"I ate a beer cap out of a burrito, I ate mothballs out of a wonton, I swatted a fly hand on a nail, I went to burn incense in Qingsong Guan, and I couldn't get my cell phone out when I dropped it in the merit box."
"A BMW car speed 280 yards toward you, followed by a Mercedes-Benz in a drag race, slow down, followed by a tractor is even more cattle, but also hit the left lane-change lights, he wants to overtake!"
"People are Chen Yuanyuan, you? (aiming at the chest) Chen Bianpian"
"We split 50-50, first of all, who is five?"
"You're like a virgin, you're like a rabbit."
"The two of them were only separated by a wall, and they never saw each other. Because one of them always walks to the left and one always takes the elevator."
"Hello, I'll have a Rape Chick-fil-A"
"It is the duty of every citizen to despise you."
"By chance, absolutely by chance, very by chance, too by chance"
"Your eyes, clear and moving, your hands, gentle and delicate, your heart, crystal clear;"
" Your arms, porous and powerful, your chest, broad and great, your skin, invulnerable to swords and spears."
"Don't compare laziness with me, I'm too lazy to compete with you."
"Say what you're unhappy about to make everyone happy."
"Hey, either put in your coins, swipe your card, or get lost, what are you looking at."
"Really~ can't even afford public transportation, and still dare to pretend to be the Matrix."
"Your mom must have thrown people away when she gave birth to you and raised the placenta."
"The one who rides a white horse isn't necessarily a prince, it could be a Tang monk..."
"The one who can burn incense is not necessarily a monk, it could be a panda..."
"The one with tattoos is not necessarily a bad guy, it could be Yue Fei~"
"The one who can fly is not necessarily a big bird, it may also be Li Ning "
"Never hang yourself from a tree, try hanging yourself a few more times from a few trees around you .... "
"I'm a born actor, my eyes are round when I see a pretty MM since I was a kid"
Audience: "I'm in love with my colleague Chi but I didn't tell him, I told another colleague of mine, Ahao, and Ahao promised that I won't But my colleague Tak told me that Ahao secretly told another colleague, Ahlin, and Ahlin was very close to Chi's ex-girlfriend, Ahlan, and I was afraid that Ahlin would tell Ahlan, and Ahlan would go back and tell Chi, which would be very embarrassing for me. Luckily, Ahlan is now in a relationship with Tak, so I went to find Tak to help me solve the problem. Tak told me that Ahlan and he had broken up, and he is now in love with Ahlin, and asked me to go and find Ahlin, but Ahlin told me that Ahlan is in love with Ahlin.
Zeng Xiaoyao: "Ah Ou"
Audience: "I said Ah Zhi not Ah Ou, Ah Ou is a colleague in my other department, Ah Ou is Ah Lin's friend. department's colleague, Ah Ou is Ah Lin's brother, but I can't tell him that the person I like is your brother's girlfriend's ex-boyfriend, that would mess up the relationship even more"
Zeng Xiaoxiao: "Ah Chiu"
Passerby: "Ah T? How do you know that? There's another colleague in our company named Ah T? He has a grudge against Ah Lin, probably because of his crush on Ah Lan But Ah T is on good terms with Ah Hao"
Guanyu: "What are we going to have for dinner today, dear? "
Yuki: "Whatever."
Sekiya: "Let's have hot pot then?"
Yuki: "No, you'll get pimples on your face if you eat hot pot. "
Guanyu: "Then eat Sichuan food?"
Xiaoxue: "Yesterday just ate sichuan food today again?
Guanyu: Then let's eat seafood?
Xue: seafood is not good, you will have diarrhea.
Guanyu: Then what do you say to eat?
Yuki: Whatever.
Sekiya: e!~~~~ then let's not eat anything, let's do something else.
Yuki: Whatever.
Sekiya: Let's watch a movie then? It's been a long time since I've seen a movie.
Yuki: What's so good about a movie, it's a waste of time.
Sekiya: How about bowling? Exercise.
Xue: What's the point of exercising in the heat, you don't mind?
Sekiya: o!~~~~ Then let's have some more coffee.
Yuki: ei~~~ drinking coffee affects your sleep.
Sekiya: So what do you want?
Yuki: Anything.
Sekiya: Then let's just go home.
Yuki: (laughs, then gets her bag) Look at you.
Sekiya: We'll take the bus, I'll give you a ride.
Yuki: The bus is dirty and crowded, forget it.
Guanyu: What about a taxi?
Xue: It's not cost-effective to go that close.
Guanyu: Then walk, take a walk.
Snow: empty stomach, what kind of walk to go ah.
Guanyu: What do you want?
Xue: Look at you.
Guanyu: that first eat.
Xue: Whatever.
Guanyu: what to eat?
Xue: Anything.
Sekiya: ~-! #-#
Then the sky is still blue, the water is also green, chickens and ducks are no bird flu is, pork is safe to eat.
At that time, the photo is to wear clothes, debt is to pay, mother-in-law married daughter is not trying to your house, the child's father is also clear.
Hu Yifei: "I and Zhanbo used to be Siamese twins, two years ago we both brains still grow in one piece."
Zeng Xiaoxian: "Right, then the doctor's knife was quick and gave all the brains to Zhanbo."
That or when I was in high school, one day I dreamed of self in the examination, and then I woke up all of a sudden, the more horrible thing happened, it turned out that I really in the examination!
Zeng Xiaoxian:I'm not that kind of casual person!
Hu Yifei:You're not a person when you're casual!
Guanyu:Do you guys think our cabbages, you can just pick and choose
Yifei:Of course not, you guys are radishes
I'll allow you to walk around in my world, but I won't allow you to run around in my world.
...... Zhanbo:No! Don't be impulsive! We don't know the number of enemies yet! I don't want to take any chances... Ziqiao:We have four and a half men in the car, so we basically have the upper hand... Zhanbo: It's three and a half, isn't it? Xiao Xian to Zhan Bo: One (pointing to himself) and two (pointing to Zi Qiao) Yifei counts as two, and you count as half! Just in time!
The bus driver (to Zhanbo): perverted ah you, either swipe the card, or coin, or get out, twist what twist!
Bus master (to the bodyguard): Hey, come back! Either swipe the card, or coin, or get lost, what are you looking at! (Bodyguard off) bus can not afford to sit, but also pretend to be the Matrix, hum!
Xiaoxian: Xiao Xian has such a roommate, he and a girl living in the same apartment in two suites, but unfortunately one is always to the left, the other is always ...... in the elevator
Zi Qiao: people are Chen Yuanyuan, you? (aiming at the chest) Chen, flat, flat!
Zhanbo: people use eight words to describe her: quiet as a virgin, moving as a crazy rabbit
Ziqiao: your eyes, clear and moving, your hands, gentle and delicate, your heart, crystal clear;
Meijia: your arm, strong and powerful, your chest, broad and magnificent, your skin, invulnerable to knives and spears...
Yifei: I and Zhanbo used to be Siamese twins, two years ago, we two brains are still long in one piece
Xiaoxian: Yes, and then the doctor's knife a quick, all the brains to the Zhanbo
Zhanbo: first to five copies of the "Rape Chicken Rice Flower"!
Wan Yu (to the waiter): then we want five "rape chicken rice"
Yi Fei: the two prodigies, people that is "strong riot chicken rice"
Zhan Bo: Oh, really, change the name?
Qiao: At that time, the sky is still blue, the water is also green, chickens and ducks are not avian flu, pork is safe to eat. At that time the photo is to wear clothes, debt is to pay back money, mother-in-law married daughter is not trying to your house, the child's father... It is also clear.
Zi Qiao: that or when I was in high school, one day I dreamed of self in the examination, and then I woke up all of a sudden, more horrible things happened, it turned out that I was really in the examination!
Guanyu: Isn't "Wuji" a romance movie?
Ziqiao: Ha! One look and you don't know anything about movies!... Wunderkind is a horror movie!
Lisa: It's you! Zeng Xiaoxian!
Zeng Xiaoxian: You know me?
Lisa: My classmate's first cousin's neighbor and your brother-in-law's cousin are in-laws!
Lisa: (pointing to Zeng Xiaoxian's face) It's not the software, you should change the monitor!
Zeng Xiaoxian: Hello everyone, I'm your new Xiaoxian, friend Zeng...
Yi Fei: tell us what you are unhappy about to make everyone happy
Passerby: eat burritos eat out of beer caps, eat wontons eat out of mothballs, swatting flies hand slapped on nails, go to burn incense in Qingsong Guan, the cell phone fell into the merit box can not get out
Sister Flash: canned sardines are more promising than you!
Sister Flash: not enough money, the actors have not been decided, the script is not available
Yi Fei: I think this thing is completely unreliable, the Chinese men's soccer team to win the World Cup and your degree of outrageousness is actually about the same
Meijia: look at your big face, every time I stood next to you my cell phone does not have a signal, and go to the road are not able to see the sun!
Ziqiao: Your head is squeezed by the door, right? You're a dinosaur that degenerates three times a day!
Zhanbo: I look very unhappy?
Yifei: Che, you have written the word "depressed" on your face, and those who can't read can't see it
Yifei: You have no heart! The world is bigger than your lack of heart
Yifei: Let's see, astronomical observation group, pesticide testing center, and... Primitive Animal Society, you call that socializing?
Zhanbo: It's the Primitive Animal Researchers Association, there are a lot of girls in it, haven't you seen the pictures?
Yifei: Eight girls, four with steel teeth, three with eyeglass lenses thicker than beer bottles, and one bigger than you... I now fully understand why it is called the Primitive Animal Society, you can just study each other and save yourself from buying specimens
Wan Yu: It is the duty of every citizen to despise him
Zhan Bo: Sister have you ever had a dog?
Yifei: No, but... You were raised by me. I used to raise a lot of animals. Birds, rabbits, fish, squirrels, fortune trees... all died in less than three days... All of them died, Zhanbo you are so lucky!
Wan Yu: dog cookies are rich in hair conditioner and anti-dandruff formula, after eating the hair go without a trace, dandruff more outstanding!
Yifei: When your mom gave birth to you did she throw people away and raise the placenta!
Ziqiao: Don't compare laziness with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you!
Mika: If you commit hara-kiri, I... I'll have to scrub the floor again...
Small Bo: I've been divorced for three years, and my son is already half a year old
Zi Qiao: I'd like to find a place where I can get my avatar printed on currency
Mika: It's not hard, just find a place that prints plutonian money
Zi Qiao: In our men's world, we are still the strongest people, and the slowest people, the starry-eyed
Yifei: I've looked around for miles and miles and miles and miles. I look at the sky, there are no clouds, the sky is full of stars
Guanyu reads "Returning the Pigs": one day, the duckling met the fourth brother,
The fourth brother said: "You are heartless, you are cruel, you are unreasonable!"
The duckling said, "So you're not heartless, you're not cruel, you're not unreasonable?"
"Where am I heartless, where am I cruel, where am I unreasonable!
"Where are you not heartless, cruel, or unreasonable!?" ...
Guanyu (singing): Chiron Chiron you're two years off, two years off forever and ever...
Guanyu (singing): I'm not a locust, I'm not a centipede, I just want my bitchy brother, perfect love...
Yifei: If I can't see that man I'll make you disappear! Disappear in both biological and sociological sense!
Yifei: You're shameless, you're mean, you're unreliable!
Zi Qiao: So you're not shameless, not despicable, and very reliable?
Yifei: Where am I shameless, where am I despicable, where am I unreliable!
Zi Qiao: Where are you not shameless, where is not despicable, where is not reliable!
Yifei: Even if I am more shameless, more despicable, more unreliable, it will not be more shameless, more despicable, more unreliable than you!
Zi Qiao: Okay, okay, don't scold, running for the U.S. president is also this position
Yi Fei: Mr. Zeng's program is about to start
Zi Qiao: you want to listen?
Yifei: Yeah
Ziqiao: Che, and said I'm boring
Yifei: Don't you want to listen?
Zi Qiao: listen! Who made us boring
Wan Yu: Have you passed the GRE yet?
Luanyu: I... No Auntie
Wan Yu: What about TOEFL?
The passerby: TOEFL from whom?
Wan Yu:Ugly, but ugly in a special way, just special!
Xiaoxian: I allow you to walk around in my world, but never allow you to run around in my world!
Zhanbo: Sister, if there is someone who hurt you y, how long will it take you to forgive him?
Yifei: Forgive him? Forgiving him is God's business, my mission, is to send him to God!
Meijia: my great aunt came to see me early, I am now very sore in the waist and my stomach is very hard
Guanyu: Meijia, your great aunt is really good to you, why don't she sleep in my room today, and I'll sleep on the sofa
Wan Yu: Guanyu, what you say about your great aunt isn't the same thing as what she said
Guanyu: Oh, Meijia has a lot of great aunts? Your grandmother can really give birth, I only have one, but I have three great-aunts!
YiFei: It's okay, failure is success his mother
ZhanBo: I've had a lot of moms, but none of them are pregnant
ZiQiao: Huh? How come this cup has no mouth!
Mika: You're holding it backwards
Ziqiao: Not only does it have no mouth, it doesn't even have a bottom
Yifei: I'm not even sure if I wrote a poem, but I wrote it in an incomprehensible, stinky, and long way, and then the girl looked at it, and the estrogen that she had managed to stimulate turned into cholesterol... He did something wrong to you and you're going to poison him!
Yifei: I want to poison, the first to poison you!
Zhanbo: My sister made something poisonous, the poison has to look tempting for someone to want to eat it, the last time I saw her make chocolate, good ~ guy!
Xiaoxian: hahaha, I know, you're not trying to poison him, you're trying to scare him to death, right?
Valley: so touching... Little Dragon Girl she's just too pretty... But Yang Zhuo is too unappreciative, he only has his aunt in his heart!
Zhan Bo: It's like this, Little Dragon Lady... It's his aunt
Guanyu (shocked): ah! It's so sinful, does Yang do that his aunt doesn't have a problem with it!
Zhan Bo: Uh... To be exact, there is no such person as an aunt
Guanyu: Oh my god! Then Yang Guo... Made himself his own aunt! Little Dragon Lady... Made her own nephew-in-law!
Wan Yu: Little Dragon Lady was raped
Guanyu (frantic): na ni (what)? How can that be!
Wan Yu (smiling): yes, it was Yin Zhi Ping who did it
Guanyu (continuing to freak out): don't say it! Don't say it again! (Suddenly calm)... Could it be that Yin Zhiping is Yang's aunt?
Zi Qiao: 10,000 and 1,000,000 are the same, because I don't have either!
Yifei: I really want to pia my size 37 shoes onto your size 42 face now! Plant people can talk better than you, do you believe I'll plant you in a flower pot right now!
The one who rides a white horse is not necessarily a prince, it could be the Tang Monk...
The one who burns incense is not necessarily a monk, it could be a panda...
The one who has a tattoo is not necessarily a bad guy, it could be Yue Fei~
The one who can fly is not necessarily Big Bird, it could also be Li Ning
3. The king can't beat 911 because the FBI is very powerful.
4. A straight flush can't beat a four-color hand. The best thing about the game is that it's better than a single player.
5. Congratulations on getting 12581. China Mobile will give you a free self-touch once
6. Girls get 3,8 congratulations. Because of the holiday shopping stop playing cards once
10.get 5.1 10.1 because of national holidays. Stop playing cards
Yifei: Yes! That's right! The red carpet is 80 meters... What's going on, actually missing me 5 meters, this boss is also too unethical, right, pork price carpet also come with me missing pounds, their carpet is not made of pig skin, right?
Yifei: If the carpet is not long enough, let him sew his red pants up to make up the five meters!
Xiaoxian:I'm not a random person!
Yifei:You're not a casual person!
Accidental, absolutely accidental, very accidental, too accidental
I'll spray you to death with a mouthful of salt spray.
Don't hang yourself from one tree, try hanging yourself from a few more trees around you ....
I'm a born actor, I grew up with round eyes when I saw pretty MM
Ziqiao: I'm a born actor, I grew up with round eyes when I saw pretty MM.
Small Yin: here four and a half men, afraid of what
Zhan Bo: obviously three and a half
Small Yin: one, two (referring to Ziqiao and Xiaoxiao), Yifei counted two, you counted half
Ziqiao: how do I feel that you to sit here, it is "a thousand mountain birds fly away, ten thousand paths of people trail extinction" it.
Mika: I used to get harassed a lot online, and then I realized that it's very important to have a username... Work account, thank you gossip, if you want to gossip, each word Wu Mao, punctuation, half price charge!
The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on some of the most popular products and services in the world.
Mika: No one ever bothered me again.
Ziqiao: "Miss! You were kissed by a pig when you were a kid, huh?"
Bowl Yu: "Ah! It was so much fun! This one is called Handsome Being Chopped! I bet this guy isn't very good looking!"
Zeng Xiaoxian: "Heh heh heh ~~~~~ that's my name. "
A moment later ~~~~
Bowl Yu: "Ahahahahahaha! This one is called Ugly Wants Plastic Surgery! "
Zeng: "﹏⊙b⊙汗那是我刚换的名字! "
Bowl Yu: "Hahaha! This person's name is Monk Tang washing his hair and loving Puffy! "
That's Zhan Bo got
The traffic cop asked Zhan Bo: "Can you drive?" Zhan Bo: "I don't know how."
The traffic police asked Wan Yu: "Do you?" Wan Yu: "I can, I can drive a go-kart."
Kid: Where are you from
Guanyu: Far, far away
Kid: The hometown of Ultraman?
Sekiya: Well, I'm from Ultraman's hometown
Kid: You think I'm a kid
Sekiya: You guys think we're cabbages? You can just pick and choose.
Yi Fei: Of course not, you guys are radishes
I'd better keep it short with you
But it's a long story,,
ladies and folks!
Idle: I can't marry you, go buy a cucumber!
"I want a treasure map, you give me a map, huh? This is still a world map?" --Lu Zhanbo
"Let's split it 50/50, first of all, who's the five?" --Chen Meijia
Wan Yu: You're repeating your math, your parents are getting remarried.
Psychiatrist:So what's your scariest dream? It's the dream that allows you to wake up suddenly.
Ziqiao: It was when I was still in high school, and one day I dreamed I was taking a test, and it was horrible. Then I woke up all of a sudden, and something even more horrible happened, and it turned out I was really taking a test.
Yi Fei: she may need to keep a spare tire
Zi Qiao: this appointment was originally looking for a spare tire she now found Guan Gu that I am not a spare tire of the spare tire
Yi Fei: En short for the second tire
Mega classic quotes: one seven to get seven two seventy-four eight 38 Women's Day May Day Labor Day six one.
Zi Qiao: What are you doing, celebrating the 10th anniversary of the Chinese men's victory over the Cambodian women's soccer team?
It's been a long time since I've seen a bull like you blowing up so fresh and clean.
One three, one five...
Eat...
What to eat ....
I'll eat this card...
Ah...
You guys see my card...
Two aces, a deuce, and an eight, what's wrong...
With this 5, I make 12581...
12581...
Fear, 12581 is a press I help you...
Help you what ah ....
I have a chance to touch myself...
Self-touching...
Yeah, come on, come on, none of you draw me a card...
Hey, what are you doing...
I can mold you a card...
Why would I give you...
Ah...
A ten, look at this...
What's this one again...
One ten, one one, October 1, what date ....
National Day...
Yeah, you guys are taking seven days off for the National Day, so I can get away with seven cards...
Hibernation card ....
You're so smart, the effect is almost the same...
So why do you get to play cards...
I'm Japanese, and Japan's national day isn't that day, so I can't take a break, I have to keep working, so I get to play cards and you don't ....
I won't fall in the same place twice!"
"Of course, the green turtle is on all fours, so you make him fall for me."
Good girl, drink milk, drink milk, drink, why don't you drink! Sharapova, why are you crying again? I told you I don't know where your mom is, Albania or Algeria, God knows, with your real dad. Ronaldo, you get down here. Don't ride Zidane like a horse! And you, Ali Baba, take Ayumi Hamasaki outside and play. Is the refrigerator a place for hide and seek? I'm going to hit you. Beckham. How do you piss downstairs on the balcony? And you did you eat my sleeping pills as candy again Jordan!
You sit next to her, and then she knows nothing about it and still smiles with you, and then, you open your mouth, and she breaks down, and then cries, and then the two of them hug each other and cry their eyes out, and then finally you have to tell her that it's not going to work out, and that you'd better go buy a cucumber!
You open up to her, then she quietly looks at you, you break down and then cry, and then she pulls you in her arms and righteously says Don't cry, wash up and go to bed, you have to go to work tomorrow, don't eat your fill of nonsense here!
Meijia slapped Ziqiao with the RuLai Divine Palm, and then said to Ziqiao, who was lying on the ground, "You owe me 10 slaps, and I slapped you with one, so that leaves 11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"