There are three people in the family, who are called robbers and kitchen knives respectively. Trouble

One day, Trouble disappeared. The robber came to the public security bureau with a kitchen knife and said to the police, "Hello, I'm a robber. I brought a kitchen knife to make trouble."

Hee hee and Haha are good friends, very good friends.

One day, Haha died. Accidentally touching an ant nest full of ants, it shook off the ants, but there was one left on the elephant's neck. At this time, the ants on the ground shouted to the ants above: strangle it ... strangle it ...

Three mice were bragging. One said, "I eat rat poison as candy, and I feel uncomfortable if I don't eat it for a day." The other one said, "I love walking around the street twice a day or I can't sleep well." The third mouse said, "It's getting late, so go home and hug the cat to sleep."

The husband and wife are fighting for their children after divorce. The wife confidently said, "If the child comes out of my stomach, of course it belongs to me!" The husband said, "Joke! This is sheer nonsense. Can the money withdrawn from the ATM go to the ATM? It's not who inserts the card! ?

Zodiac

The zodiac sign in China is also a topic of great interest to westerners. Everyone wants to find out what animal they belong to. Unfortunately, "genus" and "belonging to" Hemingway are often confused.

One day he said excitedly to the secretary girl, "You belong to a pig."

It is too difficult for Hemingway to describe the sex of animals with "female" or "male" in Chinese, because in English, male or female can be used to describe people or animals.

Hemingway took her pet dog for a walk in the street one night. After seeing me, he proudly introduced me, "This is my female dog."

helmet

Hemingway likes riding a motorcycle except driving a car, which is convenient. I said there are too many cars on the road, so be careful. He answered: Never mind, I will wear a condom. He meant to say "helmet".

Quantifiers

Quantifiers in Chinese also give Hemingway a big headache. Once he advertised himself as "a hero" and asked him what he meant. He said: "A hero means a thin, tall and good-looking man." He explained that "one" naturally means long and straight, and "hero" should naturally be a good-looking man.

On another occasion, he told me that he saw "a puppy" on the highway. I immediately corrected that it should be a puppy, but he seriously retorted that it was really a puppy, because the puppy had been run over by a car, and the squashed puppy naturally became a puppy, just like a piece of paper and a photo.

In addition, Hemingway justifiably defended such things as "a pair of trousers", because trousers have two legs, and two are a pair, so that's right. Even arguing with China people, insisting that it should be "a set of ass" is logical, which sounds very funny.

all kinds of "juice"

once, I tested Hemingway's idiom ability: "racking my brains".

the results are:

racking one's ink, racking one's milk, racking one's juice and racking one's soup.

ha! "You really racked your brains" and didn't come up with "racking your brains"

A mother said to the little girl, "If someone sexually harasses you, touch the top and say" don't ",and touch the bottom and say" stop "!

The next day, the little girl was sexually harassed and came back to her mother in tears. After listening to the little girl's words, her mother said angrily, "Did you refuse that person?"

The little girl looked at her mother with innocent eyes, nodded and said, "That man touched up and down together, so I said," Don't stop! !

Ge Liang is a man who is proficient in eight unique skills, one of which is ventriloquism. It is said that Zhuge Liang was discussing with Liu Bei in the account this day. Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart and was afraid of being heard by Liu Bei. I am sorry. He had a brainwave and said, "Master, how about I call you like a woodpecker to adjust the atmosphere?" Liu Bei nodded.

Zhuge Liang barked twice like a woodpecker, and took the opportunity to fart. Then he asked, "What's the matter, Master? Do I learn like it? " Liu Bei said, "Learn it again. You farted too loudly just now. I didn't hear you."

This time, I am the host of a song and dance troupe with poor academic skills.

a performance, and I hurried on stage without proper preparation.

the performances are performed in turn.

It's her turn to announce: "Audience friends, let's listen to Duzi's flute ..." (Note: "Duzi" means swearing in Northeast dialect)

The audience dumped a piece of #-

There is a neighbor named "Aunt" who goes to work by bike every day.

Early in the morning, I met her at the door. I smiled and said politely, "Grandmother, big class ..."

Bah! ..... I wanted to bite my tongue off.

I take my son to feed the ducks. He chased the ducks around while spreading bread crumbs, and I chased him with his apple (he didn't like it, so I had to wait for a few bites when he was distracted). He kept running, and I kept calling him, "Come and eat an apple and chase the duck!" " Always repeating this sentence, I finally shouted out: "Come and have a bite of duck ....." and then cleverly braked the brakes.

I remember when I was in primary school, there was a text called Waterfall. In the middle, it was said that the author turned a mountain and saw a waterfall hanging in the mountain. When one of my female classmates read aloud, she also read aloud with emotion: I was shocked when I turned this mountain, and a rag hung on the mountain. . .

the whole class was stunned.

There is also a sentence in a text taken from a Russian writer's novel: The houses here are all owned by the lords (referring to the rich).

As a result, one of my male classmates read aloud: All the houses here belong to old men. As soon as the voice fell, our Chinese teacher asked him doubtfully: Where do the old ladies live?

Electrical appliances hold a joke telling contest, stipulating that every electrical appliance should tell a joke, and let every audience at the scene laugh, otherwise they will be arrested in Aruba.

The washing machine came on first. As soon as he finished his joke, the whole audience burst into laughter.

Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~"

So the washing machine was taken to Aruba.

Next came the cleverest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the home appliances laughed.

I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold."

So! The computer was also taken to Aruba.

the third place is the most humorous desk lamp. The desk lamp finished the joke confidently, and everyone laughed until they rolled on the ground.

The rice cooker said, "It's so cold ~ ~"

Just as the desk lamp was about to be taken to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily and turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said, "I've had enough. Laugh and laugh. Don't open your mouth so wide. It's cold!"