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Japanese, American, Chinese. Went to an Indian tribe, got too thirsty and stole ceremonial fruit. The chief found them, tied them up, and said, "You have redeemed (I forget how to pronounce it) the gods, but the gods are good, so I'll give you a second chance. Go and find 10 kinds of the same fruit. Then the three men went to look for them. The American came back first and found 10 bananas. The sheikh says, "You peel the bananas. Stick them in your anus. Don't cry, don't laugh, or I'll kill you. The American was helpless, but did as he was told and stuffed 9 of them. Very painful. He cried, and the chief killed him. Then the Chinese came back. He found 10 grapes. Sheikh: Stuff the grapes into your anus, don't cry, don't laugh, or I'll kill you. The Chinese man saw the Americans being killed and was scared, so he did as he was told. Then he stuffed 9 grapes into his anus and laughed, and the chief killed him. Later, the Chinese man ascended to heaven, God asked him: ten grapes are very good stuffing ah, why laugh. The Chinese man said: because I saw the Japanese reported 10 watermelons back
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An American, a Japanese and a Chinese in the jungle adventure results in all the cannibal tribes captured the tribe can tribal sheikhs said: "I am in a good mood today do not eat you, but you all have to take a hundred boards, but the tribal sheikhs said:" I am in a good mood today do not eat you, but you all have to take a hundred boards. "I'm in a good mood today, so I'm not gonna eat you, but you're all gonna get a hundred lashes, and you're gonna get one wish before you get your lashes." And the first one to get it was an American, and he said, "Before I get it, I want 10 cushions on my ass." The cushions come down, the boards rain down, the first 70 are fine, after 70, the cushions are smashed, and then there's blood on the boards. ...... After the beating, the American walks away with his ass in his hands, and the Japanese see that, and then he also asks for 10 cushions. 1, 2, 3. ......100 After the beating, the Japanese gets up and pats his ass. ass all right and then opened his stinking mouth on their ability to imitate and recreate the ability to brag a bit, and want to sit on the side to see the Chinese people's good show Chinese people slowly get down and leisurely said: "Come to the Japanese people to me on the mat, to face up" ......
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One day, the United Nations was having a general assembly, and there were representatives of various countries present who wanted to speak ...... The President of the General Assembly was a British man, and when everyone was competing for the right to speak, the Japanese raised their hands. .... The President said, "You may speak! The Japanese then said a lot of things ....... But the chairman said: Can you speak English? The Japanese said: I am speaking English...! The Japanese continued to speak ...... At this point, the President said again: Can you stand up and speak? The Japanese said: I have already stood up ..........
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v A Japanese man was eating in a Chinese restaurant. When the waiter served a plate of lobster, the Japanese asked, "What do you do with the leftover shrimp shells?" "Of course, you dump them. The waiter said, "Of course, you have to pour it out." No! No! No!" The Japanese shook his head and said, "In Japan, the leftover shrimp shells are sent to the factory, made into shrimp cakes, and then sold to you in China." A while later, the waiter brought a plate of fruit, the Japanese pointed to one of the lemon and asked: "May I ask what you do with the leftover lemon peel? "Pour it away, of course," said the waiter." The Japanese shook his head and said, "In Japan, leftover lemon peels are sent to factories to be made into fruit treasures and then sold to China." Checkout time, the Japanese while chewing gum, while asking the waiter with a smile: "May I ask you how to deal with the leftover chewing gum?"" "Spit it out, of course," said the waiter. "The Japanese shook his head and said proudly, "In Japan, the chewed gum is sent to factories to be made into condoms and then sold to you in China." The waiter asked impatiently, "Do you know what we do with used condoms in China?" "Of course we throw them away." Throw them away, of course." The Japanese man said. The waiter shook his head and said, "No! In China, used condoms are sent to factories to be made into chewing gum and then sold to you in Japan."
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There is an airplane sitting on top of an American, a German, a Japanese and a Chinese, the plane flew to the halfway point Suddenly ran out of fuel, the captain announced that there must be a person to jump in order to reduce the weight of the plane, so that the Americans play its personal heroism to go to the hatch of the plane and shouted. The American, in a spirit of personal heroism, went to the hatch of the airplane and shouted, "Long live the United States of America! And then he jumped! The plane continues to fly ..... The captain then announced that the weight was still too heavy and that one more person had to jump! So the German stepped forward, walked to the airplane hatch and shouted: Long live the German Reich! And jumped off with him! The plane continued to fly ..... At this point the captain announced again: No, it's still heavy, we must jump down one more person! The Chinese looked at the Japanese, stood up and walked to the airplane hatch, the Japanese rushed over to hold the Chinese hand: good brother, I will not forget you! The Chinese shouted: Long live the Chinese people **** and the country! Then kicked the Japanese down!!!......
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A Bowl of Poop
One day, a little kid, who thought he recognized a few Chinese characters, slipped down the street and got hungry, so he started looking for a restaurant. It arrived at the door of a small noodle shop and saw the big words written on the water sign at the entrance: beef noodle, dai pai noodle, poop rice. It wanted to try it, so it walked in. The busy waiter rushed over and asked, "What kind of noodle bowl would you like, sir?" "I'll have ......," said the little kid, wanting to show off that he recognized Chinese characters, so he twisted his head to look at the words written vertically on the water sign and read them horizontally, "I'll have a bowl of 'cow ' 'poop' 'poop' ......" To 'poop' "Eat quite loudly, word for word. So, all the diners in the restaurant to look at the little kid with amazement, whispering: "This beast, really fierce ah!"
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Who are you trying to fool
A ghost came to Beijing to study Chinese, and worked very hard.
A decade later, he not only spoke Mandarin, but also Cantonese and Hakka, and had no ghostly accent at all.
"Now no one should treat me as a ghost ...... anymore," he thought to himself.
One day he traveled to a small fishing port in Tianjin and saw an old man fishing for shrimp.
So on a whim, he confidently greeted the old man in Mandarin: "Old man! Do you know where I am from?"
The old man replied, "Your accent doesn't sound very good ......"
The ghost was very happy and thought, "I can't imagine that my Chinese has progressed to such a point, and it is said to be purely pure ah! ......"
Then the old man gave him a large number of glances and said, "If you can count the shrimp that I caught, I will be able to know where you are from."
This ghost then started counting in a fairly standard pronunciation, "One, two, three, ...... fifty ...... one hundred ...... two hundred ......"
After counting for more than an hour, he proudly replied, "Nine thousand seven hundred and eighty-seven shrimps! Old man, I think you will never guess where I am from!!!"
The old man laughed and said, "I know, you must be Japanese! You must be Japanese! Hahaha ......"
The ghost was very surprised, but still asked the old man in standard Mandarin: "You ...... you... . why do you know?"
The old uncle replied, "Ah, this is simple, Chinese people ask the fish and shrimp are asked catty, not as stupid as you la!"
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The Americans, the British, the Chinese, and the Japanese, were discussing their countries' militaries.
The Japanese said, "We believe in Bushido and are not afraid of sacrifice, so I dare you to test your marksmanship with an apple on your head. "
Yu
is he put an apple on his head.
The American turned and walked backward 20 paces, then turned around and fired a shot, the apple was burst, he proudly said:
" I am Hunter (Hunter)."
The Japanese put another apple on the head.
The Englishman turns and walks back 50 paces, then turns around and fires a shot, the apple is burst and he proudly says:
" I am Boon (Bond)."
The Japanese put a small apple on top of his head.
Chinese guy turns around and walks back 3 steps, then turns around and shoots himself in the head, he proudly says:
"I am sorry."
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Botched up
There's a little Japanese guy in a bar drinking a beer alone. He suddenly felt like going to the restroom, and fearing that someone would steal his beer after he left, he wrote a note on the table, "I spit in my glass." When he returned, he found the paper had added, "I spit in it, too."
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There was a cab traveling on the highway to the Chicago airport with a Japanese tourist in it. At that moment, a cab overtakes it, and the Japanese man shouts, "Look, a Toyota! Made in Japan! How fast!" After a while, another cab overtook it." Look, a Nissan! It's made in Japan! It's so fast!" Another cab passed. "Hey! It's a Mitsubishi! Made in Japan! It's fast!" The cab driver, who was 100% American, was a little annoyed to see so many Japanese cars overtaking his American car, and with the Japanese man's wild language, he couldn't help but be a little annoyed. The cab pulled into the airport parking lot, when another cab overtook it. "It's a Honda! Made in Japan! It's fast! It's out of control!" The cab driver stopped, pointed his finger at the meter in dismay, and said, "1500 dollars."" 1500 dollars for this close?!" "The meter! Made in Japan! It's fast! No way!"
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A Chinese man calls a Japanese businessman and says, "I'm looking for Mr. Taro." The operator says, "I'm sorry, he died last week." The next day, the man called once again, wanting to talk to Taro. This time the operator gets a little fed up and says, "I've been telling you he died last week. Why are you still calling?" The man said, "Because I just like to hear about it."
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Four surgeons were sitting around talking about the kinds of people they like to operate on.
The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians best. When you open them up, everything inside is in alphabetical order. The second doctor said, "My favorite surgery is for accountants. When you open their body, everything is in numerical order. The third doctor said, "My favorite surgery is for electricians. When you open their bodies, everything is coded by color. The fourth doctor said, "I like operating on Japanese people best." The other three doctors look at each other with
skepticism and one of them asks what. The fourth doctor says because they have no heart, no spine, and their asses and heads are interchangeable.
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A German, a Frenchman, and a Japanese man are to work in a mine.
The boss, an American, says to the German, "You're in good shape, you're in charge of the hard labor.
To the Frenchman, he said, "You say you're an engineer, you're in charge of planning the mine.
And to the Japanese he said: you are small. You are in charge of supplies (补给给).
Then every other week, they start working.
A few days later the Germans and the French realized that the Japanese had disappeared, and after looking for them for a long time they decided to go back to work.
As the Germans began to work, the Japanese suddenly jumped out of nowhere and exclaimed:
"Surprise!"
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A Japanese, a Chinese, and an American went on an expedition to Egypt
They arrived to meet a When they arrived, they encountered a sandstorm that drowned all their food and water
When they were thirsty and hungry, suddenly God appeared
Seeing how poor they were, God gave each of them a wish.
First the American wished
American: I wish I could go back to my home right away.
As soon as he finished speaking, the American disappeared and returned to his home.
The Japanese man's turn
The Japanese man said, I wish I could go back to my own home and have lots and lots of beautiful women and big money.
As soon as he said that, the Japanese was gone too
The Chinese's turn
China thought for a while and said: I wish the 2 of them would come back to stay with me!
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The female teacher asked a question in class, "'Give me freedom or let me die.' Who said this quote? Raise your hand if you know." It took a few moments before someone answered in unskilled English, "Bartlett Henry said it in 1775."
"Right, class. The person who just answered was a Japanese student. How pathetic that you can't answer when you grew up in the United States, but a student from far away Japan can!"
"Get rid of the Japanese!" A strange cry came from the classroom.
The female teacher turned red with anger. "Who? Who said this?!" After a moment of silence, someone in a corner of the classroom replied, "President Truman said it in 1945."
Longer version
In the classroom, the female teacher asked, "Give me liberty or let me die." From whom did this famous quote first come? Raise your hand if you know."
It took a while before Yamamoto, a new student from Japan, answered in his less-than-skilled English:
"In 1775, Bartlett Henry said it. Henry said that."
"Very well, then, who said 'of the people, by the people, for the people'."
"In 1863, Abraham B. Abraham Lincoln said it."
That's exactly right, class, and it was a Japanese student who answered the question, but it's a shame that a student who grew up in the United States couldn't answer it!"
"Get rid of the Japanese!" There was a sudden strange cry from the classroom.
"Who! Who said that!" The female teacher's face turned red with anger.
Yamamoto immediately replied, "President Truman said it in 1945."
At this point someone muttered in a low voice, "That's disgusting." The schoolteacher got even more angry when she heard it
"Well, who said that!?"
"In 1991, George Bush said it when he met with the Japanese Prime Minister. Bush said it when he met with the Japanese Prime Minister." Yamamoto replied.
The other student slapped the table and laughed, "Yay! You're ****ing awesome."
"In 1997, Bill B. Clinton said that to Lenski."
The entire class was thrown into chaos as some of the students shouted at Yamamoto, "You bubble of shit, I'm going to take you out if you say anything else."
"In 2001, Gary B. Condit said to Levy. (Note: Levy was a White House intern who was murdered in Washington in 2001. Her ex-boyfriend, Condit, a Democrat, was resisting arrest as a suspect.)
The schoolteacher fainted in anger, and her students formed a circle around her.
One student said, "Damn, we're in big trouble this time."
"In 2002, Arthur B. Anderson said that." Yamamoto replied immediately. (Note: Arthur B. Anderson, Arthur Andersen, one of the top five accounting firms in the U.S., was in the process of collapsing in 2002 because of the Anron scandal)
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A few days ago, two Japanese were kidnapped and taken away by Iraqi militants in Iraq.
The two Japanese were sitting in a car when the Iraqi militants suddenly appeared, and the Japanese, trembling with fear at gunpoint, kept pleading in Chinese that they were Chinese.
The Iraqis were skeptical, and the leader asked, "What does PLMM mean in Chinese?"
The Japanese hesitated and the Iraqis snapped, "Search!" As a result, two Japanese passports were seized from them.
"Hey!" The Iraqi laughed, "Yours, greatly dishonored."
The Japanese were escorted away, and the Iraqi driver, who had not received his fare, hung his head in shame; "It's bad luck to get involved with the Japanese!" He said, "I told them to learn the Chinese internet language, PLMM means Pretty Sister, they don't even know that, of course people don't believe they are Chinese."
The next day, the Iraqi militants double encountered two other Japanese who had learned some of the Chinese Internet language, and the Japanese were confident that they were Chinese.
The Iraqis were skeptical, and the one leading the group asked the Japanese teamster, "What does NMD mean?"
The Japanese teamster froze, "NMD? Missile defense system?"
The Iraqi snapped; "Search!" As a result, two Japanese passports were searched from them.
The Iraqis were angry; "The Japanese are just dishonest." So the two Japanese were escorted away.
The news got out and the Japanese in Iraq panicked. Prime Minister Koizumi, distraught, spent hundreds of millions of dollars to ransom the four Japanese and asked what had happened. Summarize the lessons learned, think to pretend to be Chinese, do not seriously learn the Chinese language can not pass. So they went to ask a Chinese man, "What does NMD mean?"
The Chinese guy laughed, even a rookie in China knows that NND is "grandmother's" and NMD is "your mother's", so he told him the truth.
A day later, two more Japanese encountered Iraqi militants on the road. This time the Japanese confidently patted themselves on the back and said they were Chinese.
The Iraqis were skeptical, and the one leading the group asked the Japanese, "What's NMD?"
The Japanese answered as the Chinese had taught them.
Who knew the Iraqis still snapped, "Search!" The Japanese cried out, but two Japanese national passports were quickly recovered from them.
The Iraqis were furious: "Your grandmother's Japanese are all liars." The Japanese were beaten up and escorted away.
The reporter also felt a bit strange and went to ask the man who taught them Chinese. It turned out that the honest Chinese man had kindly told the Japanese that NMD meant "fuck you", considering that the Japs loved to use inverted sentences in Chinese.
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During the Japanese invasion of China, a Japanese soldier found himself under the 1 egg turned green, the second day he ran to ask the local famous Chinese medicine, the doctor said: "According to my years of medical experience, you'd better cut the egg. The Japanese soldier thought it was okay to lose an egg anyway, I still use my one-wheeled gun, so he cut it off. After a while he realized that the other egg was green and went to ask the Chinese doctor, who said: "According to my many years of medical experience, you still have to cut off this egg". The Japanese soldier thought anyway, already cut a cut another one does not matter. After some time, the Japanese soldier found himself that the stick is also green, he ran to ask the doctor, the doctor said: "According to my many years of medical experience, I guess it is your underpants faded
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The Japanese first very proud of the game: "Our single-player games are famous in the world.
The Koreans scoffed: "That's nothing, our online games are also world famous.
Then the Chinese man standing next to him sneered: "What's that, what game you 2 countries can make, our country can make a plug-in to deal with it
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One day, an oni who was working in China went to the countryside to hunt wild ducks.
When he managed to shoot a mallard, it fell into some farmer's yard.
The ghost climbed over the fence to pick up his prey.
But the farmer who witnessed it all shook his shotgun and said loudly, "Look here, no hunting in China."
The ghost replied, "I shot the duck, so it should be mine. I do!"
The farmer said:
"It flew in China and was killed by you or landed in China. You come with me to the village and pay the fine!"
They kept arguing about the duck.
After a while, the oni said, "We should decide in the traditional way. Decide with the Japanese spirit of Bushido!"
The farmer despised any Bushido and asked contemptuously, "What is the Bushido method?"
The oni explained, "First, I kick your ass. Then you kick my ass, and kick each other's asses like that until one side gives up. The winner gets the duck."
The farmer thought about it and agreed to the contest. But the farmer asked to kick first himself to show fairness. In his mind he wanted to avenge his folks who were killed more than sixty years ago, but he knew better,he could not kill the ghosts yet.
Then the Chinese farmer stretched his leg back and kicked the ghost in the ass as hard as he could. The pained ghost fell to the ground moaning and wailing and rolling all over the place.
After a full ten minutes, he tried to get up and said hoarsely through clenched teeth, "Now it's my turn."
The Chinese farmer said, "Oh, no, the duck is yours, you can roll back."
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A ghost hurried into the butcher store and shouted condescendingly to the Chinese salesman, "Hey! Cut me one hundred dollars worth of beef! Feed the dogs!"
Then he turned to a girl who was standing in line in the order, scowled and said, "Hey, Chinaman! You don't mind if I buy first!"
The girl replied coldly: "Of course not, you're starving like a bear. I'll let you buy it to save you from passing on rabies."
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That is to say, the ancient Japanese, has always been will be knowledgeable about Chinese culture and history as an honor. But, after the Sino-Japanese War, the ghosts who defeated China began to have the guts to scorn the Chinese.
One day, at a university in Tokyo, an oni worker doing his job ate a bento lunch and saw a passing Chinese student.
The ghosts deliberately asked aloud, "Do you know a Chinese man named Bisheng?"
The oni replied, deliberately and loudly, "I don't know. China will soon be no more. It is the Japanese Bi Sheng!"
The Chinese student gave them an angry look and asked, "Do you know Wu Da Lang?"
The ghosts replied, "No."
The Chinese student said, "You bastard things! Listen up! That's the only kind of ancestors you deserve!"
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The ghosts designed a universal computer and went to China publicly to show it off and hold an exhibition. A Chinese programmer goes to visit.
The oni smugly told him, "You can ask any question you want and this computer will give you the right answer!"
So the programmer wrote down the question:
"What is my brother-in-law doing in the field?"
The ghost typed this in, and a moment later the answer came out:
"Your brother-in-law is fishing at the beach!"
"Nonsense!" The programmer said: "It's been ten years since my brother-in-law died!"
The ghost insisted with an iron tongue, "Our Japanese computers can't make mistakes! It's the way you're asking that's wrong!"
So the programmer asked again, "Where is my sister's husband?"
The computer replied:
"He died ten years ago, but your brother-in-law is fishing on the beach."
The programmer cursed, "You Japanese bastards! My sister died ten years ago too! Why did you program her to remarry again!"
Saying this, he turned around and walked away, blurting out the situation to the surrounding visitors as he went.
At this point, the ghost rushed to make another furious tap on the keyboard, then chased after the programmer toward his back, saying, "Please stay, sir. The computer said - they're all dead, and are now being is fishing in the netherworld."
The programmer slapped the ghost back and said angrily, "I knew the Japanese were lying here again. I don't even have a sister!"
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The story goes that after China conquered Tokyo, people on the Chinese right cried out for revenge, and people such as "Inuyasha Ichiran" were hunted down day after day. "They thought it would be better for them to jump off a building rather than be killed by the Chinese.
That day, they jumped from the building. Though they all fell and bled from their mouths and eyes, they all attempted to commit suicide. Instead, they were arrested by the indigenous police organized by the Bonobo Autonomous Region, prosecuted, and sentenced.
The charge was "random littering."
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That said, the bonobos are also in the habit of eating human flesh raw. Evidence of raw human flesh eating by bonobos can be found on various websites.
One day, traveling with the family's mongrels, all the way to tell this raw eating human flesh, said he had not eaten Europeans.
Meal time, the stewardess asked: "Sir, what do you want for lunch? Steak?"
The bonobo shook his head.
The stewardess asks again, "How about chicken fillet?"
The bonobo still shakes his head.
The stewardess said, "Sir, what exactly do you want to eat?"
The Japanese said, "Show me the passenger list."
Soon, his whole family was hacked to death.
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That said, the Japanese students were arrogant in China. Of course the Chinese students did not like it. But violently beating up a bonobo is what Chinese schools fear the most, it's like beating up the principal's father. So there were many who wanted to beat them up, and few who did it openly.
So one of the Chinese students said to the ghost students, "I had a wonderful dream yesterday."
The ghost was busy asking, "What kind of dream? Tell me."
Chinese student, "In the dream you were the hero oh!"
The ghost was delighted: "Really? Am I the handsome Prince Charming?"
Chinese student: "No! I dreamed that you were panting and chasing a pig with a kitchen knife in your hand."
Ghost wondered, "I was chasing a pig?"
Chinese student: "Yes! You were running around sweating, and as a result, the pig ran into a dead end alley."
Ghost puzzled: "And then what?"
Chinese student: "You approached it happily, and the pig suddenly fell to its knees and begged for mercy, saying, 'They were born from the same root.'"
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One bonobo, who started a company and became a boss in China, strutted his stuff when he got rich, telling Chinese employees in stuttering Chinese that he would rent the most expensive house in the city.
The Chinese employees thought, "I've got to fix him. So they let him rent a cheap house next to the crematorium at great expense. The bonobo was afraid of forgetting the address, so he had the employee write it down.
The employee wrote on the slip of paper, "Next to the crematorium, so-and-so villa area."
One day, the bonobo got lost in the black goo. So he took out the note and stammered to ask a passerby.
The passerby heard that he was a bonobo and read the note again.
So the passerby said, "Stand in the center of the road for a while, and someone will naturally take you there."
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One day a Chinese man and a Japanese slave came to heaven.
The angel then asked for the nationalities and let the one Chinese man stay in an ordinary room with a coarse meal. The angel then asked the Chinese man his nationality and put him in an ordinary room, with a simple meal, but put the Japanese slave in a suite, with fine clothes and food. After a few days, all the Chinese in heaven protested together.
The angel patiently explained:For thousands of years, heaven has been crowded with Chinese. Only today has a bonobo come who can go to heaven, if I don't treat this thing well, who will I treat?"
The Chinese were speechless.
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The Japanese are warlike, in ancient times, almost all the young and strong men were conscripted to fight in the army, there was no time to get married and have children, so the population was getting smaller and smaller, so at that time, one of the country's masters came up with a national policy, which is to make it possible for all men to have sex with any woman no matter when or where they are, to keep the population down. The Japanese women got used to the idea of having sex with any woman, anytime, anywhere during the truce, and simply carried pillows and sheets on their backs, which became what is now known as the "kimono".
Many women were not told their last name in time to go to war after being "wherever and whenever", so there were "Inoue", "Tanaka "Inoue," "Tanaka," "Watanabe," "Takahashi," "Yamaguchi," "Kinoshita." "Oshima", "Takakura", "Onizuka" ......... ...
Many men are accustomed to the "yellow" color of life and become more and more indulgent and lascivious to women "wherever and whenever they want", so they "wherever and whenever they want" to **...
Many men are accustomed to the "yellow" color of life and become more and more indulgent and lascivious to women "wherever and whenever they want". "The Japanese army had comfort women, and the Japanese soldiers called themselves the "Yellow Army".
After the defeat of the war, the international laws of war do not allow the existence of aggressive armed forces in such an inferior nation as Japan, not to mention any comfort women, so when Japanese soldiers want to be with women "whenever and wherever", they masturbate to AV movies, so the international community calls the Japanese armed forces "masturbation squads". The Japanese were happy to be called "masturbators" because it legitimized their masturbation activities and allowed them to masturbate in broad daylight.
Later, in the second half of the last century, the Japanese preferred to be called "Nippon" because it sounded as if the name was predestined -- "Nipponese! Japanese" is a written term for words like "fuck myself" and "masturbate". So the Japanese began their history of being "Japanese" in the open
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Reporter: There used to be prostitutes in the Japanese army, right?
Koizumi: No, there were only comfort women, and we used them, that's why it was called the Japanese army.
Reporter: So there are still comfort women in the Japanese army now?
Koizumi: No, they all masturbate now, so it's called the Masturbation Squad.
Reporter: Then how come you call them Japanese?
Koizumi: Because we all masturbate, that's Japan itself, that's why it's called the Japanese