Sometimes, people can't be too sharp, or they will be jealous. For example, I didn't know this truth before. In kindergarten, I often beat a child much taller than me to cry, and even beat a large class of children to go to the toilet before they dared to eat chocolate, bullying a beautiful young female teacher from other places who didn't have a temporary residence permit. I speak in the official language of Chu in class, which makes the teacher completely puzzled, just like I ignore foreigners if they don't call me "buddy" now.
One day, walking in the street, I suddenly saw a beautiful female teacher crying in a young man's arms. She cried and said, "It turned out that a boy in our class always bullied me from other places and said something I didn't understand." The young man patted her on the back and said, "Sister Li, don't cry, don't cry. Although you divorced my eldest brother, I still love you as always. No matter how bad that little boy is, I will always stand by your side and stand by. " By the way, I'll give you a present. Please marry me. "The young man took out a pamphlet with the word" Li Sao "written in official script. The female teacher blushed and said, "You are so bad, and you write books for others. "I didn't listen any more because I vomited for a long time.
Two days later, when I was chasing the daughter of a chicken farm director to grab the drumsticks in her bowl, I was stopped by the female teacher and dragged to the podium by the neck (remember, drag, not pull, what a cruel word! ), let me look back on how I grabbed the drumsticks of others, dug the corner of socialism, and photographed black brick and revolutionary comrades in front of all the children in the small class. Just as she proudly waited to see how I made a fool of myself with a runny nose and tears, I cleared my throat and began to recite with that loud milk voice: "I am a descendant of Emperor Levin, and my name was Bo Yong; I gave my virginity to Meng Xi, but only Geng Yan gave up on me ... "As soon as I finished reciting the sentence, the teacher's face changed completely, and his face turned into a lovely donkey shape. All the children below are applauding. After all, the cleverest can not only say "Mom, I'm hungry" fluently, but also sing some nursery rhymes like "Row by row, one fruit after another". The teacher held me tightly in her arms, so she put her mouth to my ear in surprise and said, "Come on, bunny, how did you recite Li Sao?" I laughed coldly. You can imagine how horrible it is for a four-year-old child to sneer. I whispered, "Let me be the monitor, or I'll stab Qu Yuan and your story at once." The young female teacher immediately stood up straight and applauded and said, "Boys, you see how awesome Xiang Yu was when he just recited, so I appointed him as the monitor of our small class." Everyone should learn from him in the future. "When my goal is achieved, I will keep this secret, so for thousands of years, no one has ever known that Qu Yuan's Li Sao is a love letter to a divorced kindergarten teacher. However, when Qu Yuan learned from his concubine that I was an insider, he jumped into the river in shame. But everyone guessed that he was not dead, because Qu Yuan was a swimming champion in the Eighth National Games of Chu and loved zongzi, so many people wrapped it up and threw it into the river, trying to smash Qu Yuan out or seduce him. I couldn't make zongzi, so I picked up a big stone and threw it into the water. When the female teacher saw me throwing stones heroically, she said excitedly, "This is not a lovely child, but simply the overlord of the land of Xi.". "
However, I am also in love. Since I became a monitor, the daughter of the director of the chicken farm has given me chicken legs every day, and I have fresh chicken legs to eat every day. So when my head was hot, I said to let her be my woman and call her "chicken", which meant to give me drumsticks, but my father-in-law said it was not nice and had to be a concubine. That's all. A concubine is a concubine. In order to eat chicken legs, I will call her Sanhuang Chicken.
People can't always live in kindergartens. I followed my uncle Xiang Liang's Northern Expedition and became a general of Chu. The name of "overlord of the west Chu" accompanied me from kindergarten monitor to general Chu. However, Yu Ji has also faded the spirit of the self-employed children, which is pure and beautiful. However, because I have to constantly lead the army to fight, Yu Ji, as a member of the team, had to give up even though she received the university admission notice. The reason is simple, because I am a hero and she has a strong heroic plot. Ever since I competed with a Hercules to lift a tripod, she asked me to lift it when she saw it on the road. One day, she even held a black iron pot over her head to make passers-by think it was an Indian water truck.
Liu Bang, a rogue, stopped us at the kindergarten gate to ask for protection money before he graduated from elementary school. Not only was the lollipop in my hand robbed, but sometimes I didn't let go of the used diaper, and finally I was beaten away by three fists and two legs. As he ran, he shouted, "Kindergarten children can hit people! This is a freak! ".Since then, Liu Bang and I have fought more than one hundred times, but none of them can beat me, so in my eyes, he will always be an unpretentious low-level hooligan.
But unexpectedly, Liu Bang, who lived in Hanzhong at that time, made great efforts. He spent huge sums of money to create an image of "Sister Han Xin" on Chuhe Han Jie website, and posted more than 3,000 photos of Sister Han Xin's back. If you take pictures, you always say, "I am unhappy. My unhappiness stems from my excellent performance. My seductive and sexy appearance and pure temperament make me" ruthlessly "captured by people's eyes wherever I go. My good-looking face, coupled with my body that is so hot that a man has a nosebleed, is doomed to the tragedy of my first half. " Such seductive words, coupled with those sexy and exposed back photos, have made countless netizens crazy. Just when the photo of the S-back was reminiscent, Liu Bang sent a junk email to all netizens, with only one sentence on it: "Do you want to get in touch with Sister Han Xin for the first time? Come and join our Han army! "
When Liu Bang became rich, he added hundreds of thousands of valiant soldiers out of thin air. When he boarded the battlefield, someone shouted, "Sister Han Xin's grace will last forever! You can get a photo of Han Xin's sister if you kill one person, and you can have a voice chat with Han Xin's sister if you kill one! " At that time, Liu Bang's army blossomed everywhere and was invincible. Many cities hung large photos of Han Xin's sister, without waiting for the army to come. When did Xiang Yu suffer such a setback, so I also put Yu Ji's artistic photos on the website of Han Jie, Chu River, to resist Liu Bang's offensive. But what I didn't expect was that those netizens who were blinded by their minds actually left a message saying, "You chased me naked for two kilometers, and I turned my head once, even if it was a hooligan." "I don't want to hit you. Go to the zoo to see if there is a job suitable for you. You can easily be killed by the police if you run around the street like this. " Seeing the message on the Internet, Yu Ji cried and said to me, "Overlord, am I really that ugly?" I looked at her flawless face and said, "Good boy, it's not your fault, it's your parents' fault!" "
Anger crown is a kind of beauty! I prepared the Green Gate Banquet and invited Liu Bang and Han Xin to participate in the "Daqin Super Girl Final PK Competition" held by Chuhe Khan. In order to let Yu Ji win the prize, I equipped the soldiers with 15 mobile phones, ready to send text messages to Yu Ji. After hearing the news, the majority of netizens turned on their computers to watch live video. There was no one in the alley at that time, and the national electricity load exceeded the highest value in history. The imperial court issued a notice to all units to stop work, all in order to save electricity in PK competition. Even Meng Jiangnv, who cried at the Great Wall, was forced to come to the scene as a DJ.
Yu Ji's advocate "Corn" and Han Xin's sister's advocate "Majia" attacked each other madly on the Internet, sending Trojan horses, scanning ports, sending postal bombs, and taking a taxi to the other party's home to unplug the network cable. The online world is in chaos. Surprisingly, Liu Bang finally sent someone to say, "Sister Han Xin disdains to compete with Yu Ji, so she won't come." At that time, Yu Ji, whose face had been covered with half a catty of cosmetics, burst into tears, and the powder began to thump on the ground, crying and saying, "Why didn't she even give me the chance to compete?" At least I am also a famous beauty! "
I declared war on Liu Bang! Men, losing one's virginity is a small matter, but losing face is a big matter. Although all the 8,000 scouts in Jiangdong are warriors who can fight, I have to admit that Liu Bang is a cunning man. He cut me off, robbed me of food and grass, and secretly put cockroaches in my tent. Even after I arrested his father, I threatened to cook soup with his father's meat. I thought he would wag his tail and compromise with me like my kindergarten teacher, but Liu Bang actually sent me the recipe of preserved egg and lean porridge, and said earnestly, "My dad doesn't have much meat. Please save some food, and maybe more plates of green pepper slices!" I let his father go, not because I was kind or afraid, but because his father smelled bad, which really affected the cleanliness of the barracks.
But Liu Bang's father is an old fox, and he stole the most confidential protection map of our Chu army. I was surrounded by Liu Bang and Han Xin's sister's army.
The wind is cold and it's dark. I had a few drinks with Yuji. Suddenly, Chu songs came from all sides at the foot of the mountain, and all the soldiers came out of the tent and listened attentively. After a while, one of my generals shouted, "Liu Banger, do you think this is karaoke?" What's that song? The tune has traveled for dozens of miles, so watch us sing the original songs of Chu for you. "Jiang Dongren in the camp began to sing. Singing until midnight, my men's voices grew louder and louder. Just then, a spy came to report that the Chu songs in Liu Bangying were all songs ordered by Chu Radio Station, and Liu Bang called for them. I know it's over, because the killing at the foot of the mountain is deafening and my soldiers are unable to sing. My bravest lieutenant tugged at me in a hoarse voice and said, "overlord, your humble duty has followed you in the north and south for decades and killed countless enemies." I didn't expect to sing to death today. "
I want to break through Yu Ji and look at me deeply and say, "overlord, go away and leave me alone." She has been sitting on the top of the note and saw my prestige. When she saw me, the Han army was invincible, and they were shocked. So far, the power of sound has not damaged my hero's reputation at all. She is going to start playing the piano for me. The wind blew past her. She held the piano in her arms and then touched the strings for a while. Then a song "House of Flying Daggers" sounded, which she wrote when she was idle in the military camp. Today may be my last battle. My concubine will definitely cheer for me, and the tone is getting more and more intense. Like the sound of the Wujiang River.
The rope broke at once. In all movies, the broken rope is definitely a sign of death, so Yu Ji picked up the knife that fell to the ground and wiped it on her neck. I closed my eyes in pain, as if I saw a bloody river. Suddenly he shouted, "Xiang Yu, I ordered you to sharpen your knife last night. Why is this knife so dull? " Which leprechaun did you video chat with online last night? There is no justice! I'm not alive, I'm dead! "Then she found a sheet and prepared to hang herself.
Her concubine has been overeating since she lost face in the last PK competition, and her weight has exceeded 180 kg. I'm too lazy to coax her, because she threatens to hang herself every three days when she sees me chatting with MM, even if it's just to discuss body art with MM, I ride a black horse and sing the well-known Chu poem many years later, "I'm so angry that I can't live, and I can't help it if I don't die." At this time, there was only a loud bang. Yu Ji, who hanged himself, broke the beam and collapsed the tent because he was too fat. She hanged herself, but was killed in the house. I wiped my nose and led the troops to break through. I don't think anyone will give me chicken legs anymore, and my father-in-law probably won't have any free roast chicken to eat.
I was forced to the Wujiang River by my sister Han Xin's army. I could have swam there, but in recent years, the Wujiang River has been seriously polluted, with drinks, plastic bags and pet droppings everywhere. At this time, Liu Bang's short message came, trying to surrender me. I sneer, as cool as when I was four years old. I told Liu that Xiang Yu would never surrender, but I must see Han Xin's sister before I die. I want to know who I lost.
On the bank of Wujiang River, I was waiting for my sister Han Xin with a pink sun umbrella. There is a vivid HelloKitty on the umbrella. Although it was a bit nondescript for me to hold it, I persisted. In fact, I was my sister Han Xin's vest a long time ago. She said that she liked the man with a pink sun umbrella best. Just because of my identity, I couldn't show my heart for a long time. Every night, I deeply call my sister Han Xin from my heart. Now, I'm dying and there's nothing to take care of. I just want to meet the girl of my dreams.
She came, she came, she gradually approached me, I held my breath, my body was so hot, and I walked so gracefully. She stood in front of me quietly, and there was no one within 0/00 meter of Fiona Fang/KLOC. She gently took off her veil. My heart began to have arrhythmia and my blood pressure began to rise. I saw that the freckles on her face were like black sesame seeds on sesame cakes, her skin was as shiny as Beijing roast duck, her small eyes were very creative, and her lips were a little rosy. Unfortunately, they were rabbit lips. She lowered her head and said, "Brother Yu, actually I have been in adore you for a long time. I beat you to make you pay attention to me, and I vowed to take you away from concubine Yu. "
When the mobile phone alarm clock rang, I took out my fake phone and said, "What? Did you get the test results? What? Is it really AIDS? You have to be sure! " I pretended that my legs were weak and I could not stand steadily. But Han Xin's sister didn't scare away, but said shyly, "I'm not afraid that you will abandon me this time. In fact, I also have AIDS! Now we can support each other and spend a lifetime together! "
I'm having a nervous breakdown, and I'm afraid I'll do something that will embarrass my family, such as hanging out with my sister Han Xin. I pulled out the sword that followed me through life and death, struck a knife on my neck like lightning, and fell to the edge of Wujiang River. Many years later, a poem was engraved in the place where I died. "Life is a hero, death is a ghost. I miss Xiang Yu so far and refuse to love dinosaurs! "