If the teacher hadn't told us not to litter, I would have wanted to throw you out.
3, please be old, don't use inferior thread to lead me in the future, it will be broken every three to five.
When I have money in the future, I will send people I hate to the best mental hospital.
5. We are cucurbits in the countryside, and you are Altman in the city.
6. Grandma Meng, when you give me soup, remember to put sugar in it. I will thank you in the afterlife.
7. I'll close the divorce office as soon as someone marries me.
8. I mean, why do we always get acquainted? It turns out that you are particularly fond of being strangers.
9. From elementary school to university, the only constant is a heart that doesn't want to study.
10, you should also learn from others. Tencent calls me dear every time it goes online.
1 1, Examination: The difference between an open book and a closed book is that one copies at the top and the other at the bottom.
12, believe is believe, don't believe is don't believe, you fucking also wechat.
13, what is a bad guy, a man who takes off his pants during the day and a woman who doesn't take off her makeup at night?
14. I'm not afraid to drink dichlorvos, but I'm afraid there will be a surprise when I open the lid. Who should I share one more bottle with?
15, as an animal, only an animal in this world can beat me.
16, why is God always dozing off when I am unlucky?
17, sometimes, I want to "eat and support" in my dreams.
18, take a newspaper to the toilet, I am a scholar.
19, I will look for you in my next life, because you are the stupidest except me.
20. When arguing, the difference between a man and a woman is like the difference between a rifle and a machine gun.
2 1, Grandpa came from his grandson ...
22, women have countless QQ numbers just to flirt with a man, men often use a QQ number filled with all kinds of women …
23, not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs!
24. When the bank charges, it says, "This is in line with international practice." When serving, he said, "We should consider China's national conditions."
25. Don't ask me for anything, let alone anything.
26. Angels can fly because they look down on themselves …
27, hug is really a strange thing, obviously so close, but can't see each other's faces.
28. House prices are getting higher and higher, so there are fewer and fewer good men …
29. How to give MM an unforgettable birthday? Beat her up first, and then send the house certificate of the most expensive property in Guangzhou, which will be unforgettable and pleasant surprise!
30. After seeing some photos of my girlfriend in college, my wife kept praising me for being lewd.
3 1, I spent ten thousand yuan to buy a pottery jar of the Western Zhou Dynasty, and yesterday I went to the column of Jianbao for identification. The expert said seriously, "Which one is this from the Western Zhou Dynasty?" This is from last week! "
32. I can't stand such a business-the sign says: demolition, give money and sell! I threw her a piece of down jacket, but she wouldn't sell it. It's too cheating on consumers!
33, handsome has a fart to use! In the end, it was eaten by a pawn!
No one knows what just happened. I'm used to covering everything up with a smile.
35. In the days when there are no women, I take pleasure in flirting with men …
36. A woman is like a book on a shelf. Although you bought her, she was more or less turned over by several men before you bought it …
37. Now it seems that movies that can be understood by IQ are the most popular, and% who like these movies like watching Korean dramas!
38. Today is Pi Festival, so I want to eat pie ~
39. Korean scholars believe that the Monkey King is actually a Korean fairy, because he used a stick!
40. How can you lose weight if you are not full?
4 1, the goal was scored, which was kicked by the goalkeeper.
42. Praise a female classmate face to face: You are really a lotus flower! !
43. How did you die? Not poor enough to die.
44. There is a one-yuan coin in the flower bed, but the sign beside the flower bed says, "Step into the flower bed and be fined three yuan!" It's really embarrassing.
45. If you look in the mirror and pay taxes, I'm afraid some women will go bankrupt.
46. When a man makes money, he wants to divorce his wife. When a man can't make money, his wife wants to divorce him.
47. Men's affairs are reflected in their increasingly busy work, while women's affairs are reflected in their increasingly salty cooking.
48. When a woman says "hate" to you, it shows that she likes you. When a man says "hate" to you, he really hates you.
49. Traditional men are very pure before marriage, and they start fooling around after marriage; Modern men mess around before marriage and become honest after marriage.
50. No matter how bad the relationship between a man and his wife is, his relationship with his mother-in-law is also good; No matter how good the relationship between a woman and her husband is, her relationship with her mother-in-law is also poor.
5 1, women are anxious when men don't make money, and women regret when men make money.
I can't find my tie again, didn't you find a rag yesterday?
53. None of the women who participated in the beauty pageant could find a good man, because all the good men were married, such as me.
54. I can't help smoking at the thought that the motherland is not unified …
55. If I become an emperor, I will make you a prince!
56. Roses are so cheap that you can give them to your wife.
57. As long as the hoe dances well, is there a corner that cannot be dug down?
58. Who never met two scum when he was young?
59. The robber said a wise saying when robbing a bank: Nobody moves! Money belongs to the country, life is your own!
60. Do you feel that you are skipping like a QQ login?
6 1, handsome is useless, but it was eaten by a pawn in the end.
62. There were Ximen Qing in ancient times and Edison Chen today; Xiaoxi sees Xiaoxi and shows his camera.
63. To be a Edison Chen, you should bring a camera when you open a room.
64. People in the upper class always like to do something obscene.
65, don't ask for the right door, just feel in place.
Don't worry, I'm not a good person.
67, come on, drag out to eat a bread, don't drink water.
68. You told me today: You are fat and ugly. I said, what are you afraid of with me here?
69. I'd rather you hold another woman and miss me than you hold me and miss another woman.
70. There are many on QQ. What penguins have not seen?
7 1, I'm not afraid of beautiful women treating me like a pervert, but I'm afraid of ugly women treating me like a rogue.
72, people are not embarrassed, standing instability! People are not damaged, not standard! People are not bad, they die quickly.
73. You'd better let me kneel on the washboard. Kneeling on the electric heater is unbearable.
74. oh, my god! My clothes have lost weight again.
75. Is the leaf leaving because of the pursuit of the wind or the tree's persistence?
76. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationship.
77. Live well or die quickly.
78. Men get a Ph.D. because of their low IQ, while women get a Ph.D. because of their low EQ.
79. It is not necessarily a monk who burns incense, but a panda!
80. Who says I'm white, thin and beautiful? I'll be good friends with him.
8 1, people are not smart, and they are bald like others! !
82. If you can't get shit out of one foot, you are clean!
83. The most humiliating thing is to discuss salary with several classmates. I thought they were talking about annual salary, but later I found out that they were all talking about monthly salary …
84. Nothing that money can solve is a problem.
85. After studying for more than ten years, it is better to mix in kindergarten!
86, even believe in advertisements, you are stupid to study!
87. I always wander between cow A and cow C.
88. I wanted to look at the bright moon, but the bright moon shone on the ditch.
89. I am the most normal among abnormal people and the most abnormal among normal people.
90. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!
9 1 I don't usually dump ugly girls, but you are an exception.
92. No matter how perfect the figure is, in the eyes of people who don't love her, it is also a kind of teasing material.
93. A young tree can't become a useful tree without pruning.
93, accumulated for a long time, may lead to an outbreak; And if it breaks out for a long time, it may lead to collapse.
94. There are two ways to cheat: one is a cheat sheet copied on paper, which may be found and the result is to drop out of school; The other is a cheat sheet copied in my head, which can't be found. As a result, I got a scholarship.
95. When I was a child, my parents always believed that the ugly duckling would become a white swan when the female university changed eighteen times! One day when I grew up, my father looked at me intently and said earnestly, "son, you'd better study hard!" "
96. When I was in high school, the class teacher often enlightened me and said, "There are so many beautiful women crossing the river. Now you just need to weave a good net!" After being admitted to Tsinghua, I want to play his glass with a monkey rubber band!
After graduation, I had nothing to do, so I went to Massachusetts to dig for oil. Later, it was really dug up, and the oil quality was so good that it didn't need to be purified! Two years later, Mobil Oil Company sued us, saying that we dug his oil pipeline.
98. Take a big job after graduation, and you can earn 300,000 yuan after graduation. Take a look at the drawings and build a one-meter chimney. It's all covered up, and people will take a look and beat me up! Shit, the drawings are upside down, and people want to dig a well.
99. After four years in college, no girl asked me the way. Today, I drove my BMW back to my alma mater for the first time to do something. As a result, five girls came to ask for directions in a short time!
100, women will give up their careers for their feelings, while men will give up their feelings for their careers; Women will be moved by men who give up their careers for their feelings, but they will stay with men who give up their feelings for their careers!
Quotations from shocking jokes 100 sentences
1, I am an actor, and my eyes turn round at the sight of beautiful mm.
2. I am not a casual person, but I am not a person when I am casual.
3. I am in Jianghu, but there are no legends about me in Jianghu.
4, study hard and want to go every day!
5. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. In retrospect, I actually ran naked in too many cooks for 20 years!
6. I would rather believe in ghosts than men's broken mouths!
7. When the water is clear, there is no fish, and when people are mean, they are invincible.
8, riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; It's not necessarily an angel with wings. Mother said it was a bird man.
9, time is the same as cleavage, there is still a squeeze.
10, one mountain can't accommodate two tigers, unless there is a male and a female.
1 1, don't be careless about animals that still die after bleeding for a week.
12, I, a college student's life goal: peasant woman, mountain spring, a little field.
13, women remember: be sure to eat, have a good sleep and drink well. Once exhausted, other women spend our money, live in our room, sleep with our husbands, pick up our boyfriends and beat our babies.
14, in spring, I buried myself in the land at the entrance of the village, and in autumn I harvested a lot of handsome guys. Then I changed the name of the village to handsome boy village, and I became the village head as I wished.
15. One day, I dreamed that I had spent all my money. When I woke up, my pocket was really empty.
16, I have achieved great success in losing weight. Look, my three chins are sharp!
17, the trouble with chocolate is that if you eat it, it will be gone.
18, don't wait until everyone says you are ugly before you find yourself really ugly.
19. If my friends can sell them for five dollars each, I can make a small fortune.
20. Although the famous flower is taken, I will loosen the soil!
2 1, the biggest advantage of blind date is that if there are problems in marriage in the future, you can put the blame on the matchmaker.
22. Women show their generosity first, and men dare not be stingy.
23, people, born in bed, die in bed, want to live to die, but also in bed.
24. Wizard, please tell the princess that Lao Tzu is still on the road of thorns and thorns, and there are still snow-capped mountains, rivers, dragons and beautiful women who have not been killed. Tell her to continue to sleep!
My lover is a stunning beauty, and one day she will marry me on a fire-breathing dinosaur. However, at the end of the story, I only saw her mount, but I didn't see its owner.
26, the tree does not skin, it will die; People are shameless and invincible in the world.
27. Doing nothing without care, doing nothing without doing anything.
28. The real meaning of the iron rice bowl is not to have food in one place, but to have food everywhere all my life.
29, SAO belongs to SAO, SAO has SAO chastity; Cheap is cheap, and cheap has cheap dignity.
If eating more fish can make people smarter, then I must have eaten at least one pair of whales.
3 1, the success of life lies not in getting a good deck of cards, but in how to play bad cards well.
32, a rich man, a man without money is difficult!
33. When you were born, you cried and everyone laughed. When you leave, you smile and everyone cries.
34. Stand higher and pee farther.
Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let them find it.
36. In a few decades, we will meet again, send them to the crematorium, and all of them will be burned to ashes. You have a pile, I have a pile, and no one knows who, and all of them will be sent to the countryside to make fertilizer.
Since I turned into shit, no one has stepped on my head anymore.
38. You can't have both.
39. An expert looks at the doorway, while a layman looks at the sidewalk.
40, roadside wildflowers do not, step on!
4 1, I met a MM signature: I can't play chess and paint, and I am tired of washing and cooking.
42. I met a GG signature: Give me a girl and I can create a nation.
43. I met an old Shaanxi personality signature: ugly women are more troublesome, and black buns are more vegetables.
44. I met our teacher's signature: I tell you that the teacher is very angry now, and the consequences are very serious (after his nth blind date failed).
45. I met a writer's signature: maybe it seems to be probably, but it may not be.
46. I met a lover's signature: what I said can be counted, and the person I like has to change it every day.
47. I met the sleeping king in the class. Personality signature: three full in the morning, three full in the evening and six full before and after meals.
48, midnight 12 on time! Otherwise, the princess will become Cinderella again.
Hello, is this China Mobile? This is China Unicom. My PHS is broken. Can you send China Tietong to fix it?
50. I am an academician of the Advanced Diving Institute of Chinese Academy of Sciences, a Nobel Prize for Long-term Disconnection and an Oscar Prize for Lifetime Stealth.
5 1, that we wished to fly in heaven, two birds with the wings of one, I would like to be a pig in the same circle!
52. Don't worry, I don't even have an appetite when I see you, let alone talk about sexual desire!
53, although in naked sleep, but plug and play
54. Would you like a piece of chopped meat?
55. God said: Let there be light. I said: No! So we had the night.
56. I pinned KONKA's TV remote control on my waistband and pretended to buy a new NOKIA mobile phone.
I think I would like the morning if it came later.
58. I can't give you happiness, but I can give you comfort!
59. Life is so fucking fun, because life always fucking plays with me.
60. Buddha said: It took 500 times to look back in the past life to get a pass in this life. I would rather pass by once in the world for 500 times in this life.
The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.
62. I am an actor, and my eyes turn round at the sight of beautiful mm.
Angels can fly because they look down on themselves.
64, I want to puppy love, but it's already late.
65. oh, my god! My clothes have lost weight again.
I only trust two people in this world, one is me and the other is not you.
67. Don't speak English in front of me in the future, OK?
68, how far is the thought, how far you roll for me!
69. Rogues are not terrible, but they are afraid that hooligans have culture.
70, the guest officer, please respect yourself, the little girl only sells herself, not entertainers.
7 1, you can't satisfy everyone, because not all people are human!
72. A man's lies can lie to a woman for one night, and a woman's lies can lie to a man for a lifetime!
73. If you can't dress your woman in a wedding dress, don't stop your hand unbuttoning her clothes!
74. Take the road of NB and let SB talk about it!
75. Water can carry a boat and cook porridge!
76. Zi Zaichuan said: How nice it is to have a boat!
77, driving is not difficult, I am afraid there are new people!
78, wanted a small MM, * * * with irrigation; I irrigate the head of the Yangtze River and you irrigate the tail of the Yangtze River.
79, love at first sight, then decline, three and exhausted.
80. A person is not alone, but only when he misses someone.
8 1, what can I do to kill your lover?
82. If I can see my back, I think it must be very sad, because I left all my happiness ahead!
83, work QQ, decline to chat, if you want to talk strongly, every word is hairy; Punctuation, half price, more than 1,000 words, 20% discount; Expression picture, ten monthly subscription, audio and video, not yet opened; Chat after the first payment, chat as soon as the payment arrives, pay online and provide invoices; Free of monthly rent, single charge, double holidays, business as usual; Wanted agent
84. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for not having gravity when you are constipated.
85. The only difference between Superman and me is that I have underwear on.
86, the poor are ugly, one meter 49; Primary school culture, rural hukou; There are three broken houses and one acre of thin land; Go online today and recruit girlfriends; On the road of revolution, hand in hand.
87. knit me a scarf, and I would like to repay it with my lifelong care. Otherwise, you can strangle me with a scarf!
88. Men pretend to understand when they don't understand, while women are just the opposite.
89. In order to cooperate with the successful completion of family planning work in China this year, I decided not to contact friends of the opposite sex for the time being. Thank you for your cooperation.
90. When the bird is big, there are all kinds of Woods.
9 1, the garden can't be closed in spring, so I'm pulling an apricot out of the wall.
92. Do you think I will watch you die? I will close my eyes.
93. I thought I was decadent, but I didn't know until today that my morning paper was scrapped.
94. I am old and old, my wife and my wife.
95. I regard money as dirt, and my father regards me as a cesspool.
96. I drank to drown my pain, but this damn pain learned to swim.
97. I am your kite, the thread is in your hand, and only the wind can accompany me.
98. Everyone else is pretending to be serious, so I have to pretend not to be serious.
99. Take other people's road and let others have no way to go.
100, it is better to spend money than to spend money.
Other funny quotations from Lei Ren.
Know you well? Play a video if you have nothing to do. Think of it as your TV, and it will pop out when you press it.
Work, take a step back and broaden the horizon; Love, take a step back and go empty.
The difficulty of marriage is that we fall in love with each other's strengths, but live with her weaknesses.
Tonight, let's use the cold war to keep warm!
If you have a doormat face, don't step on it.
Mom says it's best not to miss two things in life: the last bus home and someone who loves you deeply.
Don't say that women are too realistic if men don't have skills, and don't say that men are too playboy if women don't have strength.
If you can do it, try not to make noise.
Were you thrown up three times after you were born, but only caught twice?
Handsome is useless! In the end, it was eaten by a pawn!
Who can be as loyal to love as to RMB?
No tiger will die in Pingyang, when I make a comeback.
Be gentle with people and things. Don't lose your temper at will. Nobody owes you anything.
The person I love is taken. People who love me are terrible.
Have what you like, and don't be afraid of the result.
It's very painful now, and when you look back later, you will find that it's actually nothing.
Choosing a good man needs methods, just learn to say no before you get the hang of it!
Some people can be easily erased by time. Like dust.
It's not so much that others make you suffer, but that your self-cultivation is not enough.
There is an abyss lurking in her heart, and she can't make a sound when dropping a boulder.
The biggest difference between doing and not doing is that the latter has the right to comment on the former!
We had a little disagreement: she wanted me to turn dirt into gold, and I wanted her to treat gold like dirt.
I am small-minded, but not lacking. I am good-tempered, but not without it!
Some people, when making masks, look much better than real people.
Cherish life-if God keeps you alive, you must have his plans.
There are two tragedies in life: one is despair, and the other is complacency.
Funny quotations from super shocking people
1, when you speak ill of me, can you not embellish it and think it's cooking?
2. When someone pushes you down, no matter how hard and tired you are, stand up and give her a slap.
3. I had a crush on you at first, because I was out of my mind, and now my brain is shaking dry.
4. I waited for a long time to hear from you, and the result was a haha. You thought I was telling a joke.
5, the water is shallow and there are more than eight kings, and there are big brothers everywhere, not social people, and the whole society is always awkward.
6. Is there anyone who has a crush on me? Don't be shy about those who secretly love me. Speak out your love.
7. In the past, my love was like a dwarf who was hanged by a bush.
8. I don't need your understanding, I just need you to shut up.
9. You are calm because you are not afraid of death. I am calmer than you because I am not afraid of your death.
10, take out your complaints and bask in the sun every day, and your mood will not be short of calcium.
1 1, carve loneliness on the bottle, drink it into the bladder, pee it out, and let loneliness spill all over the floor!
12, the original IQ is high, even the emotional intelligence is zero, and people are not allowed to live.
13, the wind is good, it messed up my hair and blew off your wig.
14, you are like a nine-day fairy, but your face touches the ground first.
15, I am stupid, I am happy. I am two, I am healthy
16, the right way in the world is vicissitudes of life, don't be too arrogant.
17, you used to be in my heart, and then slowly you ran into my stomach, and then I digested you, and then you ran into my large intestine, and finally you became a fart, and then I let you go. You are a fart, and I won't let you go. Can't you stay in your intestines and slowly savor it? !
18, if I want to pick up girls with all my heart, I think I can knit a sweater if everyone pulls out a hair as a souvenir!
19, annoying-just annoying.
20, there is a kind of quiet, called the old class is coming.
2 1, some things, only worthy of memories. Some people can only be travelers.
22, skipping classes, is a person's carnival. Class is the loneliness of a group of people.
23. If a lazy person like me answers everything you say, it only means one thing: I like you.
24. What is the concept of winter vacation homework? We write for one month, and the teacher writes for one reading.
25. When you can be a friend, never be a lover; There are no eternal lovers, only eternal friends.