The world of adults is often not as pure as when they were young. Many people always wear thick armor and masks that people can't figure out. Only when your personal interests are involved, can you see his essence clearly.

Han Han once had a movie "See you later for life", in which there was a sentence that made people remember deeply: "Only children can tell right from wrong, and adults only look at pros and cons."

Many times in this society, in the case of competing interests, cooperation is only to obtain greater interests. If one partner of two people loses the use value, or encounters a situation that threatens their own interests during cooperation, then most adults choose to give up cooperation decisively and achieve themselves.

Even some love is the same.

I read such a help-seeking post on the Internet: A couple, a girl has been admitted to a university, and a boy needs to repeat it. Neither of them has a good family. The girl worked at least three jobs during her college years. While supporting her studies, she also sent the boy living expenses every month.

Later, the boy was admitted to the university, and they were separated. The boy is very strong, took a second degree and joined the student union, so the time to earn money by working was compressed, so the girl continued to work three or four jobs to support their studies.

After graduation, the girl took the time to find a job, and after graduation, the boy decided to continue his studies. We thought that the story would end with two people living happily together. However, by the time the boy got his doctorate and had a fixed and lucrative financial source, he chose to abandon the girl.

The girl is very confused. She doesn't understand why such a long time of suffering and fetters between two people, and why she has waited and paid for so many years, is such an ending.

I want to tell this girl who needs to take antidepressants to relieve her mood, such a sentence: long-term love needs added value.

If one person keeps moving forward and the other is standing still, then the balance of value between you will tilt. And most of the feelings that can't be exchanged in equal value are hard to last.

So if you want to keep your feelings, it is very important to improve your own value. Of course, it does not mean that all feelings have to be like this, but at least our own ability has been improved, which makes the other party feel that we are valuable and can be used as a "chip" in love.

There are no absolute friends or eternal enemies in this world, only eternal interests.

There was a successful man who had numerous "contacts" when he was successful, and different people rushed to receive him everywhere, but when he was in debt due to poor management, all his friends seemed to be in into thin air.

When he needs to find a job, he is frustrated again and again. Those who are brothers, some say that their businesses are difficult, they don't recruit people and even want to lay off employees. Some first complimented him, and then said that there was no room for the Buddha in his small temple, and he was overqualified.

He is not a person who has no ability to work, but he doesn't want to get involved with him. He is too close and afraid of borrowing money. Moreover, his past resources have also become history with the liquidation of the company. When he has no value to bring to the other party, he naturally falls off the altar.

There is a very realistic saying that when people treat you well, it is not how good you are, but what they see is the value you can give them. When this value disappears, the identity of "friends" between you will naturally change.

Psychologically speaking, human nature is selfish, and the communication between people is maintained by the involvement of interests.

How do friends and values come from?

Life needs to deal with all kinds of complicated relationships, and to maintain these will inevitably involve all kinds of interests. The essence of friendship is to seek social help.

Of course, because everyone's interests and personality are different, so everyone's social circle will be different, and the relationship will be divided into relatives and friends.

In other words, others are good to you for another "purpose", which is an exchange of resources. Exchange your lively, steady, naive or enthusiastic personality, exchange your care, companionship, support, patience and listening. In short, you have the characteristics of attracting each other and being "used" by each other.

But this kind of exchange is completely acceptable, and it rarely falls apart because of "losing value". And those friends who only seek benefits are often the most terrible. Because there is a saying that the person who hurts you the most is often the one who knows you best.

I believe that everyone has experienced some difficult times, some economically and some emotionally.

However, social communication emphasizes equality and mutual benefit. To put it mildly, it is mutual help, and to put it bluntly, it is an emotional "use" of each other.

And when you have no meaningful social resources, no use value, and are on the weak side, you will have a situation of "falling apart", just like the "successful person" mentioned earlier.

With the accumulation of experience, the growth of age and the change of surrounding environment, our needs and requirements for friends, communication levels and dependence also change accordingly.

And many times, the maintenance of friendship is based on interests. And people leave tea cool, but you have no value to exchange.

The biggest role of contacts is mutual benefit. "Being used" is not pleasant to say, but if you think deeply, it means that you are still valuable.

If you want to win friends and expand your contacts, the prerequisite is that you have something that can be "profitable" for others. Otherwise, even if you attend more wine party dinners, participate in more interpersonal communication and compliment more people, your relationship can only stop at "knowing".

Being needed by others is valuable, and only when you have a mechanism that can be used by others can you have enough capital to refuse others.

Old Morgan is the founder of the world-famous Morgan consortium. He once said a classic sentence to discipline his children: "A person needs to make himself the needs of others, which is the performance of his own value; It is the realization of your own value to let yourself meet the needs of others. "

Whether in love or in life and work, when a person has the ability to maintain this value that is used by others, and at the same time constantly improve and upgrade himself, so that he gradually becomes irreplaceable, this is the chip to preserve the value of life.

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The world is so big, thank you for seeing me!

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