Regarding the power-on password, my wife learned to set the power-on password for the computer. Me: What is the wife's power-on password? Wife: Your birthday. I entered the wrong display, and I lost the lunar calendar several times, but it was still wrong. Me: The password is wrong. Wife: You are so stupid. Let me do it. Then the wife came in: Ni Shengri showed off in an ostentatious manner on the keyboard.
There is 1800 yuan in the wallet about rounding an integer. Wife: Let me round it up for you. Me: OK. Then she took 800. .
Wife: Honey, I took a fancy to that brand of clothes last time. It's almost the Spring Festival. I haven't bought much clothes recently. I only bought a few sets a week, and they are not enough to wear. It is said that clothes make the man, I look good, and when I take it out, I will have face ... (omit the N word) Husband: Get to the point. Wife: 3000!
About my wife chasing me. Wife: Handsome boy, do you have a girlfriend? Husband: Yes. Wife: Would you mind changing it? Husband: Yes. Wife: Would you mind another drink? Husband: ... I don't mind. So she became my wife.
Regarding reading newspapers in the living room after dinner, I asked my wife: Did you wash the dishes? The wife said seriously, honey, you have to ask, honey, let me help you wash the dishes! Then I'll say, honey, it's already washed. How nice … So, husband: Baby, let me help you with the dishes! Wife: OK, go ahead.
Watch TV and talk about physical strength with my wife. I snorted with hunger. Wife: Honey, are you hungry? The husband moved and nodded. The wife said sadly, honey, if you are hungry, go to sleep first. Sitting is a waste of energy.
1. Students go to the toilet during recess, and when they finish, they find that there is no paper, and they can't wait for people, so their mobile phones are in arrears. In desperation, he called 10086 for help. . . It is said that there was silence for a long time, and later ... his classmate received such a short message in class: Hello, China Mobile User, your classmate is in the toilet and asked you to send him toilet paper. Please contact 10086 for details.
The bedroom is on the sixth floor. When I climbed up, I found that I didn't have my key. I went downstairs and asked my aunt for it. Then I climbed up to open the door, went down to return the key and climbed up again. I found the door closed. A classmate next door passed by and asked, "You see your door is open. I will turn it off for you. " …
At night, my girlfriend said I was too girly, so I got angry and quarreled with her. I wanted to be a man, but I finally couldn't help crying.
4. A buddy got up the courage to express his affection to MM on QQ, and MM later replied: I'm her mother, and I'm here to steal food.
5. The teacher called the roll in class: "Liu Hua!" As a result, the following children shouted back: "Yeah!" The teacher was very angry: "Why didn't you say' here'?" The child said, "That word is pronounced' yeah' ...".
6. It suddenly occurred to me that I have a big aunt, a second aunt, a fourth aunt, a fifth aunt and no third aunt. So I went to ask my dad: Why don't I have a third aunt? I thought for a moment: Did Third Aunt die when she was young? My dad said: your third aunt is your mother!
Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When I went down the stairs, my left foot stepped on my right foot and I fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... I thought at that time: No way, it's embarrassing, I pretended to be dizzy.
As a result, the classmates next to me saw me motionless, quickly helped me up, and then slapped me on the body. ...
8. A classmate, his computer will automatically turn on every morning (probably because the dormitory suddenly opened when he called in the morning).
As a result, his old man took a symbol and posted it on the computer. . .
9. Dad hates foreign singers. But one day, when I was watching Mike Jackson's mtv, I suddenly found my father standing behind watching it with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Dad, do you like this, too?"
Dad shook his head: "Mao Amin is really getting ugly."
19. A female friend and a gay man share a house. One night she was very depressed, and that gay gave her a bowl of noodles very thoughtfully. She suddenly felt very warm and said, "Why don't we make do with it?" Unexpectedly, Guy's face changed greatly:' You don't have a man, I do! "
20. Yesterday, I received a message from QQ requesting to be a friend: "I am your mother", and I immediately replied "I am your father!" I was rejected, and then I got a call from my mother saying, "Add me, quick!" "
2 1. One day, halfway through physical education class, the bathroom solved personal problems. As a result, I was so anxious that I went into the men's room by mistake. I was cheated when I saw a boy urinating in a urinal. A second later, I was about to retreat quietly. Turns out she fainted. I saw the boy shouting "rogue, indecent assault" and then covering his chest with his hand. Later, later, I said something that I found incredible. "Classmate, you cover the wrong place ..."
22. I was drunk and went to the bathroom of a restaurant to pee. See a sentence written on the wall, take a closer look. It says, "Don't look here, just pee." By the time I finished reading this sentence, I had wet my shoes.
23. I am an ambulance doctor. Today, a patient told me that he had only six months to live. I want to say something encouraging! Comfort: six months, soon passed, be strong!
26. I once rented A Jin Tianyi in Manba, and when I saw the second page, I burst into tears. I don't know who drew a circle on a character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote, this is the murderer. ...
27. Get on the bus in the afternoon, take out the bus card and bump into the slot.
28. On a whim, I used my photo as a computer desktop … and then the computer was poisoned …
29. Talk in a dream together in high school.
"Love the princess, love the princess, don't leave me."
I was stunned. ...
soon
"I am not reconciled, I am not reconciled."
I just had a breakdown. ...
30. Our math teacher always likes to tell jokes that nobody laughs at.
Our whole class discussed making fun of him, and when he said the first sentence in class, we all laughed in unison.
He came that day and silently said that his father had passed away.
I laughed at once, and everyone else was silent.
3 1. I farted on the bus,
Seeing people waving around, their faces are full of pain.
I also waved.
The lady next to her turned and said, stop pretending.
32. My wife and I went to the Reclining Buddhist Temple to play. My wife couldn't walk on the road, so I carried her.
An old woman saw it and said seriously, you see, you are also a scholar. My wife is ill, so it's no use going to the hospital earlier.
When I was in primary school, I only had a few cents of pocket money every day. Once I saved it for a few days and finally bought a pack of spiced melon seeds. In class, I secretly broke them all, and the melon seeds were put in the desk drawer.
When I came to class in the afternoon, I looked at the melon seed shell, and when I was greedy, I put it in my mouth again and contained it again. It feels delicious. .
When class was over, a classmate asked me what to eat, so I had to say eat melon seeds. I bought spiced melon seeds specially, and only the shell without meat is delicious. . As a result, a group of classmates gathered around my seat that afternoon and ate the melon seeds I licked twice. . . .
36. Visiting the supermarket, I saw a cashier carefully counting a pile of coins. A child ran over and sang: There are a group of ducks passing by the bridge in front of the door. Come and count, 24678. . . . Then the cashier was very depressed and poured the half-counted coins back and counted them again. ....
37. There used to be a baby (male) in our dormitory, who was honest, a little stupid, and sometimes stupid and cute. Once after the lights went out at night, everyone was chatting again. He said, when I have money, I'll find three girls. We were provoked by him and asked him what happened next, but he calmly said, playing mahjong …
Chatting with a sister, she said: The day before yesterday, my boss, a man, looked at my computer for a long time and said, "Xiaoke, do you grow vegetables, too?" This is working time! "I looked at him with melon seeds and said," Manager Zhang, this is my desktop. Where did you see Super Mary standing on the vegetable field? "
39. The funeral procession downstairs is playing "Often Go Home".
I wonder what that family thinks.
4 1. Think of one thing in college.
In the final exam of the university, the test number is required on the test paper.
I wrote the fucking QQ number
42. My head teacher in junior high school is very fierce. Every Friday, before going to school, he has a class meeting to give lectures. Once, she was so excited that she said sternly, "Why are you so disappointing? I have racked my brains for this class. " At that time, several classmates and I tried not to laugh, so we had to bury our heads deeply. I remember a buddy lying on the table, biting his hand hard. . .
46. Dormitory buddies are violent. One day, he found a mosquito in a mosquito net. He was busy catching it for a long time, but he didn't catch it. The buddy sighed and said, "Shit, you're starving!" Then quickly put away the mosquito net, endured it for several days and finally starved the mosquito to death. Our sweat is nothing, right? Many people have done it.
One day, he found a fly flying into the mosquito net and said to us, "I must kill him." We said, "The flies are hungry. It seems that you can't rely on them."
"Look," the man grabbed a novel, got into the mosquito net and sealed it. I kept shaking my fan while reading a novel, just to keep the flies from landing. As a result, after two hours, the fly finally couldn't fly. He leaned down and poked the fly and said, "Fly, I haven't read enough books."
I remember going to the swimming pool with my parents once. Just entering the gate, I saw a social youth with a tattoo, a shaved head and a big gold chain around his neck! When we got into the water to get used to the temperature, we watched the brother swagger past a stop point in the water, and lightning happened. . . The thick gold chain around his neck floated on the water. . . . .
48. One day I met a buddy on a BBS and said, "TMD, the solar eclipse was in the daytime, which kept me waiting all night."
When my brother takes the bus, a beautiful girl always looks at him. The younger brother thought: the girl may be interested in herself and can't help but be happy. The girl got off at the station. The younger brother immediately followed. The girl walked in front and looked back from time to time. The younger brother got up the courage to run forward and said humorously, "Miss, why do you always look at me?" Is there a grain of rice on my face? The girl glared at him and said, "Are you sick?" I know. I still don't wipe it. "
Remember to reprint it to your own space, share it with friends, and watch the wonderful log together.
Ben is a thin and cool Du Ruo.
1, I'm from the south, and I went to my girlfriend's house in the north to meet my parents.
Aunt is very enthusiastic, pulling me and pulling my family home: "I have dinner in jiaozi at noon. I heard that your south is different from ours. My family eats jiaozi and dips in it. What about you? "
I was nervous and said, "Yeah. . . Aunt, let's sit down and eat. . . "
2. When I got up early in the morning, my girlfriend looked at me contemptuously: Did you dream last night?
Me: Uh-huh. . . I seem to dream of a war. . .
Girlfriend: Did you dream of hitting Japanese devils?
Me: Oh, yes, it seems so. How did you know? I seem to have killed some japs in my dream.
Girlfriend: Kill my ass! You screamed in my ear all night!
Me: * *. . . . . .
3. Teacher: "Who can say a very unexpected thing in the simplest language?"
Student: "Teacher, my dog was ill yesterday, and my father invited a vet." Later, the vet came. Oh, my God, so veterinarians are human! "
The Spring Festival is coming, someone took out the photo album and wiped it.
Grandpa pointed to the old photos of 6 1 year and said meaningfully, "Look … this one is dead, this one, this one, this row is begging for death, hehe …"
There is a black line on my face. How excited and proud you are.
In which direction the wind blows, the grass falls. When I was young, I used to think I was the wind. But in the end, I was black and blue, and I realized that we were all just grass.
6. You are not a traffic policeman in my mind, so you have no right to interfere in my direction.
7. In fact, the reason why the wolf failed is that all other wolves eat it raw, and this product must be cooked.
8. Some people say that science girls are ladies again, they will reveal their identity as soon as they go to work, and they will habitually comb their hair to their foreheads to reveal their big foreheads. Because CPU needs good heat dissipation when running at high speed. ...
9. There is a kind of person who wears fashionable clothes for others to see, drives a car for others to see, decorates his home for others to see, works for others to see, and sends his children to a prestigious school for others to see. Everything he does is to show others his taste or achievements or style, and all his thoughts and ideas are based on others' eyes. This kind of person is the window person.
10, after I resigned, I made such a remark in my conversation: "I came out, left, and will never go back. I hope that I will be good, work hard to make everything better and make my life happy. "
A bad friend actually changed his nickname to "policeman" and replied to me: "Little X! As a teacher, I'm glad you think so. I hope you will turn over a new leaf after you get out of prison and do a good job 1 11. Xiaoming often plays truant, but he went to class this day.
When the teacher saw him coming, he was surprised and said, "classmate, long time no see." Last time I saw you, you were wearing short sleeves. You are wearing a down jacket today ... "
12, take the train today. When I was hungry, I took out a piece of chocolate cake to eat. . .
A child across the street stared at his eyes. At this time, his mother said, "If the baby doesn't look, we don't eat shit or anything." . . "
13, Xiao Ming was a little unhappy and sat on the sofa complaining. "Nobody likes me, and the whole world hates me!"
His younger brother was playing games and encouraged him to say, "That's not certain, Xiao Ming. Some people don't even know you. "
Humorous jokes amuse girls 1 Xiaoming and Xiaohong are in love. The next day, people fished them up.
My friend bought an outdoor watch, which is of good quality. It was not bad to fall off the cliff, but people died.
Liu Bei said to Zhang Fei, "Third Brother, go and take his life." Zhang Fei galloped his horse and pointed his spear at Lu Bu: "Hey, do you know why Big Brother called me here?" Lu Bu looked at him: "Come and kill me?" Zhang Fei said with a smile, "No, no, my eldest brother asked me to take yours ..." Before saying his word, Lu Bu turned to scold, "Damn it! Feifei, so many people call me Bubu, don't call me Bubu. "
I have to work overtime at night, so I can't come back, leaving my sister-in-law and me at home. It thundered that night, and I was going to sleep. At this time, my sister-in-law said that she was afraid of thunder. Later, my sister-in-law slept in the bed. In order to comfort my sister-in-law, I held her in my arms and slowly my sister-in-law fell asleep. I was a little sleepy, so I slept together until morning. My brother came back and the door was open. My brother watched me sleep with my sister-in-law. Then she smiled and said, "Sister is still sensible."
Ask for some humorous puzzles or jokes that can make girls happy. 1: Cricket bet the pig that if I jump into the grass, you won't see me. The pig said, I want to see it? So the cricket jumped into the grass. The pig is watching, the pig is watching! The pig is still watching! Why is the pig still watching? !
2: Please read the following numbers quickly: 252525252525252525 ... OK, baby, here are your bones to eat!
3: I have always had a crush on you. Your face, your lips and your ears are always in front of me! But I am too poor to tell you. Now I have money! You can say loudly: boss, cut that pig head in half for me!
I've always wanted to say three words, but you know their weight. I'm afraid once I say it, we can't be friends. But I can't control my feelings and summon up courage to say to you: get up!
The teacher found a student uploading a note in class. Teacher: Bring me the note. Health: You'd better not watch it. Teacher: Cut the crap! The student took the note to the teacher. It says: I told you not to look, idiot!
You have a kind heart. You gave us everything selflessly. Thank you for creating such rich food for us. We will remember you-pig!
7: They say you are a real thing. I said you are a person, not a thing. Good things and bad things are things. How can a good man like you be a thing?
8: Give you a gift with the heaviest amount of feces since there was feces! You must eat a catty. Forgive me more! There's not enough dung. Do it yourself! Stop laughing! Or I'll leave half for someone else!
9: Two people meet. "What's your name?" "I dare not say, I am afraid that you will eat it." "Last name is Fan?" "No" "Last name?" "Not yet." "Then what's your last name?" "History."
10: Standing under a tall building, I feel sad, my face is wet and it tastes a little salty. Is it rain or tears? Look up at the sky ... who is peeing upstairs!
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How to say humorous words to make girls happy? Thank you. I want to find a topic ~ ~
You need to know what women like to talk about, what's popular now, the movies shown and so on.
What clothes are fashionable, favorite artists and TV plays?
Chatting too much, some women like playing games.
In short, I just want to have a good relationship with her, or ask friends who know her interests about her hobbies and so on.
Humor means that you should be funny, don't care too much about the image, and don't care too much about the image.
In fact, I think if you are a handsome guy, whatever you do will make women feel pleasing to the eye. If not, you have to win by grace and character.
A little humor that makes girls happy, a disgusting joke
Eldest brother and second child fly, and second child gets airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half of it and throw up."
A man saw a store having a big sale and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time. As a result, he still has to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman. "What do you want?" "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."
Some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I was like this just now. "
Bean girl is happy or humorous! Mathilde: Leon, I think I'm in love with you. This is my first love, you know? -"This killer is not too cold"
Once, there was a sincere love in front of me, and I didn't cherish it. When I lost it, I regretted it The most painful thing in the world is this. If God can give me another chance, I will say three words to that girl: I love you. If I have to add a time limit to this love, I hope it is … ten thousand years! -"A Chinese Odyssey"
Humorous messages, dolphins that can make girls happy want to give an angel a kiss, but the sky is too high; The angel wanted to kiss the dolphin, but the sea was too deep. I want to give you a hug, but the distance is too far, so I have to send a short message: I miss you!
Ye Er can also understand the sneak attack of the wind; Snowflakes can still accept sunlight; Even mice don't hate cats that much; Are you still mad at me for reading text messages? Baby, smile!
You owe me a hug to read it; Delete it. You owe me a kiss. Save it. You owe me an appointment; If you reply that you owe me everything, if you don't, you are mine. Please choose!
Find some jokes to amuse girls. Congratulations. Congratulations. . .
This is a classic I found after reading 2.3 articles.
Two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.
24, your life portrayal: learn to take a bath by yourself at the age of ten-pigs are self-cleaning; Twenty years old is radiant-when the pig is young; Looking for a job at the age of 30-starting a pig-raising career; At the age of forty, I hired a servant-a pig's servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of fifty-throw pigs!
25. A three-year-old boy took the hand of a three-year-old girl and said, "I love you." The little girl said, "Can you be responsible for my future?" The little boy said, "Of course, we are not one or two years old!" " "
26. I just chatted with my friends, and some of them talked about you. Do you know? I quarreled with them and almost got into a fight, because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like an orangutan. It was really too much! I didn't treat you like a pig at all!
1, mother told Pippi to get up: "Get up quickly! The rooster has crowed several times! " Pippi said, "What does cock crow have to do with me? I am not a hen! "
Dad told his daughter that she was often hungry when she was a child. After hearing this, the daughter had tears in her eyes and asked sympathetically, "Oh, Dad, did you come to our house because you didn't have food?"
Tong Tong asked his mother, "Why do you call Mr. Jiang your ancestor?" Mother said, "Because ancestors are the names of the dead." Tong Tong said: "Will those dead grandmothers be called' fresh milk'?"
4. My mother often tells Xiaomei, "Don't sway when wearing a skirt, or the little boy will see the little girl inside!" One day, Xiaomei said happily to her mother, "Mom, I played on the swing with Xiaoming today, and I won!" " "Mother said angrily," didn't I tell you? Don't put on a skirt! " Xiaomei said proudly, "But I'm so smart! I took off my little * * * so that he couldn't see my little * * *! "
5. My daughter is curious about her navel and asks her father. Dad briefly talked about the reason why the umbilical cord connects the fetus and the mother. He said that after the baby left his mother, the doctor cut the umbilical cord and tied a knot, which later became the navel. The daughter said, why doesn't the doctor tie a bow?
6. One day, Xiaoming and his father went out to play. When it was time for dinner, his father took him to the door of a small restaurant. Xiaoming won't go in anyway. His father asked him why. Xiaoming pointed to the sign in front of the restaurant and said, "I don't want to eat urine fried rice." The original sign said "Fried light rice."
7. Father: Pierre, don't go to school today. Your mother gave birth to two little brothers for you last night. Just tell the teacher. Pierre: Dad, I only said that I gave birth to one. I want to save the other one for next week when I don't want to go to school.
8. Buck's father is sitting on a park bench to have a rest. A child stood by him for a long time and never left. Buck was very surprised and asked, "Angel, why do you always stand here?" The child said, "This stool has just been painted. I want to see what you look like when you stand up. "
9. One day after school, a little boy asked his mother, "Mom, where am I from?" Mother thinks this question is not easy to answer, but she should take this opportunity to educate her children, taking cats and dogs as examples, and seriously talk about the reproductive process. After listening to this, the son said doubtfully, "How did this happen? My deskmate said that he is from Shanxi! "
10, a classmate always uses other people's toilet paper when going to the toilet, and never buys it himself. Once, someone saw him holding paper and said angrily, "why do you always use other people's toilet paper?" Won't you buy it yourself? " He said, "Why are you so stingy? It's just a little toilet paper. I'll pay you back when I run out! "
Mom: Pierre, do you want some cookies? Pierre didn't respond. His mother asked, Pierre, do you want a biscuit? Pierre said, Yes, Mom. Mom said: Why should I ask you twice? Pierre: Because I want to eat two tablets.
12. In the year of graduation, I went out to play and asked my local classmates to book a hotel for me before I arrived at my destination. When we arrived, we called him and asked him which hotel he was. He said: Baixia Hotel. We asked again: Which one is white? He said: It is red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple white.
13, the kitten goes to kindergarten. One day, the teacher asked: Who knows how many countries there are in the world? The kitten said: I know! The teacher said: Then tell me which countries there are. The kitten said: There are two countries, namely China and foreign countries!
14, the child eats at his aunt's house, and her aunt cooks fish for him. The child said while eating: this fish is really delicious. It would be better if it didn't have thorns!
15, Xiaoming went to grandma's birthday party. When it's time to eat birthday buns, Xiao Ming asks, "Why do we eat this kind of birthday buns?" They listened to the face big change. Then Xiao Ming opened his handbag, looked at the bean paste inside and said, "Grandma, look! There is also shit in it! " Everyone fainted, vomited and vomited.