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Especially after a hard day's work, I found that my child was making a fuss at home and was testing crazily on the edge of being beaten. I'm sorry that he did it without being taught a lesson. ...

If necessary, children really need to be "cultivated", and blind indulgence will only raise unruly children.

But children can't train in every situation, or they can't train right away.

No matter how angry you are, please be careful in the following four situations:

Don't teach what you warned.

The essence of children is always curiosity and never listens to reason.

No matter how many times we say "this habit is bad" and "that behavior is unsafe", we can't stop children from taking risks and being stupid.

Have dinner with friends and children during the Spring Festival.

A friend complained that his baby was always forgetful and changed it many times without changing it. He said "I know" and he would do it again.

On dinner day, the restaurant gave each child a toy. Before leaving the table, my friend specifically told me not to leave anything behind, but I still forgot my toys.

When I got home, I suddenly remembered that the toy was still on the seat, and the child clamored for his father to turn around and look for it.

My friend couldn't help reprimanding: "I told you to put it away long ago, but you didn't listen." That's good. "

After the child was trained, he was too lazy to go back and get it, but sat in the car all the way and sulked.

In fact, when children face the embarrassing situation of "not listening to the old man, they really suffered a loss", they are already regretful and sad enough.

If we emphasize "I told you so" again, it is tantamount to throwing cold water on the child's head.

In the case of low-pressure self-blame, exhortation will not only fail to achieve the expected effect, but will trigger children's resistance and increase their negative impression of their parents.

In the face of warning in advance but still making mistakes, the best way is:

Understand his mood and tell TA that things have happened. The key point is how to solve the current problems, help children get rid of negative emotions and cultivate their adversity quotient.

The little prince said: every adult was once a child, but they forgot.

It is only when children stumble all the way that we understand the so-called truth and common sense of life.

It is obviously unfair to turn your head and hope that your child will get quick success and be a perfect child.

You can have an epiphany, but things need to be repaired step by step.

This is true whether you are doing things or raising children.

The child has realized his mistake, so don't discipline him any more.

Every child will make mistakes, and the attitude of parents after a child makes mistakes determines how he looks at things and how he evaluates himself.

Have you ever found that the baby who obviously made a mistake and kept his head down was scolded by you, but instead gained the spirit of "fighting harder and braver" like cockfighting?

Because every child will be full of guilt, shame and remorse after making a mistake, and will try to make up for it.

Instead, it is the parents who blame and let the children focus on how to confront and fight back.

Children who are not allowed to make mistakes cannot grow up. When parents hold on to mistakes, children learn to lie and evade responsibility.

Every mistake is an opportunity to learn. Learn from small mistakes when you are young, but you can't make bigger mistakes when you grow up.

No matter how big the loss is, no matter how bad the consequences are, complaining and condemning can't solve the problem. Therefore, learning from mistakes is not a waste.

When children take the initiative to admit their mistakes, they might as well try to use these four steps to cultivate their problem-solving ability.

1, what happened? /How did it happen?

2. Is there any way to make up for the mistake?

3. What can I do?

4. Re-quote

For example:

Dad C prepared a pot of foot bath water for us the other day. CC insisted on playing, but the water was too hot. I patiently added cold water three times, but this "sister" kept shouting hot, so she had to put her feet by the pot and wait.

I was restless while waiting and had a fight with DD. As a result, one of them didn't pay attention, and the basin was pushed down directly with one foot.

Water. Maman king. Everything within two meters that Shan Fiona Fang saw in the living room was soaked.

I really have the urge to give lectures. Why do children have to do something?

But see cc has panicked, or endure:

Me: "What's the matter?" (Step 1, ask what happened, not accountability. Even if you see the whole process, give the child a chance to describe the problem and explain it. The version heard from the child's mouth will definitely calm you down a lot. )

CC: "Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't expect the basin to be knocked over when I tried hard. " Look, most mistakes are made by children on purpose. )

Me: "What do you think we should do now?" (Step 2: Still don't be accountable, but let the children think about the aftermath themselves. As long as you are not aggressive, TA will surprise you. )

CC: "I'll get a mop to dry the water and put things away." Say that finish immediately ran to get a mop.

Me: "Is there anything I can do?" (Step 3: Many times, the child's solution is not so perfect, so you can take the initiative to help. )

Me: "I can't handle the water under the sofa." Can you help me move the sofa? "

Afterwards, without waiting for my reply, she reviewed it herself first (step 4: reply and summarize the experience and lessons):

CC: "I can't seem to push the edge of the basin in the future, it will turn over." I'll clean up this time, and I won't push the washbasin next time. "

Just holding back a moment's anger is the perfect ending of making mistakes-knowing mistakes-correcting mistakes-and not making mistakes again.

If there is no other way, why not give it a lesson? Eva refuses to admit her mistake (who told you to make the water so hot), refuses to repent (you may still clean it up in the end), hurts the enemy by 800 and hurts herself 1000, which must be various excuses.

Don't preach in front of outsiders.

Don't lecture children in front of outsiders.

When I was interviewed by teenagers before, a girl left a deep impression on me. When I was five or six years old, my mother bought vinegar for her 10 yuan bills (there were only two popsicles at that time). The girl bought vinegar and couldn't find the money, but she was afraid to go home, so she looked back and forth on the road.

Mom couldn't wait for the girl to go home and came out to find her, only to find that the girl's money was lost.

Then my mother stood in the busy street and scolded her for half an hour, saying that she couldn't do anything well and was a waste.

This example is the epitome of her childhood. Her parents taught her never to avoid others, never to worry about children, and to have self-esteem.

Growing up in such an environment, girls often doubt their own value, feel that they are a waste, do not deserve to be loved, feel inferior, and love and hate their mothers.

The fairy tale king Zheng mentioned in How to Destroy Your Children:

The ultimate way to completely destroy a child is to hurt him, belittle him and make him feel ashamed in front of outsiders (classmates/relatives/neighbors).

Child psychology research has found that children have a sense of need to be respected from about two years old. Children also have self-esteem and can detect the opinions of people around them.

Severe public reprimand will make children feel inferior, timid or arrogant, and will also create a gap between parents and children.

The ancients said that "teaching children behind closed doors" and teaching children in front of outsiders, even if rules are made to make children lose their dignity, is not worth the candle.

When there are no outsiders at home, talk to the children seriously, let them think for themselves, point out the mistakes and correct them.

If the husband and wife disagree, don't train.

Don't lecture children in front of outsiders.

It is common for couples to have different educational concepts, but they must have a unified caliber for their children, so that they don't know who to listen to.

Mom told the children not to do their homework, and dad said it was no problem to let them play for another half an hour.

Dad told the child that it was time to eat by himself, and mom said it was no problem to feed this meal;

……

There is no unified agreement in advance. When it happened, two people tore at each other, and the children's affairs were unclear, so the adults quarreled first. Such consequences are more terrible than beating and cursing.

At one time, CC ate very little at every meal. Dad c is very concerned about this problem. He is worried that her long-term low-level eating will reduce the digestive ability of the stomach and affect her development, thinking about how much to eat at least every meal.

And I think he's asking too much. If you have to have a KPI to eat, children will have no human rights. Even if I grow up to be a big shot, my psychological problems are not worth the loss.

We all agree with each other's views, but we don't agree with each other's practices.

So, at the dinner table, the style of painting is often:

Halfway through a bowl of rice, Cece stole a look at her father. Dad C kept a straight face and "finished the meal". Then Cece turned to me for help.

I felt sorry for the child, so I helped her find the steps. "She just drank a box of milk before dinner, and after eating a whole bowl, it was a little too much ..."

The consequences can be imagined.

I think dad c is inhuman. He thinks I have no principles. It was originally a child's problem, and finally it became a husband and wife's problem.

For children, they don't have the ability to distinguish right from wrong. They need to make decisions based on the judgment of adults. What he needs is constant guidance.

If two closest people provide him with different methods at the same time, it will easily lead to the child being confused and at a loss.

Perhaps it will develop into a "two-faced", with one face in front of dad and the other in front of mom, trying to survive in the cracks.

When parents disagree and can't convince each other, don't expose each other directly in front of their children. If there is anything, they can communicate privately first.

Finally, we negotiated:

Taking her out for a walk before meals consumes energy;

Enrich the menu and food temptation at home and encourage children to eat more;

Ensure the most basic intake, such as half a bowl, but never force more than half a bowl.

Yin Jianli wrote in the book "A good mother is better than a good teacher":

Children's respect is earned by us, not threatened.

The more difficult the situation is, the more you can restrain yourself from training, and the more confident and excellent your child may be.