Criticism is a common means in the process of educating children. However, how to criticize is very knowledgeable. Most people criticize children, always open their mouths, directly point out their shortcomings, and say how he is wrong and how bad he is. As a result, children are often hard to listen to, rebellious and even directly fight with critics. So, what should we do? Here, we propose a "sandwich" criticism method for your reference. As we all know, the sandwich has three layers, and the "sandwich" criticism method is also divided into three levels: the upper one-affirmation, the middle one-criticism, and the lower one-encouragement. 1. Affirm, that is, affirm before denying. This is the most crucial point. There is a little brother named Hongji in Mu Tian. He has just entered primary school, and he is very courageous and even a little reckless sometimes. His parents are a little worried about him. But when he saw Pastoral's father, he admitted that he was a little scared. When Father Mu Tian knew this, he consciously asked him, "I heard that you are afraid of me, aren't you?" The child nodded shyly. At this time, he didn't think of it, and no one else thought of it. Father Mu Tian grabbed his hand and said to him, "Congratulations! You are beginning to grow up! " This move made the child very surprised and incomprehensible. Father Mu Tian asked, "If a cow rushed at you, would you bravely run into it?" Or be careful to avoid it? " The child replied, "Of course it's good to avoid it." "If a car rushed at you, would you bravely hit it? Or is it better to avoid it? " Still answer: "Of course it is good to avoid." Father Mu Tian applauded: "By the way, isn't that why you began to understand?"? You already know that it's not always good to be bold, sometimes you need to be careful, and sometimes you need to respect others, right? " The child kept nodding. With such a foundation, it is easy to listen to what you talk about in the future. Father Makoto often looks for his bright spot to praise him. If once Father Makoto wanted to take him to the supermarket, he said he didn't want to go, but he wanted to go to the bookstore. Mu Tian's father publicized to many people that he likes reading. He is more and more willing to communicate with this uncle. When he left, he also bought oranges with pocket money and put them on Mu Tian's father's desk and bedside respectively. Father Makoto was away at that time. When he came back, he couldn't help but be moved when he saw these oranges. In the process of guiding this little nephew, Pastoral's father didn't accuse the child of being too reckless and bold before, nor did he tell him the truth that "awe is the beginning of wisdom". He takes an equal dialogue with children and finds out their strengths, so children are easy to listen to. Be sure to remember: children don't accept your point of view, not that your point of view is wrong, but that they don't accept you as a person. To put it bluntly, they don't accept your attitude. If you don't understand him, even if your point of view is right, he can ignore you. Then you have to change your attitude and make sure to affirm before denying. Some parents will say: it is obvious that he is wrong, and there is no right reason at all. How can I be sure of him? It doesn't matter, even if you are not sure of his ideas, you can be sure of his feelings. Such as: "If I were you, I would be very angry", "If I were you, I would be very sad" and so on. Nanjing Phoenix Book City once invited Father Mu Tian to give a tutor lecture. An old professor said, "I have taught all my life, but my granddaughter is not well educated now. She won't listen to me. " Pastoral father asked him to give an example. He said that once, for some reason, she and other children got into a fight with each other, and the grandfather taught her: You are older, so you should give way to others. I don't want my granddaughter to turn around and leave, ignoring grandpa at all. Hearing this, Mu Tian's father smiled: Your truth is right, but children have children's feelings. If you say this first: "Baby, other children bully you. If I were you, I would be angry, too." Then say, "but you are older than them. Older children usually have to give way to younger children. Can you do it? " In this way, is she more able to listen? At this time, the old professor felt suddenly enlightened. In the past, when there was no electric razor, you needed a blade to shave. But you can't scrape it directly. You should apply a little bubble with soap so as not to scratch it. People in China usually refer to critics as "shaving", but when criticizing children, they often shave directly with a blade. May I ask: Will children bleed and hurt? If you affirm before denying, or even praise before criticizing, it's like coating him with soap bubbles. Do you think he is more acceptable? 2. Criticism is generally considered as "accusing others of mistakes". In fact, criticism should have "criticism" and "criticism", and it is better to have more "comments" than "criticism". Not only that, many people just "finish their own fire" and "finish their scolding". If criticism is to be truly effective, it must be understood: "The purpose of criticism is not to point out his mistakes, but to let the other party understand his own mistakes and make a commitment to improvement." This requires two things: let him admit that he is wrong and how to correct his position. Take a small example: once, Mu Tian made a big mistake. Not only did his parents educate him to write a written review, but his grandfather also gave him a long "family history lesson" when he returned to his hometown. The purpose is only to let him know how to strive for himself and always walk on the right path. Grandpa finished speaking. He thanked Grandpa and was going to leave to sleep with his cousin, but his mother said to him, "You can't just leave, right? You have to make a statement to Grandpa?" When he met such a "never let go" mother, of course, he could only make a promise of improvement after reviewing his mistakes to his grandfather. Finally, he said, Grandpa, don't worry. In a word, I will only add luster to the Wu family tree in the future, and will not discredit it. "Later, he did not make that mistake again. A few years later, when he returned to his hometown, the school invited him to give a speech, and when the TV station recorded and played his program, his grandfather lamented, "This child really brings honor to our family!" " Then I added, praising Mu Tian's mother, "Although you love Mu Tian very much, when he makes a mistake, you not only don't let him go, but also make sure he doesn't make the same mistake again. What you do is really more effective. " Don't underestimate this practice. Because you just blame and anger, this is not the purpose, the purpose of criticism is to let children really realize their mistakes! Not only that, let him make a promise of improvement, in fact, let him carry out self-supervision and management-he has to be responsible for his promise, which is the embodiment of self-management! 3. Encourage this is the "ending" work of criticism, that is, after criticism, you should say something "touching" to your child. The usual saying is: you were good, but you didn't realize it before. Now I realize that I am ready to improve. I believe that as long as you keep your word, you will be even better. "Why do you want to do this? Is it unnecessary to do so? Through heart-to-heart talks with our children and many investigations, we found that whether children or employees in the unit, criticism itself can't make them fear, and they don't resist not improving. After the children are criticized by their parents or teachers, and after the employees are criticized by their leaders, what they really fear is that from now on, you have no good opinion of him, and you no longer care about and love him. For children, what he fears most about you is often: "You do this, don't be my child!" " "Go away, as far away as possible!"