These are called "rationalization" in psychology, which means that when a certain goal cannot be achieved, they will find some reasons to excuse themselves and comfort themselves psychologically, and sometimes they will find some excuses to cover up their behavior and the facts they don't want to admit. Only in this way can we cover up our mistakes and lack of ability, reduce the pain of anxiety and protect our self-esteem from harm. In other words, "rationalization" is to create "reasonable" reasons to explain and cover up your own injuries.
Common rationalization methods are as follows:
- 1-
Make up an excuse to muddle through
In this respect, Pig Bajie is a master, and look at this paragraph of Pig Bajie's tour of the mountains:
It turned out that the idiot put a stone in front of Tang Priest, Friar Sand and Monkey and practiced against him. He said, "I'll go back and meet Master. If you ask monsters, say there are monsters. He asked what kind of mountain it was. If I said it was made of mud, earth, tin, copper, steamed noodles, paper and painted, they would call me stupid. Now that you say that, you are confused. I only said it was Stone Mountain. When he asked about the cave, he only said it was a stone cave. He asked what door it was and said it was a nailed iron leaf door. He asked how far it was, and only said that there were three floors inside. Search again, ask how many nails there are on the door, and say that the old pig is busy, remember. Make up for it here and coax that BiMarvin! " 』
If you can't complete the mountain tour, you can't explain it when you go back, let alone explain it. You can't make it up, but you should make it up reasonably. Isn't this familiar? Children will take this approach. For example, if they fail the exam, they will find someone else to forge their parents' signatures on the test paper. ...
-2-
Pass the buck. Blame personal shortcomings or failures on other reasons, and find someone to take the blame.
For example, in the Water Margin, Lao Du Guan and others put the blame on Yang Zhi after losing the birth outline, and look at the original:
"The fourteen men didn't wake up until the second watch and climbed up one by one, screaming only the bitterness of the arrow. Lao Du pipeline: "You didn't listen to Yang's good words. Give it to me today!" " They said, "Sir, what have you done today? Let's discuss it." Lao Du Pipeline: "What knowledge do you have? "They said," Yes, we are, but we are not. The ancients said:' When the fire reaches the body, sweep it separately; The bee stung into her arms and undressed at once. "If Yang is still in charge here, we can't say anything. Since he has nowhere to go, let's go back to see Liang Zhongshu's "xianggong", why not put all this on him. He just said,' He insulted everyone along the way and forced us all to move. He walked with the strongman, knocked us over with sweat, bound our hands and feet, and took Jinbao away. ""Lao Du Pipeline: "This is also a fact. Let's wait until dawn and go to our office to file a lawsuit first. Leave two guards at your command to catch the thief. I waited for people to rush back to Beijing overnight, reported to the official and taught the documents. Shen Fu learned that he had settled down in Jeju House and captured these strongmen. "At dawn the next day, the old man and his party came to the state capital to take charge of the officials, not to mention. 』
Is this plot familiar? Do you often think about it? After the mistakes happened, they were all said to be "temporary workers", not to mention others. This happens to everyone all the time. For example, students fail in the exam and don't want to admit that they are not well prepared, but say that the teacher is not teaching well, the teacher's marking is unfair or the examination questions are beyond the scope; I like socializing, drinking and having fun, but I don't like watching children at home. It is euphemistically called to connect feelings for business or work, and it is not easy to socialize and eat. Two friends, A and B, take the civil service exam together. A passed the exam, but B failed. B will say that it is not that he is incompetent, but that A found a relationship and spent money. It doesn't matter if there is no money at home, so I didn't get in. ...
-3-
Sour grape psychology. If you can't eat grapes, it's sour. When you can't get what you want because of your lack of ability, you will be degraded.
This comes from a well-known story in Aesop's Fables: Once upon a time, a fox walked into a vineyard and saw ripe grapes hanging on the shelves. He wanted to eat it, but because the shelf was too high, he couldn't pick it after several jumps, so he said it was sour grapes and didn't want to eat it. In fact, grapes are sweet because they can't be eaten, but they are sour.
In daily life, there are many such examples. For example, if you can't get into college, you will preach the theory of "reading is useless"; If you don't have the ability to stand in a first-tier city, you will say that a big city is not as comfortable as a small city because of its poor environment, many people and fast pace of life. Ordinary-looking women especially like to say "beauty is unlucky since ancient times" and "beauty is a disaster", while short people like to say "stupid big man" ...
-4-
Psychology of sweet lemon. This is a self-defense mechanism contrary to sour grapes, which are sweet lemons. This method refers to trying to convince yourself and others that what you do or have is the best choice.
For example, the fox in Aesop's fable mentioned above later went to the lemon tree. Because he was hungry, he picked the lemon and twisted it to satisfy his hunger. While eating it, he said that the lemon was sweet, but it was actually sour.
In the face of some unpleasant things in life, we sometimes try to emphasize the bright side of things like this fox to reduce our inner disappointment and illness. For example, if your grades are not good, you will say "Long live 60 points". What's the use of taking so many exams? The child's qualification is average, saying that he is "stupid"; When you get an ordinary-looking wife, you will say, "If you have an ugly wife at home, it is a treasure." ...
When we encounter unacceptable setbacks, we can use short-term self-rationalization to reduce inner pain and avoid inner collapse. Especially in the case of heavy losses caused by force majeure, proper self-rationalization can help us accept the reality and treat psychological trauma.
However, individuals use this mechanism as usual and use various excuses to maintain their self-esteem. If you fall, just lie there motionless, you can't even pull it up, and you have to dig a hole for eternity. It is inevitable to whitewash your mistakes and deceive yourself. This is not the solution to the problem. This is like a "silk hole" on the way to learn from the scriptures. It seems to be a very comfortable and gentle country, but it is everywhere, and it may be "euthanized" if you are not careful. This is an immature and extremely harmful psychological defense mechanism, which will hinder us from pursuing substantive progress in our careers and real happiness in our lives. Therefore, we must be highly alert to self-rationalization, constantly examine ourselves, and strive to overcome this "silk hole" entanglement.