2, on the way to the Tang Monk said: Wukong, out of a topic test you. Our master and disciple four, if one died, how many people left? Wukong answer: zero. The Tang monk was furious: 4-1 = 0. You tell the teacher how you count! Wukong sniffed a stick to kill the Tang Monk, and then looked at the eight rings and sand monks and said: now where there are still people ah!
3, and my daughter-in-law went to buy a watermelon, watermelon sellers do not give cheap. I: the same is a watermelon, people sell a piece of how you sell a piece of five? He: the same is the daughter-in-law, other people's are one hundred pounds how your one hundred and five? I: you wait for me to calm down for a while ......
4, her space access to the secret question is "What is the name of my male god?" I put her old mention of those male stars and the school's most handsome boy's name are lost again, are displayed in error. Suddenly blessed to the heart, hand trembling, entered his name, a press enter ...... really is not ......
5, summer, the family dog got a skin disease, the wife with gynecological cleaning, the effect is very good. One day the wife went to buy gynecological cleaning for the dog, the clerk came over to say you wash and then use some topical ointment, it will be better faster, the wife thought about it, said seriously, can not rub the ointment he will go to lick! The clerk's eyes were dropping, the wife realized that she was misunderstood, and explained, I mean my dog will lick it! Wife ah, you really explain clearly?
6, just now, on the bus, the hands of the two coins fell to the ground, I was ready to pick up, sitting next to my grandfather picked up, I thought he would return to me, did not think that he directly loaded the pocket! I thought moncler outlet online that I might not have the money to sit on the bus, forget about it ...... a moment the conductor came over, I took out two more coins to hand to the conductor, moncler outlet store from the pocket out of the four coins, leisurely to a sentence: the girl's fare I paid together! moncler outlet store online
7. Q: Why buy an inflatable doll and look at the production date? A: You find a girlfriend do not look at the constellation suitable for?
8, there is a couple, the husband woke up first in the morning, said to his wife: "I'm not going to be too late, by the way this is your 800 dollars." The wife took it without hesitation. At this point they all seem to understand what ......
9, wife: do you know why the male underneath called penis? Husband: do not know ah! Wife: as a man this you do not know! Husband: Do you know why? Wife: because the man originally had three eggs, and then hatched out a! Husband: ......
10, a Mr. cold to the hospital hanging hanging injection, the nurse lady is very nimble to this Mr. inserted a needle hanging good saline, more than 1 hour passed, saline bottle of water finished, the nurse came over and immediately replaced with a bottle. This gentleman did not understand, asked the nurse said: "Miss, the prescription list is not only a bottle of it? The nurse pointed to the empty cap of the saline bottle and said, "Sir, you are lucky, this bottle won the lottery - in a bottle ~!
11. An old man had never used an ATM before, and the first time he used one, a voice prompted him to enter his password! "The man looked to his right and to his left to see that no one was there, so he bent over, folded his hands over his mouth, and whispered to the machine, "Six zeros!"
12, a young woman coaxed the child, the night and your grandfather to sleep, the child did not want to go, the young woman said: you do not go I can go.
Grandfather in the side of the right color: education of children to be honest, you can not both coax the child, but also lied to the elderly.
13, the landlord accompanied the new tenant in the house.
The tenant: "It seems that the house is often leaky."
Landlord: "No, no, it only leaks when it rains."
14.In the bar, George was drinking a beer alone. He suddenly felt he had to go to the restroom, and fearing that someone would steal his beer after he left, he wrote a note on the table, "I spit in my glass. "When he returned, he found the paper had added: "I spit in it too. "
15, now the cell phone, computer are popular touch screen. A friend particularly lamented: "Now technology is developing so fast, it is not possible to say that one day the TV are touch screen." Another friend said: "You silly ah! There is a remote control do not use, have to walk over and poke with your finger?"
16, a young girl married an old rich man. At the wedding, someone pointed to the bride's back and said, "It's really a pity for the girl, look at the old groom, his age is almost up to her grandfather."
The rich old man retorted, "I'm even more aggrieved than she is. Her grandfather is only two years older than I am, but I still have to call him grandpa!"
17, Grandpa posted a picture of a naked woman on the Internet. Hulova seven brothers have left comments. Dawa: powerful! Second child: bright blind! Third child: hard! Fourth child: will fire! Fifth child: wet! Sixth child: rub, shamefully anonymous! Seventh child: good picture good picture, decisively collected!
18, a man, his wife often red apricot wall, and see as if it does not see, colleagues to send a couplet, the first line: as long as the days to go, the second line: even if the head is a little green, crossword: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
19, once temporarily want to get up to go swimming, by the way in the supermarket to buy a cheap swim trunks, because there is no other color, only red. As a result, I did not expect the swim trunks faded, I soaked in the pool, my lower body seeped out a wisp of red out, swirling in the water ... an uncle swam past me, looked at me under the red "blood", and looked at my naked upper body, a moment, his expression is very contradictory! ...
20, food driving! I want to drink pimple soup in front of my bed. People than yellow flowers thin, still remember the pot of meat. The small lotus is only showing the tip of the horn, a look at the ribs stewed bean curd. The moon is falling, the sky is full of frost, pine nuts and corn. The spring breeze is green again, when will the moon bake cold noodles? I'm not sure when I'll be back, but I'd like to have a plate of hazelnut mushrooms stewed with a stupid chicken. I urge the God of Heaven to be more active, pancakes and fruit with chicken fillet. I'd like to be a bird in the sky, sitting on the street and waiting for a barbecue!
21. A went to a prostitute, met Xi Shi. Xishi said: fate of a thousand miles to meet, two hundred dollars is not expensive! A said: thousands of mountains is always love, fifty dollars okay? Xishi said: the spring breeze wants to go through the Jade Gate Pass, the minimum must be one hundred and thirty dollars! A said: the end of the world, where there is no grass, eighty dollars to get it or not? A also said: there is true love on earth, today only with ninety dollars! Xishi roared: I bet on tomorrow with youth, less than a hundred counted rape!
22, drunk in the middle of the night back, while his wife was asleep, hold all the strength of the whole body kicked it under the bed. Then extremely angry cursing: "Go to Nima's! I am a man with a wife and children!" And then fell back to continue to pretend to sleep. The next morning, the wife bear the pain not only did not blame last night drunk, but also brought steaming hot milk, half of which are touched by tears.PS: In the end, who came up with such a detrimental trick?
23, wife shopping to see a good cute little friend. Then look at the husband, sighed. Said to her husband: If you have a child who looks like you in the future, it's over! Husband froze for a moment, viciously glared at his wife: "If it doesn't look like me, you're finished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
24, 11:00 p.m. began and crush of the girl qq chat, tell the story of childhood. More and more opportunistic when I was at 12 o'clock handsome confession. The first time I saw this, I was able to see it. Been chatting until 2:00 ...... four o'clock, still excited to sleep. Cell phone rings. "I'm sorry, I'm his brother, chatting all night I found you are a good person." ......
25, one day I quarreled with my front doudoune moncler outlet, he scolded me a mad dog, even suddenly had a plan, a slap on the table and said mad dog in scolding who? This two goods is also a slap on the table, get up on a mad dog in scolding you! Mad dog, mad dog in ...... scolding ...... you ......
26, one day, a young man to a small restaurant to eat, see a beautiful girl sitting there to let him Heart pounding, the young man summoned up the courage to walk up and talk to the girl: "Hello, what's your name?" The girl said without looking up, "Beef noodles, hurry up!"
27, forced to go on a blind date, the other is to learn English professional quite tugging, a came to say that his English eight, Japanese first class, German second class, asked me how many levels? I told him QQ30 level, yellow diamond 7 level, red diamond 4 level, color diamond 4 level, green diamond 3 level. The other side of the long way away, dating is also a pleasure of life ......
28, I have the goddess of the phone number, every day can know that she woke up did not sleep. Call her, no answer is still not awake; call her, hang up, is awake. You don't envy me too much ......
29, in the bank work, today at work was actually coworkers to cry.
By chance, a customer took money, I choked and said: "Do what business?"
The customer back: "Take 50,000." I am still angry, tears can not stop flowing.
The customer was busy saying, "No, no, I don't want to take it out, the money is saved and saved!"
30, just use QQ, do not quite understand. A chat, netizens asked me: QQ software how to upgrade ah? I don't pretend to understand, answer: you first uninstall this old one, I'll tell you what to do! So, half a minute later, the netizen's avatar turned gray. From then on, this person disappeared ......
31, once, because there is something to contact a classmate, but the phone did not save his number, so to another and he is very familiar with the classmates sent a text message, "May I ask for XXX's phone number?" Then wait patiently for a reply, 5 minutes later, finally received a reply, can not wait to open the text message, clearly written, "ah" two big words. Have no choice but to send another text message to the big brother, "So, please tell me okay?" And continue to wait for five minutes, received a reply, again can not wait to open to see, Huran wrote two other words: "good ah"
32, a friend is short, the family genetics, father and grandfather are not high.
His father encouraged him in junior high school, saying: son, while others have not grown up, hurry to talk about an object.
33, the morning to see a buddy late.
So the teacher asked you what is the reason this time? Traffic jam again? The dude shook his head and said neither.
The morning out of the fog is too big, passing by the school did not find, walked by ......
34, go to his girlfriend's home for dinner. The dinner table to everyone to perform a magic trick. Shouted: "The time to witness the miracle has come!"
Father-in-law chair fell down in response to the sound, the whole family passed over the murderous gaze. Old master. Listen to my explanation. The chair is really not I get ......
35, Kong Ming: Lord, I steal the thought, you should pay attention to attention to Xiao Qiao this person. Liu Bei: take over the world, why focus on a woman? Kong Ming: Because according to my understanding, you pay attention to the people, Cao Cao, Sun Quan, Zhou Yu and other people also paid attention to her.
36, while classmates shower to go, his cell phone girlfriend's number changed to my. At night lying in bed to send him a text message "husband, I'm pregnant". Only to see that buddy suddenly rolled out of bed, bada bada smoked a box of cigarettes, looking for dormitory people to borrow money ...
37, son returned home with fear: "Dad, today's exam only got 60 points. Dad was angry: "Next time you test low, don't call me Dad!" The next day the son came back: "I'm sorry, brother!"
38, senior, one day after studying downstairs, thought I walked in front of a person is a roommate, sneaked up to his buttocks and kicked a foot, but also shouted: you even came from the practice? The man rubbing his buttocks back to look at me pitifully, trembling, said: En. Four eyes relative to a few seconds later, I was hesitating how to apologize, the man replied: big brother, I freshman, I dare not ...
39, girlfriend said at the time I didn't how to chase on the promise, too much of a loss to her, let break up, I re-chase, I promised. Then, there is no then. Cheat break up does not bring so play
40, today went to the school supermarket to buy things. Cashier's time is not to brush the bar code of it ~ will have "tick" sound ~ I bought a halibut egg how to brush out ...... then the head also do not know what to think ...... so! I'm not sure what's going on in my head at the time! ~ ~ ~ ~ "the whole scene petrified ~ ~ ~ ~
41, just heard two schoolchildren in the street scolding, one said: your head has a pit, right, the pit and the water, the water and the fish, the fish to the zombie ate, the zombie grows up to your brain stoned it ... this year, you're enough ...
42, a Sichuan man fell into the water, the water is still there, the water is still fish, fish to eat, the zombie grew up to your brain stoned it. >42, a sichuan people fell into the water, sinking and floating, crying for help, in critical condition. Someone less than undressing, gesture to jump into the water to help, another person pulled him, calmly said: "do not have to, look at me!"
The man turned to the water, shouting, "Three short of one! Three short of one!"
A miracle was born at this time, the Sichuanese in the water froze, and then paddled hard to the shore, climbed ashore in a few moments, and responded, "Here it comes! Coming!"
43, Bao Zheng was very naughty as a child, always like to take off the crescent moon on his forehead to play. An old man with a long beard passed by and happened to see him playing with it in his hand, and the old man went to Pao Zheng and said: If you are well, it is the blue sky.
44, real and fake Wukong fight to Rulai, Rulai said in a deep voice: "How do you prove that you are the real Wukong?" Just see one of the monkeys shifted into the size of an index finger, flew into the palm of Rulai, in the palm of Rulai shit a bunch. Rulai did not anger, but instead, face with joy, murmured, "or the original recipe, or familiar flavor .....
45, remember the Journey to the West in the plot of the Monkey King went to Princess Iron Fan to borrow a banana fan? Sun Wukong drilled into Princess Iron Fan's stomach, Wukong: "Sister-in-law, I'm already inside you." Princess Iron Fan: "Come out quickly! Uncle, I can't take it anymore!" Wukong: "Sister-in-law, I'm about to come out, open your mouth." Princess Iron Fan: "Ah!" King Bull Demon heard it outside the door and left a letter of repudiation. From then on, he went far away from home.
46, to tell you a story: once upon a time there was a lang tufts, one day helmet hoe qi hoe oxime, suddenly chafed Tuan ligustral documents, had no choice but to goblet, the sides of the sides of the star goblet, the standard is the village of the hydrazine Sundown eulogies, the stables Li fodder rags hoe... This story is called "uneducated really scary".
47, the school suddenly strict control of love, the dean called us to the auditorium, told us the reason for governance: "A few days ago, I night inspection, in the garden caught a couple you know what to do?" Some of the students below said they were flirting, some said they were kissing. The dean said, "Neither, let me tell you! Your senior was in the pavilion in the middle of the night with two apples, a pair of red candles, and a pillar of incense, worshipping heaven and earth! It scared the hell out of me!"
48, son: "Dad, there is an old uncle outside is very poor, he has been outside screaming, so dad you can give me two dollars? I want to give it to him." Dad: "Good boy, from a young age you will pity the old man, worthy of praise, give you two dollars." Dad: "Oh, by the way, what did that old man call himself?" Son: "Ice-cream ice-cream, 2 dollars ah! Come on!"
49, said a few days ago I traveled to a remote town, due to the frequent use of cell phones, soon 10086 notification of arrears. Happen to have a roadside touting cell phone rechargeable card, I met the savior, and hurriedly bought a 50 yuan rechargeable card, is the kind of scratch coating to get the password of the card, scratch a look, I was dumbfounded, only to see the top of Hurley wrote: Thank you for your patronage! Nima, I bought a rechargeable card, not scratch ah! Nima! Pit dad it!!!
50, I remember when I was in college, I lived on the 4th floor. Upstairs, someone threw dirty water ...... times o! Got the old man a computer desk, then the angry want to go up to him to settle accounts. Just walked to the door, brother had a bright idea, played a full bucket of water. Along the wall all poured down, and then heard the following ow. 1 floor, 2 floor, 3 floor are up ...... and then, brother organized them together to go to the 5th floor that guy beat up.
51, too much homework to play cards with homework. "A pair of language papers!" "No!" "I'll take! Four English papers bombed!" "Can't afford it, keep going." "Three history papers with a politics paper." "I'll take it or leave it." ...... "A pair of math papers, reported a single ......"
52, friends qq space set a password, the question is: are you? This SB does not tell me the answer non let me beg him, I will try over and over again, his name, his dog's name, and our classmates name, our friend's all tried, are not right, helpless to send him a message: well I beg you! The guy bitchily replied back: my eyes .
53, last night I finally couldn't help it, yelling at my wife: "I married you so you can bully me? You were not like this before you got married? Where did your conscience go?" My wife coldly said, "Eaten by you."
54, passing by a lawn, I saw this slogan: Today you step on my head, next year I grow on your grave.
55, today invited a buddy to dinner, he is estimated to eat too much. On the bus couldn't help but burp three times in a row: "Uh. Uh. Uh." Next to the seat on a small potty friend, sitting on his mother's lap, milky voice took a sentence: "Curved item to the sky song" The whole car laughed like crazy ...... I was alone in the corner suffocated to the internal injuries ......
< p>56, just shopping malls, a counter MM to me constantly smiling, making me very unnatural! I summoned up the courage to go up and ask her: "What are you laughing at?" MM said: "Just now a thief pulled out your cell phone, looked at it, shook his head and put it back!"
57, some time ago, I learned to play mahjong, soon addicted, the results let his wife know, she was firmly against, I verbally promised her not to play, but behind the scenes or secretly play. Yesterday, with Wang playing mahjong, the results of the wife halfway to check in, I lied and said in bed, the wife does not believe, I was anxious to say that do not believe you ask Wang, she is next to me, and then there is no then 。。。。
58, two little boys standing in the door of the registry, curious to see a pair of just registered the wedding couple. One little boy said, "Shall we scare them a little?" The other said, "Yeah!" Immediately, he ran in and shouted to the groom, "Hey, Daddy!"
59, relatives from home came to Beijing, went to a high-class restaurant to eat together, to add 15% service charge. Waiter service attitude is very good, send fruit to send silver ear soup also send souvenirs. Relatives are very happy to ask the waiter: "What else do you send ah?" The waiter said with a smile on his face, "We will send you out later."
60、Walking in the underpass near the train station, I noticed that someone had written a large cell phone number on the wall, followed by the words "Looking for a gay man in this city". The following with a very vague line of small words, "X your mother, who knows whether you are a man or a woman ah"......
61, just went to college, the freshman exchange, it was my turn to go on stage to introduce themselves to the stage, to the stage super nervous, stuttering I can't say anything. The class president of the stage to comfort said, you just say something. Then I clenched my teeth and wanted to say, "Sorry, I'm shy, I can't say anything for the first time." The result of the last sentence, tongue tied, said: the first time we met, really can not shoot out.
62, a colleague was blessed with a son. When my son first learned to speak, he said to my son every day, "Call your father." The son followed the learning, also said: "Call Dad." Over time, his son developed the habit of seeing him and said, "Call Dad." He had no choice but to start correcting, and now says to his son every day, "Dad."
63. A patient who just woke up after an amputation surgery asked: What happened to me? Doctor: you have been in a car accident. Patient: I'm in the hospital? Doctor replied: To be precise, it is most of you in the hospital.
64, bachelor pony picked up a handkerchief embroidered with Ah Heung and phone number, pony excitedly dialed the phone: Hello! Excuse me, is Ms. Ah Heung there? For a long time, came a voice: Grandma, your phone!
65, the passenger: your drivers here drive at amazing speeds, but they rarely get into accidents, what is the reason for this? The driver said: Sir, the less skilled drivers died in car accidents long ago.
66, nurse: not good! Just now that patient ate the medicine we gave her and fainted as soon as she left the door of the clinic! Doctor: hurry up, turn her body over and pose as if she had just entered the door!
67, one year, the sky drought, there is a man went to a living god to ask for rain, the living god burned incense, handed him a sealed note
said: "rain, you can only open to see, otherwise it does not work." As soon as the man returned home, it rained heavily, and he unwrapped the sealed note and read it, "It is raining today." The man exclaimed, "Oh! Living God, truly divine!"