Funny jokes and short sentences 1. Humorous sentences suitable for chatting

1. A buddy's screen name is "Because of egg pain", and then when he logs off, the system prompts me that your friend is logged off because of egg pain.

2. I am an onion. In the middle of the road, whoever touches my soy sauce will scold his ancestors.

3. When cleaning, the teacher will say that the school is my home and management depends on everyone; I'm late, the teacher said. Do you think school is your home? !

I will arrive in 5 minutes. If not, please read this message again.

It is a tangled problem to wake people up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet.

6. A scum like you can make you live for two episodes at most in my life series …

7. I feel so unlucky to know you in such a big world.

8. There is no fish in clear water, and the villain is invincible.

9. You look serious as if you can really understand people!

10. You have no image of a pig, but you have the temperament of a pig.

1 1. There are no women who can't marry men, only men who can't marry women.

12. When men have cigarettes and wine, they have stories; When a woman is rich and beautiful, there will be tragedy.

13. Does it itch? Itching is right. When the wound is growing, so are the nerve endings.

14. I love you, which is pure fiction. If there are similarities, it is purely coincidental.

15. How many children have been hurt by exams and how many honest children have learned to cheat.

2. Ask for some humorous sentences

Being your friend for so long, you have always cared about me, but I often give you trouble. I really don't know how to repay you.

therefore ...

Be a cow and a horse in the next life.

I will definitely pull up the grass for you to eat.

I miss you very much, but I am embarrassed to call you. I'm afraid you're busy, you ignore me, you think I'm harassing me, and I'd like to contact you, but ... the phone bill is really expensive. Please call me! -Old Guerrilla 3. If you were a meteor, I would chase you. If you are a satellite, I will wait for you. If you were a star, I would fall in love with you. Unfortunately.

You are an orangutan ~ I can only see you in the zoo! ! Alas.

What a pity! ! 4. Now I am in a mess.

I don't know what I was thinking.

My brain is bored to death.

I really don't know what to do. .

Can you tell me.

I really don't know whether to eat Regan Noodles or Ah Q bucket noodles! -Old guerrilla 5. Thank you for being with me when I was most frustrated and helping me when I needed help most. I just want to tell you: "since I met you, nothing good has happened!" You are a loser! " -Old Guerrilla 6. I'm sorry to text you so late ~ ~ If it bothers you ~ ~ I'm here to say ~ ~ You deserve it ~ ~ Who told you to go to bed earlier than me? ~ ~ hehe! ! 7. Meeting you is my inner desire to fall in love with you. Having you is my happy choice. It is my most precious wealth. Stepping on the red carpet is my eternal motivation to love forever. It is your regret that I passed it on to the wrong person. 8. Because of you, I believe that maybe all this is destiny takes a hand, which brings us together. Now, I really want to say … what evil did I do in my last life! 9. Starting from tomorrow, the city has decided to eliminate all the mentally retarded young people who are ugly and detrimental to the city appearance! Hurry up and pack your things, go out and take shelter, and don't tell anyone that I informed you, remember! Do not thank 10. God saw that you were thirsty and created water; God saw that you were hungry and created rice. God saw that you had no lovely friends and created me; However, he also saw that there is no idiot in this world and created you by the way. 1 1. If it is stipulated that a person can only be kind to one person in his life, I would rather that person be you.

Till death do us part, I have no regrets! But there are no rules ... then forget it! Jytj 12。 Miss you is a happy thing! Nice to meet you! Loving you is what I will always do! Keeping you in mind is what I have been doing! But I lied to you, and it just happened! Ha ha! Jf 13。 The phone rings, which means I'm thinking of you! Two voices mean I like you! Three voices mean I love you! Jyhf When the seventh sound rings … Shit, I really need to talk to you, so don't answer the phone! 14. According to statistics, it exceeds 99. 9% people who look like pig heads use thumb buttons to read text messages! Hey, hey, don't change hands, it's too late.

Pig head! Hahaha 15. I wrote your name in the sky, but it was blown away by the wind; I wrote your name on the beach, but it was washed away by the sea; I wrote your name in every corner … fuck, I was taken away by the police! 16. If it's a mistake to look good … then I'm all wet. If loveliness is a crime … I have committed a heinous crime. It's hard to be a man! ... you will be fine ~ Yes, there is no sin ... I really envy you 17. When the white clouds pass by, it is the trace of my missing you; That's how I miss you when the sun shines. When the rain falls, it is proof that I miss you. When it thunders, it's when I pray to heaven that you are hit. .

Haha-18. If I can meet you if I burn incense for one year, I can know you if I burn incense for three years, and I can cherish you if I burn incense for ten years, I will, for the happiness of the next life.

Convert to Christianity.

3. Humorous sentences. QQ chat

Mountains are not piled, trains are not pushed, enthusiasm is not urged, cowhide is blown by you! ! ! Put your mobile phone in front of the bed. I'm afraid the battery is dead. Check the information and write love poems! Don't get drunk on the wedding night, husband and wife should not be too tired, family planning should be learned, and it is best to grow old together.

Friends are like dogs, loyal and reliable, and never stand behind you; Friends, like pigs, are lazy but simple and honest, always following their butts. Dear, lovely, not as good as a ten-dollar bill! Dear, lovely, not as good as the old man in line! If you don't get high marks, you can pass the exam. If you don't learn deeply, you can copy wisely. I am a classroom, but I am quiet. I can't get up in the study. I listen to it in music class. If I am thirsty, I will drink Sprite. If I am sleepy, I will go to the disco. People born bald are extremely clever. People who shave their heads after hearing the news are smart. I'm crazy. You are stupid. You go home and get off work.

Marry a chicken with a chicken; Marry a dog and follow the dog; Marry a monkey and run all over the mountain; Marry me and treat you to roast goose! The rice screen screen center tells my sister that she really loves Lang. Don't learn to screen thousands of eyes like rice, but learn to spend candles. The future is bright and the road is tortuous. It's easy to work, but difficult to make money. It is easy to fall in love, but difficult to get along with. Flowers don't bloom often, and youth doesn't often. Get in love while you are still young.

I crossed a wide ditch with my melon basket, but the basket leaked. The melon basket buckled over a wide ditch, and the melon fell into the basket and leaked. Sansheng is fortunate to know you, and visitors from all directions no longer care; Women admire your beauty, and women love you both; Let's relax every spring, be friends quickly, be friends slowly, and share joys and sorrows for a hundred years.

Adversity belongs to ladies, romance belongs to lovers. Family happiness belongs to the wife, and loneliness belongs to the lover.

Math makes me very tired, and physics is even more wrong. Learning really makes me haggard and my spirit is about to collapse.

I won't fall behind just by surfing the internet! Miss life is not bitter, clothes need not be mended; The life of a bachelor is so bitter that no one can make up for his rags; The husband's life is more bitter, and the wife can't make it up.

4. When you speak, you often use humorous sentences.

Common humorous sentences: 1. When I have money, I will take the person I hate the most to the best mental hospital! Don't push me, or I will become great and out of control.

I told you to keep a low profile. But you have to give me applause and scream.

If my leaving can bring you a smile, you'd better cry. I don't know if I will meet you in my next life, so I will love you more in this life.

6. Why do I always have tears in my eyes? Because I love you deeply. Extended data:

Humor, describing interesting or ridiculous and meaningful.

It is a foreign word, transliterated from English humor. This word in English comes from Latin, which means "body fluid". A doctor named Hippocrates in ancient Greece believed that human body fluids include blood, mucus, yellow bile and black bile. And their proportions are different. The widespread use of the word humor is attributed to the English humanist playwright Joan Sheng.

His two works, with different personalities and habits, are both famous for their humor. In his satirical comedy masterpiece "Vulpone", his characters are defined according to "temperament", probably because of the social function of literature and art, and Jonson's humor theory has spread like wildfire.

It was Lin Yutang who first moved the word to China. This is a word translated in sound and meaning, and the expression is just right.

Humor Baidu Encyclopedia.

5. Help me to provide some classic funny dialogues and sentences, the more the better.

1. Water can carry a boat and cook porridge. 2. Go your own way and let others fight. Wear other people's shoes and go your own way for others to find. 1. It is not necessarily a prince who rides a white horse. He may be the Tang Priest. 2. The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man.

The higher you stand, the farther you pee. Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let others find it.

I am not a casual person. It's not a person if you casually get up.

6. Women are not decent, but decent, because they are not attractive enough; Men don't care about loyalty. Loyalty is because the chips of betrayal are too low. 7. Smart women deal with men and stupid women deal with women.

8. Go your own way and let others take a taxi. 9. Clear water means no fish, and people are invincible! 10. The minimum goal of a college student: a peasant woman, a mountain spring and a little field.

1 1. Once upon a time, there was a eunuch.

It's gone ! .

6. Funny crosstalk lines

Quotations from Degang Guo: Your shameless appearance bears the charm of my youth.

You have a good physique. I can see at a glance that you will live to death. This young man looks like an actor, covering his face ... The only difference between me and Superman is that I wear underwear underneath.

Last time I drank too much, I used chopsticks as chicken feet and ate one and a half. "Dad, I'm hungry!" "Hungry again, didn't you eat last year?" Poke a noodle lock and it will open, and a pack of instant noodles can open a community.

I threw the shot so far, the coach said, it doesn't count if people go out! Don't leave after the party. I'll treat you to dinner, and whoever goes will pay. Isn't that blonde? ) nonsense, it's blonde, with your eyes closed.

This brain is as big as a pine nut. When you open your skull, you can cook it in a bowl. Would you like to listen? Are you willing to listen or are you willing to listen? I will never insist! He grinned at me! You think I dare not stew you. If we had a pot at home, I would stew you.

Come to heaven, the buildings here are beautiful, and there are signs on both sides: no stalls around heaven 100 meters! If you want a hamburger, wrap a piece of paper and open it. Want to eat crabs, uncover them; If you want to drink milk, you should grab the steamed bread ... The story told today is not far from now. If there are old people at home, you can go back and ask. During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period ... I bought 50 good cars-Alto, Alto, Alto! Get up with a dart and drive like a train! A senior successfully robbed 6.5438+0.83 million yuan in cash. At 5: 40 pm, when * * arrived, it was still blocked with the North Third Ring Road. Nothing can stop his door, nothing can stop his lock, only the bank security lock. He can find a celery and poke it open.

We got lost halfway, and he took out a bunch of instruments and pointed them at the needles in the southeast, northwest and northwest ... I said you were all behind, so we had to take advanced measures and throw shoes. My primary school 10 years, middle school 12 years. I was named the most familiar face in the school. The new teacher came and asked me the inside story of the school ... I ordered shark fin fried rice, but I couldn't find shark fin in three pairs of chopsticks. Can you tell me where the shark fin is? The chef said, my name is shark fin.

Give 40 steamed buns, 80 Jin of pancakes and fry two copies of this recipe-there are many ways to commit suicide, which is too bad for food. The old man is in good health, but his mouth is full of teeth, only one tooth is left, and his teeth are blocked when he eats ... He eats lotus root and puts it in his mouth.

Tian Erfei ran down the road with his head down and went. He picked up his head and had a little contest with this stone ... Tian Er lost. Jumping off a building is too dangerous. I studied it. The twentieth floor and the second floor have different effects. The second floor is bang, ah! Twentieth floor. Yeah ~ ~ ~ Bang! Hi-tech, don't hit him or scold him. Just asking for money, so we can discuss it.

But to put it bluntly, more than 100 yuan can kill the ticket. Law-abiding and melancholy, singing hard every night.

Riding a mule harms others, is honest and fair, and is hungry. Building bridges and roads is blind, and there are many people who kill and set fires.

I went to the Western Heaven to ask my Buddha, and the Buddha said-I don't have a cliche either. You know my appetite, especially I don't like roast duck. I can't eat after eating four. After baking the cakes, I can't eat them when I roll them up one by one ... I really can't eat them. I have to eat when I get home later.

There are four dishes on the table. Open the first one. Oh! Very good! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the second one, even better! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the third one, peanuts, no vinegar! The fourth one looks like a plate of vinegar! After taking part in the work, I can earn 300 thousand yuan ... I looked at the drawings and built a 40-meter chimney, all of which were covered. My family came to see me, beat me up, and the drawings fell down, so I had to dig a well. There is a frying pan under Baotang, and the children pick it up from the dead with steel forks. One person goes down, two people go down and fry together, and they are crushed and scratched three times ... (Fried oil cake? ) People have plasma TVs, so I got one and asked my friends to save it.

As big as a wall, Motorola brand … looks empty, and the TV rings: the TV you are watching is not in the service area … what's the point? This 300 yuan is not wasted. I was introduced to a girlfriend. It's beautiful. Her face looks like a car accident scene.

He is rich and drives a 13 Cadillac. You can tell by the sound that it is a good machine, imported from Germany, "chug chug", (triple jump? There is only one driver in the front row, and the steering wheel is different from others. It is usually round. He is made of pure silver, long and bent at both ends.

Oh, three jumps. At first, half of Beijing was smoking black smoke, and the traffic police shouted at you, "Elder Sun, take away the divine power."

Do you have a two-foot lobster? Sorry, there is nothing two feet long, only two feet two. What stupid restaurant doesn't even have a two-foot lobster? Eat a plate of shredded potatoes. He scolds me, I take a step back, he scolds me again, I take a step back, there is a wall behind, he still scolds, hit ya! ! ~ ~ Which school did you graduate from? I'm from Tsinghua! Tsinghua pool? Well, tsinghua pool takes a bath! You said it belonged to Hufang Bridge! "There is good news and bad news, which do you listen to?" "What's the bad news?" "We are lost. I don't know this place. It is estimated that we can only live by cow dung in the future. " "What's the good news?" "Cow dung have a plenty of! ! "I want to go to a restaurant for dinner. Do you have any chicken? Attendant: Shh! I am! Take a taxi.

We don't play a piece of six, we play a piece of two! I don't sit in the front. I have to pay for sitting in the front! ! Today is a good day, beginning of autumn, and it's another day to stick on autumn fat. I ate four or two vegetarian fried cakes at noon today, and I believe everyone posted autumn fat. How dare you join the beggar's gang! Dressed up very well! The house we live in is riddled with holes, and when it rains, it will kill us: it rains outside, and it rains outside, and sometimes it rains too hard, so the whole family takes shelter in the streets.

Six grenades for a dollar. I'll throw you a hundred dollars first! Don't even like the slag river? You forgot your roots! ! ! I have been an artist for over a week. I spent 200 yuan to buy a little pig, squeaking water, eating beans, throwing it over the wall and squeaking. Guess what ~ ~ ~ dead! Many cross talks are made up, and this is true. Oh, three steps. It's so exciting. .

If the law ignores me, I will kill him.

I'm glad many people came.

The foot of my bed is shining with such bright light. Is it frosty already? Looking up, I found it was moonlight. My name is Degang Guo. I'm glad many people came.

7. Ask for humorous sentence dialogues that make people laugh and cry.

1. Push me again and I'll play dead for you!

There are so many people who look down on me. Who are you?

Give it to me and don't worry, there's nothing wrong with it!

Relax, I'm not a good person. .

5. How dare I charge you if you don't thank me!

6. Don't tell me to bring it on-I have two generations of love!

7. If you ignore me, I will be a dog!

8. When will there be a bright moon? Ask Yi Zhongtian!

9. You can't reach it. Try stepping on your right foot with your left foot.

10. Some people are alive and she is dead. Some people are alive, and he should have died!

1 1. You say. Do you like me? Actually, I started. Actually, I also ... Well, to be honest, I actually like myself.

12. Do you drink water, drink water or drink water? You choose!

13. Hey, say what should be said and whisper what shouldn't be said.

14. Zi once said: Don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital!

15. Don't think I'm unattainable just because I'm handsome. In fact, I am a sea of rivers.

16. Today the weather is fine, windy and rainy.

17. As a typical failure, you really succeeded!

18. Three heads are better than one, and one is Zhuge Liang.

19. In this golden autumn of red leaves and maple leaves. .

20. If you bother me again, I'll tie you to a straw boat and borrow an arrow!

2 1. The wind is rustling and the water is cold. Pay back the money you owe!

22. A: Where to eat? I have no money.

B: Let's go to the restaurant. It's on me.-the hose.

23. a: it's hard to swallow this evil spirit without paying.

B: Then how can I let you die?

24. There is a saying in Shushan. Go ahead and learn from the sea.

25. The world belongs to us and our sons, but in the end it belongs to our grandchildren.

26. How much is this pair of shoes?

27. I was really blind at the beginning.

28. Is this blind man blind?

8. Are there any funny dialogues and jokes?

1. When I went to the hospital for a physical examination, the doctor took my report and said, fortunately, you came early ... I broke out in a cold sweat. This guy finished slowly: he got off work late.

Pit dad! 2. At noon, my sister took the one-and-a-half-year-old child by bus, next to the driver. After sitting for a while, the child kept crying, and Ren Jie refused to give up.

The driver finally got tired of crying. He turned to his sister and shouted, "What do children always teach? Just give him what he wants? " Sister said: "That won't do, the child wants your steering wheel!" " "Today is my birthday, deliberately let my parents not at home at night. Call your girlfriend and want a romantic night alone.

When I finished, I heard a phone call from downstairs. I suggest riding a horse and going downstairs to answer the phone. Since I don't want to miss this call, I certainly don't have time to get dressed.

When we finished walking the stairs, the light suddenly came on! A large crowd shouted, "Surprise!" 4. Woman: "Do you know what is the most difficult thing in the world?" Man: "…" Woman: "It's a man's beard! You are thick-skinned enough to grow a beard. Isn't it the hardest? " Man: "Do you know what the thickest thing in the world is?" Woman: "…" Man: "It's your woman's face! The beard is so hard that you women can't grow it! " .