2. The difficulty factor of this jumper is very high, he first turned around and rolled for a week and then did a front flip for a week and a half and then did a back flip for a month.
3, there is a man rock climbing, when he almost climbed to the top of the mountain, there is a big gray wolf with a burning candle want to burn the rope, the man said a word, the big gray wolf on the candle blew out, the man said: HAPPY BRITHDAY!
4, once upon a time, there is a sea by the sea of villagers, the villagers depend on the fishing for a living. After many, many years of this, suddenly one day, the sea came inside a strange fish, specializing in eating the sea fishing villagers, has eaten several people. The fish had six eyes and could fly, so the villagers called it "Six-eyed Flying Fish". Seeing the six-eyed flying fish kill people recklessly, and no one can cure it, the villagers are anxious head, how to go on like this? At that time, a young man came to the village, a very young man with a very special name, Ai, who said that he could kill the Six-Eyed Flying Fish. The villagers disdained him. But the next day, Ai really came back with the body of the strange fish. The villagers were shocked and asked Ai, "How did you do it? Love said "Love really needs courage , to face the six-eyed flying fish."
5, once upon a time there is a hide-and-seek society, their president until now has not been found ......
6, a small rabbit to go to the pond fishing , fishing for a long time have not caught. The next day, the rabbit went to the pond to fish again, fishing for a day still did not catch fish. On the third day, the bunny still insisted on fishing in the pond, or nothing. On the fourth day, the bunny still went fishing in the pond, and a fish popped up out of the water and growled at the bunny: "If you damn well use carrots as bait again, I'll smack you to death!"
7, ... homework for a long time, by hand, open the radio, a gentle voice came out: "... if the skin color pink, the face of the velvet fine and soft, then it shows that it is very healthy ..." heard here. I couldn't help but touch my own face, look in the mirror and smile again, looking healthy and cute. At this point, and listen to the announcer said: "Well, listeners, this time our "pig knowledge lecture" here ......"
8, an elementary school, there are two students in the fight, A said: "You.... You call again ah, I make a phone call can find someone!" B said: "You. You hit ah! I don't believe it." Then A really ran off to make a phone call, and when he came back, he let out a scathing remark, "You'll know how to die in 30 minutes!" At this point B was nervous as hell, but there was nothing he could do, and 30 minutes later, the school radioed, "Student B, you have a visitor, please come to the school office." Although he was scared, he thought it was in the school affairs office, so he should be fine. So he goes to the office and a teenager with dyed blonde hair walks up to him, "Are you B so-and-so?" B: "I am..." "Sorry for the wait, here's the 10 pizzas you ordered with drenched chicken for 5300 yen."
9. A German, a Frenchman and a Japanese man are going to work in a mine. The boss, an American, says to the German: You're in good shape, you're in charge of hard labor. To the Frenchman he said: You say you are an engineer, you are responsible for the planning of the mine. And to the Japanese he said, "You're skinny. You are in charge of supplies. Then every other week they started working. A few days later the Germans and the French realized that the Japanese had disappeared, and after looking for them for a long time they decided to go back to work. When the Germans began to work, the Japanese suddenly jumped out and shouted: "Surprise!"
10, there is a teacher overnight mahjong, see the blackboard is not wiped, angry: "Today who do Zhuang ah? The blackboard is not wiped!"
11, "Hello, please call a car . I'm at XX intersection, wearing a black skirt." "Okay, to where"? "Uh ...... to the knee ......"
12, a butterfly wings broken, but it is still flying, why? Netizen snaps: because it is strong-willed.
13, there is a person in the hospital infusion, infusion began to laugh maniacally. Others asked him what he was laughing at. He said: "I laugh at the drip."
14, a little girl called the radio station want to give her mom a song. Host: Why do you want to order a song for your mom? The host was very touched and said that she was very understanding and was a good child to her mother. She asked what song she would like to sing. Little girl: woman why hard for women.
15, A, B, C, three people traveling together, a cold. At night, we sleep in the same bed, A sleep in the middle. In the middle of the night, a big sneeze, B C's entire face is a crystallized. B C: Let us know next time. After half an hour, A: pay attention ...... B C sniffed and hurriedly burrowed into the quilt and made sure there was no connection to the outside world, then A farted.
16, there is a prince was cursed, a year can only say a word, but he loved a princess, so you held back for five years did not speak, after saving enough five words came to the princess and said, "Please marry me!" The princess was stunned and said, "What?"
17, a programmer decided to learn calligraphy after retirement, bought a good lake pen, rice paper, ink, dipped in ink, on the paper in one breath: hello, world.
18, once upon a time there are two garbage cans, they race, run, run, run, run for a long time, and then one of the garbage cans to stop, said, we are garbage cans, ah, why run?
19, Xiaoming did something wrong, his mother told him to kneel in front of the statue of Goddess of Mercy to repent, said: if the Goddess of Mercy forgives you, you can eat. 5 minutes later Xiaoming sat down at the dinner table, his mother asked strangely: I'm not saying that the Goddess of Mercy forgives you so that you can eat? Xiaoming said: Yes, I kneeled there and said Goddess of Mercy sister I was wrong, I want to eat, and then Goddess of Mercy sister right hand said to me, OK .
20, a woman with fake money to buy breakfast. Vendor annoyed: "Sister, you give fake even if, that at least is a printed, you actually painted this! If you draw a ten-dollar bill or a five-dollar bill, you can draw a seven-dollar bill! If it's seven dollars, then it's seven dollars. You should at least draw it in color, and you're using pencils! Forget it. Black and white is fine. You can't draw on paper! It's too hard on your hands! Even if it's handmade paper, you have to use scissors to cut the edges. This one is torn by hand, and the raw edges are too exaggerated! Okay, I'll put up with the rough edges, but you can also tear a rectangular shape ah, this triangle is too much to say!
Supplement (joke):
1. One day, the cow gave the donkey a puzzle, asking which of the two worms under the word "stupid" was the male and which was the female. The donkey racked his brain and still couldn't answer. The cow scolded: really a stupid donkey, male left female right!
2. Seven years after graduation, finally took a big project, building a thirty-meter chimney, two months, the cost of three hundred thousand, but to advance funds. Finally, at the end of last year, finished. Today, people to acceptance, was scolded to death, there is no money to get. Shit! The drawings looked at the opposite, people are to dig a well!
3. A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, a police officer came: what happened? Drunkard: I'm not sure, I also just arrived.
4. The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I held on to the pole and shook my shoes. fucking some asshole walked by there and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two sticks!
5. On a certain day, the family of Turtle Dad, Turtle Mom and Turtle Son decided to go on an outing, and they set off to Yangmingshan, bringing with them a Shandong big cake and two cans of undersea chicken. After ten years of hard climbing, they finally arrived! They sat down on the ground, unloaded their equipment and prepared to eat. As a result, it turned out that they hadn't brought a can opener!
Turtle Son: "...... Then I'll go back and get it."
Turtle Dad: "Good boy! Quickly! Mom and Dad are waiting for you to come back to start dinner together, go and come back quickly!"
Turtle son: "Must wait for me to come back! Don't go back on your word!"
So the son of the turtle set off on his way home .........
Time flies like an arrow, and the years go by like a shuttle, and 20 years have passed, but the son of the turtle has not yet appeared.
Turtle mom: "old companion ...... want to start dinner first not? I am super hungry said ......"
Turtle Dad: "No. We promised our son! We promised our son! Well ...... wait for him for another five years, do not come to leave him alone!"
The turn of the eye is five years, the son of the turtle is still not seen. Turtle turtle parents do not care! The two old man decided to start. Take out the big cake is ready to eat ...... Suddenly, the turtle son from behind the tree poked his head out ......
Turtle son: "Shit! I knew you guys would steal food! Trick me into going back for the can opener? I've been waiting for twenty-five years, and finally I've got it, right? I hate it when people trick me!
6. Xiao Xin: Dad, why are there three golds in my name?
Dad: Your life lack of gold, so named Xin, just like some people's lives lack of water, named River, and some people's lives lack of wood is called Sen.
Small Xin: Dad, what do you think is missing in Guo Jingjing's life?
7. A pair of male and female friends sitting on a park bench to talk about love, female suddenly want to fart.
The man said: I learn the Department of Valley bird, you listen to like not like.
The man was really willing to listen.
So the woman let out a loud fart under the cover of the bird's call "Bugu Bugu".
Woman: Does it sound like a cuckoo bird?
Man: The fart was too loud to hear!
8. The turtle was injured. Let the snail go to buy medicine. After 2 hours. The snail is still not back. Turtle anxious scolded: fucking not come back I will die! At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door:You fucking say I'm not going!
9. A person raised a pig, bored, abandoned, but the pig knows the way back, several abandoned without success. One day, the car turned a lot of corners to abandon the pig, late at night to call his family, asked: "Is the pig back?" Answer: "It has returned!" Its angry roar: "Let it answer the phone, I'm lost!"
10. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ants nest, the ants out of the nest, have climbed to the elephant. The elephant shook itself and the ants fell off. At this time, there is still one on the elephant's neck, fell off the ants shouted "strangle it".
11. One day in computer class, there was a row of students whose computers crashed. So one of the students stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer is dead, our row is all dead." At this point, many students said, "We're dead too." At this point the teacher asked, "Who else didn't die?" Only one student stood up, "I'm not dead yet!" The teacher wondered, "The whole class is dead, why aren't you?"
12. A monkey eats peanuts by sticking them up his ass before taking them out. The administrator explained: someone had fed it peaches, the result of the peach kernel can not be pulled out, the monkey was scared, and now must be measured before eating.
13. Xiao Ming: "Dad, am I a stupid child?"
Dad: "Silly child, how can you be a silly child ......"
14. Tell a story: "Once upon a time there was a eunuch... ..........................."
Someone couldn't resist asking, "What about the following?"
Continuing the story, "Below? There is no more ah ......"
15. There is a person who just learned a foreign language, this day in the street walking, accidentally stepped on the feet of a foreigner, the person hurriedly said: "I'm sorry." the foreigner also politely said: "I'm sorry too." The man heard, hurriedly said: "I'm sorry three." The foreigner heard silly, asked: "What are you sorry for? "The man helplessly said:" I'm sorry five."
16. Tang Monk wrote a letter to the Monkey King
Dear Monkey King:
I wrote this letter very slowly, because I know that you can't read the words fast!
We had 2 rains this week, the first one lasted 4 days the second one lasted 3 days!
How are you doing in Mount Huaguo? I'm having a bad time in Heaven, I can't drop my poop, pee, tears and snot because there's no gravity...bitter, wouldn't you say?
We have very good beef noodles here, some day when you come we will go to the restaurant on West Street to have hot pot together!
Your big sister Guanyin is going to give birth, because I do not know whether to give birth to a boy or a girl, so for the time being, I do not know whether you want to be an uncle or an aunt!
Did you get the clothes I sent you? When I was going to mail it I was afraid of being overweight so I cut off the buttons and put them in the pocket of the dress!
It's late and I'm writing here, come to my place to play when you have time, and remember not to drink too much water, or it's hard to pee when you get here!
I would have sent you money, but the envelope is already glued!
17. A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I've been very abnormal lately, what I eat and what I pull, what I eat and what I pull, what I eat and what I pull, what I eat and what I pull, how can I get back to normal? The doctor was silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit.
18. Someone went to Shanghai on a business trip in the street lost a dollar, the police said: "We will help you find" in January after that person to go again, he lost the money on the street due to road construction were dug up, he could not help but sigh "Shanghai is really"
19. p>19. One day an ant was sunbathing, suddenly saw the elephant walking slowly, busy up straight front legs, next to the rabbit busy asking what are you doing? The ants said: "Hush ~~~~~~~ small voice to see me mix him a foot"
20. earthworm family this day is very boring, small earthworms cut themselves into two sections of badminton to go, earthworms mother think this method is good, cut themselves into four sections to play mahjong to go, earthworms father thought, cut themselves into minced meat. Mama earthworm cried, "Why are you so stupid? You'll die if you cut it so minced!" Earthworm father said weakly: "...... suddenly want to play soccer
21.The tortoise and the hare race ... The hare quickly ran ahead . The tortoise saw a snail crawling very, very slowly . He said to him, "Come on up, I'll carry you on my back. And then .. ..the snail came up. After a while .. . the turtle saw another ant.. He says to him, "You come up, too. So the ant came up. When the ant came up. "and saw the snail above him. He says, "Hello." You know what the snail says? The snail said: "Hold on tight, this turtle is so fast".
22. One day, there was a fire in a house, and mom and dad escaped, leaving only one son still inside. Mom was very nervous and shouted outside the house: "Son a ..... What are you doing ...... What are you doing? ...." The son replied, "I'm putting on my socks .....". Mom said, "Why are you wearing socks when there's a fire?" After five minutes, her son still hasn't come out. ...... Mom shouted again, "Son, what are you doing? Come out quickly, it's a fire, why are you still in there ..... " The son said, "I'm taking off my socks ........
23. A man to the river fishing first wear a leaf ~ half a day no fish on the hook, he changed a piece of bread ~ the same half a day no fish on the hook ~ no way he had to go to change the earthworms ~ the same or half a day no fish on the hook ~ ~ he was furious ~ pulled out 100rmb fell into the water and cursed: "*-# To eat what! Go and buy it yourself!
24. The same table cold runny nose, but he forgot to bring a handkerchief, it constantly sniffs snot hard into the nose. Writing on the blackboard > language teacher suddenly turned around and yelled, "Enough! Stop it! That's enough!" The class fell silent. The teacher then > said, "Who in the world steals spaghetti in class and makes so much noise?"
25. The patient said to the dentist, "You're so good at making money, you made three dollars in only three seconds." The doctor replied, "I can pull it out for you in slow motion if you want."
26. "Narcissism" means that in my next life I must be reincarnated as a woman and marry a man like me;
"Despair" means that when you order two dishes at a restaurant, you eat the first one: "Is there anything worse in the world than this? Eat the second "Damn! There really is!"
"Breathless" is when a judge asks: Why do you print counterfeit money? The criminal said: real money I will not print
27. Weaving woman down to the earth to take a bath to meet the cowherd, interpretation of a shocking world sob God's love story, this incident tells us: at home to take a bath is no chance, so the bath must go outside to wash .....
28. Xiaoming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and the teacher said: "There are a lot of ants in the toilet" The teacher suddenly thought of ants in English ant the word, so the test Xiaoming: "ants how to say?" Xiao Ming a blank face ...... said: "ants he ...... did not say anything ......"
29. A person at work is always farting, colleagues could not help but say that he: "can you not make a sound ah? can't you not make a sound ah?" Then he saw him sitting there shaking nonstop. Colleagues strange asked him what he was doing, he replied: "I do not make a sound, and now has been adjusted to vibrate!!!"
30. mother mosquito: "child, what happened to you?" The little mosquito cried: "Today the little flies they bullied me, said I was bloodthirsty, is a vampire." Mother mosquito: "Do not pay attention to it, their family is not a good thing, one is to eat shit grown
31. I spent 80,000 yuan to buy a Western Zhou ceramic pot, yesterday to & lt; treasure & gt; column identification, the expert said seriously: "This is which is the Western Zhou? This is last week!
32. son: "Mother, today I failed the math test" mother: "Why ah, what questions." Son: "The teacher asked me 2 * 3 =? I said 6." Mother: "That's right, and then what?" Son: "Then the teacher asked me 3*2=?" Mother: "It's the same fucking thing!" Son: "That's what I said...
33. A prisoner executed by firing squad, the bullets are "so-and-so county" production, the quality is not good, the first shot did not release, and then fired the second shot... The third shot ...... At this point, the prisoner cried out: "You strangle me, too scary!"
34. The father told his son a story: "Uncle told Xiaoyang to cut firewood, did not expect Xiaoyang to uncle's favorite peach tree to cut down, uncle saw very angry but did not scold him, do you know why?" The son replied: "Probably because Xiaoyang still holding the axe. So don't dare to scold him
35. shitshell and mosquitoes in love for the first time, shitshell: "What do you do?" Mosquito: "nurse, injection" Shizurang a pull Mosquito's hand crying: "fate ah, I am also from the medical, Chinese medicine, pinch the pill
36. A man can not always find a girlfriend, no choice but to go to the fortune-telling. Fortune-teller said: you, the first half of life destined to no women; not The man's eyes lit up: that I should have the second half of life right? Fortune-teller said: hey, to the second half of life you are used to a person's life
37. Someone eating, beef ramen noodles can not see a piece of beef, they pointed to the bowl and asked the boss: beef ramen how no beef? The boss said lightly: Don't take it too seriously, do you expect to eat a wife from the wife cake out of a wife?
38. Three rats were tasting the U.S., Japanese and Chinese wine, drinking American wine rat, walked 3 steps down; drinking Japanese wine rat, walked 2 steps down; drinking Chinese Erhotou rat, holding a cleaver, shouting: "TMD cat?"
39. In the restaurant dinner, a long time waiting for the customer called out to the waiter asked "I ordered how the braised fish is not ready? Please wait a little longer, sir."" What? Wait a little longer?" The customer got angry and said, "Do you catch your fish fresh?"
40. Once upon a time there was a man named Shuang. He died. On the day of his funeral. His family cried, 'Shuang a ...... Shuang a.' Passers-by did not understand. Asked: 'What are you cool a.' Family members cried bitterly: 'Sharp death ...... Sharp death!!!!
41. A man to jump off a building, just rushed back to his wife shouted: "Honey don't be impulsive, our road is still long!" The man heard, without hesitation whoosh jumped. Standing next to the negotiator said: "The wife, you really should not threaten him
42. Secretary and section chief **** ride the elevator, the Secretary put a fart after the section chief said: "You farted" said the section chief said: "I did not put it" soon after the section chief was removed from office. The director said at the meeting: "You can't afford to fart, so what's the use of having you?"
43. A lazy cat crazy pursuit of a mouse, finally married, after the marriage of the cat on the mouse all kinds of harsh care, the mouse soon became fat, the mouse is very moved: "Why am I so good dear ah!" The cat hemmed and hawed and laughed: "You'll know when you're a little fatter
44. Every time I look in the mirror, my mind always talks to myself and encourages me: "I'm very creative, ugly is not my intention, the heavens don't lose their temper, I'll be brave enough to live, with my endless creativity. I will live bravely and use my endless creativity to set off the beauty of this world! In fact, I'm really really creative...
45. Friends went climbing together, to the top of the mountain, a girl facing the beautiful mountains and rivers shouted: Motherland ah! My mother! A crush on her boys quickly followed shouting: motherland ah! My mother-in-law!
46. In the past, I bought two puppies, called "face" for you, called "ass" for himself! But not two days "face" unfortunately died in a car accident after every time I saw "ass" will think of your "face"! If your "face" was still there, it would be as big as your "ass" by now!
47. Tang Zeng chased away Wukong and then encountered a demon, he had to read the tight band incantation to call Wukong back to save his life, and soon there was a voice in the air: "I'm sorry. The user you are calling is not in the service area, please try again later.
48. The mouse went to facilitate, see the bear is also in, scared to squeak, the bear looked at the mouse, said: "You do not lose hair?" Mouse shivered a little silent. Bear asked again, "Do not lose hair ah, you?" Mouse trembling said: "not fall ......" Bear a grabbed the mouse wiped his ass away! [Using the mouse as toilet paper...
49. Just now and friends chat, which have talked about you, you know? I argued with them, and almost fought, because some of them said you were like a monkey, some said you were like a gorilla, it was too much! Didn't even think of you as a pig!
50.Panda's birthday, said to everyone: I made two wishes, one is to be able to cure my dark circles, and the other is to have a colorful photo
51.Bees wildly chasing butterflies, but the butterflies are married to snails. The bees were puzzled: where is he better than me Butterfly replied: people at least have their own house, which is like you live in the group home
52. One day an elephant was taking a bath. Suddenly an ant came up to the elephant and said. You stand up. The ant said, "Stand up, you're not going to be able to do that. Ant! You sit down. The elephant was puzzled and asked the ant what he wanted to do. What do you want to do? You will stand up and sit down. The ant replied! I lost my underwear, I'll see if you stole it
53. The production team bought a male donkey, but it died within a few days. The female donkey was in heat. The employees of the production team called the captain of the production team, who was on a business trip abroad. "Captain, the female is in heat, but the male is dead. Should I buy a male donkey first or wait for you to come back?"
54. Little Shithead: Mom, why do we have to eat shit? Dung beetle mom: this child, how can you say such disgusting things during dinner
55. A shooting star in the night sky, I hurriedly wished for you to become more beautiful. Who knows just after wishing, the meteor "whoosh" a return, said to me "brother, you want to make things difficult for me is not it?
56. Give me a cafeteria buns as a fulcrum, I will be able to warp the earth! <Understand, this cafeteria bun is too hard... >
57. I saw "the cafeteria food can only be fed to the pigs, actually give us to eat?" I think of a sentence. A student to go to the cafeteria to play rice, play to the rice asked to play rice master, "Master, how you sand inside the rice ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
58. The girl must see the story: the bat in God that reincarnation. God said he could promise you three conditions, the bat said "I was black in my last life, so in my next life I want a snow-white body, also have wings, I'm used to sucking blood. I'm used to sucking blood." God says, "Okay, I'll do it. Do you know what he'll be in his next life?" A tampon. I don't know what he's going to be in his next life.
59. The restaurant fly said to the toilet fly: you chase fishy all day, I eat and drink all day, come here! Toilet fly: different paths are not the same, eat in the good for what purpose, bare ass beauty you have seen a few?
60. Sophomore year, all the girls in the dormitory like Zhou Hua Jian's songs, a tape was borrowed by everyone. One day, the girl on the top bunk asked: Where is my Zhou Huajian? The girl on the bottom bunk replied: In my bed! Two seconds of silence, and then all tumbled to the bed.
61. A boy to the same class of a friend of the student nicknamed fat pig, the girl cried to the teacher, the teacher promised to criticize the boy, the next day, the teacher told the class: "a boy is too impolite, randomly give others nicknames, can not be called what others like what right?"
62. A police dog saw an ordinary dog coming on the road, and ran to question it fiercely: I am a police dog, what are you? The ordinary dog looked at it with disdain and said: stupid, look carefully, I am plainclothes!