When Khrushchev exposed Stalin’s atrocities at the 20th Congress of the Soviet Union, someone in the audience handed him a note. Khrushchev read out the contents of the note on the spot: "What were you doing at that time?". Then asked: "Who wrote this, please come forward!". After asking three times, no one in the audience came forward. So Khrushchev said: "Let me answer you now. I was sitting in your seat at that time."

German novelist and composer Hoffmann (1776-1822) went to Berlin A guest of a newly rich man. After the meal, the host showed him the luxurious residence. Speaking of servants, the upstart casually said that he needed three servants to serve him alone. Unexpectedly, the novelist said that he had four servants to serve him just to take a bath. One puts the towel on him, another tests the water temperature, and a third checks the faucet.

"What about the fourth one?" the upstart asked in confusion.

"Oh, he's the most important thing - he takes my bath for me," said the novelist.

One day, Heine received a heavy letter from a friend that owed postage. He opened it and saw that it was a large bundle of wrapping paper with a small note attached: "I'm fine, don't worry! Your Meir."

A few days later, Meir He also received a heavy package from Heine with back wages. When he received the package, he had to pay a large sum of cash; it turned out that it contained a stone, and there was also a note: "Dear Meir: When I knew you were good, the stone in my heart fell to the ground."

When Mark Twain was running a newspaper in Missouri, one time, a reader came to his newspaper. I found a spider and wrote to Mark Twain to see if it was a good or bad omen. Mark Twain wrote back - "Dear Sir, when you find a spider in the newspaper, it is neither a good nor a bad omen. The spider just wants to read in the newspaper. Look at which businessman has not advertised, so go to his house to set up a net and live a quiet life."

Taft was the heaviest of all the presidents of the United States, and his every move looked unworthy. powerful.

One day, he went to visit former President Theodore Roosevelt. After arriving at a beach house where Roosevelt lived, he decided to take a shower in the sea. It happened that one of Roosevelt's children had had enough playing on the beach and ran home to find Roosevelt.

"Dad, let's go swimming." The child said lazily?

"No, child, not now." Roosevelt picked up the child and said: "Mr. President is using the ocean."

There was a man who was silent in a social situation. The philosopher Theophrasta said to him: "If you are a fool, you are the wisest; if you are a fool, you are the wisest. Smart man, you are the stupidest.”

Shortly before the outbreak of the First World War, the American-born feminist Nancy Astor came to Churchill (1874--1965). Years) visited him at Breny Palace, which had been handed down from his ancestors. Churchill received her warmly. During the conversation Astor talked a lot about women's rights and earnestly hoped that Churchill would help her become the first female member of the House of Representatives.

Churchill laughed at her idea and disagreed with some of her views, which made the lady very angry. She said to Churchill: "Winston, if I were your wife, I would put poison in your coffee cup!"

"Churchill continued gently: "If I were your husband, I will drink it without hesitation! "

The ancient Greek fable writer Aesop (lived around 6th century BC) met a pedestrian one day and asked him for directions.

Pedestrian: "How long will it take me to get to the city? time? ”

Aesop: “Let’s go.” ”

Pedestrian: “I have to go. I’m asking how long it will take to walk to the city.” ”

Aesop: “Let’s go!” You go! ”

The pedestrian thought that this man was really hateful, so he left angrily.

After a while, Aesop shouted to him: "2 hours——"

The pedestrian asked: "Why didn't you tell me just now?"

Aesop, "I don't know how fast you walk, how do you know how long it will take!"

American General Mark Wayne Clark (1896-1984) was an interesting and carefree person in his daily life. The dull optimist.

Once, Clark was asked this question: Of all the advice given by others, which one is the most beneficial.

Clark said: "I think the most helpful advice is 'Marry this girl.'"

"So, who gave you this advice?"

"It was the girl herself." Clark replied.

Voltaire, who had a bohemian personality and always ridiculed the great figures of his time, one day praised a fellow writer. One of his friends immediately pointed out: "I'm so sorry to hear you praise this gentleman so generously. You know, this gentleman often talks about you behind your back."

"Look at it this way. Come, we are both wrong," said Voltaire.

The famous Russian fable writer Krylov (1769-1844) was very fat and liked to wear black clothes. Once, a nobleman saw him walking and shouted at him: "Look, a dark cloud is coming!"

"No wonder the toad started to cry!" Krylov looked at him The swollen noble replied.

Lyndon Baines Johnson (1908--1973), the 36th President of the United States, was appointed to the National Youth Administration of Texas at the age of 26 Branch Director. During his tenure, he was very strict with his subordinates and liked to criticize them.

Once, he walked past a colleague's seat and saw that his desk was piled with documents. He deliberately raised his voice and said, "I hope your mind will not be as messy as this desk." In this way, everyone in the same office can hear clearly. The colleague struggled to organize the files and clear the desk before Johnson made his second tour of the office. When Johnson came to the office again, he saw that the messy desktop had become empty, so he said: "I hope your mind will not be as empty as this table."

A trip at sea , the small boat on which the Duke of Wellington was traveling was caught in a storm and was in danger of sinking. The captain hurried to Wellington's cabin and said: "We are going to be finished."

Wellington was about to go to bed, so he said: "Well, I don't need to take off my shoes." ”

Armand Farier (1841--1913), the eighth president of France’s Third Republic and the Republic of France, visited the great sculptor Rodin (1840--1917) one day. In the studio, seeing that the room was full of unfinished work parts - heads, hands, feet, and torsos, the president said wittily: "Oh my God, these people walk so carelessly."

When Fulton first publicly demonstrated his steamboat, no one believed it could move. People on both sides of the Taiwan Strait kept shouting: "We can't move, we can't move, we absolutely can't move!" Unexpectedly, the ship suddenly started moving and sailed forward with steam and roaring sounds. After the crowd stared dumbfounded for a while, they changed their words and said: "It can't stop, it can't stop, it absolutely can't stop!"

In October 1944, the situation of World War II was not yet completely clear, and Japan spread rumors that , most of the warships of the U.S. Third Fleet have sunk, and the rest are retreating.

The commander of the U.S. Pacific Fleet, William F. Halsey Jr. (1882-1959), immediately called back to refute: "Our warship has been rescued and is currently retreating at a high speed towards the Japanese fleet."

The Indian writer Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941) received a letter from a girl: "You are a writer I admire. To show my admiration for you, I plan to name my beloved pug after you."

Tagore wrote a reply to the girl: "I agree with your plan, but before naming it, you'd better discuss it with the pug to see if it agrees.

”

Khrushchev likes to regard himself as an agricultural expert. Once when he visited a collective farm pig farm, he found a sick piglet. The farm chairman explained that the pig had been malnourished since childhood and had become stiff. Khrushchev immediately said, take this pig to my house and I will fatten it up and return it to you in two months.

Hrushchev decided to get rid of the pig in desperation. In the evening, he put the pig in the stroller and was about to push it to the Moscow River. Unexpectedly, he met Mikoyan halfway.

“Comrade Khrushchev, let’s go for a walk. "

"Ah... come out for a walk..."

"Who is this? "

"Oh, it's my...little grandson. ”

“Let me see. Oh, what a boy, he looks so much like his grandfather! ”

Theodore Vondano was a famous German writer in the 19th century. When she was an editor in Berlin, she once received several unpunctuated poems from a young writer. In the cover letter Said: "I never care about punctuation. If you use it, please fill it in yourself. ”

Fonda Nuo quickly returned the manuscript, and attached a letter saying: “I have never cared about poetry. Next time, please only send the punctuation, and I will fill in the poem.” ”

Krylov lived in poverty. Once, his landlord signed a lease with him, and the landlord stated in the lease that if Krylov accidentally causes a fire, he must pay compensation if the house is burned. 15,000 rubles. After reading it, Krylov did not raise any objection, but added two "0"s after 15,000. The landlord looked at it and shouted in surprise: "Why 1.5 million rubles?" ! "

Krylov replied calmly: "I can't afford to pay for it anyway. ”

American five-star General Catlett Marshall (1880-1959) asked a young lady to let him take her home after a cocktail party at his station.

This young lady’s home is not far away, but Marshall drove for more than an hour to get her to her doorstep.

“You haven’t been here long, have you? she asked, "it seems like you don't know the way very well." "

"I dare not say that. If I am not familiar with this place, how can I drive for more than an hour without passing your door once? "Marshall said with a smile.

This lady later married Marshall.

Once, the master sent Aesop into the city. On the way, he met a judge.

p>

The judge asked him sternly: "Where are you going? ”

“I don’t know. "Aesop replied. The judge became suspicious and sent someone to put Aesop in jail first.

After the judge finished his work, he went to the prison to interrogate Aesop.

"Judge Sir, you must know that I am telling the truth. "I really didn't know I was going to jail," Aesop said. "

The judge had no choice but to let him go.

While Lincoln was shining his own shoes, a foreign diplomat came to him.

"What, Mr. President, are you cleaning your own shoes? ”

“Yes. Lincoln replied, "Whose shoes are you cleaning?" ”

Toward the end of Coolidge’s term as president, he famously declared: “I don’t plan on doing this business anymore.” ”

Reporters felt that there was something in his words and kept pestering him, asking you to explain why you no longer want to be president.

There was no other way, so Coolidge pulled a reporter aside. He said to him: “Because the president has no chance of advancement. "

The great German poet Heine (1797-1856) was a Jew and was often attacked for no reason. At one party, a traveler said to him: "I discovered a small island. This island There are no Jews or donkeys! "

Heine said calmly: "It seems that only if you and I go to that island together can we make up for this shortcoming! ”

Composer Giacomo Puccini and Italian musician and bandleader Artur Toscanini (1867-1957) are an old pair. Every Christmas Giacomo Mo wants to send a cake to his friend.

One Christmas Eve, Giacomo had a quarrel with Arthur, so he wanted to cancel the cake given to him, but it was too late, the cake had already been sent.

The next day, Artur received a telegram from Giacomo: "The cake was delivered by mistake." He immediately responded with a telegram: "The cake was eaten by mistake."

President Theodore Roosevelt was very face-conscious and wanted to be the center of attention no matter what the occasion.

“My father did not like to go to weddings and funerals,” his son once said, “because there he could neither be the bride nor the deceased.”

At the 80th birthday tea party of British Prime Minister Churchill, a young reporter said to Churchill: "Mr. Prime Minister, I really hope I can come to congratulate you on your birthday next year."

Churchill patted the reporter on the shoulder Said: "Mr. Reporter, you are so young and so strong, you should be fine."

A noble lady invited Paganini to her house for tea the next day. Paganini accepted the invitation. The lady was very happy. When she said goodbye, she smiled and added to Paganini: "Dear artist, please don't forget to bring your violin when you come tomorrow!"

" Why is this?" Paganini said, pretending to be surprised, "Madam, you know that my violin never drinks tea."

The wonderful suggestion was published in a Naples newspaper in 1848. This is an open letter written by Italian opera composer Rossini (1792-1868) in reply to a gentleman's question.

The gentleman’s letter was: “I have a nephew who is a musician. He doesn’t know how to write an overture for his opera. You have written so many opera overtures. Can you give me one? Idea?"

Rossini made seven suggestions in his letter, one of which was: "...When I wrote the overture to Otello, I was locked up in Naples by the theater owner. In a small hotel room, there was a large bowl of boiled noodles without any green vegetables.

The baldest and cruelest boss threatened: 'If the last note of the overture is not played. After you finish writing, don’t try to get out alive. Let your nephew try this method and prevent him from tasting the charming fragrance of the foie gras pie...'"

A young Italian composer has Once Rossini was invited to listen to his new work. While Rossini listened, he took off his hat and put it on several times, put it on and took it off again.

After the young composer finished playing, he asked him why he took off his hat and put on his hat like this. Rossini replied: "I have a habit of taking off my hat and saying hello whenever I meet an old acquaintance."

A very confident young man came to Rossini with two large books of music between his arms. Ni. "The conductor promised to play one of my two symphonies. I want you to hear which one is better." The young man said and sat in front of the piano to play for Rossini. After listening to a few bars, Rossini really couldn't listen anymore, so he walked over, put the scores together, patted the young man on the shoulder and said: "Young man, there is no need to play. I think another one is better!"

The German poet Goethe (1749-1832) was walking in the park and met two critics on a path that could only allow one person to pass.

"I never give way to a fool," the critic said.

"I am just the opposite!" After Goethe finished speaking, he smiled and retreated to the side of the road.

On this day, Coolidge was immersed in his work. Suddenly, a lady who admired Coolidge burst in, congratulated

his speech the day before and said: "The hall was crowded that day. I couldn't find a seat at all, so I stood and listened to all your speeches."

The lady said this in an aggrieved tone, obviously hoping to get some words of comfort.

Unexpectedly, Coolidge said coldly: "You are not the only one who suffered, I was standing all that day."

Italian musician Paganini (1782-1840) hired I got a carriage to go to the theater for a performance, but I was about to be late. He asked the coachman to hurry up. "How much do I have to pay you?" Paganini asked.

“10 francs.

"Are you kidding me?" ”

“I don’t think so. Today people listen to you playing the piano with one string (referring to Paganini playing some of his difficult and profound music on the G string). People charge 10 francs! "

"Okay," Paganini said, "I'll pay you 10 francs, but you have to use a wheel to carry me to the theater. ”

President Reagan visited Canada and gave a speech in a city.

During the speech, a group of people holding anti-American demonstrations interrupted his speech from time to time, which clearly showed that Anti-American sentiment. Reagan visited Canada as a guest. Pierre Trudeau was very embarrassed by this unreasonable behavior. She said to him with a smile:

"This kind of situation happens often in the United States. I think these people must have come to your country from the United States on purpose. Maybe they want to make me feel at home." Feel. "Hearing this, the embarrassed Trudeau couldn't help laughing.

During World War II, Lord Mancroft served in the British War Department. Whenever Churchill went on tour, Mancroft Loft went to the Prime Minister's office and marked the recent combat situation on a large map dedicated to Churchill, so that when Churchill came back, he could see the situation clearly at a glance. p>One day, Mancroft placed the map on the floor of the cabinet meeting room and marked it with colored chalk. At this time, Churchill unexpectedly returned. /p>

He saw someone lying on the ground concentrating on marking the map, and there was an upside-down hat next to him, so he quietly took out two pennies and threw them steadily into Mancroft. In the hat.

When the Italian composer M. Luigi Cherubini (1760-1842) was the inspector of the Paris Conservatoire, a student wrote an opera to be performed. >

When he was auditioning for the play, he invited Cherubini to watch it, hoping to see an authoritative evaluation.

Cherubini patiently watched one scene and then the second. , but did not make a comment.

The young composer watched him so intently and remained silent, nervously walking in and out of Cherubini's box. Finally, he could no longer do it. Hiding his anxiety, he asked Cherubini: “Sir, do you have anything to say to me? "

Cherubini grabbed his hand and said to him affectionately: "My poor young man, what can I say? I've spent two hours listening and you haven't said anything to me. ”

“Socrates’ wife” is synonymous with a shrew and a bad wife. She is a narrow-minded, stubborn woman who likes to nag endlessly and often curses. She often makes the famous philosopher Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC) was in a dilemma. Once, when someone asked Socrates "Why do you want to marry such a wife?", he replied: "People who are good at horsemanship always do. You have to choose a strong horse to ride. Once you are used to riding a strong horse, it will be easy to control other horses. If I can stand such a woman. I'm afraid there will never be anyone in the world who is difficult to get along with. "It is said that Socrates married his wife in order to purify his spirit amidst her annoying complaints.

Once, Socrates was discussing academic issues with his students and exchanged ideas with each other. During the argument, his wife ran in angrily, scolded Socrates, and then went out to fetch a bucket of water and threw it on Socrates. The students present thought that Socrates was in trouble. He would scold his wife angrily, but Socrates touched his soaked clothes and said humorously: "I know that after thunder, it will rain heavily. "

The "South China" Literary Society founded by some progressive young people in Guangzhou hopes that Lu Xun (1881-1936) will write for their first issue. Lu Xun said: "You should write the article yourself first, and I will I will write about it later, lest people say that Lu Xun came to Wenzhou and found young people to support him. "The young people said: "We are all poor students. If the sales of the first issue of the publication are not good, we may not have the strength to publish the second issue.

Lu Xun said humorously but seriously: "It's easy to have a publication that sells well. You can write an article to criticize me, and the publication that criticizes me will also sell well." "In the 1930s, some writers had serious subjectivism problems. Once, someone asked Lu Xun to talk about this issue. Lu Xun laughed at first and didn't answer. After a while, he told two stories:

Golden pole

There was a farmer who had to carry water every day. One day, he suddenly remembered, what did the emperor use to carry water for food? He then answered: It must be gold. Bian

Dan.

Eating persimmons

A peasant woman woke up early one morning and felt hungry. She thought, Queen Mother

How did my mother enjoy such happiness? She must have called out as soon as she woke up: "Sister, take

a persimmon to eat. "

In 1934, the Kuomintang Mayor Sheng Liang of Peiping ordered a ban on male and female students and men and women swimming together.

When Mr. Lu Xun heard about this, he said to several young friends: "Men and women cannot swim together. If classmates are not allowed to swim together

then men and women will breathe the air together and confuse things. Isn’t it more serious than classmates swimming together!

Mayor Yuan Liang might as well just issue another order. From now on When men and women go out, each wear a gas mask

. It avoids air circulation and does not expose yourself to the public. Like this; everyone is, here! here!

..."

As he spoke, Mr. Lu Xun tilted his head back slightly and simulated the tube of the gas mask with his hands...

p>

Everyone laughed out loud at Mr. Lu Xun’s words and actions.

In 1934, the magazine "Human World" launched a column of "Writer Interviews" and cooperated with it

Publish a portrait of the writer who was interviewed. The editor of the magazine wrote to Lu Xun, requesting permission to go to the interview and take a photo with the study as the background, and another photo of Lu Xun and Lu Xun. A group photo of Xu Guangping

Lu Xun wrote a very humorous letter to reject it:

“The writer has a good reputation, but he didn’t respect himself, so he thought he might as well abuse it. Its example. Recently

I have quietly woken up and am ashamed to say it. There are no thoughts in my head, and there is no study room in my apartment.

The 'Madame and the Young Master' have nothing to do with the literary world. They dare not accept any of the three elegant orders. If

Mr. writes another "biography of a fake writer" in the future, he should list the books and put on airs, and

throw a blanket of welcome. "

Note: "Iron Teeth and Bronze Teeth Ji Xiaolan" revolves around the conflicts between Emperor Qianlong, the powerful traitor Wang He, and the romantic and talented Ji Xiaolan, and interprets hilarious stories one after another. This is actually just It's just a joke.

Being regarded as an advocate of excellence by the emperor

In the Qianlong and Jiaqing dynasties, although Ji Xiaolan held the position of Minister of Rites and co-organizer of a bachelor's degree, his true dedication was still In terms of culture, as the chief compiler of "Sikuquanshu", his academic contribution reached its peak with the compilation of "Sikuquanshu". As for participating in state affairs decision-making, Qianlong may not have that big a role. The words he scolded Ji Xiaolan undoubtedly revealed the truth. Qianlong said to Ji Xiaolan: "Because of your outstanding literary talent, I let you take charge of the compilation of "Sikuquanshu". In fact, I just keep you by my side like an actor. How dare you talk about national affairs. "In fact, Ji Xiaolan's large number of poems and songs are nothing more than works that glorified virtues, whitewashed peace, and catered to the highest rulers of the feudal dynasty during celebrations and other ceremonies. His large number of notebooks and novels that did not go to the temple, such as " "Notes on the Thatched Cottage", "Luanyang Summertime Record", "So I Heard", etc., are widely circulated.

Every idiot is not the same as this woman. Ji Xiaolan is remembered for her wit and humor. The following are two outstanding examples - once, He Wang asked Ji Xiaolan to inscribe a plaque for his pavilion, and he was happy to make the plaque and hang it. On the pavilion. One day, Emperor Qianlong came to Prince He's mansion and saw this plaque, and told Prince He the true meaning of the plaque. He said that it was a scolding of all the idiots in your family. Therefore, he held a grudge and looked for an opportunity to retaliate. He Wang really took the opportunity, and Ji Xiaolan was demoted and sent to Urumqi.

It turned out that Ji Xiaolan's children and in-laws, Lu Yayu, the salt transport envoy to the Huaihe River, had lost money in the treasury. Ji Xiaolan, the bachelor's student, learned about this while he was on duty in the inner court, so he sent a person with an envelope sealed with paste and salt, containing a small amount of tea. , but didn’t write a word. After receiving this letter, Lu understood the metaphor of "salt case deficit investigation (tea) copy" and quickly transferred his property. During the inspection, not much property was found. King He sent someone to investigate the matter and reported it to the emperor. Ji Xiaolan was sent to Urumqi for reporting the matter.

Once, an official’s mother celebrated her birthday, and the person concerned asked Ji Xiaolan, who came to congratulate her, to write a congratulatory poem. Ji Xiaolan opened her mouth and chanted: "This woman is not a human being." When the people present heard this, they were very frightened. Ji Xiaolan read without changing her face, "The Goddess of the Nine Heavens descends to the mortal world." As soon as these words came out, not only did everyone feel relieved, but they also laughed with joy. Unexpectedly, Ji Xiaolan chanted another line, "Give a son to be a thief." Suddenly, everyone's hearts were filled with relief, but Ji Xiaolan calmly recited the last line, "I stole the flat peach and gave it to my mother." After many twists and turns, this poem became a favorite story as soon as it came out. Ji Xiaolan's intelligence, agility, and humorous talents are amazing.