There are many troubles in life. The most troublesome is the problem of husband and wife. The second is the problem of children, and the problem of naughty children is even more troublesome.

In fact, a child's problems are not only the child's own problems, but also the problems of the child's family and parents. The child is the mirror of the family.

Many parents always start looking for solutions after their children have problems, but they often don't work. In fact, in my opinion, children's problems, whether they are tired of studying, paranoid, losing temper in the rebellious period, or indifferent parent-child relationship, not liking to talk, not liking to socialize, etc., are all related to family education and family relationships in childhood, and Parental attitudes are closely related.

A good doctor will not treat a headache or a sore foot, and the same goes for a good teacher. When a child has a certain problem, he will be able to find the answer and solution by tracing the root cause. But it would certainly be better if this trouble could be eliminated from childhood.

When talking about youth education, I have to mention Professor Li Meijin. She has indeed analyzed the psychology of teenagers very thoroughly, and the methods and suggestions she gave are also very practical; but when it comes to childhood education, I It also advocates Montessori's early education concept, which is gentler, warmer and more effective.

/p>

2. Three naughty kids in Shenzhen scratched 54 cars in five minutes

3. In 2017, the naughty kids smashed *** bicycles

4. 2014 The naughty child felt that the construction team was working outside too noisily, so he cut off the safety rope, and firefighters were dispatched to save the person.

When the incident happened, the parents without exception pleaded, "He is still a child." "He is still young and not sensible yet", "What do children know? Please forgive me". Faced with such parents, we can only say that it is no wonder that these problems occur when children have no sexual desire.

In fact, no matter how old a child is, they should have a sense of rules. Early education does not only teach children chess, calligraphy and painting, but in the early stages, when children do not understand the rules, adults should give them a range. Although they do not understand, they know that they cannot touch outside this range because it is not safe. The rules of the hour are to teach children to protect themselves. Such as scalding, electricity, water, strangers, cars, etc.;

Then we need to teach children to know themselves. In addition to their physical constitution, they should also know their emotions correctly: happiness, anger, sadness, happiness ... All the emotions that children have, others also have. These require not only cognition but also emotion, because all people are equal, and everyone is a treasure in front of life, no matter who they are;

As the scope of children's activities gradually increases, they should understand more rules, and the process of understanding the rules is actually a process of establishing a sense of security, because they do not need to test them. Children all have desires. When desires increase, self-control ability does not improve. At this time, if the guardian does not inform the rules, the children will try it on their own. This process is unknown, makes you feel guilty, and contains many uncertain factors. In this process, the child's inner sense of security is missing.

At this time, the various naughty behaviors mentioned above will appear. If you don’t want your children to develop all kinds of troublesome behaviors and ways of thinking in their teenage years, please let them begin to understand during their childhood that rules are something everyone needs to abide by; emotions are something everyone has; The world does not revolve around your children alone.

There is actually no contradiction between restraint training and fully satisfying children's needs

Restraint training was proposed by Professor Li Meijin: "Three rejections, one gratification, or delayed gratification." Restraint training is a very good concept, because in this ever-changing social life, there are too many temptations, and not every item you like or want can be obtained. Therefore, a certain amount of self-control and the ability to delay gratification are required from an early age.

Professor Li Meijin said: "If you resist eating something delicious for three days, if you leave it for three days, you can get three portions. If you eat it, it will be gone.

"Although this training method is very good and practical, it is more suitable for children with certain cognitive abilities and willpower. They must understand the time unit, three days or three hours, instead of constantly asking you: "Mom, Is it time? Is it ok? "

Then you also need a certain amount of waiting ability, which can also be trained. Put the food, paintbrushes, mobile phones, etc. that the child wants on the table, and listen carefully to the instructions given by the trainer, which may be "1 , 2, 3", or it can be a certain kind of fruit that has been agreed upon, and can only be taken after hearing it. This is the simplest way, and is aimed at younger children. For older children, the time can be extended and the difficulty can be increased. The purpose They all require children to be able to wait and delay gratification.

In fact, some adults also have shortcomings in this regard. For example, they must buy beautiful clothes when they see them, and they will take out a loan to buy a bag they like. This aspect of people is ignored when they are young. Adults will say: "This child is impatient." "Actually, the ability to wait has not caught up.

Therefore, for some children, this needs to be trained. Younger children have younger methods; older people have older strategies. It is by no means a one-size-fits-all approach.

What about "fully satisfying children"? Some readers may think that what experts say is always contradictory. If it is taken out of context, it must be contradictory. There is a psychological basis that every child has a "God" plot from birth. In the first three months of life, he needs to be fully satisfied from food and spirit. For young children, there is no need to restrict them too much. Food and activities (within the appropriate range).

Children of different ages need different levels of full satisfaction. This satisfaction does not include "materializing" children, but includes spiritual, time and emotional needs. You have to respond to your child's calls; you have to respond to your child's requests; you have to fulfill your child's wishes.

From a psychological point of view, material satisfaction means: don't. By artificially creating deprivation, the child will have an extreme desire for a certain substance, including spiritual giving. For example, if the child never eats sugar, one day he will have a strong desire for sugar from other sources. In fact, there is no need for parents to act like a formidable enemy, just put it there and set rules for them. You can eat it, but you can’t exceed it. You can control yourself, but sugar is here; you can’t control yourself. , I took it.

Materially, unconditionally satisfy children within certain rules; spiritually, please do not misinterpret the unconditional satisfaction mentioned here as raising children within certain rules. Unconditional satisfaction. The needs of younger children are not high, and they are nothing more than eating, drinking and having fun; there is no need to pay attention to the brand. That is the problem of the parents. The real core is eating and drinking, and they are free to have fun within the appropriate range. The need for love and love must be absolutely satisfied.

Everyone has an illusion that they will not cherish what is easy to get. On the contrary, it is easy for children to have a sense of mystery and more desire. In many cases, what is needed is to vent, not to block.

Using sugar as an analogy does not only apply to sugar, but also to other items that children crave. , such as cartoons, mobile phones... the focus is not on this thing, the focus is on his understanding of objects and his ability to control himself. In many cases, we need to let children know the reasons for "why not", and make the rules and reasons clear. , they can understand. And they should also know that some things can be obtained with enough; some things can never be touched; the love of parents and family members is given unconditionally.

Behavioral problems

Behind a naughty child, there is often one or a group of naughty parents. They give the child the illusion that "I am the only one" and "I am the biggest in the world." "When a child is young, he is actually a piece of white paper. Whatever color you draw for him will be what he shows you.

The child gets sweetness from crying, and in the future he will think "this is "It's the method", parents should clearly tell their children "no". Through gentle and firm training from parents, children after the age of 3 can actually understand that willfulness will not achieve subjective and arbitrary purposes. If parents cannot bear to refuse their children , will not say "no", and only need 1-2 times of positive reinforcement, the child's willful character will be developed.

This society does not favor willful people, and most of the big losses suffered in the future will be beyond the reach of parents.

Regarding the various behaviors of naughty children, it is wrong to hinder others and harm themselves. Parents should have a clear attitude of rejection. At this time, it is not suitable to "satisfy the child unconditionally", but requires "restraint training" and rule practice. Children need to understand that "problems cannot be dealt with in a subjective and capricious manner" and that all behaviors have limits and standards and need to be recognized by mainstream society.

Children can make demands, refute, and have their own ideas (no matter whether they are reasonable by adult standards). The key lies in whether the children’s expressions are reasonable, civilized, and moderate. Although they are children, they Not a fool. If the guardian makes it clear, they can understand it and do it well. Never underestimate children, their potential is endless!

Children are like smooth mirrors, whatever they see is reflected back!