A neighbor, who got an old girl at the age of 58, was really scared to put it in her mouth. At present, the child is a teenager and has already entered the second grade of junior high school. In the past ten years, she has been obedient to her children, and the children have lived a life of reaching for clothes and making ends meet. It should be said that these ten years have been very smooth, and the children's school performance is also excellent. Just a while ago, the child caught a cold and stayed at home for more than ten days. When I was well, I said I didn't want to go to school. I asked the reason, that is, I need to do my homework at school and nothing at home. My 70-year-old father was in a hurry at this time, looking for a teacher to do the work. Teachers are the best. They went to two schools and never went there again. I also found a school and changed to a relatively relaxed class. Schools break away from convention and adjust classes from the perspective of caring for children. I went to school for a long time and didn't go.
The child's father thought that the child had psychological problems and also found a psychological counselor for psychological counseling, which didn't help. On the one hand, fathers with children in their seventies are worried about what to do if their children don't go to school, on the other hand, the old educational strategy is to be obedient to their children. Dare not say a harsh word. In fact, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and everyone familiar with the situation knows that there is nothing wrong with the child, which is caused by the father's love and unprincipled doting. We analyzed for him that the child's problem is actually his problem and his educational method. Father also admitted it. I gave him some attention and methods, and he felt very good, but he couldn't implement them himself. Anyway, I'm still in love.
Parents should give their children the ability to adapt to social challenges in the future, just as eagles should exercise a pair of wings to let their children fly. As a result of obedience, children lose their sense of rules and their ability to resist wind and rain.
This sentence is correct. Parents can take good care of their children's health, but if their children are mentally and physically unhealthy, they will be mediocre in the future. Here is a story to share with you, hoping to give some feelings to parents in front of the screen.
A friend's relative came to me and said that there was a seventh-grade child at home who had been doing poorly in math. He wanted me to understand why. After seeing the children, I have a brief understanding and found that primary schools have not laid a good foundation in their study habits. When children get home, they play with their mobile phones and pads, and then have dinner. He didn't start doing his homework until almost half past eight, and he had to watch TV for an hour. Then I told his mother to let the child do his homework first, and then he could arrange it himself.
This is a question sent to me by the mother. I can tell at a glance that children are eager to do their homework, which must be for fun. Then I told my mother that we must ensure the quality of our children and make sure that the handwriting is neat and accurate after writing before we can relax. As a result, my parents told me that children work hard every day and can't bear to make them so tired. I said in my heart that your child was not tired at all, but I didn't say anything. Later, he came to see me and said that I was busy.
There is nothing wrong with this statement. A spoiled child is like killing a child. Loving children doesn't mean doting on them, so you can't be obedient to them. Because the result of obedience is that children lack basic anti-frustration ability and become very selfish and willful. At present, you can be obedient to him, but one day he will find that society will not spoil him like his parents, and he will feel uncomfortable and miserable.
My niece was spoiled by her parents and grandparents since she was a child. No matter what she wants, the adults are obedient to her. As a result, the child became very headstrong and particularly angry. Later, I suggested to my brother that they should discipline their children well and not follow her everywhere. As a result, my mother scolded me and said, whose child is not spoiled now? For me who is married, it is not good to interfere too much.
Now my niece has grown up and is in grade three. Especially lazy, unable to take care of himself, easy to lose his temper. You fight with your sister who is ten years younger than you because of a trivial matter. Adults talk back immediately when they say anything, and they always shout and jump off buildings. I just play with my mobile phone every day, and spending a lot of money on tutoring has no effect. Adults have a headache.
In fact, such consequences are completely predictable, but parents and grandparents who don't understand family education think that spoiling their children is good for them, that is, loving them, but they don't know that it will make her miserable in the future, because we can't spoil her for life and society won't spoil her.
I believe that there are no parents who don't love their children in the world, and there are many ways to love their children. But the true love for children is to give them correct family education and cultivate them into independent, optimistic and strong people.
Conclusion: If you really love your children, don't pour all your love into them without thinking. It is because we love children that we should cultivate their healthy psychology and basic life skills, and gradually cultivate them into a strong person, an independent person, an optimistic person, a grateful person and a person who can feel happy. This is a child's success.
If you don't teach, your father blames you and you spoil your children. Children are born good children, which is related to family education. What kind of parents, what kind of children to teach, and the love of grandparents, some children will make mistakes. Parents educate him, grandparents protect him, indulge him, indulge him, have support, and don't listen to their parents. Some children beat others, parents are happy, have a good time, my child. At school, I violated the school rules, didn't study hard, made a mistake, was scolded by the teacher, felt wronged and complained to my parents. My parents saw their baby suffer indignities and insisted on going to school. Why should they bully my child and make trouble at school? Stealing, parents enjoy it and enjoy the stolen things. My son has a bright future. He can do whatever he wants. He gave the children delicious food, but he couldn't bear to eat it himself. He doesn't care about others and always scolds his parents. Can such children honor their parents when they grow up? The character they have developed since childhood will not change when they grow up. Such people will do illegal things, go to jail and ruin their lives. What parents don't want their children to have a good job and a good family? Once children fall into a wrong path, it is too late to regret, and they can also raise children to prevent old age. Can such a child support the elderly? I think getting used to children means loving them. It is parents who hurt them. Children are unfilial and parents are guilty.
I have a friend. She only has children in her heart and always puts them first. When I was a child, I had to bring toys to class and let the children go. If she likes roast duck, she will eat half a roast duck every day. If she likes shrimp, she will buy it every day. If she likes braised pork, she will cook it at any time. But her parents scrimp and save, and they don't want to buy things for themselves, which will make her obese early and her stomach is not good. If she wants to take Chinese medicine treatment, she will definitely let the children eat first, even if she is with any elders. Now the child has grown up and has a big temper. If you are slightly unhappy, you will lose your temper with your parents, and even insult and threaten your parents. Although I found a good job and earned a high income after graduating from college, my children are very concerned about money, unwilling to spend a penny on their parents and elders, and have no contact with their relatives. He thinks the child is unhappy. Although his parents dote on him, others don't like him. We think his parents dote on him.
Her stepmother was very kind to her and was quickly won over by this gentle and kind new mother, who trusted her very much. This stepmother is always strict with her daughter Lili. She is very careful in her study and life. But if her daughter's grades drop, or she doesn't behave well in school, she will severely punish Lili. However, she is tolerant of sweets and her grades are not good. She always said that sweets was smart, but she didn't do well in the exam. Her father tried to discipline her daughter, but her stepmother stopped her every time, saying that the child was too young, so don't hit her, don't hit her. It's broken. You're not the one who regrets it? Sweetness is always taken care of by her stepmother, and she is very dependent on her in her heart.
During the summer vacation, my stepmother will send Lily to various cram schools, so that she has no time to play, so she can only attend classes every day. However, he reports various tour groups to Tian Tian to make her happy and have time to accompany her. Sweet dad often said not to hang Lily outside and let her play together, but stepmother said Lily was stupid and asked her to learn more. If she is as smart as sweets, she can rest assured, so dad said nothing.
In junior high school, Tian Tian bullied his classmates every day, and his academic performance was not good. Teachers often persuade her stepmother to take good care of her children. Her father is too busy to take care of her daughter. But every time she comes home with candy, she can rest assured that she won't hit her, so that she can eat and dress well and keep healthy. She also said that the teacher likes to make a fuss and ignore her. In this way, Tian Tian seems to be inspired. She often opposes and makes fun of teachers at school, so she often stops classes.
After class, Tian Tian's stepmother made her many delicious foods to make her happy, and installed a computer for her to play at home. As a result, Tian Tian didn't want to study at all and soon became addicted to online games. After three years of high school, Tian Tian concealed the fact that he didn't go to school, but everything was done with the help of his stepmother. Dad knows nothing about it. Then sweets was ordered to drop out of school.
Lily, the stepmother's daughter, is an excellent student in the school. She is not only versatile, but also one of the best students. And she has a good personality. She has been successfully sent to a key university.
Tian Tian has made many friends online and often goes out to make trouble. Finally, it spread to her father, who beat her daughter mercilessly. Sweet ran away from home. When he heard the news of his daughter again, she drove away after drinking and was detained.
After compensating others for their losses, my father completely broke off the relationship with Tian Tian. When sweets lost everything, she remembered that she had become a bad girl under the education of her stepmother in recent years. She doesn't understand why her stepmother did this to her.
What do you think this stepmother is doing?
My point is that children need to be guided in the right way, instead of being obedient or being clubbed. The three views of parents, teachers and people around them directly affect the future development direction of children. One of the neighbors didn't give birth to a girl until the fifth one, but the whole family spoiled the fifth one. On the contrary, the four daughters outsourced their housework to earn some living expenses and were abused by countless whips. More than ten years have passed, and no good end has come. His mother has a bad temper, is as angry as a shrew, and has a strange lifestyle. She went out at night and degenerated during the day, combining greed, poison and evil, and died in her fifties. His father is rough-tempered, often hangs up the phone and hits the children, and has many disagreements with his neighbors. He fought over trifles many times, and quarrels at home and abroad were commonplace. After marrying a woman with three children, he also left, and now no one takes care of her illness. Siguniang: The boss has the best temper. Many years ago, I heard that the missing person had disappeared. In recent years, I learned that I married in Sichuan early. There are three children who are looked down upon by their husband's family and wander around all the year round. So far, I have only been home once and visited my old father. The second child has the same temper as his mother. He barely graduated from primary school and was a bully during school. Only when she bullies others can she fight you hard on big and small issues. At the same time, she doesn't take the teacher's parents seriously, other parents come to the theory, and the family swarms, shouting and killing; The third child is very playful, often staying outside at night, and she became pregnant as a minor. I don't know who this child is. All I know is that he had an affair with a gang of gangsters and was forced to marry an old honest man. Honest people are willing to accept this child, get along with honest people for more than two years, and have a girl, just a man and a woman. Later, I heard that a leopard cannot change his spots. He cheated countless times, got pregnant unexpectedly three times and miscarried three times. The cost of abortion is borrowed everywhere. Old four is smart, but mentally retarded and can't talk. There are only two grades left in the third grade of primary school, so he can only stay at home and let his parents take care of him. After marrying a bachelor who is 20 years older than him, he can't take care of himself, with the help of his daughter and wife. He has a name called "Spoiler". He doesn't have a good thing, but he has a lot of bad things. It's just right to bully him. I dare to fight with people in grade six in grade two, which makes people afraid to come to school. When he was in the fourth grade, he heard that one night he was drowned while playing in the river bend. His father cried by the river for a day and a night. Later, his father found the children who went to the bend of the river with him and beat them one by one. Many other parents now have a question, saying why no one called the police at that time. As for the situation at that time, I also asked some old people. Old people say you dare to call the police. This kind of person will kill you and destroy your 18 generations of ancestors, so most of them submit to humiliation, and some who are slightly dissatisfied also see that there is nothing to eat.
Another family; There are three children, two men and one woman, with ordinary family background, but their parents have high prestige, all-round development in morality, intelligence and physique, and they are strict with their children, not indulgent and disorderly. After finishing junior high school, the boss earns money for the second and third children to study. Parents often introduce people with strength (not financial strength) to take their bosses to learn technology and do various formal jobs. Now the boss's business is doing very well, often helping his neighbors and giving them gifts; The second child graduated from a doctor's degree and held a management position in a state-owned enterprise; The third is a girl, graduated with a master's degree, studied abroad, and now works in a government agency. Parents often hear that they are invited to travel by which department all the year round, and all kinds of benefits should not be too cool.
When the child becomes the focus of a family, all eyes are on the child, and everything parents do is obedience to the child, which is the beginning of the tragedy.
The wind and rain that you avoid for your children, life will be staged again; You have paved the way for the child, and the obstacles that the child will encounter in the future are still his unknown itinerary.
This sentence suits both parents. "Obedience" means all the possibilities of breaking the word "teaching" by yourself. When we say "obedience" means "doting", such love is full of traps.
Sharp knives will rust if left for a long time, what's more, people naturally like comfortable environment. Faced with children with poor control, the temptation is obvious.
Everything in parents' life makes children have a serious dependence, not to mention the cultivation of independent spirit.
When a child does something wrong, parents either take it lightly, laugh it off, appease the child's mistake or solve the problem hastily. All the problems that parents deal with are problems that children will encounter in the future. When helping children to deal with these problems, parents deprive their children of the opportunity to experience these problems. The next time you encounter the same problem, the child will still be helpless and have never experienced it. The same problem is a new problem for children.
Then the child's frustration is lacking, and he can't face setbacks and can't accept refutation. If there are no setbacks in life, children will have no ability to accept suffering and will not solve problems.
The child doesn't know the meaning of special treatment, but his family's words and actions highlight his special position, so that the child can grasp it sensitively, and his wayward character begins to lay the foundation.
Whenever children cry, make noise or even roll, forcing parents to make concessions and meet their own demands, and finally winning in front of their parents, they are actually sending a message to children: children are the center of the family, everyone must obey their wishes, their wishes are not restricted, their behavior is not constrained, and any demands of parents can be resisted and changed.
Because there is no binding love, children only have endless demands on their parents, and they feel that they should take it for granted and have no gratitude.
Love is not everything. Therefore, children should be raised and taught.
First, the role of role models.
What kind of person do you want your children to be, then what kind of person do you want to be first. Parents should also meet their children's requirements. If children are asked to do what they can't do, or even run counter to it, such parents can only leave their children with a negative image of duplicity and inconsistency.
Parents are children's best teachers. When children find that their parents are different in words and deeds, it is the beginning of disappointment. So, start from yourself and be an influential parent.
Second, correct the mentality and correct the position of the child.
The child is a member of the family, not a "bully" full of stars. Parents are the cause, children are the result, and parents have a strong relationship, so children will feel safe.
Do not accommodate children's excessive wishes or meet unreasonable demands. If a lot of the same toys are piled up at home, children will ask to buy the same toys to go home. The child is testing whether the parents will agree. At this time, parents should resolutely say "no".
Second, let the children do it.
The world is beautiful. Children like to discover the little beauty in life and explore the unknown adventure world. In this process, children may encounter setbacks, find problems and have various questions.
However, children are imaginative. When they find problems and encounter difficulties, they will try their best to solve them. Let them build new knowledge and skills.
It is the instinct of every parent to love children, but the most reasonable way to love children is to teach in love and love in teaching.
With the social phenomenon of "only having one generation" and "only having two generations", more and more children have become "little suns" at home. Parents who are eager to love their children really want to give the whole world to this "only one" and hope that he can live carefree: as soon as the child says what he wants, parents buy a lot of things, various models and colors; When the child is uncomfortable, two or even six adults get together and want to treat the child ... What does this life without "defects" mean for the child's growth? If there are many disadvantages, what kind of education is preferable?
Although the children are weak, they are still ordinary family members from the whole family structure. If they have been living under special care, in the long run, it will be easy for them to gain such a consciousness: "In this family, I am a center and everyone has to revolve around me. My will is their guide to behavior. If they want something, they should give me something. If they can't satisfy me, I can make trouble with them. " The wayward character may sprout here.
Therefore, the normal practice should be to put the child in the right position, treat him as an ordinary family member, and provide any material parenting conditions he has; If there are family obligations suitable for his age, let him bear them; Unreasonable demands, calmly refuse, even if the demands are reasonable, don't be too satisfied, so that children have the opportunity to experience the difficulties and surprises of normal family members. In this way, after the children leave home, there will not be much difference between the social living environment and the family living environment.
When a child gives what he wants and gets what he wants, his parents actually give him such an education invisibly: there are no setbacks in life; Get something for nothing Obviously, this "education" process artificially removes the setbacks in life for children, making it difficult for children to see the true colors of life and depriving them of the opportunity to fight against setbacks.
In addition, if children don't need to work hard and only rely on their own weakness, it is easy to get what they want, which is also a bad influence on their attitude towards life. In the long run, it is easy for children to seek asylum by virtue of their own weakness and lose the motivation of self-development, which is not conducive to them facing the challenges of life and actively adapting.
In short, obedience to children is tantamount to doing things that are not conducive to children's development in the name of love, and should be stopped as soon as possible. Gorky said: "loving children is something that even hens can do." How to educate children is a big deal. " How to make our love educational is a problem that every parent needs to think about.
Nowadays, children have never suffered anything, and most of them have grown up smoothly under the protection of their parents. They can't stand the sound different from their own from the outside world, as if it is right for people all over the world to revolve around him.
Many children are "little princesses" and "little emperors" at home, especially those who live with grandparents, and children are privileged "treasures at home". Too much satisfaction, too much protection and too much prohibition have become the "three more" scenery for some families to their children.
Children live smoothly under the wings of their grandparents and fathers, and have never experienced any setbacks. Why do many children go to a dead end in recent years because of a few criticisms from teachers or parents? I think it's because children lack frustration education.
The so-called setbacks, there are books that say that things that encounter obstacles in life and produce negative emotions in their hearts can be regarded as setbacks.
Everyone's life can't be full of sunshine and rain, and there are rainy days. How to encounter setbacks and overcome them is something that everyone will encounter.
If parents can't stand a word or two, how can they go out into the society to resist the ups and downs from all sides?
"Children from poor families take charge early" because children from poor families will encounter more difficulties and setbacks in life than children from rich families. It is these difficulties and setbacks that make them more sensible than their peers prematurely. In a sense, it also shows that it is beneficial for children to receive some frustration education when they are young.
Therefore, it is a big mistake to blindly think that obeying children, not seeing their crying, not seeing their little injuries, and not being able to tolerate their little setbacks is a sign of loving their children. You have protected your child for years and decades, and you can't protect him for life. Only by letting children experience setbacks and adversity can they survive the ups and downs in life and grow up healthily.
So don't regard your doting on children as love, and don't regard unrestrained satisfaction as a necessity for children's growth. Let the children suffer some grievances and setbacks, and the children will be healthier and stronger!
Finally, a word from Rousseau: If you want your child to be an unfortunate person, then you must be obedient to him!