1. Many poor people will discuss which is more important, money or love. It's none of your business, okay?

Q: What creature has super arm strength, sharp nails and sharp teeth, and can tear up all hard and solid things? A: The girl when unpacking the courier.

My mother-in-law gave this cookbook to my daughter-in-law with the intention of letting her learn to cook. As a result, the daughter-in-law was very shy and said to her mother-in-law: Mom, that's very kind of you. You are so tired every day, and you ask me to order for me. This is inappropriate!

I want to throw my girlfriend away every time I hear the announcement "No inflammable and explosive articles on board" on the radio at the railway station and bus station!

When I met my first boyfriend with his son, the atmosphere was awkward because I hadn't seen him for many years and there was no topic, so he took the lead in breaking the embarrassment and said, "I heard that you told people everywhere that I was dead."

6. I like Halloween best. Speaking of Halloween, I can bid farewell to being single, because girls often say to me: Only ghosts want to be your girlfriend.

Seven. On average, one in every 365 people is celebrating their birthday, and suddenly I feel that the sprinkler is really creative in order not to offend people.

Eight. I looked through my wife's previous developments. When I first met her, she took a photo of us in a circle of friends. I remember this, but I was not good friends with her family at that time, so I couldn't see their comments. Now I can see them. At that time, my mother-in-law commented: middle and lower. Sister-in-law: I agree to go upstairs. Father-in-law: This boy seems to have ulterior motives!

9. I dreamed of quarreling with my boyfriend. He stopped answering his phone after he slammed the door, and I couldn't get in touch. So, I opened Taobao and kept shopping. A steady stream of credit card consumption text messages finally helped me call him back.

10. On the grounds of buying a car, a man goes to the Mercedes-Benz 4S shop for dinner on time every day, and the sales brother has no choice but to ask for help.

1 1. Accompanying my wife back to her mother's house, I heard her mother-in-law lecturing her sister-in-law as soon as I entered the door: "The boss is not young, can I have a snack?" Don't you usually eat? Huh? Other girls are afraid of choking on water when they go on blind dates. When they eat two dishes, they say they are full. What about you? Come back to eat Jianweixiaoshi tablets. "

Twelve. One of my college classmates, after graduation, engaged in marketing for one year, tried to be admitted to the civil service and was assigned to the marriage registration office of the Civil Affairs Bureau. On the first day of work, I came early in the morning to register the newcomers. The man was very polite and gave me a pack of cigarettes and a pack of sugar. The students are very excited. They quickly went through the formalities, got up and shook hands and said politely, Welcome to come again next time.

13. Girls with thick fingers should not be sad. The gold ring from my boyfriend will be even bigger in the future!

14. The company asked for a photo, and someone handed in a two-inch photo. The supervisor said the photo was too big, so change it to a smaller one. Someone changed the photo and handed it in, and was scolded: "What do you mean by changing it to one inch?"

15. I watched the anti-Japanese drama at home yesterday. I asked my six-year-old niece, "Honey, do you know why there are two pieces of cloth in my helmet?" She glanced at me without thinking: "Uncle, you are so stupid. They must have designed these two pieces of cloth to prevent being slapped by the officer! " "

Sixteen years old. In the eyes of local tyrants, things that can be solved with money are small things, but I am different. I can't solve anything that can be solved with money.

Seventeen. I went to the supermarket with my colleagues the day before yesterday and said that I hadn't bought meat for a long time, so I went to see pork. As a result, I saw that the cheapest pork was only 18 yuan. Colleagues exclaimed on the spot: "What happened to the pig? This is it! " The butcher smiled and said, "The pig is fine, but the price has gone up."

Eighteen. I went to my sister's house today and saw her beating the child again. Me: Why did you hit the child? The child is so young, why did you hit him? Sister: He tricked Lao Shi into not going to class. Me: I can't call. You should educate him. Elder sister: He told Lao Shi that his uncle died and wanted to take time off to see him for the last time. Me: Sister, have a rest and let me do it!

19. Has anyone read the whole car manual? I've finished reading it, but I just need to buy a car.

Twenty. My mother called me and asked me, son, have you been alone this Valentine's Day? I said, mom, will you stop it? Do you know how many people are chasing me? I still live alone? I work in batches every day, and I have to take time to eat with my family at night. My mother said, son, this is what my mother expects of you. No one can chase me, but she can still play.

I asked my husband, "If you were the emperor, what would you like to do most?" "You guess." "Three thousand beauties?" "No" "Twenty-two thousand gold?" "They are all wrong." Then he suddenly jumped up and ran and shouted, "Put you in the cold." Sister Ni, I don't want to mix.

22. What I admire most is the Tang Priest in Journey to the West, who didn't even have to take a shower himself. Every two episodes, a monster says, boys, wash that monk clean.

23. Walking on the road with my girlfriend, I pretended to be very calm and shouted at them: "What do you want? Do you know who I am? " Those punks asked, "Who are you?" I pointed to my girlfriend and said, "I love her the most in the world!" " "

24. When I was studying, the goddess said that I didn't like ribs, and I was muscular. The goddess said I don't like long hair, so I cut it short. The goddess said I didn't like wearing glasses, so I took them off. I didn't know that the goddess didn't like ugliness at all until one day I saw her with a thin man with glasses and long hair.