"Filial piety" is a cultural inheritance and a cultural tradition about caring for parents and elders and respecting the elderly.

With five thousand years of Chinese civilization history, the Chinese traditional filial piety culture was nurtured, born and developed during the thousands of years of Chinese history.

As a cultural system and a social ideology, "filial piety" develops with the development and changes of society.

Therefore, "filial piety" takes many forms Various, we should not stick to harsh old ideas.

Visiting the graves of ancestors during festivals is one of the concrete forms of "filial piety".

Especially. During the Spring Festival, there are many specialties in traditional customs.

I still remember clearly that when I was a child, I looked forward to the New Year and saw the fruits of my parents’ hard work all morning: a big table of delicious meals.

But I can’t use chopsticks, because my father told me that the ancestors must eat first.

The specific process is to place bowls and chopsticks around the table, usually with eight seats in a square shape. The large wooden table can seat people on all four sides, with two seats on each side.

My father prepared eight pairs of bowls and chopsticks, and then placed each pair of chopsticks diagonally on the plate with the dishes, with the chopstick heads on the plate. The other end is on the table. Anyone who has lived in the countryside must have experienced it.

Then my father muttered some words in his mouth, which probably meant: The ancestors are celebrating the New Year, come back and eat again. A year has passed, and I hope that in the new year, our family will be blessed with good health and everything will go well

After reciting, I stood aside, burned the prepared paper money, and lit it. Fragrant wax, when the ancestors are enjoying the delicious food, no one is allowed to pass by the table. After about 10 minutes, all the dishes and chopsticks will be taken away.

This custom can be seen in many places, mainly to express the word "filial piety".

Since there are so many things to pay attention to and "filial piety" is so valued, there is a popular saying among the people: "Son-in-law should not go to the grave to offer sacrifices to the ancestors."

When I saw this. , the question arises, what does this sentence mean?

The son-in-law is the daughter’s husband.

In ancient society, sons were favored over daughters. The thought is very serious, so the family does not like to see the daughter who is married off.

As the saying goes: "A daughter who is married off is just water thrown away", that is, she is an "outsider". /p>

Even the daughter has become someone else's family, not to mention the son-in-law. From a certain perspective, he can even be considered a "stranger"

Children born from a daughter will also be called "grandson" with the word "wai" added.

You can already clearly feel this from the titles of "grandson", "grandfather" and "grandma". The true inner thoughts of the ancients, these ancient cognitions, make it a shameful thing for a son-in-law to visit the grave of his father-in-law.

The reason why I say this is that. Because the ancients believed that only the son was the only one who could keep the family alive.

When the father-in-law and mother-in-law passed away, and the son-in-law went to the grave to pay homage, the villagers within a radius of ten miles would laugh at the family and think that their family members would laugh at it. It’s time to cut off the incense.

Especially if there is a son in the family, if the son-in-law goes to the grave to offer sacrifices, it will bring shame on the brother-in-law, because "outsiders" come to kowtow to worship his parents. Isn't this obviously arrogant? It's originally well-intentioned, but if you're not careful, it can cause deeper estrangement.

It is not unreasonable to look at the problem from the perspective of the ancients.

The so-called "people are prosperous", the "ding" here refers to men, that is, boys in the family.

For a family to thrive, it must first have enough men. With more people, there is greater strength. Only when everyone works in the same direction can the overall strength of the family be improved.

If there are no boys in the family, or very few boys are born, it will gradually decline and be bullied by other families, making it difficult to stand up again.

If the son-in-law wants to visit the grave to pay homage, and he does not want to be criticized behind his back, there is only one situation: marrying in, which is what we often call a "son-in-law who comes to the door."

During the changes in history, the son-in-law who came to the door has never been praised, but rather ridiculed.

It is equivalent to a man marrying a woman, which is difficult to accept in the ideological concept of male superiority and female inferiority.

Because the son-in-law lives in the woman’s home, he basically has no say in the matter. Moreover, even if a child is born, he will have the mother’s surname and has nothing to do with the man.

This is the opposite of the norm in a patriarchal society, and it is understandable that others will laugh at you.

Because of this, it is completely okay for the son-in-law to visit the grave and offer sacrifices.

Not only did no one have any objection to visiting the grave, they also praised his filial piety.

Conclusion

As for the saying "Sons-in-law should not go to the graves, they should offer sacrifices to the graves and humiliate their ancestors", there are mixed reviews and criticisms.

But looking at it from a modern perspective, it is completely inapplicable, because our country has already achieved equality between men and women.

A son-in-law is half a son. In the eyes of the father-in-law and mother-in-law, the son-in-law is just like his own son and can be safely regarded as a close relative.

It is also a normal thing for a son-in-law to visit the grave. This is a way to express "filial piety" and a practical action that reflects the harmony of the family.

The era of male superiority and female inferiority has passed. The old ideas that should be abandoned must be regarded as dross without hesitation and then eliminated.

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