? At the end of 2018, I started a psychology course for self-growth.

Although in order to heal myself, I tried psychological counseling and self-study psychology through various methods many years ago, but because I did not receive real professional guidance, I spent a lot of time and money and finally fell into the trap.

In self-consumption, little results are achieved.

In 2018, I was fortunate enough to come into contact with Teacher Hong Xia’s team. After receiving the guidance of real professionals, my whole person has undergone tremendous changes, and I have insisted that I will continue on the path of self-growth unswervingly.

At the beginning of 2019, the teacher taught a mindfulness tool to help clean up negative emotions in life and maintain a positive way of thinking.

The practice lasted for more than half a month, and the effect was obvious. My self-awareness and inner strength were awakened little by little through the daily practice of righteousness and mindfulness, and I gained a lot from it.

During the Spring Festival, I relaxed a little in indulging in food and fun, and my daily mindfulness exercises were briefly interrupted for a while. Now I have restarted my daily mindfulness exercises and checked in on Douban to record myself in 2019.

Mindfulness homework: Recite 49 times a day: "As long as today; no anger, no worry, gratitude, honesty, and kindness." February 18th? I have serious boundary problems, and I am always indifferent to people and things around me.

Consciously compromising and giving in, I used to think that what I did was to keep myself in a peaceful state and to protect myself, but now I understand that what I thought was "generous" was just to avoid the pressure caused by resolving conflicts. However,

The more you give in, the more you devalue your own value and hurt your self-esteem. Only by facing conflicts directly for your own interests and rights can you truly protect yourself, build a sense of value and self-esteem, and gain true inner peace.

? But even if you know these truths, when you encounter something in life, you will still subconsciously start to give in and compromise without knowing it.

? I was traveling with Mr. Wei these days and booked a travel shoot. Something happened during the shoot yesterday that made me very unhappy. At that time, I just felt that I was unlucky and did not realize the true source of my emotions, so I tried my best to mediate myself.

mood, divert attention.

As a result, I suddenly woke up at 3 a.m. with chest tightness and shortness of breath, and couldn't sleep. After thinking about it, I finally realized that the reason why I was angry was not that the weather was bad and I couldn't take good photos, but that I had expressed it to the photographer when the weather turned cold.

After I was afraid of catching a cold and didn’t want to continue shooting, the photographer still persuaded me to continue shooting, but I actually compromised (I was pregnant, and I was really worried about the impact of the cold on the baby). Although not long after, I finally stopped shooting at my request for verification again.

The photographer also helped me make ginger soup, but when I thought that I would compromise on something that might harm the baby to a stranger who had no interest in me, I really felt ashamed and angry. I felt sorry for myself, and even more so.

I'm sorry, baby, my chest is so tight that it feels like a ball of water-soaked cotton has been stuffed into it. Every breath is painful.

? After struggling for more than an hour, I finally sorted out my thoughts. I touched my belly and apologized to the baby seriously. Then I edited a WeChat message and sent it to the photographer, clearly expressing my dissatisfaction and reasons for today's shooting, and then raised my objections.

My request for tomorrow’s shoot.

After the news was sent, I exhaled a long breath, my breathing gradually became normal, and I finally fell asleep.

? This is the first time in my memory that I have expressed my emotions and requirements to others so clearly and clearly.

Things went very smoothly today, and communicating with the photographer again was much more pleasant than expected. I felt very at ease and in a very good mood throughout the day.

Suddenly I found that when I clearly expressed "I want" and said "no" in the face of the other party's lobbying, things would not be as complicated and embarrassing as I thought, but would be easier and simpler, without having to suppress myself or

Don't let yourself go, just enjoy the feeling of being recognized and taken care of by yourself. Every clear expression of your will, every time you don't give in, even if it's just a small victory in something trivial, it will bring you a full sense of strength.

The process of acquiring ability is: learning and understanding - deliberate practice - developing a habit - becoming an ability, so I don't expect to be able to correct it overnight. I still need more deliberate practice to slowly develop a habit.

Become capable.