People who are truly powerful inside are "not afraid of three things", as live high likes.
Not afraid of being hated, knowing how to refuse others, and living without entanglement.
There are not a few people who are embarrassed in life. Because I am afraid of being hated, I am very careful and basically don't refuse anyone's request. I'm exhausted.
Such people can be seen everywhere, unwilling to make other people's demands but embarrassed to refuse.
If you promise others, your heart will not be happy; I'm embarrassed to say no to others.
Why don't most of us refuse?
Afraid of hurting each other's feelings.
If you hurt your feelings because of one refusal, it is not true feelings.
A few days ago, I met my friend Lao Zhang. He said that one of his classmates borrowed money from him to buy a house. He didn't borrow it. As a result, it seems that the other party is very unhappy and alienated.
I told him, "I don't care that I don't feel this way." Because the other party will only take care of their own needs and never think of you from your position. "
Many people don't refuse others because they are afraid of conflict, because even the best way to refuse is to refuse. As long as rejection is an emotional conflict, many people dare not face this conflict.
My heart was full of anger and unhappiness, but I accepted the unreasonable demands of others in a friendly way.
Really strong, never afraid of being hated, learn to refuse others.
There is a scene in the Japanese TV series "The Courage of Being Disliked", in which the hostess Zilan is waiting in line at the cake shop to buy cakes, when a little girl rushes to the window and shouts excitedly: "I want to eat strawberry cake!"
At this time, only the last strawberry cake was left in the window. Although the little girl was dragged back to the end of the line by her mother, the adults in front chose other kinds.
The atmosphere was very harmonious until Zilan came here: Zilan bought strawberry cake.
The little girl cried with a "wow", and everyone around her looked at Zilan in surprise: this person doesn't understand social rules too much.
Lan Zi's inner monologue after eating the last strawberry cake: "Our own life can only be dominated by ourselves, and we don't live to meet the expectations of others."
In fact, Zilan didn't jump the queue, and she has the right to refuse others. What social rules did she fail to meet?
I'm flattered. If you want to please others, you must give up your liking.
In reality, many people should manage the "please" personnel design well even if they compromise, even if they are unwilling to do so in many cases.
In order not to let others suffer, do not hesitate to promise others, which will make you feel needed and gain others' approval.
However, this kind of effort can easily make the other party take it for granted, not only can not be rewarded and understood, but also become a thankless eating.
Writer Jiang has a very good saying, "People who really appreciate you will always appreciate your pride, not pretending to be humble and pleasing."
San Mao once said: "Don't be afraid to refuse others, because when a person makes a request, he has two answers in his heart, so it is expected that you will give him either answer."
Knowing how to refuse others means that your time and energy will not be occupied by others at will, and you can control your life well.
Many times, rather than pulling a face and refusing, it is better to refuse slowly and slowly. Knowing this refusal can reduce a lot of unnecessary pain and trouble.
If you can help others, you should help them, but if you are in trouble, don't be forced. Tell them at the first time that you can't help them, so that they will think of other ways soon.
Timely and clear refusal is not only not harm, but also respect for the other party. He will neither force himself nor lower the expectations of others, so that he has time and preparation to seek another solution.
Many people know that they can't help each other, but they are embarrassed to refuse. I hope to make the other party understand by delaying. In fact, this is a way to harm others and yourself.
If the other party asks you for help, they will have hope and feel that they can fight for it again without your explicit denial or affirmation. This delayed him from thinking of other ways, and it was probably because of your delay that the outcome of the matter was affected.
I've experienced something similar myself. Once, the unit held an activity and needed to get a poster, which took about four days to prepare. My friend Li Liang was doing it, so I thought it might be too late, so I asked my friend Li Liang if he could help me with it.
On the same day, he gave me the answer: I am a little busy today. Call me back tomorrow. I said no problem. I'm going to have a good talk with him tomorrow.
As a result, when I looked for him again the next day, he said, I am still busy today. I'm really sorry. I think, since I have found him, I don't want to find anyone else. There is still enough time, just wait for him to take a rain check.
On the third day, I called him to talk about it. As a result, he told me the truth: I really can't spare the time recently. I'm really sorry.
After listening to his words, I hung up the phone in anger. At that time, I thought to myself: I will never deal with such people again.
In fact, if someone asks you for help, they must be psychologically prepared and will be rejected. Knowing that you can't help, they will think of other ways. If you obviously can't help, but you want to give each other hope, it will not only delay other people's affairs, but also make yourself lose faith in others and leave a bad impression on others.
Rejecting others will not make others angry, but agreeing not to do it will make others angry.
No matter when, everyone's time is precious, so when you can't bear to refuse, please seriously think: will I delay each other's time instead?
Refuse others, do it, or you can't do it. Don't procrastinate.
Simply rejecting others can not only protect your freedom of choice, but also respect the time cost of both parties.
Real strength lies not in how much you have, but in how much you dare to refuse.
Some time ago, Cecilia Han went on a hot search because he and Cecilia Han, two old acquaintances, recorded a program together. After recording the program, He Jiong invited Cecilia Han to have dinner with him, but Cecilia Han refused, saying that he wanted to go home and do his homework.
There is no doubt that Cecilia Han is very self-disciplined. But being able to refuse an old acquaintance He Jiong's invitation shows that she also knows how to refuse and can do what she thinks is more meaningful.
Osamu Dazai once wrote in the book: "My misfortune lies in my inability to refuse."
Although sometimes, refusing may hurt others, it will be yourself who does not refuse to hurt.
A person with a strong heart must be someone who will refuse others.
2
Not afraid of other people's eyes, I lived my life.
Many people live by the rules because they are afraid of others' eyes and dare not follow their own ideas. Many times, they live the life that others expect.
Everyone who cares about other people's eyes has a blx.
In order to be what others expect, do not hesitate to do things according to others' ideas.
Once denied by others, you will feel extremely uneasy.
After all, life is your own, and you can't and don't have to please everyone.
No matter how hard you try and do it well, it is impossible for everyone to like it.
We don't live to meet the expectations of others, and similarly, others don't exist to respond to our expectations.
Everyone has his own life, the wishes of others belong to others, and his own life belongs to himself. You don't have to live like everyone else.
Some time ago, Carman Lee, an actor, posted a Weibo, which caused a lot of discussion among netizens: "I saw a lot of discussion about women today. As an unmarried mature woman, I receive this question every day. Why don't you get married? " I mean, why do we have to get married? Maybe I didn't meet the right person at the right time. It's better not to get married than to find the wrong job! "
In fact, Carman Lee posted this Weibo for a reason.
Before that, dancer Yang li Ping shared a video of eating hot pot on social platforms. Someone commented at the bottom of the video:
"A woman's biggest failure is that she has no children. The so-called live high is a lie, which makes you 30 years younger. When you 100 years old, can your face remain 30 years old? No matter how beautiful and excellent you are, you can't escape the ravages of time. When you are 90 years old, your children and grandchildren will be full of family happiness. "
Yang li Ping's life has been controversial.
As this comment says: A woman's greatest failure is that she has no children.
This matter continued to ferment, and no female star stood up to support Yang li Ping, so there was Weibo in Carman Lee.
There are no two identical leaves in this world. Everyone's life is unique. That is to say, there is no standard template for life. Not everyone will get married at a certain age, and not everyone will get married and have children.
You don't need others to define who you are, and you don't need to live in others' eyes.
You just need to work hard in the way you like and become a better yourself.
Andy Lau, the heavenly king, used to be a walk-on when he first made his debut.
On one occasion, Andy Lau went to shoot with George Lam, Chow Yun Fat and others.
Riding on the road, people will feel that time is very difficult and want to have some fun to pass the time.
So someone suggested singing in the car to enliven the atmosphere.
Andy Lau volunteered: "How about I sing a song for you?"
At this time, many people pointed at him with a smile in the dark.
Some people think that a fledgling young man really knows nothing about singing in front of the big names in Hong Kong.
However, Andy Lau was not afraid of other people's eyes, and even said to George Lam, "I will cover two of your songs, please give me your advice."
After Andy Lau finished singing, George Lam said, "Your voice is very special and magnetic. Come to my recording studio when you are free. "
From then on, Andy Lau really often went to George Lam's recording studio to audition.
Under the leadership of George Lam, Andy Lau became the new king of music with his own efforts.
When talking about his experience in an interview program, Andy Lau said with a smile, "I was so cheeky."
Andy Lau's life has changed a lot because he is not afraid of others' eyes and bravely insists on doing what he wants to do.
A person with a strong heart will not care too much about others' eyes and comments on himself.
Because he knows how to control his life instead of being controlled by others.
Two years ago, I decided to try writing from the media.
People who know this matter are laughing at me and casting questioning eyes. What's wrong with a middle-aged man learning to write from the media now? Writing an article needs a written foundation. It has been more than ten years since I graduated from college. Is it still too late to learn?
But writing articles has always been a hobby of my university, but I haven't persisted in these years. Now just in time to catch up with the media age, time and economic conditions are abundant, just can try.
Although many people don't understand, I don't care at all. I think it's good to do what I want.
I don't live in the eyes of others, but I don't care too much about what others say about me. I just read and write. After more than two years of perseverance, my self-media writing has achieved initial results.
Paying too much attention to others' evaluation of yourself is like walking in chains, which will make you very tired.
three
Not afraid of losing face, I lived my life.
As the saying goes, "people want face, trees want skin."
Saving face is a good thing, which shows that a person is ashamed and self-motivated.
However, it is undoubtedly not worth the loss to fold the lining for face and live a bad life for face.
Face is the most difficult thing in the world, and it is also the most superficial thing.
Zheng said: "The result of saving face is mostly losing face."
The more people care about face, the easier it is to lose face in front of others.
Because face is for others to see, life is your own.
The ancients said: "If people drink water, they know what it is."
Whether life is good or not, only you know best in your heart.
Sweet and sour, sweet and sour, short-lived parents, outsiders can't stand it.
Mr. Jiang Yang said: "We were so eager for recognition from the outside world that we finally realized that the world was our own and had nothing to do with others."
No matter how important face is, it can't compare with a good life.
The more vulnerable people are, the more they take face seriously.
Good face just reflects a person's superficiality and lack of confidence.
As the saying goes, "It's a pity to die."
Some people were badly hurt by "losing face", such as Xiang Yu, who lost the battle and felt "ashamed to see his elders in Jiangdong" and threw himself into the river.
Some people, knowing that the other side is right, deliberately embarrass others for fear of losing face, such as Woodrow Wilson, the former president of the United States. He said to his assistant House, "I'll invite you when I'm willing to listen to nonsense." The reason is that although House gave him brilliant advice, he was complacent and danced in the advice without considering his face at all. In fact, the president later adopted House's suggestion.
Recently, the stall economy is booming, and many people are eager to move, but they are just thinking about it. They just had this idea and didn't really put it into action.
Why?
One of the main reasons is that I am afraid of losing face and feel that I have no face in setting up a stall. It would be embarrassing if I was seen by an acquaintance.
Some people regard every "losing face" as an experience and every "losing face" as a kind of growth.
Only those who are not afraid of "losing face" can grow better.
There is a saying in "A Generation of Masters": "People live in this world, some live as faces, and some live as linings.
Only Lizi can win real face. "
Face is earned by yourself.
When you live a good life with your own efforts, you will naturally have face.
Li Ka-shing once said: "When you put down your face to make money, it shows that you are sensible;" When you earn back face with money, it means you have succeeded; When you can make money with your face, it means that you are already a character; When you still stay there drinking and bragging, pretending not to understand and only caring about face, it means that this is your life. "
People who are really strong inside have already put down their faces.
From March 19, when Luo Yonghao announced that it would enter the e-commerce live broadcast, there was no shortage of disappointed and mocking voices on the Internet.
"You'd better say cross talk." "Luo Yonghao, you've changed!" , "compromise of middle-aged men" ...
As the first generation of network celebrities in China, the feelings of the business community are strong. In many people's minds, Luo Yonghao is the spokesman of the idealist.
Now I want to make money by live broadcast, and someone stands up and laughs: "Lao Luo has finally become the most annoying appearance when he was young."
But in the face of the trend of the times, facing hundreds of millions of debts, what is face?
Now just in time to catch up with the craze of e-commerce live broadcast, I put down my face, lowered my body and brought goods to my former friend Xiaomi, trying to make money and pay off my debts. Shame?
Only the weak care about face, and the strong live like a lining.
While others are still sneering on the Internet, the disgraced Lao Luo has established himself on the new track.
Yi Shu said: "Face is the most difficult and useless thing for a person to let go."
Some time ago, Vice President Suning sold goods in a circle of friends, which triggered a heated discussion among netizens.
The vice president abandoned his face and put down his body to take the lead in selling goods in the circle of friends, which many people could not do.
A truly powerful person never cares about face. Because in their view, face is useless and the cheapest thing in the world.
Ren Zheng Fei often said, "What I want is success. My face is empty. I can't eat as a meal. My face is for dogs. Only shameless people will become successful people. "
He is not shy about his desire for success and "shameless".
As mentioned in Huawei's working method, Ren used to eat and live with employees, and even helped employees buy dinner in person, without any leadership shelf. Don't lose face in front of employees, and always remain humble in front of customers.
Ren not only humiliated himself, but also encouraged Huawei people to carry forward the spirit of "losing face".
Huawei can achieve today's height, without "humiliating" leaders and a group of Huawei people who practice the spirit of "humiliating" all over the world.
Yu has also made great achievements in business and is also a disgraceful person.
Yu had an experience of "saving face" in his early years. It was this experience that helped him get rid of his fear and laid a solid foundation for the development and growth of New Oriental.
At that time, he had just come out of Peking University. In order to recruit students for the training class, he wore a shabby military coat and carried a paste bucket to Peking University to post small advertisements. I am afraid to meet the students I have taught, and I feel ashamed to be seen like this by them.
But there is no way, the job is gone, there is no food without enrollment, so we have to bite the bullet and do it. Sure enough, I really met my former students.
"Hello, Miss Yu, are you putting up an advertisement here?"
"Yes, I went out from Peking University to run a training class and posted my own advertisements."
To his surprise, the students not only didn't look down on him, but also took the initiative to help him post it, and even looked at the place where the advertisement was posted to prevent others from posting it.
After success, Yu recalled this experience and said with emotion: "In this world, only by not losing face can we grow up."
This infamous city has built China's education and training brand "New Oriental".
If you are not bound by face, you will have real face.
Don't be afraid to lose face in life. It's not terrible to lose face. It's terrible to die for pride and not make progress.
If a person takes face too seriously, one day, he will become the most faceless person. Tired by face, trapped by face and tortured by excessive self-esteem, I live extremely sad.
If you put down your face, you will win more opportunities and live more and more wonderfully.
The police report is coming!