Nothing to do, dig out a collection of essays. Just open a page and it is an article in memory of my father. When I saw the sentence "A father is a book, and a child may spend his whole life reading it", a piercing pain suddenly stung my heart. It has been six years since my father left me. In the past six years, I have been thinking about him all the time. I even prayed that God would give me another chance to be a father and daughter, so that I could give him all my filial piety and make him the happiest father in the world. However, God will never give me this opportunity. I can only remember my father in guilt.
My father is just an ordinary worker with little education, but the family he was born in used to be very prominent. He was born in a big family in Jiangsu and belongs to the younger brother of a scholarly family. His ancestors left many fields and houses, and his father lived like a young master when he was a child. Later, when I came to Japan, all my possessions were robbed, and my family was destitute, so my family was forced to flee to Shanghai. In order to make a living at home, my father gave up his studies, and when he was less than 14 years old, he became an apprentice and a peddler ... running around all day. After liberation, my father left Shanghai for more than 40 years in order to get a lot of income, without telling his family to sign up to support oil construction in foreign oil fields.
I didn't know my father's family background until I was an adult, but I knew he was a landlord when I was very young. In that age of compositionalism, I seemed to be born inferior. Other children bully me at will, and I dare not resist at all, for fear that they will scold me as a "small landlord"; I have to fill in ingredients at the beginning of every semester in primary schools, which is my most heartbreaking moment. Every time I fill in the "landlord" with trepidation, I feel that life is worse than death. To this end, I once hated my father for a long time in my heart, and hating him made me suffer so much humiliation and embarrassment at an early age!
I remember that once my father went back to Shanghai to visit relatives and brought me back a satin coat sewn by my grandmother, with lace carefully embroidered by her grandmother with gold thread. When I wear this new dress to school, my companions are very envious. They spat at me and called me a "small landowner". I ran home crying all the way, threw my clothes on the ground and stepped on a few feet. Father asked me to pick it up, but I stubbornly refused to pick it up. My father was so angry that he raised his hand to hit me. I cried and shouted, "Who told you not to be a poor farmer? Why are you the landlord? If a poor farmer wanted me, I wouldn't be your daughter now! " Father raised his hand and slowly put it down. At that moment, I clearly saw the tears in my father's eyes.
My father was very strict in my childhood memory. He is very strict with me. In his own words, "Girls should be disciplined from an early age." He trained me like a lady, and I had to do what he asked me to do when I talked, walked, sat down, ate and even served dishes. When I was a child, he often left me at home and asked me to recite three amethyst, Zengguang Xianwen, Disciples' Rules, Qian Wen Zi and other ancient texts. My brother, who is only one year older than me, is allowed to play freely outside by his father. Therefore, such a picture will be permanently fixed in my mind: my father is holding a ruler, and I stand in front of him respectfully like a monk, chanting word by word: "At the beginning of life, human nature is good." Sex is similar, but we learn from each other far away ... "If I can't recite it, my father's ruler will be held high, while my brother will hide aside and smile gloomily. I often cry while carrying my back. What I thought at that time was: Why is my life so bitter? A landlord's father put me through so many smelly rules. If I have a poor farmer's father, I promise I won't recite anything. Teaching is lax and teachers are lazy. "
I have grown up gradually, and the landlord composition has no influence on my life. When I grew up, I found my father loved me very much, and I began to enjoy everything he gave me with a clear conscience. I remember one winter night in a technical school. A cold current struck and the temperature plummeted. My father was worried that my bedding was too thin, so he rode a bicycle for more than ten miles and sent me thick bedding. It rained heavily on the road, so my father took off his raincoat and covered it with bedding, fearing that the bedding would get wet, and he walked in the rain himself. When he came to my dormitory, his lips were black with cold, and he couldn't even speak for a moment. I was so absorbed in a novel that I just lay in bed and didn't even say hello to my father, let alone see him off.
There is a saying: "God forgives the mistakes you made when you were young." And the mistakes I made to my father. If there is a God, I don't think he will forgive me. I never bought anything for my father when he was alive. The only gift I gave him: a pair of sheepskin gloves or a prize that I won the first prize in the technical school legal competition. When I brought my gloves to my father, his eyes narrowed with laughter, and he repeatedly praised, "It's better to be a daughter, and her daughter is promising. Unlike a son, it's useless. " He wears his hands on the duty car of the unit and wants to stand without sitting. He grabbed the railing on purpose to make everyone stare at his gloved hand. When someone praised him for his beautiful gloves, his father immediately said proudly, "This is my daughter's prize. My daughter has a bright future and others call her a talented woman. " My daughter is very quiet, not crazy at all like other people's daughters. "Father's words aroused a lot of people's disgust, but he still went on excitedly. Even mother can't stand it, telling others that he is too vain. Alas, a pair of sheepskin gloves can cause father such great satisfaction. It's a pity that I know this too late!
My father has been fighting in Shandong since I started working. After retirement, he was hired back to Shandong to continue his work. During this period, I got married, had a family and children, and only focused on my small family. My father is gradually forgotten by me. Only when I receive a gift from my father on holidays: woolen coat or sheepskin boots, will I remember that he is still in Shandong. 1997, my father who retired for five years finally returned to Hubei. He never got up after he came back: advanced gastric cancer. During the period when he was in hospital, every time I went to the hospital, I was mentally miserable and regretted that I cared too little about him. Sitting in front of my father's bed, I asked him, "Dad, I'm really not a good daughter. Do you blame me? " Father smiled and said, "Silly boy, how can Dad blame you?" ? You have been my father's favorite child since childhood. Your brother said that dad is eccentric, dad is eccentric, and dad just likes you more than him! "
My sick father talks a lot. Every time I go to see him, he talks for a long time. He said to me, "When you were a child, you had a serious illness and almost died. The doctor says you are hopeless, so I'm going to leave you alone, and I'm busy trying to fix it privately. Your mother had no choice but to come to me. I'm at work, and I'm anxious when I listen. I ran to the hospital and forced the doctor to save you. I said you couldn't save my daughter, so I'll fight you hard. The doctor was frightened. Later, he said he would give you a blood transfusion. I asked the doctor to draw blood without saying anything. At that time, I just worked the night shift and my head was dizzy. " Listening to my father's narrative, childhood memories are shown in my mind like movies: when I was in primary school, my father would pick me up from school every rainy day. I was afraid that the rain would wet my trouser legs, so I carried me all the way home. Walking on the road, he said, "Who wants a little girl? My family sells little girls. My daughter is smart and beautiful. Do you want to buy? " Lying on my father's back, I repeatedly shouted, "No, no! If you want to sell, sell your brother. " The father went on to say, "Your brother, that smelly boy, nobody wants it!" " "When he said this, he didn't even notice that his brother was walking beside him.
I still remember one time, when I was about four or five years old, I pulled wild flowers by the canal and accidentally fell in. The current was so fast that it washed me away at once. Father was far away, and suddenly he felt a pain in his chest. He had a premonition that something was going to happen to me, so he pushed his bike forward desperately and pulled me out of the water. I was already in a coma when I came up. If he comes late, I'm afraid I'll die.
In the last few days of my father's life, he was a little out of his mind. Sometimes when I go to see him, he doesn't even feel my presence. However, at my father's memorial service, my brother told me something with tears in his eyes: two days before my father died, he suddenly reflected light. He called his younger brother to his side and said to him earnestly, "You have always said that Dad is partial and Dad is partial to your sister, so your sister is so headstrong. Your sister offended you, don't blame her, blame me, I spoiled her! You must take more care of your sister in the future. You are your brother, you must leave your sister alone. " Ah, father, my dear father, how can I repay your love as deep as the sea?
At this point, I was in tears. Father is a book and daughter is a scholar. I think I can only read this book carefully all my life, in order to taste the ups and downs in this book and understand the true meaning of life contained in it!
To my scarred youth.
When I look up at the blue sky wall in despair, I occasionally think of the time when it was warm and cold. When I was young, I wrote lines of childish sentences under the cold white light of the desk lamp every night, laughing happily and crying painfully. I believe there must be a kind of love in this world, and I try to resist the immersion of the dirty world with that once bright boy.
Later, time shattered. In the face of reality, my paranoia is only a little vague. I thought the deep-rooted injury was just a drop in the ocean, and all the warmth and beauty were gone. I can only see the illusion of crossing time and space once. I want to tell myself that recalling the past is cowardly and futile, so I finally recognize this dirty and noisy world and the so-called happy ending in fairy tales.
From then on, I will always lie on the windowsill, looking at the lonely sky and the thin and messy starlight in my world on a deserted night.
It took me three years to build a city, a city that is not impregnable, but enough to protect me from the sun and rain, the wind and the sun, and the knife cuts first frost.
It took me three years to understand the world, and I know that in the future, we will all walk around in debauchery.
I had a dream for three years and tried to forget it when I woke up, so now I can't remember whether it is black and white or multi-tone.
A long time has finally bleached the absurd mark of my youth. I finally saw the light on the edge of dusk and darkness, and pieced myself together in the broken memory. And you have disappeared from my reach, leaving only an incomprehensible brush stroke in the blue sky and an invisible image in the wind blowing between the shadows.
I am a secretly sick child. You never know whether I am happy or hurt under a smiling face. I became silent, with a gentle and forbearing smile on my lips. It seems that with the passage of time, I can no longer see my unruly.
Once upon a time, when I loved, I had to love sadness. If I can't be gorgeous, then there is only sadness.
When he falls in love with others and is with others, I will suffocate. My confused thoughts will seize my soul like ivy feet. I love him, very much, but now I won't say it. I want him to fester and get sore, leaving an indelible scar in my heart to record this young man who spread Xiang Lian in my life.
I was suddenly shocked in my meditation, only to find that the red leaves and plums on campus were already in full bloom, the flying flowers raised by the evening breeze and the spring buds picked up by the sunset all sighed faintly in the great softness: spring had arrived early, but people did not feel it. But I also want to pick up a bunch of fallen flowers under the red plum tree.
Yunshan is heavy, the heart is Wan Li, what's going on in the world, and the heart is young.
Lonely wry smile overflowed the corners of my mouth. When I opened my arms to pick up the remaining elegance on the tree, I suddenly understood that if you don't go against the trend, you will never be the same again.
Memories turned into a cup of dirt scattered around my besieged city, which made me sleep with my grave on my pillow.
Don't give up halfway
People always become attached to each other because of the same point. In the same year, the same area, the same acquaintance, the same hobby, no matter how good, also have the same book, love the same song, chasing the same singer.
Because I have experienced different people and said many different things, it takes a long time for two people who don't know each other to accept each other, and it is possible to reach some consistency through bit by bit of temptation and experience the same thing. Because they are consistent, they have the title of good friends.
Therefore, when we meet some people who are slightly similar to ourselves, we can't help but get excited. Because you don't have to explain why you burst into tears when reading that book, because the other person can know its root with a gesture. You don't need to emphasize on QQ: Sorry, I don't like your modal particles just now. Then the other party still thinks that you are particularly melodramatic, unreasonable, petty and inexplicable.
Even a usage of "Oh" can tell the same feeling as the last one. Two, three, four, five, six and seven, you can't help propping your head up against the computer.
I like that you like sunshine because everyone has an untouched forbidden area in their hearts, which is only open to each other. I like that you are older than me, because you often tell me a lot of conclusions you have reached after many years. You can tell me every mistake I made, and you can also tell me every advantage I have. I like my family, because every time I argue with them, they will listen to me quietly and then acquiesce in my attitude. I also like you who study with me, because you often make me feel that life is beautiful, because we believe in the right, fair and kind direction.
We are all struggling. We are addicted to every reunion, the noise of food stalls and the wanton roar of KTV, just because you share and continue together.
The more lovely people are, the more worried that this relationship will suddenly break down, so they have letters that they think can maintain the relationship.
The once-dead-iron relationship has broken down, and the show I used to show off in front of others has now become the ridicule of others. I asked myself: if we are relatives, is there any possibility of redemption? The answer is yes, but we are not related, so there is no innate protection. Even after decades, we will realize our mistakes one day. Because of the identity of relatives, we can lower our heads, but we can't, so no matter how good the relationship is, we can only choose to meet again in the next life.
So after that, I changed my way and turned all the relationships I thought were good into relatives. I have an endless bottom line, I have a super good temper, and I can tolerate some dissatisfaction, just because I have always regarded you as a relative, so please don't waste this trust.
The so-called friend is to meet by chance. If there are endless similarities, blood is thicker than water. The real purpose is to treat every friend as a relative whose blood is thicker than water. Sometimes, when you grow up together for ten years, you suddenly find that the person you call your closest relative is standing in front of you. The first sentence is: How did you get here? I have been waiting for you here for ten years.
A true good friend is a soul living in two bodies.
Life is like a tree.
I have always believed that life should be like a tree.
Walking into the bright spring, I told myself that I was as cold as a tree; Walking into the hot summer, I remind myself that it is as cool as a tree; When I was besieged, I comforted myself and felt as safe as a tree. Because of the spirit of trees.
Trees always live so calmly that they don't envy the flowers and regret the grass. If you want to sing, shout loudly and sing the high spirits of life. Trees always live so stably, whether in fertile soil or barren land, they can always be embedded in the bones of the earth, so that the passion flowing everywhere can gather into beautiful scenery.
Life is as quiet as a tree, no matter where you are, you feel the beauty of the world with your heart; No matter what kind of difficulties you encounter, you should try your best to overcome them; No matter how old you are, you are careful to find pleasure in life. I am grateful and live my life peacefully. Just like this tree, it only seeks integrity, sunshine and holy land. Give me a drop of water, and I will go up, and I will be tall and straight, and I will climb up, just like a tree soul that will remain unchanged for thousands of years.
Life should be as obscure as a tree.
There is such a tree that stands in a very inconspicuous corner. But when spring comes, it will sprout and spit green; When summer comes, it will hold up a shade under the scorching sun; In autumn, it hangs ripe fruits on branches; When the winter comes, it will return everything to the earth and then gradually sleep in the cold wind.
So is life. Although there is no thrilling experience, you have lived out the value of life. Only by paying silently can we get real happiness.
Hard-working gardeners are very happy because they have produced bright flowers.
Hard-working sanitation workers are happy, because it is because of their labor that people can live in clean and tidy cities.
Students in Daiyue are happy because they feel that the future of the motherland is beckoning to them.
Life is like a tree, fate is erratic, wind and rain are everywhere, and integration is everywhere. Like a tree, we should take the storm as an opportunity to wash away the dead branches and leaves, and then stand proudly, thriving and full of vitality every time.
Wind and frost will not make us old, but will only make us more mature; Time will not make us yield, but will only make us stronger.
Life is like a tree, which makes our hearts as otherworldly as a tree.
Close-up and prospect
Lushan needs to take a closer look at its Qingxi strange rocks and colorful caves. Lushan Mountain needs to be seen from a distance, surrounded by smoke and mist rising. The wheat field needs to be carefully examined, and the ears of wheat are full and falling; The wheat field needs to stay away from the rolling wheat waves and throw the gold into the blue sky. Life needs a close look. The beauty of sunshine, the singing of birds, the smiles of passers-by and small details can make life so happy and beautiful. Life needs a long-term perspective. When you stand at the peak of your destiny and look at the setbacks that once made you extremely painful, they turned out to be so small.
When you were born in this world, God's kiss made you start your life journey with his generous kindness, and since then you have entered a close life. The care of parents, the care of relatives and the support of friends all make you feel happy and happy in your life. Just like watching the spring rocks in Lushan Mountain at close range, it makes you relaxed and happy; The full ears of wheat in the wheat field make people feel the joy of harvest; The sun is shining and the population is thriving, which makes you feel like a paradise. These pleasures make the boat of life full of sails, make life full of hope, and make people have infinite yearning for the future.
However, no one will always be the darling of God. Sometimes the halo on the head is pale, and sometimes setbacks and sufferings follow. Career frustration, academic frustration, the departure of relatives and the betrayal of friends will make you miserable and suddenly your life will be bleak. When you feel that your life has been defeated like a mountain, when you feel that life is unfortunately involved in the whirlpool of suffering, when you feel that the future is meaningless, please jump out, my friend! Standing on the outer circle of life, standing on the edge of high enough emotions, watching the long river of life. In her crooked body, all kinds of tempering you are going through now are just rolling gravel in the river bed, just a detail that can be ignored in your long life journey. Those terrible darkness, those turbulent eddies, are just "disasters" you imagined in frustration. You know, from the whole process of your life, the so-called "disaster" is insignificant.
At the peak of his career, Hawking suffered from illness and trauma, and the heavy blow was enough to make him nervous breakdown. But he jumped out of the circle of "disaster", saw the transcendence of disease and the ups and downs of life, and finally defeated the disease and flew over the ups and downs. His great perseverance is admired by the world, and his great achievements are cherished by the world. Gou Jian, the King of Yue, suffered from national subjugation and endured inhuman humiliation for ten years. He insisted on the belief of saving the country because he saw the light of life from outside, he saw the hope of victory, and finally created an amazing historical miracle. I want to ask, if he didn't escape from the "devil" in his body and didn't have a vision of life, where would the strength support him to make a comeback? Yes, looking forward makes people clear-headed, and makes people know more about the beauty of life; Looking forward gives people courage, and people are not afraid of danger because they see hope; Looking forward gives people confidence, makes people rally, stays away from the past and faces the future.
Look closely at the delicate life, full of warm feelings, and a little sweetness seeps into my heart; Looking forward to a magnificent life, with a heroic future, regain confidence to meet more beautiful. Close-up and long-term harmony and unity, so that our pain disappears, happiness lasts forever, and the beauty of life is panoramic!
Life is like a tree.
I have always believed that life should be like a tree.
Walking into the bright spring, I told myself that I was as cold as a tree; Walking into the hot summer, I remind myself that it is as cool as a tree; When I was besieged, I comforted myself and felt as safe as a tree. Because of the spirit of trees.
Trees always live so calmly that they don't envy the flowers and regret the grass. If you want to sing, shout loudly and sing the high spirits of life. Trees always live so stably, whether in fertile soil or barren land, they can always be embedded in the bones of the earth, so that the passion flowing everywhere can gather into beautiful scenery.
Life is as quiet as a tree, no matter where you are, you feel the beauty of the world with your heart; No matter what kind of difficulties you encounter, you should try your best to overcome them; No matter how old you are, you are careful to find pleasure in life. I am grateful and live my life peacefully. Just like this tree, it only seeks integrity, sunshine and holy land. Give me a drop of water, and I will go up, and I will be tall and straight, and I will climb up, just like a tree soul that will remain unchanged for thousands of years.
Life should be as obscure as a tree.
There is such a tree that stands in a very inconspicuous corner. But when spring comes, it will sprout and spit green; When summer comes, it will hold up a shade under the scorching sun; In autumn, it hangs ripe fruits on branches; When the winter comes, it will return everything to the earth and then gradually sleep in the cold wind.
So is life. Although there is no thrilling experience, you have lived out the value of life. Only by paying silently can we get real happiness.
Hard-working gardeners are very happy because they have produced bright flowers.
Hard-working sanitation workers are happy, because it is because of their labor that people can live in clean and tidy cities.
Students in Daiyue are happy because they feel that the future of the motherland is beckoning to them.
Life is like a tree, fate is erratic, wind and rain are everywhere, and integration is everywhere. Like a tree, we should take the storm as an opportunity to wash away the dead branches and leaves, and then stand proudly, thriving and full of vitality every time.
Wind and frost will not make us old, but will only make us more mature; Time will not make us yield, but will only make us stronger.
Life is like a tree, which makes our hearts as otherworldly as a tree.