1 Watching the sunrise can make people feel alive.

2 No one should look down on anyone for their modest IQ.

3 When men figure it out and women think about it, the world will naturally become peaceful.

4 The third party is not the one who comes later, but the one who is not deeply loved.

5 You don’t need to say anything, I understand everything. Do you want to say that my sister is beautiful?

6 I read that conversation every day, and the corners of my mouth turned up unconsciously.

7 I wanted to make a call. I opened the phone book, but I didn’t know what to do. Who to call

8 Why do you need to sleep for a long time when you are alive? You will sleep forever after death

9 Because I insist, I am not afraid of regrets.

10 You are a pig. A pig that doesn’t understand my heart.

11 If you don’t want to live, then die. If you can’t die, then live well.

12 I really don’t want to say that you look like the scene of the car accident.

13 Ultraman counts, Zhu Bajie is the cutest

14 Those who always say that others are pretending to be cool, you are not even cool.

15 It is better to make him feel uncomfortable when he is drunk than to let him feel aggrieved without drinking.

16 What is the Pacific Police? They are really lenient.

17 The past is the past, and the present is now

18 It’s not that I’m pretending to be crazy...but I don’t want to sleep...

19 Wherever there is the sun, there is me, Zhang Ruofei.

In 20 days, the sky is bright, the earth is bright, and money will soon appear~

21 The talented man who reads at night looks forward to the female ghost, and the bachelor old man looks forward to the aunt

22 There are very few people who are shocked by themselves, and that’s me.

23 Things that can be taken away are not things.

24 You really can’t care too much about a man, otherwise he will be like a crazy dog ??

25 If you don’t have a wife, you can find her again. There is only one mother.

26 Bored’s mother, crying in her arms: Bored to death...

27 To be a good monster, you must defeat Ultraman at all costs.

28 Look at yourself, you are indeed better than rubbish

29 Hey, little guy. Even if I say you are fat, you will still gasp.

30 When are the two lovers hugging each other? The two are watching the fun from the side.

31 There is an engraved banknote printing machine. Making money is fast.

32 I would like to be a winged bird in heaven, and a pig in the same pen on earth.

33 Just like you, you are too ugly to look at. A collection of funny sayings on Weibo

A collection of funny sayings on Weibo

1. Roommates don’t know what to do Where did I get this folk remedy? When I washed my hair, I used egg white as a conditioner, but the water was too hot and ended up with egg whites all over my head. So everyone in the dormitory stayed up at noon to help her choose egg flowers~

2. It took almost a year to finally learn the beep when swiping the bus card so that it can be faked. The day before yesterday, I went out to take a car. As soon as I got in the car, it beeped. Then the driver said, "Beep, sister!" This is a bus!

3. When I was taking the bus today, there was a beautiful woman beside lz, who was listening to music and playing games with headphones. The beauty received a call, lz glanced at it and saw the caller ID, which was quite long. If you look carefully, your face is smaller than hers, and your breasts are bigger than hers

4. When I came to my aunt for the first time. . I soiled my pants at night! Then soak it in a dish when ready to be washed. . . My brother came in and said in horror after reading: Sister. Did you kill someone? You wait. . I'll give you my pocket money, you run for your life

5. Beauty, take off your clothes and I'll touch your breasts and give you ten thousand yuan, okay? Beauty, take off your clothes immediately. Beauty, why don’t you touch me in a few minutes? I have no money

6. I met the village chief's wife practicing driving at the entrance of the village today. She seemed to be trying to get her driver's license. She drew the line and reversed the car again and again.

I quickly said hello, sister-in-law, and moved to the warehouse (Uniqlo)? The village chief's wife looked at me and hesitated for a moment, and said a little embarrassedly, "Brother, we rural people don't have to be so particular, just put the firewood pile behind me~~~Sister-in-law, what are you thinking about?"

7. A female colleague resigned. The manager asked her why she resigned. The female colleague roared, "I have been working in this company for four years!" No male has ever chased me!

8. I dreamed of fighting a cold-blooded killer all night. When I woke up in the morning, we were still fighting. MD, I immediately lost my temper. I immediately asked for leave and continued to sleep. I must kill you! ! ! It’s so willful!

9. My wife’s hands-on ability is really strong. When she was away, the floor at home was not mopped, the dishes were not washed, and the clothes were not washed. As soon as she came back, the housework inside and outside was immediately tidied up. Specifically, if I don't do something, she will beat me until I finish.

10. I heard a woman say loudly in the hospital, "Doctor, I want to take out the ring you pressed on me yesterday." The doctor asked why. She said, it hurts. The doctor asked how to pierce it? She said, stab her husband. Then I saw her husband seemed to be looking for a crack in the ground.

11. The quality of sleep has not been good recently. I always wake up suddenly after not being able to sleep for long. The doctor's advice to me is to drink a glass of milk before going to bed. I tried it and it worked well. Now I can sleep for three consecutive classes.

12. Last night, dozens of people in the food stalls were counting down to the end of the year. five! Four! three! two! one! Happy New Year! Everyone cheered. There is traffic~! Another voice came from the corner

13. On the weekend, when his father saw Xiao Ming playing games for another day, he said earnestly, "Son, if you continue to do your job like this, how will you make a living in the future?" After hearing this, Xiao Ming lowered his head and thought for a while. Suddenly his eyes lit up and he took out a bottle of 502.

14. Husband, to commemorate our 10th wedding anniversary, do you want me to buy you a pearl necklace as a gift, or do you want to travel to Japan? Wife, I want to travel to Japan. I heard that pearl necklaces there are very cheap!

15. A buddy said that his junior high school teacher always arranged for him to have beautiful girls as his deskmates. He was quite grateful to the teacher. However, when he graduated, the teacher told him the reason and said that he could do it that way. Prevent pretty girls from falling in love early

16. When my dad was a child, he was taken into a bus by scammers. He happened to sit next to a neighbor’s house. The neighbor said, isn’t this a child from the XXX family? Who are you to him? In the end, the trafficker said, I don’t know. I don’t know what you got. You give it to me and I’ll take it back. Then the neighbor got off work and sent my dad home. He was still a liar who was stupid.

17. Two people in the unit today The goddess is looking for me at the same time to have lunch together, right? What happened to me today? Hurry up and cut off your thighs, it’s not a dream, the goddess has opened a new restaurant downstairs, and those who weigh 220 pounds or more will get a discount at the table

18. Today, I’m here for a beautiful model car. I reluctantly got rid of the Lamborghini that had been with me for two years. In fact, it's not because I'm lustful or willful. It’s just that the picture is so beautiful that you will get tired of it after watching it for a long time. Therefore, wallpaper must be changed frequently.

19. Ask a buddy. Do you know Sora Aoi? Don't know. Where is Maria Ozawa? Don't know. What about Muto Ran? Don't know. What about Tianhaiyi? Don't know. Where is Zhang Ziyi? She does this too?

20. In the elevator today, two German guys were chatting about the weather. Unexpectedly, I understood everything. It seems that studying hard is very effective, otherwise how could they speak Chinese so fluently!

21. It was the end of the year and I was too embarrassed to ask my friend to pay back the money. I probably thought of a way to remind him and ask him, "Did you just transfer money into my card?" Unexpectedly, he said, "Well, Yes, I just wanted to call you to tell you, but I heard it was messy

22. Dad said to me, look at you, you are either playing on your phone or on your computer! Me, I play with my phone to let my computer take a break; I play with my computer to let my phone take a break. My dad... .

23. Master, I am an alien. People around me don’t accept me. They all look at me with strange eyes. . the man said sadly.

I saw the master slowly closing his eyes, and the man suddenly realized, Master, do you want me not to care about the eyes of the outside world? The master cursed, Damn it, you put on your clothes first!

24. I went to the supermarket to buy shrimps with my friends and asked the salesperson if they had any fresh ones. The salesperson said that the shrimps were not dead but just hibernating, and then asked us how much we should buy? I told my friend let’s go without disturbing their rest. .

25. Colleague Xiao Wang’s job is very difficult. Every day he has to sit outside the leader’s office and try to distinguish whether the leader is playing Landlords inside or calling him in.

26. I asked the master: Master, my wife has been abducted. I don’t want to live anymore. The master closed his eyes and pointed to the mountain opposite. Does the master mean that I want my mind to be as broad as the mountain across the way and not to risk my life for a woman? You are thinking too much, nian. The monk opposite showed off his girlfriend to me yesterday. Go and see if she is your wife and help me shave her.

27. The young man asked the Zen master, love will transcend Gender? Zen Master, this is a grand proposition. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. Close the door, draw the curtains, and put out the candles. Let’s go into details.

28. After checking my ticket, I walked onto the train and walked to the edge of my seat. I saw a slim beauty in a short skirt sitting on my seat. I politely said to her, "Beauty, I'm sorry, you are sitting in my seat." The beautiful woman took her ticket and yelled at me, "You are blind, this is my place." Then he turned around and said, now men like to strike up conversations so much. So I kept silent and just waited until the car started moving. I said to her, you have a good seat, but you are on the wrong bus

29. In fact, when I was a child, I was not afraid of injections, but later I found that children who cried badly would be given candy by the doctor, so I just cried along with it. As a result, my dad got up with one kick

30. When other people get in the car to practice driving, the first words they say in a low voice are "turn on the ignition, step on the clutch, put into gear, release the clutch, and start driving." When I get in the car to practice driving, the first thing I say is usually to shout loudly and get out of the way! Get out of the way! Get out of the way!

31. A couple, the man and the woman said, let’s get married. The woman said, do you have a house? The man said, why do you women have to have a house when you get married? The woman said, doesn’t getting married require a bridal chamber? Now that I'm out of the cave, why don't you come out of the room?

32. In the restaurant, a single man said to me, "I'm so envious. When will I have the opportunity to eat a couple's set meal?" I comforted him and said, don't be discouraged. As long as you have money, a person like me can buy a couple's package.

33. There is a beggar on a certain street, begging there every day for a living. One day, someone suddenly discovered that there was an extra bowl next to the beggar, but no one was there? He was curious. Then he went up and asked: Why did you put two bowls? The beggar smiled and said, "I don't know why business has been so good recently." So I opened a branch.

34. After going to the toilet today, I accidentally dropped ten dollars in it. I tried to pick it out, but I couldn’t. I was about to leave but I was reluctant to leave. After struggling for a while... I decisively took out a hundred and threw it in. TMD I can finally pick it up with peace of mind.

35. I went to the kindergarten to do security work today. As a grown man, I accompanied more than 20 female teachers. I felt like a country of daughters. One by one, they called Officer Li, Officer Li, and I was embarrassed. , this job is so exciting, actually I am just a security guard.

36. My friends who come from the countryside never buy or wear double-breasted clothes or down jackets. That day I showed her my favorite double-breasted trench coat and asked her how she felt. She frowned and said, "Don't you think double-breasted clothes look like sows?"

37. When I was in junior high school, my Chinese language teacher was very young and beautiful. She often wore short skirts, so we often put the mirror on the ground to feast our eyes on it. Until the day she saw me in the mirror, she started wearing it. pants.

38. The school is on holiday, so I boldly sent a text message to my goddess, "I miss you!" The goddess replied, have you always missed me? I, straight or not, miss you.

39. I told my husband that I have never been in a car worth more than 200,000 yuan since I followed him. This idiot took me to the construction site today and asked me to squat in the excavator cab with him for a day, asking My wife, are you excited? This car costs more than 1.4 million. .

40. A girl was trapped in love and committed suicide by cutting her neck. After treating her, the doctor in the emergency room said to her, "Girl, people cut their arteries when they commit suicide. How about you cut your trachea?" More ventilation?

41. My best friend and her boyfriend chatted very well, but I was very unhappy. Once, I asked my best friend: If you don’t talk to your own boyfriend, why do you dominate my boyfriend every day? I don’t have time? While chatting with him, my best friend said leisurely, "If I can steal the time he has to chat with you, it proves that the time does not belong to you in the first place.",,,well, I have nothing to say.

42. On the bus, an uncle took a steel pipe and sat upright. It was quite long, almost reaching the roof of the bus. Later, a group of girls got on the bus, and one of them used the steel pipe as a The girl kept holding the handrail while the bus was shaking. The girl lowered her head and played with her mobile phone, concentrating on it. The uncle tried hard to steady the girl on the steel pipe. The driver suddenly stopped suddenly. The uncle let go of his hand and the girl almost flew out with the steel pipe. The guy in the car is smiling

43. Recently, my cousin is staying at my house. Yesterday, when we were cleaning up the room and sorting out the books, we accidentally dug out the black and white photos (kawaii) that I printed out on my computer a few years ago. ), and then I said throw them all away, it’s of no use. My cousin said: Why throw it away? You can buy a photo frame and it will look pretty. I immediately fell in love with it. This is black and white, black and white. Yes, why frame it? .

44. We usually go up there for lunch by bicycle. When it happened to be okay, a few of our male colleagues walked to eat. When we left the factory gate, we took a small road. There happened to be two women in front of us, and there was a colleague. I blew the whistle to attract attention. At that moment, I heard one of the women say loudly, sisters, stride forward, regardless of the dogs behind. . . Ouch, I have such a bad temper. . . Finally it’s time to get to the phone number.

45. The young brother and sister were fighting. When the fight was getting fierce, the father came over. When his father saw this, he yelled at his brother and cursed: As an elder brother, you can't let your sister do everything! After saying that, he slapped his brother. My brother covered his face and cried: Okay, you haven’t hit me in so many years, and today you hit me for a woman

46. Teacher, that’s it for this lesson, classmates. What's the problem? Xiao Ming (raises hand), teacher, teacher, teacher, this classmate, what questions do you have? Xiao Ming, teacher, what is this class? Teacher, Go out!

47. When I went to the hospital and passed by the gynecology department, I saw a man standing there shouting: I finally scored a goal after 4 years. At this time, my head cramped and I said: The ball has been scored, but you may not be the shooter.

48. The poster has an aunt who is two years older than me, and we are in the same university. Can you imagine that when I saw her in the restaurant and called her aunt, the people next to me looked at me like I was a monkey? .

49. I went to the canteen to buy something in the morning. The boss said, your 5 yuan is too bad, please change it to a new one. Then I changed it and threw away the bad money. In the afternoon, I went to his place to buy things and returned home. I found that he had given me the change of 5 yuan that I had thrown away in the morning.

50. There was a girl in the dormitory whose aunt postponed it for several days, so we joked, is it possible? She actually said calmly, I didn't go swimming, I was completely defeated by her.

51. Wandering outside the supermarket, I heard two uncles talking. One said, "Be careful when driving, don't hit anyone!" Another uncle replied domineeringly, "You don't know my skills. Watch me perform a drift for you!" Car-watching uncle, that's enough for you. How can a shopping cart be so fun? A complete collection of Weibo funny sayings A complete collection of Weibo sayings

1. My wife, who was a bit fat, took a fancy to a piece of clothing in the mall. After putting it on, she admired it in front of the mirror. The salesperson praised, "This dress is perfect for you. When you put it on, you will look like a devil." The wife was very happy and asked her husband to buy it. The husband said helplessly, "My dear, let me add that there are many different kinds of devil's body shapes."

2. On a rainy day, I was walking on the road and a big Mercedes flew past me. I was splashed with water and looked at Da Ben going away. I secretly swore in my heart that when I got rich, I would buy a raincoat of my own.

3. I got up at almost twelve o'clock. When I looked in the mirror, I found a rectangular red mark on my nose. Then I remembered that I accidentally fell asleep and was hit in the face by my mobile phone while playing King of Kings last night. In the end, he still didn't give up and picked up the phone and continued to play. In the end, he slapped his face seven or eight times and suddenly remembered that his best friend said that if he didn't do something, he wouldn't die.

4. Zhang Han was born in 1984 and Zheng Shuang was born in 1991. When he was a junior in college, she was in the second year of junior high school. Hawick Lau was born in 1974 and Yang Mi was born in 1986. When he was a junior in college, she was in the first grade of elementary school. Wu Qilong was born in 1970 and Liu Shishi was born in 1987. When he was a junior in college, she had not yet entered the kindergarten class. Young people, why are you so anxious?

5. If you are not good to your wife, you have no right to control other boys’ good treatment to their wives.

6. The alarm clock only wakes up my shell, but cannot wake up my sleeping heart.

7. When I went to school, I learned to swear, copy homework, compare, be rebellious, fall in love early, fight, poke people's spines, and get to know a lot of dogs. Apart from these, I learned nothing else.

8. For my birthday, my boyfriend knitted a straw ring and gave it to me. He said, "One for you, one for me, and we will be together forever." I was so moved that I shed tears. How the hell did I find it? A poor guy.

9. Guess: A piece of bamboo on Hanshan Temple. If you don’t have the intention to fly separately, and the slightest affection comes and goes, make it a cup of gold, and the swans and birds will fly around the pond. Bottom; wait for you to give me money.

10. The sky leaves no traces of birds, but I have flown by!

11. The most enjoyable way to make money: steal the leader’s lover, steal the mistress of a rich man, cheat Xiaomi from a celebrity. The happiest way to spend money: Someone pays for shopping, someone guarantees consumption, and all your life depends on donations. I wish you happiness in making money and happiness in spending money. Haha, happy new year!

12. If people are good, although blessings have not yet come, disaster has been far away; if people are evil, although misfortune has not come, blessing has been far away.

13. When I was a child, I was greedy. I was rummaging through boxes and cabinets at home to find sweets to eat. I found a board of Western medicines. Everyone knew that Western medicines were coated with a layer of sweetener. Then keep licking until there is a bitter taste, spit it out, change another one and continue licking it.

14. Good students just do bad things without being discovered by the teacher.

15. If important things are said three times, then important days should be celebrated three times. Can we have three weeks off during the National Day?

16. Dad: It seems that the war with your mother is inevitable! Son: You have to think about it. Have you considered the consequences of the war? Dad: I don’t care about the consequences! Son: Can you not consider it? You see, war brings a wave of refugees.

17. I don’t know what love is, but I will pamper you, care about you, tolerate you, and stay with you for a long time. .

18. I hate dark dogs who gossip about people behind their backs, so try talking face to face.

19. When I am serious, I scare people to death. When I am excellent, I scare people to death. When I am a beast, am I just another person?

20. I will peel off your skin, stretch your tendons, and gouge you. Liver, grab your lungs, dig out your heart, eat your flesh, drink your blood, and gnaw your bones!

21. I love him very much, but no one knows how much I love him. He said he likes girls with long hair. I kept my hair growing for another three years. He said he likes fair skin in summer. Especially when exposed to the sun, I'm afraid of getting tanned, so I don't go out or take a step outside. He said he likes to be in good shape, so I keep my food intake every day. In order to keep my figure and answer his request, I only eat two meals a day. , but I really love him. So I am here to say I love you.

22. At night, stand on the grave and sing: Who are you waiting for to build the castle?

23. The high school entrance examination threw herself into the arms of the college entrance examination and cried: Why don’t they pay attention to me! The college entrance examination looked at him dotingly and said: Three years later, I will make them pay for this.

24. You are cheating, you are so open, you are not afraid of your balls getting cold!

25. Is it tiring to play tricks? Is it hot to wear a mask? Is it troublesome to play tricks? Is it easy for your mother to give birth to you? Girl, can you be more careful and have some self-respect?

26. The longest conversation I have ever had Falling in love is narcissism.

27. I treat money like dirt and my dad treats me like a septic tank.

28. A madman who plays love and a fool who falls in love

29. When will this cheating society no longer need IQ

30. If there is an afterlife , I want to be born on National Day and die on Tomb-Sweeping Day. When I was born, the whole world celebrated. When I died, the whole world was sad. Collection of funny Weibo quotations

Weibo funny quotations Choose one:

1. I saw a saying on Twitter that the memory cycle of eagles is about one year, and they are loyal and monogamous. So I thought about it. Every year during the breeding season, the male eagle will look at the female eagle next to him, wondering and excited: Who is this peerless beauty? Why is she in my nest? Is this strange and familiar feeling love? Ah! If Yingsheng was just like the first time we met! I want to have a baby with her! And then falling in love at first sight like this every year is so romantic (@小野妹子 learn to complain)

2. Say it well if you have something to say, don’t Post a selfie. Today's Moments Quotes (@苏瑞波)

3. I ask you if you are free on ○○ at the beginning, and then wait for the person to answer the question before telling you what it is about. This kind of behavior is simply inhumane! It should be introduced A law strictly prohibits it! Please remember! Whether you are free or not depends entirely on what you are doing, and it has nothing to do with the day! (@小野妹子学说)

4. Go to the school cafeteria to eat on the first day of school. The line was very crowded and almost everyone was close to each other. The girl’s breasts in the back always touched my back accidentally, so I got hard. I didn’t expect happiness to come so suddenly. Can you be my boyfriend? The guy in the front row turned around and said to me. I said.

5. I was driving a taxi at night, and a girl who was so drunk that she was unconscious came up. Looking at her sleeping face, I thought to myself that I would not take advantage of the advantage brought to my door, so I drove towards the woods and waited. When she wakes up, she will definitely not find out that I charged her an extra twenty yuan for taking a detour, hahaha.

6. Husky’s scientific name is Siberian Husky, and its appearance resembles a wolf. Friendly, mischievous, outgoing, and wanderlust. Rarely barks, occasionally howls. Female Haddos are neurotic and often go crazy. Be sure not to let go of the rope when taking it out. The probability of being recalled after escaping from sight is less than 30%. It has the reputation of being the best dog among dogs! It is extremely enthusiastic and does not distinguish between friends and foes. If a thief breaks into your home, you may even help the thief move.

7. There are seven words floating in the sky, which are full of things all day long. A broken pot has its own broken lid, and everyone loves it. You should eat and drink when you should, and don't take anything to heart; soak in the hot springs and look at your watch, feeling comfortable every second; there is no road before the car reaches the mountain, so abandon the car and go for a run; take a rest, get rid of the fire, and take care of yourself. The mirror is still me.

8. When I was a kid, when I was eating snacks, I only cared about whether they tasted good. Later, I only cared about whether they were high in calories. And then I only cared about whether they were expensive.

9. Wherever you fall, buy it! So said Wang Sicong.

10. Only winners in life have the dignity to lament that plainness is the truth.

11. There is a clever chemistry teacher who inspired his students to memorize the activity sequence table of metals. Potassium, calcium, sodium, magnesium, aluminum; zinc, iron, tin, lead, hydrogen; copper, mercury, silver, platinum, gold. Because it was too difficult to memorize, students were taught to memorize a formula: pick up, big, beautiful, Female; body, body, thin, slender, light; total, ***, one, hundred, catty.

12. A married friend said: When looking for a wife, you must not look for someone who is too good-looking. No matter how beautiful you are, you will get tired of it after a while, and it is difficult to raise. The key is that others are always thinking about you

13. You must judge people by their appearance. Even if you miss it, you can't take the risk.

14. Whatever makes you feel uncomfortable at the beginning will definitely make you extremely uncomfortable in the end.

15. Don’t force yourself not to hate anyone. Hating others is sometimes your subconscious mind reminding you to stay away from people who may harm you. (@二比vasily)

16. Being a god-sister and being a god-sister are two different things, being a biological sister and being a biological sister are two different things, falling in love with her and falling in love with her are two different things, being bad-looking and not good-looking are two different things. , Don’t interrupt and don’t interrupt are two different things, I’ll feed you below and I’ll feed you below, it’s two different things, Sleeping Beauty and Sleeping Beauty are two different things, Talking about it later and Talking about it in the future are two different things, Chinese characters are really profound and profound, those of you who understand it in seconds, you My innocence has been eaten by dogs~~

17. My ancestors had no vision and asked me to pursue knowledge and write books to pass down to the world.

Who knows, when I write travel notes, they say I leaked state secrets; when I write about history, they say I use the past to satirize the present; when I comment on the art of war, they say I instigate rebellion; when I write stories about gods and monsters, they say I lead people into superstition; and finally when I rewrite celebrity biographies, the result is This celebrity was involved in an accident and was deemed a rebel. He and I were sentenced to life imprisonment. Alas, life is a prison!

18. Search the title or protagonist of the movie you want to watch on Baidu. Adding torrents, all you find are seeds. I will tell you whether you can copy documents by adding wap in front of wenku in Baidu Wenku. I will tell you whether you can directly download videos by adding xia after youku on the Youku play page. I will tell you how to directly download videos by adding ?tid= after the potato video link. Can -1 skip the 45-second ad? Don't be ridiculous, how could I tell you!!

19. Once I went to the hospital and found that the nurses' clothes were different colors, some were dark or light, so I asked, and a nurse told me, The one with light pink lace is for the intern nurse, the official nurse is in dark color, and the old nurse is in darker color. I suddenly paused. What did I realize?

20. Harbin red sausage is the meatiest of meats. The cooked garlic and cooked meat complement each other. Some locals like to eat it in a sealed space. They give it to themselves out of love and desire. I want him to die of bleeding from his seven orifices, and there are relatively few people who love him. There is also a cucumber that tastes as far away as red sausage. Everyone praises cucumber sincerely when they smell it! A good public figure should have the effects of cucumber. The current batch of meat is not even red sausage, at most it’s a piece of shit (@佳行家)

21. There is a piece of meat priced at 50 yuan. I just put down 100 yuan and take it away without looking at the price. That's Real Madrid. After looking at the price, I dropped 100 yuan and took it away. It was Chelsea. If someone says: This piece of meat belongs to me! It must be sold to me for 25 yuan! It must be Barcelona. If someone only watches but doesn't buy anything and says my family still has a lot of meat, that's Manchester United. If someone sees that this is local meat and asks excitedly if it can be sold for 60? That is Liverpool. Milan is the one who waits for the meat to expire before buying it.

22. When I first arrived in the city, I almost hit a BMW while riding my bicycle. The person in the car rolled down the window and shouted at me: Do you know what the hell this is, a BMW! It crashed. Can you afford to pay? After saying that, I walked away and looked at his taillights as he walked away. I secretly swore: I will work hard and be as awesome as him and speak fluent ordinary hair!

23. I was having a foot bath with my friend last night and heard a loud argument between the technician and the guest in the next room. After asking around, I found out that the guest was a disabled person with only one foot and was only willing to pay half the price. The technician refused and started a quarrel. Finally, the boss came to smooth things over and washed the customer's foot again before it was settled.

24. After you leave, this city is like a gum with teeth pulled out. It hurts when you lick it, but it becomes empty when you don’t. When you come back, you are like newly inserted dentures. You are a stranger and it takes a long time to get close to you. Anyway, remember, it is wrong to say goodbye. by Ye San

25. I found that many girls were obsessed with instructors during military training, and even made some irrational behaviors, which made me feel very sad. A handsome appearance coupled with a handsome military uniform is indeed very attractive, but after all, the two parties have different educational backgrounds and living habits. Such a relationship is unlikely to last. So I hope that girls will recognize the reality, abandon these ridiculous ideas, be more sensible, and take the initiative to give up instructors to us boys. (@老老pee)

Two funny selections of Weibo quotations:

1. I am as beautiful as a flower, but I was stung by a bee.

2. Time is like a butcher's knife, but it can't do anything to deal with ugly people.

3. Only those who have really worked hard know how important talent is.

4. Hard work may not necessarily lead to gains, but it can be very comfortable if you don’t work hard.

5. Don’t worry about things that can’t be solved, because they still won’t be solved tomorrow.

6. Some people appear in your life to tell you that you are really easy to cheat.

7. No matter work or life, there are always many difficulties, but when you stand on the scale and look in the mirror, all the misfortunes will seem reasonable.

8. God is fair. He gave you an ugly appearance and a low IQ, so as not to make you appear uncoordinated...

9. Your words are my I don’t even believe in punctuation.

10. He cried and rushed out of the door. From then on, there was no door in the house.

11. Xiao Ming couldn’t forget the teacher’s teachings, so the next day, he got a pair of dentures.

12. When I left my hometown, the people in the village never had a drink of well water.

13. I was so cruel that I touched my finger and cried.

14. With the help of the police, the lost girl finally found her feet.

15. Xiao Ming ate Mapo tofu and was stabbed to death by Mapo.

16. Before Yu Gong died, he called his son to his bed. Foolish Old Man: Move mountains, move mountains! Son: Shining? Foolish Old Man suddenly.

17. My progress impressed him, and he lost his eyesight from then on.

18. I am black because I don’t want to be a superficial person.

19. Why are you so dark? Because I don’t want to live my life in vain.

20. Although I am short, I can pick up money faster than you.

21. I am fat because I want to be a substantial person.

22. It’s unlucky for me to meet you at my most beautiful age.

23. Girls who love to smile have more crow’s feet.

24. You know, even if heavy rain turns the city upside down, the company will still count you as late.

25. With you on the journey, I am willing to endure a little hardship. It’s a lot of suffering, so let’s not talk about it.

26. I still think of that summer when she looked like a big man.

27. Many years later, if you get married, if I don’t get married. Tell your child to be careful on the way home from school.

28. Are you willing to solve the combinations on the blackboard? Can I solve them?

29. What made you step onto the stage of The Voice? It’s my legs .

30. Let’s not meet again. Washing my hair is so tiring and shampoo is expensive.