Diagram 1

Guo: Thank you all. If you don't have the ability, you have the strength. Put aside the good and the bad, you will hear something new. So many friends came, and some of them had to wait at the door for a long time because they didn't have tickets. We had nothing to say in return, so we could only say a few more words to express our feelings.

Yu: Yes.

Guo: We are just afraid that it will be too late and we will go back later without a car. What should we do?

Yu: I can’t go back.

Guo: (asking the audience) Are you okay? Are you really okay? Okay, take the train? There are still people who live so far away. If you are willing to listen, I am willing to speak. Yu Qian, this is my senior brother.

Yu: Well, we are brothers.

Guo: We have been cooperating for three or four years. I dare not say that they are a perfect match, but I have always thought that this is a particularly good actor.

Yu: Ouch, I dare not take it.

Guo: That’s great. Anywhere is fine. Ah, anywhere is fine.

Yu: Haha, thank you.

Guo: But...

Yu: Let’s do it.

Guo: People always have shortcomings!

Yu: Yes. You just came here for the shortcomings.

Guo: Let me give you a few words of praise.

Yu: Yes, give me a sweet date to eat first.

Guo: Everything is good, just be a little more careful with your money.

Yu: Being too meticulous is not a fault.

Guo: Really? It is said that Lao Yu's family has a family tradition...

Yu: What are the rules?

Guo: If you don’t pick up something in the aisle, it will be thrown away!

Yu: What is our family tradition?

Guo: He went home for dinner in the evening. After finishing the meal, he pushed his rice bowl and stood up. He went out to work.

Yu: What class are you in?

Guo: Go out and pick up money.

Yu: I collect money as a job.

Guo: Picking them up everywhere. Picking up and hating at the same time, people have learned bad things, so why is no one throwing money away? I even picked one up last year!

Yu: Ah? So what does it matter?

Guo: Huh? I looked at the ground and saw ten dollars.

Yu: Oh, yes.

Guo: I was so excited that I shed tears.

Yu: It’s so rare.

Guo: God, I love you so much! (Stomping his feet)

Yu: Why did he step on it?

Guo: The rules for picking up money. Step on it first, with no one on either side, squat down and tie your shoelaces. I usually go out barefoot.

Yu: Then why should I tie my shoelaces?

Guo: I’m afraid of wasting shoes. Hey, this money goes forward.

Yu: Huh?

Guo: (stomps his feet) Hi, leaving again. (Stomps feet again) Hey, look at this. (Still stamping his feet)

Yu: Still chasing it.

Guo: What's going on? A kidnapping gang hacked him. The money was pierced with eyes and tied with a fishing line, about one meter long.

Yu: Is it that long?

Guo: That’s it. He would see this person as soon as he raised his head.

Yu: I didn’t even raise my head.

Guo: I haven’t lifted it. I haven’t lifted it. Follow. This is what people do (pulling strings): Come, follow...

Yu: You see how easy it is to tie me up.

Guo: They live in Jinsong, and we followed them all the way to Langfang.

Yu: Oops! This is called throwing yourself into a trap!

Guo: When I looked up, Hula Chao was all tied up. After it was done, there was a large group of people, and some people said: Throw it on the car, throw it on the car! The other end said: Oh, it takes so much effort! 10 yuan flashed: Here it is!

Yu: Ah? Still following?

Guo: Tell me, home phone number! Call your wife and ask for money. The call was connected: Yu Qian is in our hands!

Yu: Oh.

Guo: Don’t report the crime, please cooperate. My sister-in-law loves her the most!

Yu: Yes.

Guo: Oh, don’t be like this! Don't hit him or scold him. If I cooperate, don't you want money? Easy to discuss. I will never call the police. You go ahead, but let’s keep it in mind. If you spend more than 100 yuan, you’ll get the vote.

Yu: Ah?

Diagram 2

Guo: Why is this? (Two sentences are missing in the middle) Why is this happening? Ordinarily not. In fact, his family is quite wealthy. (Slaps chest) Take his father as an example...

Yu: Don’t slap yourself!

Guo: There are flies...

Yu: Where are the flies, this month.

Guo: Their old man is supposed to be quite rich. Their family has no shortage of food and drink, so logically it shouldn't be like this. To be honest, his father said that job and status were very prominent.

Yu: Oh.

Guo: His approach is not suitable for the old man.

Yu: Really?

Guo: His father is a tomb robber.

Yu: Not as good as me.

Guo: Tomb robber. As for archeology, if he knew where there were graves that the state had not dug up, his father would go and find cultural relics and sell them.

Carrying that Luoyang shovel, I still sing when I go home: I have nothing to do today~~~, I also go to praise~~~

Yu: Don’t sing.

Guo: Went there again.

Yu: Really?

Guo: In a rural area in Hebei Province, a grave was dug open. Inside was a frame of bones. Inside the frame was a tiger skin skirt. There was an iron rod on the ground, which read: Ruyi. The golden cudgel weighs thirty-six thousand kilograms.

Yu: All the words above are correct.

Guo: His father is wondering, Wukong’s grave?

Yu: Pretty familiar!

Guo: Why? Is this true? Big, toot~~, big, toot~~~, the bigger and bigger it grows.

Yu: Oh.

Guo: I can’t take this away. Small, small, small, small, toot~~~, it’s so big that it’s stuck in your ears.

Yu: My father is Sun Hou?

Guo: Watch Journey to the West.

Yu: Oh.

Guo: Just after we put it away, the village chief came with four people and a red hoop. What do you do? This is Wukong’s grave!

Yu: Oh.

Guo: I don’t know, I don’t know. Village Chief: Where did the Ruyi Golden Cudgel go? Your dad: I don’t know!

Yu: I don’t admit it.

Guo: Ah, your mouth is very tight. It’s amazing. Your mouth is quite wet. Take it out, take it out. Your dad: I didn’t see it!

Yu: That’s impossible.

Guo: It’s up to you to pay 100 yuan.

Yu: Ah? Just one hundred dollars?

Guo: I don’t, I don’t know, even if you beat me to death, I won’t know! Village Chief: You are looking for bad luck, you are looking for bad luck!

Yu: What’s wrong?

Guo: If you want to go there. big! dead.

Quote Four

Guo: If you don’t have any spare money, can you afford to buy a tortoise?

Yu: How about you say something else?

Guo: Tell me something else. The Chinese New Year is coming soon, and it’s still snowing these days. Everyone who comes in and out, please be careful. The soles of your feet are slipping. Please be careful and walk slowly to avoid falling. It’s the end of the year, but we still need to prepare New Year’s goods, so prepare in advance. Our family’s Chinese New Year celebrations are just that, and they can’t be compared with other people’s Lao Yu’s family.

Yu: These are the three words that never leave me.

Guo: His father is rich! That's what his dad did.

Yu: Why do you plan to repeat this paragraph again?

Guo: No, I haven’t praised you yet. Lao Yu's family spends money like diapers during the three major festivals.

Yu: There is no such metaphor!

Guo: Don’t take it to your heart, don’t take it to your heart.

Yu: Don’t care.

Guo: On New Year’s Eve, at home, ouch! It’s done, it’s been prepared a long time ago, bags after bags, listen at twelve o’clock, bang! The bell rings. cook! Hurry, the pot is also boiling, let’s go! What kind of fire spoon? Eat soybean tofu, intestines, lungs, and peel garlic.

Yu: Our family eats braised fire spoon on the 30th night?

Guo: Old Beijing!

Yu: What are the rules?

Guo: I am an old Beijinger.

Yu: Then you can’t eat this!

Guo: That’s great! This is food, everything is delicious. Now that you're abroad, you can't stand others eating it.

Yu: Abroad?

Guo: Yeah. They pour a glass of red wine, cake, and just a clove of garlic.

Yu: There is no such thing. Is the cake just garlic?

Guo: There are also people who eat raw meat. The steak was cut open, and it bleeds. How do you eat it when it's ripe?

Yu: A mature person?

Guo: Actually, when we were living like hair and drinking blood, we would ask questions when we got home.

Yu: Who should I ask?

Guo: Ask the old man. In those days when we wore leaves...

Yu: There was no such old person.

Guo: Why don’t you just eat raw meat? There is still one abroad now.

Yu: More?

Guo: Yes! Cannibalism. The cannibals also live as a family of three. When I got up in the morning, my daughter-in-law was getting ready in the cave, and my father took his son: let's go, let's go hunting with him.

Yu: Going hunting...

Guo: The child is hungry: Dad, I am hungry. Don't make trouble. If you hit someone, you eat first. Hey, here is one. Bending a bow and shooting an arrow... No, that's too bad.

Yu: Thin.

Guo: Too thin. Sai Ya, don’t want this. The child cried: Ah, I'm hungry. Wait a minute. Look over there. Fat man, too fat. Eating this is not good for your health.

Yu: Quite cute.

Guo: The child cried: I am starving to death. Stop making trouble! This way. Hey, I looked at the river and saw a beautiful woman washing her face there.

Yu: That’s good.

Guo: Child: Dad! Well, get the live ones!

Yu: Why do you change this to a living thing?

Guo: Don’t worry about it, don’t worry about it, Dad is useful, don’t make trouble. Go over, catch him, tie him up and put him on his shoulders: let’s go home with dad. Oops, daddy, I'm hungry. Stop making trouble, go home and stew your mother.

Yu: Ah? There is no such thing!

Diagram Ten

Guo: Besides, it’s the tenth one. Remember, it’s the tenth one. This, over a hundred? See you later.

Yu: This sentence scared me.

Guo: It’s snowing. In fact, I am willing to say more, but I am afraid that it will be difficult for everyone to go back. When I came here today, I almost had an accident on the driveway. I took the Beijing-Tianjin Expressway, and halfway there, the Beijing-Tianjin Expressway was blocked. I'm so anxious, I'm afraid it'll be too late. How to do it?

Yu: That’s right.

Guo: A lot of police are busy there. Come down quickly, I see I know that policeman. That fat guy, the traffic policeman.

Yu: I know, I know.

Guo: I went over: What’s wrong? Hey, Mr. Guo, why are you going? I said I was going to perform right away. What happened to you? Take a look. You know this guy.

Yu: Who is it?

Guo: I went over and saw a person lying on the ground. Ah, I don’t live anymore, I die! Okay, Wang Yang.

Yu: Oh, just the host?

Guo: The host learned from Ma Sanli's example. I said what's wrong? What's wrong with you? I said Fatty, what happened to him? After returning home, the couple started fighting. Speaking of going home, his wife was sleeping with someone else at home. Then his wife became anxious and asked him why he didn't keep his word and didn't say he would come back that day.

Yu: Is there such an unreasonable wife?

Guo: I’ll give him a good beating, and then I’ll let him accompany me for 10 million. He had been shouting there for a long time: I can't live anymore, I will die! I'm going to burn myself, I'm going to set myself on fire!

Yu: Self-immolation?

Guo: I’m going to pour gasoline on myself and burn myself down. Isn't that what we are dealing with? All the drivers are here to collect donations. Oh, did I say how much money was raised? Is it 300 liters of gasoline?

Yu: Still burning?

Diagram 11

Guo: We just introduced it.

Yu: Yeah.

Guo: Teacher Yu Qian’s father is an archaeologist. Actually, his father is more happy.

Yu: Please wait for a moment. Father is dad.

Guo: Yeah~. Your family is different.

Yu: Why is our family different?

Guo: These are two people.

Yu: Why two people?

Guo: Father is father, and father is father.

Yu: Never heard of it.

Guo: Don’t worry about this. If you ask this clearly, you will feel sick.

Yu: If I don’t ask clearly, the disease will be more serious, you know?

Guo: Why has he risen through the ranks? Over the years, he has been so smart, doing TV series and commercials. Why? His father has a way. His father, an old policeman, has status in the public security department. I have an identity and am in prison in Beijing.

Yu: Prison?

Guo: It’s not that I’m being held in custody. Don’t think too much about it, everyone. It’s not that in custody.

Yu: If you didn’t say that, who would think so?

Guo: I’ll do administration there.

In: Administrative work.

Guo: Yes, get food for the prisoners.

Yu: That’s called a cook, do you know?

Guo: Get food for the prisoners. Everyone said that his father’s craftsmanship was not good either.

Yu: Not good?

Guo: Respond to this. In the prison, too, everything happened throughout the day. There was a riot, the prison was blown up, and a lot of prisoners ran away. It took a lot of effort to catch it. One question, ah, why are you leaving? Why are you rioting? Prison food is poor.

Yu: Ah? Too bad.

Guo: Nonsense! Be honest! What did you use to break the lock? Wotou.

Yu: Oops!

Diagram Thirteen

Guo: There is a person in the background who can be compared with Yu Qian.

Yu: That’s not easy.

Guo: I’m talking about being on par with him in terms of money. It's Xu Deliang.

Yu: He can do it.

Guo: Xu Deliang lives a good life with him. Don't spend money if you can, because the money is tied to your ribs. His liver hurt when he moved, and he had to scoop out a spoonful of excrement to taste it if he passed it by his door.

Yu: Oops! He loves taking advantage so much.

Guo: When it rains, he gets very happy. He goes to the front and back of the house to look for dog urine, moss, mushrooms, etc., and he picks them out and eats them. No more grocery shopping. We performed at Tianqiao. When it rained, he stopped and called his wife: Come on, come on, come on.

Yu: What?

Guo: Find a basin and a pot, grab the mushrooms outside, and borrow the stove at the front desk to cook them. Want to eat this. Everyone looked at the two of them, Cola, can you eat this thing? It's okay, the wild ones are the freshest.

There are no pesticides, you know. no problem. Everyone said, are you so sure about this? Don't worry about it. Look, our dog is here. Come on, make a bowl like this for the dog first. The dog eats and runs away after eating, and is fine for half an hour. Okay, Xu Deliang was happy at the back. Come and eat. Don't let others, Dangdangdang, eat them all.

Yu: Okay.

Guo: Just after we finished eating, there was a child backstage named Zhu Yunfeng, nicknamed Shaobing. Shaobing came over: Uncle Master, that dog is dead.

Yu: Ah?

Guo: Xu Deliang’s face turned pale. What should I do? I can’t survive. I have to let him spit it out! What should I do? Everyone gave an idea: go to the toilet, drink urine, go quickly.

Yu: Drink urine?

Guo: The couple ran to the toilet, drank urine, and vomited. I vomited it all up, oh, this is so uncomfortable. Shaobing, let me ask you, was it miserable when my dog ??died? What a tragedy, a big truck came over and crushed me to death

Yu: It wasn’t poisoned!

Diagram 14

Guo: Just talking about Yu Qian is meaningless. There is another person in the background who everyone pays attention to. This person’s name is Li Jing.

Yu: Yes, here we are again.

Guo: Li Jing is my brother-in-law. Where do you get this from? From Mr. Jin Wensheng.

Yu: Oh, Mr. Congjin.

Guo: Xihe Dagumen, we are brothers. We are the ones who increase our character, and it is the two of us who increase our fortune and longevity. He and I can't be in such a hurry.

Yu: What’s wrong?

Guo: This man has such a bad temper.

Yu: Li Jing? Li Jing is a chronic person.

Guo: Huh? Chronic? I think he is quite violent.

Yu: So you are slower than him?

Guo: As for him, I want to hit him every day he talks. I didn't see him in a hurry. ~~Why are you going? ~~Ah? fine? ~~He can drive people to death all day long. Speak well, Ah! When other people are driving, I always tell them: Hey, slow down, don’t get into trouble. He was the only one driving: Hey, drive faster, don’t delay things.

Yu: We still have to urge him.

Guo: I was happy to buy a car the day before. ~~Senior brother, I'm going for a ride. If you need anything, don't come to me! ~~Here we go, Sihuan is running. ~~Oh my god, Sanmai is so fast~~

Yu: Ah! Can you still drive this car?

Guo: There is a disabled person next to him who wants a wheelchair, and he is much faster than him.

Yu: It’s better to walk.

Guo: Open it yourself. ~~Oh my god, it’s so exciting~~. Let's go, drive forward. So, four hours, maybe, two kilometers?

Yu: Okay, it’s too slow.

Guo: Stopped at the edge. ~~Oh my God, I need to take a break. ~~

Yu: Just rest now.

Guo:~~My heart almost bursts out~~.

Yu: Isn’t that the case?

Guo:~~Oh my god, it’s so exciting~~! Sitting on the side of the road. ~~This car is a bit small~~.

Yu: I think the car is too small.

Guo:~~Well, if I have money, I will also buy a big car. It would be great to replace it with a larger car, but I don’t have the money~~. Snap!

Yu: What’s going on?

Guo: Falling from the sky, a big leather bag dropped! When I opened it, I saw money inside. ~~Oh my god~~

Yu: Spoken language.

Guo:~~It’s so exciting! Oh my god, not only can I buy a car this time, but I can also marry a beautiful wife~~!

Yu: This pair.

Guo: Bang! A girl fell down, she’s so beautiful, she was lying there, ~~~~ Oh my god, it’s so exciting! ! ~~~Four policemen came over: Hey, did you kill this?

Yu: Ah

Diagram 15

Guo: I have to talk about you.

Yu: No problem.

Guo: I have to talk about you. Say you have coke. Everyone doesn't know Yu Qian when he was young.

Yu: That’s pretty much it.

Guo: When you were a child in the folk art troupe, people didn’t understand you! Isn’t that right? I was so happy when I was little! In fact, when he was a child, his brain was not very good. The students all did this brain fluoroscopy, and his brain was as big as a pine nut. Everyone talked and drank tea. It's not suitable to go back. It's not suitable to stay and do other things. Send him to burn the boiler, lest he steal the coal.

Yu: I eat coal?

Guo: Let’s do something else. Later I learned this Peng Ke and it was pretty good. Among the students at that time, he was considered stupid. This is the truth. But sometimes he does things that others can't do.

Yu: What’s going on?

Guo: Principal, leader, said: Tomorrow, the director of the Cultural Affairs Bureau will come to inspect. All of you, please stand at the door and applaud. If I ask you to applaud, you should clap. If I tell you to stop, you should stop clapping. I said stop, whoever still takes pictures, let me tell you, I originally planned to improve the food tomorrow and eat steamed buns, but whoever still takes pictures will not be allowed to eat steamed buns tomorrow.

Yu: Oh.

Guo: The students are all standing.

The director came and the principal said: Shoot! Wow...

Yu: Applause.

Guo: They applauded, and the director also applauded happily: Thank you, thank you, thank you. The principal said: Stop! Everyone stopped, but the director was still there: Thank you, thank you. He came over and gave the director a mouthful: You don't want to eat steamed buns anymore?

Yu: Fuck you.

Diagram 16

Guo: You don’t eat steamed buns anymore?

Yu: Who wants to eat steamed buns?

Guo: At that time, it was just him and Wu Bin, two idiots.

Yu: Yes, Wu Bin is my classmate.

Guo: Wu Bin and him, the two of us, don’t have any change, neither of us have any change.

Yu: Is this the case?

Guo: The living conditions in Wu Bin’s family are better than his. He is greedy, and he is the most greedy child. When I go to school, my pockets are bulging. Yu Qian: Stop, what are you bringing?

Yu: Ask.

Guo: I didn’t tell you about the boiled eggs I brought.

Yu: This confusion is coming.

Guo: Give it to me. I won’t give it, you guess. I guess? I guessed it right. Can you give me one to eat? Hum, if you can guess that there are four eggs in this, I will give you one to eat. Yu Qian thought for a moment: six?

Yu: I haven’t heard of it, so I haven’t guessed it right yet?

Guo: Later, everyone got good ratings, but he got the lowest. I was so angry that I saved money and bought a bottle of sulfuric acid, planning to assassinate these people at night. In the dormitory, the kids who talk about cross talk are all asleep, and when others lie down, others get up. Find a cup, pour it into it, and hold it: Hum, I want to take revenge on you, I can’t make you better, and neither of you can make me better! If this thing is sprayed on your face, you will be ruined, huh...

Yu: Why did you drink it!

Diagram 18

Guo: Let’s tell another story about Li Jing. Li Jing has been having a lot of happy events recently.

Yu: Good things always happen.

Guo: I have a girlfriend. Everyone knows that Li Jing is very introverted. His girlfriend is very open.

Yu: Really?

Guo: His girlfriend is very open and generous.

Yu: Oh.

Guo: I told Li Jing that day: Look, we have known each other for four or five days, let’s live together.

Yu: This is a bit too grand.

Guo: Li Jing thought for a while: ~~ Let’s try it~~. The woman said: It's okay, my parents are very open-minded. You come to my house, meet my parents, have a meal, you pick me up, I go to get something, but I can’t get it, you drive me back. You come tomorrow and go back to our house. You can buy something. Don’t be empty-handed. ~~Okay, don’t worry~~. The next day, I went to the supermarket and bought a bunch of fruits and stuff. I came out of the supermarket and put the things inside. A man came over here: Do you want a plate? ~~Huh? What dish~~? Take a look. At first glance, it’s a cartoon. My heart said, can I watch this at such an old age? Are there any feature films? ~~Are there any good ones~~? Yes, I have! You’ll know you’re an expert at first glance! Take out a lot of pornographic films and tell him what's going on here and what's going on there. Li Jing's face turned red. As soon as I realized that I was an adult, I bought a lot of yellow plates and came out. I drove to my girlfriend's house and my face turned red as soon as I walked in. I'm so sorry! Nor spoke. When he came out and went in, his girlfriend teased him: Well, he is such a big man, but he still looks like a girl. Until dinner time, his parents were seated, his girlfriend sat here, and Li Jing lowered her head.

Yu: Still so shy.

Guo: The woman was joking with him: I really didn’t know you believed in Jesus! He said: ~~I didn’t know your father was a pornographic film seller~~

Yu: Ah, his father!

Diagram 19

Guo: Give me more! Let’s talk about Xu Deliang again.

Yu: Let’s take a plate.

Guo: Saying that others are inappropriate. In this matter, I don’t treat you as outsiders. Xu Deliang is Zhang Wenshun's proud disciple.

Yu: Proud disciple.

Guo: What a bad old man, huh? Day in and day out, teach him to do bad things. Do this, do this, do this, teach him.

Yu: This is not correct when teaching him.

Guo: Teach him: Ah, Liangzi, the master will teach you. He was still young then, twelve or thirteen. You have to learn to scare people.

Yu: To scare people?

Guo: No matter who you meet, tell him: Don’t hide anything from me, I know everything. I know the truth. You can scare people.

Yu: Is this enough to scare you?

Guo: Really? Ryoko came home and when she saw her mother: I know the truth! His mother's face turned pale: "Son, give me fifty, take the flowers, and don't tell your father."

Yu: Ah?

Guo: When he went out, he saw his father: Huh, I know the truth! His father took out two hundred yuan: Liangzi, don't tell your mother. Two hundred yuan with flowers. Liangzi is happy, he has become rich. As soon as I went out, I saw the mail delivery person at the door of my house. Pointing at him: Hum, I know the truth. The messenger cried: Son, daddy, please give me a hug.

Yu: Okay!