Knowledge about full-time mothers

Full-time mothers have many problems raising their children. The children’s development is a concern of relatives. In the process of the baby’s growth, parents themselves need to educate the baby. First of all, have good qualities, and let’s work together to bring your children’s development to a higher level. Below I will share many methods for stay-at-home mothers to deal with raising children.

Knowledge of stay-at-home mothers 1

In order to better raise and educate their children, more and more women choose to be "stay-at-home mothers". However, a study by the Shandong Modern Child Development Research Center shows that most "full-time mothers" care too much about their children, and many have become "full-time nannies." Under the excessive care of their mothers, many children have shown many problems, such as poor self-care ability, low self-confidence, and boys who are too feminine.

"Full-time mothers" have many problems raising children

From July 2006 to July this year, Shandong Modern Child Development Research Center tracked more than 800 children raised by their mothers. Research. Research has found that the biggest problem these children have is poor self-care ability.

Zhang Zhifu, a professor at the School of Liberal Arts of Shandong University, is one of the members of the research group. He said that observation of the behavior of these children found that most of them have poor self-care ability, and some children are seven or eight years old and still cannot put on their own clothes or shoes.

In addition to poor self-care ability, weak self-confidence and over-femininity in boys are also the most prominent symptoms. Cheng Yan, a member of the research team, said that children raised by their mothers generally have low self-confidence. Many people clearly have the ability to do something well, but they often deny themselves before doing it, which affects their practical ability to a certain extent. and initiative. In addition, because they surround their mothers all day long, many boys have very obvious feminine tendencies in their speech and behavior, and lack the masculinity that boys should have. These have an impact on the children's future personality and psychology.

When it comes to the root of the problem, experts agree that it is mothers’ excessive care for their children. Zhang Zhifu said that these "full-time mothers" are not only mothers, but also play the roles of nannies and teachers. They can also be regarded as "full-time nannies" in children's life, education, etc. Their roles in these roles ***The same thing is caring and taking care of things. Over time, the child becomes a pet in captivity and has no idea what he should do or what he can do.

Of course, there are some "stay-at-home mothers" who have brought up good children, but the proportion is very small.

Case: A 15-year-old boy wants to be fed by his mother when he eats

“Dear Mom and Dad, I have adapted to the life of the summer camp. I can eat, wash dishes, fold quilts, and wash clothes. Done...please rest assured." At the end of the militarized summer camp, Duan Qingyi from Linyi, like other campers, wrote a personal report to his parents.

Fifteen-year-old Duan Qingyi needs to be fed by her mother before going to a militarized summer camp in Jinan. "My mother has been feeding me since I was a child. I don't even know how to serve and eat by myself." Duan Qingyi said that his mother is a "full-time mother". He never went to kindergarten, and his mother taught him how to read and read before he entered elementary school. , learn to draw, and every day when eating, his mother brings the food to him and feeds him. He has never done such tasks as washing dishes, washing clothes, and cleaning. My mother persisted in this kind of life for 15 years.

Although Duan Qingyi has poor self-care ability, his academic performance is very good. In July this year, he successfully passed the exam into a well-known high school in Linyi. The high school was far away from home and I couldn't go home for lunch. My mother was worried: I couldn't carry meals to school all day long to feed my children. She began to think about cultivating her children's self-care ability. Finally, at the suggestion of a teacher, the children were sent to Jinan to participate in a militarized summer camp.

Duan Qingyi’s teacher said that the children didn’t know how to line up for meals when they first arrived, but they only took action after being reminded by the teacher. After more than ten days of training, my self-care ability has been significantly improved. I can now prepare meals, wash clothes, and fold quilts.

Parenting experts: Don’t be a “full-time mother” after the child is 3 years old.

Experts believe that there are pros and cons for “full-time mothers” to take care of their children, but after the child is 3 years old, if you still take care of your children by yourself , the harm will outweigh the benefit.

Cao Yunchang, director of the Shandong Modern Child Development Research Center, said that with the improvement of living standards, some mothers have the conditions to become "full-time mothers." This survey found that the family economic conditions of "stay-at-home mothers" are relatively good. The reason why some mothers choose to take care of their children by themselves is not only worried that the elderly or nannies will not provide good care and education for their children, but also wants to cultivate a relationship with their children through long-term contact and let their children feel their mother's love. This is the right starting point. .

However, after the child is 3 years old, he needs to have his own life and social circle, and needs to step out of the parental care. Otherwise, it will not only lead to personality variation, but also narrow vision. In addition, after the age of 3, it is the period when children's independent awareness develops rapidly. If parents continue to take care of everything, the child's self-care awareness and ability will slowly be lost. Most "stay-at-home mothers" have very high expectations for their children, which will invisibly put pressure on their children. The older the child, the greater the pressure.

Learn parenting knowledge and believe that you can teach better than kindergarten teachers. Many "stay-at-home mothers" are quite confident in their children's education. Cao Yunchang said that surveys have also proven that many "full-time mothers" have read a lot of information and learned some parenting methods in order to teach their children, but most of them do not understand the psychological characteristics of young children, and some even deliberately copy other people's success paths. , this is terrible.

He said that there are many benefits if a child is raised by his mother before the age of 3. After the age of 3, it is best to send the child to a kindergarten. It is particularly worth noting that when raising children by yourself, you must not treat your children as experimental subjects, do not transfer your wishes and dreams to your children, and give your children space for independent activities. Knowledge of stay-at-home mothers 2

Stay-at-home mothers are the envy of many working mothers. Most of them have superior living conditions. They don’t have to worry about food and clothing, and they don’t have to run around for a living. The most important thing is that they can take care of their children wholeheartedly. . In many people's minds, children raised by stay-at-home mothers are definitely better than children left to the elderly or nannies in all aspects. But around us, there are many stay-at-home mothers who try their best to take care of and educate their children, but the children they bring out have problems of one kind or another.

1. Case 1 Careful care and raising of "little bean sprouts"

Weiwei had a miscarriage before due to work stress, so as soon as "little bean sprouts" were born, she resolutely gave up her job , wholeheartedly take care of this hard-won son. Weiwei read a lot of parenting books, and she began to carefully prepare various complementary foods for her son when he was 5 months old. Weiwei is very particular about his diet. She observes Xiaodouzi's stool every day and adjusts the recipes according to the characteristics of his stool. Even if the whole family goes out to eat, Weiwei will prepare Xiaodouzi's meals in advance and take them with them in a thermos bucket. But even so, Xiaodouzi's height and weight are far inferior to those of children of the same age, and she often gets sick. Her husband always complains that she can't even take care of a child. This made Weiwei very depressed and anxious.

Expert comments: Qi Yuanli, director of the Child and Adolescent Psychology Research Office of Guangdong Provincial People’s Hospital, said that compared with working mothers, stay-at-home mothers do have more time and energy to pay attention to their children, but many stay-at-home mothers like Wei Like Wei, she pays too much attention to her children. This kind of excessive attention will cause anxiety in the mother herself, and her anxiety will be transmitted to her children, even those who are just learning to talk. Children who are not relaxed mentally and feel attention and pressure all the time will inevitably affect their physical and mental development.

2. Case 2 The boy doesn’t like to play in the sand and loves to dress up

Zijun is 4 years old. His father is a foreign company executive and flies around all day. Zijun was raised by his mother. of. In September last year, shortly after Zijun entered kindergarten, the teacher had a conversation with his mother. The teacher pointed out that sand and water are toys that children before the age of 6 will never tire of playing with, but Zijun was particularly repelled by the sand pool, thinking it was too dirty. There was a little sand on my feet, so I washed and wiped them immediately. While other boys were playing hit-and-kill games, Zijun was posing in front of the mirror alone. The teacher asked him what he liked to play most, and his answer was "shopping".

Expert comments: It is a common problem in many families that fathers neglect to accompany their children, and it may be particularly prominent in families with stay-at-home mothers. One reason is that the mother's full-time stay at home reduces her income, and the father's financial burden increases and he needs to work harder; the other reason is that some fathers feel that the mother's full-time stay at home can already provide their children with adequate care and companionship, and they can take more care of them. Put too much thought on the outside. However, no matter how powerful the mother is, she cannot replace the father's role. Especially for boys, if they lack the company of their father and lack of male role models, they are prone to femininity. Therefore, no matter how busy a father is, he must spare some time to spend with his children. If it's a boy, take him to play some masculine games, such as football. Mothers should also take their sons to play with other boys more often to help him integrate into the world of boys.

Table of contents