1. Many people break into your life just to teach you a lesson and then turn around and leave.

2. Eating is what I want, and losing weight is what I want. I can’t have both, so I’m done with it.

3. Lies are not used to deceive the other party, but to deceive yourself.

4. I warn you, it’s so rare! Be careful that I put my size 36 shoes on your size 40 face

5. In the world, there really are Then a person silently pays attention to you, loves you, but will never be close to you again

6. The vows I made have expired, and happiness and I have been separated for a lifetime.

7. It doesn’t matter whether some people or some words are justified or not. Because if you see it clearly, you will underestimate it! ,,

8. The existence of tears is to prove that sadness is not an illusion.

9. When walking a thousand roads, only one is suitable; when meeting all kinds of people, one person is enough.

10. Why don’t you turn back when you’re on a dead end road? Why don’t you let go of someone who doesn’t love you?

11. If you don’t work hard, how can you prove to the person who abandoned you how blind he was?

12. I think our parents are our best friends

13. There is no one-hundred-percent partner, only two people who are fifty-fifty.

14. When you fart, have you ever thought about the feeling of your underwear? Yes, yes.

15. My life has side A and side B, and your life has side S and side B.

16. The happiest thing in the world is having someone make you laugh when you want to cry.

17. Even if you once almost had the perfection of happiness, your heart can't go back, right?

18. "Can you lend me a hundred yuan?" "But, I only have fifty yuan." "Okay, then you owe me fifty yuan." "Well, I will pay you back when I have the money. ”

19. No matter how pure, beautiful, beautiful, cute, and coy you are, in the end you will still become an aunt no matter how time passes.

20. When quarreling on QQ, what matters is not the accumulation of swear words, but the speed of typing.

21. If you like her clean, why should you make her dirty?

22. I am not arrogant, nor am I fooling around, I am just tired of all the reliance.

23. I didn’t try to redeem myself when I left, and I dared to say that it was not my fault for being cowardly and letting go.

24. It turns out that there is a kind of sadness that can only make people cry silently, but cannot cry loudly.

Twenty-five, a handsome man's confession is called a confession, and an ugly man's confession is called sexual harassment - what a painful realization.

26. Many people break into your life just to teach you a lesson and then turn around and leave. Humor in one sentence

1. People who weigh less than 100 are either flat-chested or short.

2. Life is nothing more than making others smile and occasionally making others laugh.

3. When you have no money, your wife is also your secretary; when you are rich, your secretary is also your wife.

4. Rich people are afraid that others will know that they are rich, while poor people are afraid that others will know that they have no money.

5. Women like men who feel secure, but men are often attracted to women who lack security.

6. It’s over, you won’t pay attention to me anymore, I’ll become a dog and ignore you.

7. Although you look ugly, you want to be beautiful.

8. Youth is running wildly and then falling gorgeously.

9. After staying among the nervous people for a long time, I found that I am normal.

10. When a woman mixes well, she wears less clothes; when a man mixes well, his hair falls back.

11. No matter how much water you drink, you can’t stop urinating and feel lonely.

12. Both time and marriage will make a man mature, but time simmers slowly, while marriage stirs up quickly.

13. Occasionally, you will feel happy if you are silent for a while, but it will be miserable if you are silent for a while.

14. In fact, if you like a girl, buy her more food. If she gets fat, no one will chase her, and it will be yours.

15. If you can't tolerate me, it means either your mind is too narrow, or my personality is too great.

16. God will definitely forgive me, because that is his profession.

17. The so-called perfect marriage is: the man is finished and the woman is beautiful.

18. There may still be love in this world, just as experts are testing whether there are aliens.

A short sentence to express your feelings. A short sentence to express your feelings.

1. If I meet the right you at the right time, I am willing to accompany you to the end of the world

2. The best love in the world is understanding.

3. The day you like is the most beautiful day; the way of living that suits you is the best way of living.

4. True love needs to wait, but waiting too long will destroy love.

5. The most troubling thing is not that you can’t squeeze into the bus, but that you can’t squeeze out of the bus when you arrive at the stop.

6. Dear friend, I hope you are no longer afraid of loneliness, no longer afraid of facing your previous self, no longer eager to seek external security, but can find the strength to stabilize from yourself and find the strength to persevere. The courage to find your own rhythm. That is your own strength, enough to replace the sun in your dark night.

7. I am completely hurt, and I love you to despair.

8. What can be said may not mean you care too much; what can be written can actually be let go; what is in your heart is what you can’t let go of.

9. I mind everything and forgive everything.

10. You are very courageous and thoughtful, and you are not willing to be mediocre, but you are lazy.

11. What is tired is just the pair of hurried feet, not the heart yearning for the distance.

12. The promise that was once made has now become a sadness that is not worth mentioning.

13. Sometimes, love is like a weak light bulb. The future is too far away to be seen

14. Keep one of me, I promise to be very good.

15. Later she shed tears and said it didn’t matter.

16. Unless there is mutual love, all love is sad.

17. When we left, we realized that we couldn’t take anything with us.

18. You can cry, you can hate, but you can’t be strong, because there are still a group of people behind you. Waiting to see your jokes. A short humorous joke in one sentence

1. Classic Quotes: Comedies in the world are not necessarily directly related to money, while tragedies are mostly closely related to money. When we are working hard to make money, happiness is always there; but when we want to use money to buy happiness, we find that happiness is priceless. Before feelings are related to money, feelings are real and pure; but once feelings are entangled with money, feelings become more and more hypocritical.

2. Many times in life, it is like a war. We always long for victory, but we should not refuse defeat. The relationship is lost, but the mood is still there; the ideal is shattered, but the thought is still there; the opportunity is lost, but there is still opportunity. No matter how painful the past is, it is still a mark of our lives, and we do not need to forget it. There is no need to show the wound to others. It hurts other people's eyes but hurts your own heart. We must believe that as long as we persist, we will never be completely defeated.

3. My father drives a passenger car and likes to sing old songs while driving. One day, he loaded a car full of passengers and was speeding on the road. He was in a good mood, so he started singing again, and suddenly the car became noisy. After it fell silent, everyone looked at their father who was intoxicated in his singing with strange eyes, only to hear him singing loudly: Pig! Sheep! Where to send it! Send it there...

4. One night, my third-grade daughter was doing arithmetic homework. I was in the kitchen and she called me: "What is 115 divided by 5?" I answered for her. Then she asked, "What is 180 divided by 9?" I answered again. When she asked the fourth question, I said: "Why do you always ask me instead of figuring it out yourself?" She said: "The book says any method can be used."

Five , In class today, a classmate of mine asked me to do a brainteaser test. She asked why we can’t see God’s dick. I thought about it for a long time and didn’t respond. Then a 2b teacher said next to me, because the chicken cannot be leaked...

6. Xiao Lin was waiting for the bus at the station, and there was a girl who kept staring at him and smiling. Xiao Lin knew that he was handsome and had attracted the girl's attention, so he walked around in circles a few times. As a result, the girl opposite smiled even brighter. When Xiao Lin saw it, he started pacing in place even more energetically. The aunt on the side said to Xiao Lin: "Young man, please stop stepping on dog poop, okay?"

7. When the beauty stayed in the hotel for one night, the bill was 800 yuan, and she complained that it was too expensive. The manager said this is the standard charge and the hotel has a swimming pool, gym and wifi. The beauty said that she didn't use it at all. The manager said that the hotel provided it but she didn't use it. The female guest opened her wallet and took out the money to pay, but she said that she would deduct the 700 yuan that the manager spent with her for a romantic night, and only took out 100 yuan. The manager shouted anxiously: "How can I have it?" The female guest: "I have provided it, but you don't need it yourself."

8. During morning self-study, a buddy in the class might be too sleepy and read for a while. The book fell down and fell asleep. The weather looked pretty good then. But after a while, the sky suddenly changed and it became much darker, so some students turned on the lights in the class. The self-study get out of class soon ended. As soon as the bell rang, the guy raised his head. When he saw the class was brightly lit, he yelled: Damn! We all had self-study in the evening, but no one called me! The whole class burst into laughter! The guy was dumbfounded on the spot.

9. MM: "I was angry with you a few days ago!" Me: "It seems that I didn't offend you!" MM: "The other day I asked you about the relationship between five million and a lover. Choose one, and you chose five million. So I was angry. "Me: "What? I don't think I apologized to you yet?" MM: "But I thought about it later. I will also choose five million, so I will forgive you." Me: "..."

10. The food must be eaten one bite at a time, and the road must be walked step by step. How can you tell the good guys without meeting some scumbags? How do you know what you like and what doesn't suit you without trying a few things? Because of experience, I understand. Only when you really do it can you know what you really want. Only when your mind slows down can you act quickly. ——"Take your time, everything is too late"

11. On the factory bus at work, MM asked me: "My computer is not working anymore, it keeps dying." I said: "Then you go back Check for viruses and remember to upgrade your anti-virus software.” Early the next morning, I saw MM again in the car and asked casually: “Have you checked?” Then MM said loudly: “I’m angry. It’s really shocking to me. I checked for a long time and found out that I didn’t have syphilis. What do you think I should do?

12. A little cousin, four years old, was playing on the bed one day, and her father was watching TV beside the bed... Suddenly she accidentally fell off the bed, and she quickly got up and reached her father. In front of her, she slapped her father decisively and said, "What do you think of my child?"

13. We usually call those low-level, superficial, and childish things pediatrics.

If this is the case, then feminized things such as pretentiousness, narrow-mindedness, fashion pursuit, and petty bourgeois sentiment can be classified as gynecology; then, those rude and savage animal desires in humans can be classified as veterinary medicine, or it can be called animal epidemic prevention. stand.

14. The seductive one is called beauty, the cunning one is called talented woman, the stupid one is called lady, the wilting one is called gentle, the fierce one is called straightforward, the silly one is called sunshine, the ruthless one is called glamorous, and the earthy one is called Dignified, foreign is called temperament, weird is called personality, bandit is called capable, coquettish is called flavorful, young is called youthful and beautiful, old is called still full of charm, romantic is called stars holding the moon, and cow is called Aoxueling. Wind, leisurely is called self-pursuit, weak and windy is called a bird, and someone who does not look like a woman is called super girl.

15. The three of them brag about whose wife is the thinnest. Dui: "My wife's scarf can be worn as clothes." Agua was dissatisfied: "My wife accidentally fell into the sewer while taking a shower." Ahua said calmly: "My wife swallowed an almond, and everyone thought she was pregnant."

16. One day, the dog asked the wolf: Do you have a house and a car? The wolf said no. The dog asked again; Do you have three meals a day and fruit? The wolf said no. Do you have anyone to coax you to play and take you shopping? The wolf said no. The dog said with disdain: You are so incompetent, why do you have nothing! The wolf smiled; I have the personality of not eating shit, I have the goals I chase; I have freedom that you don’t have; I am a lonely wolf, and you are just a dog that thinks you are happy.

17. The husband and his wife were sleeping under the same quilt. The husband sneezed and sprayed his wife in the face. My wife said: If anything happens again, let me know in advance. After a while. The husband said loudly: Get ready! The wife hurriedly got under the quilt, only to hear a "bang" sound, and the husband farted...

18. Taking his three-year-old son for an injection, the little nurse teased him and said, "The child is in kindergarten." Already? Do you know how to sing? Sing a song for Auntie! The baby said, I can't sing, but I can recite poems. Then recite the poem to your aunt. The baby said: It was noon on the hoeing day, and the nurse worked really hard, holding a small broken needle and giving it all morning.

In Chinese class, I drew a pig on the paper with watercolor pens, and then gently put the paper on the back of the beautiful woman in front of me. Unexpectedly, within a few minutes of putting it on, she I found out, she tore off the paper, looked at me with her murderous eyes and said: "Humph, I will settle the score with you after class.", I asked her very confused: "How do you feel that you Is there a pig behind me?" After saying this, I felt something was wrong.

20. "On the bus, there was a little boy of one, three or four years old sitting in front of me, and next to him was his mother. Every time the bus stopped, it would announce: "Please give way to the elderly, the weak, the sick and the disabled. "" So the little boy asked his mother, "Mom, what is the weakness of the old, the weak, and the disabled? "" The mother thought for a moment and said, ""It's the mentally retarded person." "" The little boy's eyes turned around and stopped. On my body. I smiled at him, so he stood up and said, "Uncle, please sit here"

21. I have to skip class today. Everyone knows that I didn’t go. Then I heard that the teacher assigned homework in class and it was due in class. My buddies made my heart warm by what they did, and each of them gave me a copy!

22. For people, money is never the first important thing, but it is always the second most important thing, so worshiping money is not guilty. But there is a prerequisite for worshiping money. You have to find the most important thing, which is your "soul". This soul may be true love, justice, conscience, or other qualities. Everyone must pursue the soul, otherwise, worshiping money will turn into a monster - Lang Xianping

23. After dinner, my husband went to make tea and accidentally touched the bowl he was eating from. The bowl fell to the floor and broke. I am very heartbroken. This is a new bowl I just bought. It costs more than ten yuan a piece. I started nagging my husband. When my son saw it, he quickly gave me the bowl I was eating from and said, "Mom, if you throw your own bowl on the ground and break it, you and dad will be even."

”

Twenty-four. I went to a company for an interview. I boasted very highly of myself on my resume, and I also spoke very highly of myself during the interview! The next day, HR called me to tell me that I had passed. , our company needs shameless young people like you!

25. A boy asked the girl he has been in love with for a long time: What are your criteria for choosing a boyfriend? The little girl shyly replied: There are no criteria. , as long as you hit it off! The little boy was stunned for a moment, and then he mustered up the courage to continue asking: Does it have to be round or flat?

1. The physical education teacher said: Who dares? If you wear a skirt in my class, she will be forced to stand on her head! 2. Your husband has gone to bed in another place and you have been forced to get out of bed. 3. Live in my heart, have you paid the rent? 4. The highest state of being a man. You don't go to pick up girls, but let girls pick up you. 5. You use money to live in school, and you use your time to live in money.

26. I went on a date with mm, and she was at the starting point. Stop, I'm halfway. She said, "Wait there. I'll tell you to get on the bus when I'm almost here. After we get on the bus, we pretend we don't know each other, and then act like young people of the new era who met and fell in love on the bus." Okay? I said: Okay, so I waited at the stop. Finally the bus came! I didn’t get on it = =! On the bus, I heard a boy about 8 or 9 years old saying to the little girl next to him: "Who says you can't predict the future? At least I can know what my child's surname will be in the future, but you are in trouble. What is your child's surname?" It’s still unknown! The little girl replied loudly without thinking: "Yeah, that's right!" However, my child must be my child, but your child may not be..."

28. Man: My wife is missing, please help find her! Police: What are her characteristics? ? Man: He's not tall, he's quite fat, he's a little bald, and he has a big nose. Police: Then why are you looking for her?

29. Charming women have a lot of activities and don't stay at home. A flower. Stay at home and spend your money. No matter how busy you are, don’t spend too much time on your clothes. The waist is like a shrimp. No matter how good the food is, the feeling is bad. No matter how good the person is, he is a waste!

The beauty of knowledge lies in confusing people; the beauty of poetry lies in inciting people. Men and women cheat; the beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; the beauty of a man lies in telling lies all the time.

31. Our school is a good school! We have less rest, but we have more extra classes! Although we have a cold winter, we have a hot summer! Although we have a late holiday, we have a lot of homework! This is the school you should choose! Go to school more and take less vacation! Everyone can ask for it; when the English teacher turns around, he speaks eloquently and travels around the world; when the physics teacher turns around, a lever pries the earth; when the chemistry teacher turns around, carbon dioxide turns into gasoline; when the labor teacher turns around, scrap metal comes to the show; when the physical education teacher turns around, , Daiyu can also play football; when the politics teacher turns around, the whole class is sleepwalking; when the art teacher turns around, Mona Lisa is also romantic

Thirty-three, one day in class, Xiaoqin is there again. Playing with her mobile phone. At some point, her teacher came over and said, "You don't take me seriously at all." But Xiaoqin said innocently, "It's not that I don't take you seriously." Come here...

34. I am a lonely tree that has been standing by the roadside for thousands of years, waiting lonely, just for one day, you walk gently by the roadside. , I will fall head over heels for you --- Damn it, if I can't kill you, my life will be in vain.

35. My wife is the operating system, and it is very troublesome to install and uninstall it; my second wife is the Internet, and I am beautiful. You can spend money endlessly; Xiaomi is a wallpaper, you can change it every day as long as you are interested; Miss is a pirated software, don't forget to kill the virus first before using it.

My wife is a journal, and you have to make sacrifices if you choose her; Mistress is a novel, which is very tiring to read from beginning to end; Xiaomi is a prose poem, with scattered forms and spirit, meaningful and long-lasting; Miss is a comic book, everyone can read it, and the content is beautiful. Cheap!

Thirty-six. Naked marriage may represent an era or a spirit. In the end, people need to interpret it. However, perhaps the most complete explanation and evaluation of the value of naked marriage is everyone’s clear and thorough life. Although life is not long, it is not short either. The orientation of grasping this uniqueness for a lifetime is the alchemy stone of naked marriage.

Thirty-seven. "A colleague would often say: "Whoever goes to the toilet with me, I'll treat you." No one responded to him before, and they often told him to get lost. Today he When we asked for a treat, a colleague said calmly: "If you feel like it, just pack it up and bring it back."

Thirty-eight, on the subway. An old man stared at the young man next to him for a long time and said to him: "Young man, judging from your face, you should weigh 80 kilograms!" The young man said in surprise: "Uncle, you are so accurate. Can you "Can you tell me about this year's fortune?" The uncle replied: "Look at you! You stepped on my feet!" 39. Once upon a time, there were five dragons in the sky: metal, wood, water, fire, and earth. One day, the water dragon moved Fan Nian and went down to the lower world privately. The God of Thunder was furious and said to the four dragons of metal, wood, fire and earth: "Go and capture the water dragon immediately and bring his head to me!" Three days later, the four dragons returned in triumph and killed one of them. The things were presented to the gods. The god opened the package and asked in confusion: "What is this?" The four dragons said in unison: "This is the faucet you want!"

Once, I was chatting with a friend, and friend 1 asked "Sister Furong and Sister Feng" If you have a brick that falls into the sea at the same time, who do you want to shoot?" I replied: "Throw it with your back to them." Friend 2 said, "Whoever saves them, I will shoot." I thought to myself. Well, you win! !

40. After the geography class, the teacher asked the primary school student: "What did you gain from this class?" The primary school student: "The biggest gain is that it made me feel that the teacher is smarter than my father." The teacher laughed He said with a smile: "Tell me about it." Primary school student: "My father only knew that the earth was rotating after he drank, but you know it without drinking."

41. Beautiful girl stays in hotel 1 When she checked out late, the bill was 800 yuan, and she complained that it was too expensive. The manager said this is the standard fee and the hotel has a swimming pool, gym and wifi. The beauty said that she didn't use it at all. The manager said that the hotel provided it but she didn't use it. The female guest opened her wallet and took out the money to pay, but she said that she would deduct the 700 yuan that the manager spent with her for a romantic night, and only took out 100 yuan. The manager shouted anxiously: "How can I have it?" Female guest: "I have provided it, but you don't need it."

42. Man: Marry me! I love you! I can't live without you! Woman: No, my mother will be unhappy. She says you are too useless. Man: Oh, if you don’t agree, I will die in front of you! As he spoke, he picked up his pistol. Woman: Please wait a moment. I’ll ask my mother. Man: Hey, I knew this would work. Woman: My mother said that I am old enough to watch such bloody scenes...

43. My boyfriend said that today on the side of the road, a girl came over, she looked like a college student. As if he wanted to ask for directions, he came up and called: Uncle... Oh, I'm not even thirty yet, where does he look like an uncle? So I cupped my hands and said, "Sister-in-law, what's going on?"

44. Humorous sentences 1. Comfort is the right of the dead, and pain is the duty of the living. 2. To explain is to cover up, and to cover up is to tell a story. 3. Half of a person's life is misfortune, and the other half is how to deal with misfortune. 4. People can live unhappy for a while, but they cannot live unhappy all their lives. 5. Character can push you into an abyss, or it can help you reach the other side of success. 6. Don’t wait until everyone says you are ugly to find out that you are really ugly.

45. All men in the world are liars. Both beautiful and not beautiful women will be deceived. The difference is that the lucky woman found a big liar who deceived her for the rest of her life.

The unfortunate woman found a little liar who deceived her for a while...

46. Birth, old age, illness and death are all about: live well, grow old slowly, get sick late, and die quickly. As long as we look at everything with an open mind, take it lightly, be detached and indifferent, the immunity of the soul will continue to increase, and then troubles and sorrows will be helpless to us.

Forty-seven. The husband and his wife were sleeping under the same quilt. The husband sneezed and sprayed his wife in the face. My wife said: If anything happens again, let me know in advance. After a while. The husband said loudly: Get ready! The wife hurriedly got into the quilt, only to hear a "bang" sound, and the husband farted...

48. I will not offend others unless they offend me; if they offend me, I will be polite; If you offend me again, I will give you a shot; if someone offends me again, I will eradicate the root cause.

49. In Chinese class, I drew a pig on the paper with watercolor pens, and then gently pasted the paper on the back of the beautiful woman in front of me. Unexpectedly, within a few minutes of pasting it, She found out, she tore off the paper, looked at me with her murderous eyes and said, "Humph, I'll settle the score with you after class." I asked her in confusion: "How do you feel that you Is there a pig behind you?" After saying this, I felt something was wrong.

Fifty. Only by cutting off your own retreat can you better win a way out... In many cases, we need the courage to cut off our retreat. Because there is a retreat behind us, we will feel lucky and comfortable, and our pace of progress will slow down; if there is no retreat behind us, we can concentrate all our energy, move forward bravely, and win a way out for ourselves.

51. Dating is prohibited in school, but two students in our class still secretly had a relationship. After the class teacher discovered it, they called their parents. The head teacher originally wanted parents to talk about their children. As a result, the parents chatted and found that the family situation of the other party was not bad, so they got engaged, got engaged...

Fifty-two, first line: envy, jealousy and hatred; second line: emptiness, loneliness and coldness; horizontal comment: paralysis that I am single. ——Kill lovers with your eyes!

Fifty-three, a child stood next to the blacksmith shop, watching the blacksmith forging iron! The blacksmith disliked her a little, so he took out the red-hot iron and put it in front of the child to scare him! The child blinked and said, "If you give me a dollar, I dare to lick it!" After hearing this, the blacksmith immediately took out a dollar and gave it to the little girl! The child took the money, licked it with his tongue, put it in his pocket and left...

54. When I was living in high school, I was not allowed to go out after the lights were turned off in the dormitory. When I feel hungry at night, I always send a dormitory representative to climb over the wall and go out to buy instant noodles as a midnight snack. One day, a classmate went out for a long time and did not come back. It was not until midnight that he knocked on the door with a bruised face and a bruised face. When I asked, I found out that I didn't know that the evil man had removed the gutter cover under the wall. He climbed over the wall and fell into the ditch and passed out.

55. A colleague asked: Who is better, Guo Jing or Qiao Feng? Another colleague replied: "I don't know who is stronger when it comes to beating his wife. When it comes to beating his wife, Guo Jing is like a grandson in front of Huang Rong, but Qiao Feng beat A'Zhu to death with just one slap. It was so cruel. Who do you think is stronger?" "Colleague:...

56. The teacher only asked one question in the mid-term exam: What is courage? One student handed in only five words: This is courage! Teacher: "Come here, little rabbit. I have two questions for you. If you answer the first question, you don't have to answer the second question." Teacher: "How many hairs do you have?" Classmate: " One hundred and twenty million thirty-six hundred and one." Teacher: "How do you know?" Student: "No need to answer this question."