We spared these people at that time and really buried the future trouble. I even doubt that today our country and society as a whole are stable, united and promising. However, there is something wrong with the moral level in society. Many local governments are unhealthy and many people are of low quality. If we trace the source carefully, I'm afraid it has something to do with the residual poison of the ten-year catastrophe and these people mentioned above.
The above is the result of my reflection and observation, and it is also the reason why I feel puzzled. But what can I expect?
I expect someone to write down their personal disaster. Some marshals and many old generals died in battle and served in the army for half their lives, which can be said to have made contributions to the people. Some countries are also lifelong revolutions and "heroes" of the people. The vast majority of senior intellectuals, famous writers and actors work hard and sincerely protect the party. All these good people are inexplicably splashed with sewage. Luo Zhi's crime, infinite class, will want to die quickly. I really don't know why. There is a saying in ancient China that "birds do their best to hide;" A sly rabbit dies, but a running dog cooks. But it is the feudal emperors who do such things, and we are an upright socialist country. What he did was cruel and heartless, even the feudal emperors would feel ashamed. And the scope involved is unprecedented. Will there be no resentment in the victim's heart? Why not express it? I look forward to it every day, every month and every year; However, in the end, it was disappointing. No one wants to write or dictate it to others. I'm confused and worried. If this unprecedented disaster is not recorded, our future generations will not learn from it. Once the weather is right in the future, some people will go crazy and do the same cruel and stupid things. What a terrible thing it is! Today's young people, if you tell them about the ten-year catastrophe, they will often stare with surprise and suspicion, as if they don't believe that there will be such an incredible thing in the world. They may think I'm lying. I'm talking about the three mountains of Penglai at sea, "a part of the intangible world". Although there was a time when the so-called "scar" literature was popular. However, in my opinion, this is just a bruise on the skin. Wipe it with mercuric chloride and you'll be fine. The real scar is still deeply buried in many people's hearts and not exposed. I hope that one day customers will show it.
Besides, I have a very unrealistic expectation. The above expectations are for people who suffered in the catastrophe. At that time, the "rebels" who tortured people and even the dead were actually the elements of beating, smashing and looting. Why can't they stand up and show their psychological state and torture process and write an article or a book? Jin Yao Even if others don't settle accounts with them, if they have a little conscience and a little reason, can you sleep well in the middle of the night? If such people-estimated to be neither young nor old-write something, it will be of great educational significance to our people, especially to our descendants. I don't ask them to review and repent. These are not necessary things. I just want them to write directly. In doing so, they can be said to have made great contributions to our nation, and they will only be praised and not condemned, which I am sure of.
In this way, I have been looking forward to the stars and the moon with two kinds of expectations for twelve years. The sun in the east came out, but my expectations failed.
However, the time has reached 1992. Many people who were persecuted in those years have withered like leaves in late autumn; Because these people are much older, the law of life and death in the universe is irresistible. And I am getting old myself. The ancients said, "Initiate Qinghe". Of the two expectations of my life geometry, one is beyond my power, and the other is the persecuted one, but I can do a lot. I am a victim myself. Why am I stupid enough to wait for others to act, but I refuse to do it myself? It is better to expect others than to expect yourself. Let me do it myself. This is the production process of "Cowshed Miscellanies". I never lie when I write an article. Now I tell the whole story, hoping to help readers a little. However, although I realized one expectation myself, I didn't give up two expectations of others. With anticipation, I wrote this preface, expecting my expectation to come true.
1March 9, 998