An ancient poem by Lu You entitled "Wochun" requires students to dictate it.

The Chinese teacher read aloud as follows. A student dictated the following words:

Wochun | I am stupid

Dark plum smells flowers in the dark. | I have no education.

Lying on branches hurts my bottom. | My IQ is very low. | I feel like water when I hear it from afar. | If you want to ask who I am,

I can easily reach Chun Lv. | A big donkey.

the shore is green, | I am a donkey,

the shore is green, | I am a donkey,

the shore is dark green. | I am a stupid donkey

One day in class, the teacher was teaching how much four times four equals, but Xiaomeng didn't attend the class!

The teacher said angrily, "Let me ask you, what is four times four?"

xiaomeng replied, "I ... I don't know."

"Go home and ask your parents!" The teacher severely criticized Xiaomeng.

After school, Xiaomeng came home and asked his mother (Otto's mother), "Mom, what is four times four?"

Mom didn't hear me and said, "Make a bowl of rice."

Xiaomeng then went to ask her father (the father of Otto), "Dad, how much is four times four?"

It happened that Dad just woke up and said, "How comfortable!"

Xiaomeng went to ask her brother, who happened to answer the phone and said, "You make me so angry!"

The next day, Xiaomeng went to school. The teacher asked the question yesterday, and Xiaomeng said, "Make a bowl of rice."

The teacher hit him with a pointer, and Xiaomeng said, "How comfortable!"

The teacher dragged him outside to stand as a penalty. Xiaomeng said, "You make me so angry!"

One day, when the teacher came into the classroom, the students all stood up and shouted, "Good morning, teacher!" " The teacher said angrily, "Why just call it good morning? What about my afternoon? Is it not good? " So the students shouted together: "Good afternoon, teacher!" The teacher said angrily, "What about my evening?" The students shouted together again: "Good evening, teacher!" The teacher nodded and said, "That's it. Now shout it again!" " The students shouted: "Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, teacher!" The teacher said, "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. When I say something, you say antonyms out loud. Start now. "

teacher: "the weather is fine today."

student: "the weather is very bad today."

teacher: "the sun is shining everywhere."

Student: "Clouds are gathering everywhere."

teacher: "the road is crowded with people."

student: "there is no one on the road."

teacher: "young."

student: "old."

teacher: "stand."

Student: "Lie down"

Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road."

Student: "There was an old man lying on the road."

teacher: "I found a dollar."

student: "I lost one yuan."

teacher: "I found a dollar and gave it to the teacher."

student: "I lost one yuan to steal the teacher."

Teacher: "Wrong, you can't say that!"

student: "correct, you should say so!" "

teacher: "error."

student: "Correct."

teacher: "that's no good, it's illegal!"

student: "it's ok, it's legal!" "

teacher: "I made a mistake."

student: "We are right."

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is correct!" "

student: "listen to us, what the teacher said is all wrong!" "

teacher: "you are stupid."

student: "We are smart."

teacher: "stop!"

student: "Go on!"

teacher: "you stop now! Stop it! "

student: "let's continue now! Say it! "

teacher: "you stupid pigs, I said stop!

student: "We are all geniuses, we say go on!" "

teacher: "You listen to the teacher!"

student: "The teacher listens to us!"

teacher: "all students have to listen to the teacher!" "

Student: "Teachers have to listen to students!"

teacher: "now you stop practicing!" "

Student: "Now let's keep practicing!"

teacher: "are you endless?"

student: "We finish what we started!"

teacher: "then stop! Stupid pig! "

student: "Then we should continue! Genius! "

。 . . . . . The teacher walked out of the classroom with the handout in his arms.

Colleagues were away on business, and local colleagues were hospitable, so they hosted a banquet in a private room in characteristic hotel that night. After a dozen men and women sat down, they kept chatting, and only one person was ordering. After ordering, I asked for everyone's opinions: "The food is ready. Is there anything to add?" In this case, in Beijing, we usually ask the young lady to report the names of the dishes she ordered. So a buddy in Beijing said, "Miss, report."

the young lady gave him a look, but nothing happened.

"Miss, report it!" Dude, it's a little urgent.

Miss's face flushed, but nothing happened.

"what? Let you report that you didn't hear it? " Dude, it's really urgent.

a female colleague hurriedly dozen circle field: "Miss, please report one by one, ah."

The young lady mumbled something and asked, "So, so ... is it okay to hold a woman instead of a man?"

"poof!" A female colleague just drank a big mouthful of tea and sprayed it all on the person in front. A dozen people laughed, and the young lady was at a loss.

here we go. let's serve the first one with the face-lift. A big plate of face-lift was served, followed by several dishes of ingredients and sauces. The young lady didn't pay attention when serving, and a drop of sauce spilled on a buddy's pants. That buddy is also deliberately teasing, pretending to be sullen and asking the young lady: "What should I do?"

The young lady said calmly, "Whatever you do."

"what do you suggest?"

"Do what you want?"

"What do you usually do here?"

"Shall I help you?"

"ok."

I saw the young lady quickly pour several dishes of ingredients and sauces on Rapier, holding chopsticks in one hand and a spoon in the other, and then mixing them with a few brushes. Then he said to the buddy, "Sir, it's ready to eat."

My buddy stared at the plate with his eyes fixed, but he didn't talk for a long time. Another colleague said "thank you" to the young lady for him.

here comes the main course-roast leg of lamb, a big plate of meat bones and a plate of salt and pepper. A Beijing buddy loves this mouth so much that he grabbed a leg of lamb unceremoniously. Click is a bite, and he guzzled. When the young lady saw it, she said,

"Sir, this should be dipped in it."

The buddy looked at the young lady in doubt, and then at the local colleagues. A local colleague said, "It's better to dip it in. "Dude then stood up with a leg of lamb, click is a bite.

Miss hurried over and asked, "Do you need anything, sir?"

"ah? No. "

"Then please sit down and eat."

The buddy muttered and sat down, looked at everyone, lost in thought. Carefully take the leg of lamb to your mouth and take a careful bite.

The young lady said, "Sir, you should dip this in."

Buddy jumped to his feet, waved a leg of lamb and shouted angrily, "How can we eat standing and sitting?"! ？”

the table is full, and the leaders come here.

the full house got up to greet them, and there was a sound of cold greetings.

The waitress next to me is beautiful, new here, inexperienced and quite nervous.

everyone sat down and someone called, "tea, miss!" "

Miss hurried forward and pointed with her finger: "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, * * * seven!"

Everyone laughed, and the leader added, "Pour the tea!"

The young lady hurried to "check backwards" again: "Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, or seven."

someone asked, "What are you counting?"

The young lady hesitated and whispered, "I am a dog."

everyone was angry and shouted, "Call your manager!" When the manager entered, he lowered his hand and smiled and asked, "What do you want to tell me?"

The leader said, "Don't ask any more questions. Go and check the age of this young lady."

The manager was puzzled and did as he was told. He replied, "18 years old, a dog!"

leaders laugh, and everyone laughs. The leadership is massive and does not pursue it, and it is inconvenient for everyone to pursue it.

Miss and manager are like falling clouds.

After thirty, a dish was served: "Stewed tortoise!"

everyone was happy, but they didn't forget the rules. Some people waved the tortoise head with chopsticks and said, "The leader moves, the leader moves!" The leader looked at the turtle's head, which was shaken wildly, and was unhappy. He didn't want to reconcile the ending of this statement and didn't want to violate the good wishes of everyone, so he took a spoon and tasted the soup, saying, "Good, good! Please feel free. "

someone said, "Yes-a tortoise should have soup!" The leader was so angry that he almost spat.

after a while, the soup was almost exhausted, and something round came out and asked, "Miss, what is this?"

The young lady answered quickly, "It's a bastard." Everyone was pleasantly surprised: "Leaders eat first, leaders eat first!"

this leader didn't hear the words of "bad luck", so he was very happy and called the young lady, "Give everyone points!"

for a long time, the young lady didn't move, and the leader angrily asked, "Why, can't you tell this clearly?"

The young lady said awkwardly, "There are seven people and six bastards. How can I divide them?"

when everyone listened, they all stared with their necks stretched out, and their mouths were full of delicious food, which was hard to swallow.

a 7-year-old aunt drove a car with three old people who were also aunts slowly on the provincial road.

The traffic stopped her and said, "Aunt, if you drive so slowly, it will affect the traffic."

The aunt driving said, "Isn't that sign written 2?"

Traffic * * said, "That's Highway 2!"

The aunt driving said, "Oh! Oh! Which highway is that, not the speed limit! "

Traffic * * said, "Yes, hey, why do the other three aunts behind you look so ugly?"

The aunt who was driving replied, "We just drove from Highway 245!"

Teacher: "Your composition is much more white."

student: "teacher, I wrote in the vernacular."

The teacher said to a student who had just woken up from sleep, "I deliberately gave a lecture loudly, but you deliberately slept."

"I slept on purpose, but you made a noise on purpose." The student replied.

. Once upon a time, there was a man named Shuang.

he's dead.

the day of the funeral.

His family cried:'

Cool ... Cool.'

passers-by are puzzled. Asked,' What are you enjoying?'

The family cried bitterly:' It's awesome ... awesome! !

2.

One day, turtle's father, turtle's mother and turtle's son decided to go for an outing. They took a Shandong pie and two cans of sea chicken and set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it's finally here! They sat on the floor, unloaded their equipment and got ready for dinner. As a result, I found that I didn't bring a can opener!

turtle son: "... then I'll go back and get it.

turtle dad: "good son! Come on! Mom and dad are waiting for you to come back and have dinner together. Go back quickly! "

turtle son: "Be sure to wait for me! Don't break your word! "

So Son Turtle set foot on his way home ............

Time flies, time flies, and 2 years have passed in a blink of an eye, but Son Turtle has not yet appeared.

turtle mother: "wife ... shall we have dinner first? I'm so hungry that I say ... "

turtle dad:" No! We promised our son! Well ... wait for him for another five years, or leave him alone! "

it's been five years in a blink of an eye, and turtle son still hasn't been seen. Tortoise parents don't care! Parents decided to start.

I took out the pie and was about to eat it ...

Suddenly, Son Tortoise poked his head out from behind the tree ...

Son Tortoise: "Shit! I knew you'd steal! Trick me into getting the can opener? I waited for 25 years, and finally

I waited! I hate being lied to!

3.

Xiaoxin: Dad, why are there three golds in my name?

Dad: You are short of gold in your life, so you named it Xin. Just like some people are short of water, they are named Miao, while others are short of wood.

Xiao Xin: Dad, what do you think is missing from Sister Guo Jingjing's life?

4.

A pair of boyfriend and girlfriend are sitting on a park bench in love, and the girl suddenly wants to fart.

Say to the man: I am a cereal bird. Does it sound like it to you?

men are willing to listen.

So, under the cover of the birdsong of "cuckoo cuckoo", the woman let out a loud fart.

female: does it sound like a cuckoo?

man: the fart is too loud, I didn't hear you clearly!

5.

The tortoise is injured. Let the snail buy medicine. After 2 hours, the snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise was in a hurry and scolded: * * * I will die if I don't come back! At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: you * * * say that Lao Tzu is not going!

6.

One day an elephant was taking a bath. Suddenly an ant came up to the elephant and said. You stand up. Stand up when it starts. Ants! You sit down. The elephant asked the ant what you wanted to do. Stand up for a while and sit down for a while. The ant replied! I lost my underwear. Let me see if you stole it.

7.

The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant nest, and the ants they nest climbed onto the elephant. The elephant shook its body and the ants all fell down. At this time, another one fell off the elephant's neck.