I met her on the road one day. She just went skiing with her children. She said that she would cook vegetarian dishes and mix vegetables at night. Vegetarian dishes and mixed vegetables have many processes, so it is good to have a meal with a naughty child, let alone cook. I asked her, can you do it? She sighed lightly and replied, "He said he didn't like my cooking because it wasn't delicious. His father likes vegetarian mixed vegetables, so I found a good recipe online, which should be good. I tried to cook all kinds of delicious dishes these two days and felt very tired. "
Marriage really needs hard work. When there is nothing unusual, you need to work hard to maintain that state. If something unusual happens, we should try to solve the problem. Miss A's situation belongs to the latter, and she is also working hard in her way. However, I think that if she keeps working as hard as she is now, their situation will hardly improve one day, because Miss A is working in the wrong direction. Think about it, the treasure chest full of treasure is buried in the mountains, but you dug a hole by the sea. If you dig like this, even if you dig a pit as deep as 10 km, you won't be able to dig out the treasure.
Miss a, the couple's problem is not whether they are good at cooking. A man with a good relationship with his wife can adapt to that terrible meal. Even if you don't like it, it won't affect the relationship between husband and wife because of your good cooking. Since the problem is not here, the key to solving the problem is definitely not cooking. It's a pity that Miss A spent all her limited energy on cooking and didn't prescribe the right medicine at all.
If you want to solve the problem, you must know what the problems of two people are. My advice to her is to find out the problems between two people first, and then concentrate on solving them, even if you eat out three meals a day. However, Miss A doesn't seem interested in my suggestion. Miss A talked to me about this problem, as if she also casually gossiped about me as an outsider. However, like Miss A, quarreling with her husband every day, but focusing on inappropriate things such as housework and cooking, I think something will happen sooner or later.
Who knows that marriage is maintained by hard work, who is half successful. However, in order to get the due reward for her efforts, she must know which direction to work in.
Many married people mistakenly think that they know a lot about family problems. So they all focus on solving the problem, but the most difficult thing is to find out what the problem is. When you encounter problems after marriage, the most important thing is to find the root of the problem and accept this reality with an open mind. With such efforts, a woman can have a "different life from her mother".
Among contemporary young women, there is a particularly popular saying: "Being smart is better than being beautiful, and being beautiful is better than being alive". How can I put it? Maybe this sentence was right before I found a marriage partner, but after I got married, the logic given by this inequality was not in line with the actual situation at all. Life after marriage is much longer than before marriage. In marriage, beauty is not as good as intelligence, and intelligence is not as good as hard work. A hard-working woman will bring good luck to herself.
Once, I attended a forum on women's issues. When discussing the issue of women's rights in the third world, a man who robbed the right to speak spoke. The older man claimed to be a professor in a university. He said that women nowadays are a little too advocating women's rights, a little unreasonable and even destroying families. He mentioned that women walked into society and took men's jobs; The increase of divorce cases has led to the growth of children in broken families and even the collapse of the whole social system. What do women think of these problems? At first glance, this man's speech is simply nonsense. In the United States, women can participate in the presidential election, and now the position of US Secretary of State is also female. However, considering the thinking habits of men in that era, it is not difficult to understand why they still stubbornly adhere to the concepts of the older generation. The environment of that era, the ideas and thinking system instilled in the process of growing up will make people at that time have the ideas of the old professor above. Only when he is reborn again will this concept change. They seldom express their opinions in public, just because of social influence. From this perspective, the professor is not a thinker, but a person who has the courage to express his opinions.
Men in those days were really comfortable. Although the responsibility on their shoulders, that is, the responsibility of supporting their families, is heavy, it is more beneficial. For example, there are many young female employees who help them with low wages; There is an honest wife at home, whether men spend money or look for women outside. At that time, seeing the high divorce rate in western Europe, we proudly thought that only our society could maintain a stable and beautiful family. However, this stability comes at the expense of women. Women of that era, no matter how painful their marriage life was, could not divorce at will. They can't find satisfactory jobs in society, and divorce itself is very complicated and troublesome. Even after divorce, they don't even have the right to distribute property. Therefore, for women in that era, divorce was equivalent to losing their foothold in society.
Stephen Kuntz, an American family scholar, came to the conclusion through the analysis of the data: because divorce becomes easier, the satisfaction with marriage is also improved. Another point is that after divorce becomes easy, the number of husbands murdered by their wives has also decreased significantly. In fact, freer Americans only have the right to divorce by agreement after 1970s. However, when the wife has the right to divorce, the husband is more considerate to her because he is afraid of her divorce. In other words, although the number of divorced families has increased, families without divorce have become happier.
Of course, no woman around me threatens her husband every day and says, "If you treat me badly, I will divorce you." And no woman really wants a divorce. This is like a country preparing for war, but it is also the most peaceful country. Look at America. The United States is the largest nuclear-weapon country in the world, and its defense budget is several times that of ordinary military powers. However, since the civil war, the United States has never waged a war at home. Similarly, those women who are not afraid of divorce are "women who can live well without their husbands". Although they are staying at home with their husbands and children and working as full-time housewives, once they want to find a job, they can always find a job to support themselves. Even if they can't find a good job, they can find a better man immediately. For them, even without a husband, they should not feel lonely. They will go to the exhibition and just call their friends for a drink all night. None of these women will feel that they can't live without their husbands for a day. Of course, if they are really divorced, it is hard to say whether they can live well.
An acquaintance once told me a story about her. One day, her husband was very kind to her. She felt very strange and asked why. It turned out that her husband had a strange dream the night before, dreaming that his wife had moved to another man. He is afraid of losing his wife, so he is very kind to his wife.
It has been said that in the relationship between men and women, women like a more predictable and stable state, while men like excitement, adventure and unpredictability. Therefore, it is necessary to instill an idea in men so that men can vaguely understand that their wives may leave him at any time. No man will try his best to please a wife who can only choose.
Men don't pay equal attention to women whose husbands are heaven.
In a closed space, working alone for a long time will feel depressed. When I think it's time to leave my studio or home, I will pick up my bag and go to the cafe. There, I looked at the crowd outside the window and wrote my own manuscript. But the noise in the cafe makes me unable to concentrate, so I always listen to music with headphones. On the one hand, I miss the smell of people, so I come to the cafe to find someone to accompany me. On the other hand, I don't want to be disturbed by others, so I wear headphones to listen to music. Interestingly, looking around, I found that many people are like me: one is studying, the other is studying, and the other is working, all wearing headphones. Some people may ask, if you are so afraid of being disturbed by others, why not go to the library or simply work in the company? Why do you have to find a "noisy" cafe to try to concentrate? Coincidentally, this story actually reflects our basic attitude towards interpersonal relationships, including husband and wife relationships. I want to be together, but I just want to share what I want to share But in a relationship with friends or family, you can't just reveal what you want to reveal because of the other person's position. However, aren't all the people in the cafe strangers? In fact, everyone lives under an implicit agreement. I can share this space with others and protect my space. I go to the cafe to share space with others, but if I really meet someone I know there, I can't work at all.
The spouse you want to live with is actually someone else. What do you mean by others? You can't be yourself, so you are someone else. After marriage, the relationship between husband and wife will be reversed, women will generally be better to men, and men will become more and more indifferent to women and lose interest. Therefore, when women feel anxious, they are more and more persistent with men, begging men to return to their former appearance and take care of themselves. After marriage, men will not continue to invest in themselves, except that women who stare at their husbands will lose interest in them. Besides, family relationships can't be separated from others with headphones like in cafes, so men begin to hate this kind of marriage.
Women who live a good life after marriage are generally women who can flexibly adjust their space. After they get married, they will always wear headphones to enjoy their interests and not interfere with their husbands. Generally speaking, they never complain about why their husbands ignore themselves. They will enjoy their music smartly, without being hindered by their husbands, and sometimes even recommend their favorite music to their husbands.
A novelist named Li Shunyuan once asked a question: Why don't women bring their mother's desk when they get married, but only put their husband's desk in their own home? For women, besides doing housework, the place where they can enjoy their space is the table. He said, maybe in a family, the table that symbolizes the rights of a wife or mother belongs to her. When he said the table, he actually meant the headphones that we stuffed into our ears in the coffee shop. If any woman still has a table of her own after marriage, then such a woman is the kind of woman who can live well even after divorce. They are women with their own space.
If you want to live a happy life, don't depend entirely on your husband after marriage. This doesn't mean that you will become a stubborn familys. If your husband is a better craftsman than you, let him help you hammer a nail into the wall, you don't have to do it yourself. On the contrary, if cooking is your strong point, you can't expect your husband to cook. You can help each other in life. When I say dependence, I mean that a woman has to look for answers from her husband for everything. Loneliness, moodiness and even financial problems should be solved by your husband. You shouldn't think about these things from the beginning. Most people will help a person who is about to fall, but no one wants that person to fall on themselves. Because each of us can only be responsible for our own life, even if the other party is a spouse.
When you get married, it's natural to expect a lot from your spouse. At that time, I felt that my husband could give himself anything, even if he was asked to give you a heart transplant, he would not hesitate, so many women relied on their husbands at first, and then gradually became disappointed. In five or six years, we will only expect money. If you don't want to become such a bleak relationship, then live a "mutual help" marriage life with him from the beginning. In fact, men are not strong enough for women to rely on him completely. In ancient times, when brute force was used, perhaps women were weak, but nowadays, mental work is more common. Therefore, men who are mentally inferior to women are more likely to become the weak side. It is very meaningful for you to think about all these things.
What? Someone wants to get married because they are too lonely? Come on, give up this horrible idea before you get married. People will be lonely, which has nothing to do with getting married or not. In fact, sometimes it's worse to be around someone than when you're alone. You must understand that people will always be lonely, but you must have the determination to live a good life. In this way, you can meet surprises in your marriage. Simply put, please prepare a table for yourself before you get married.