Who has crosstalk lines? (urgent)

Meeting today to discuss the problem of buying a washbasin!

Old illness! There's no cure! Buy a coffin and get ready!

"Just kidding!"

"scratch"

I fell when you turned off the switch, didn't I?

"If you don't fight, (pointing to the old man) he won't care about food!"

Don't let him go, let him wrap the paper.

"I look handsome in this jacket!"

Mom, he took our faces!

I'm covered in bones, I can't hold on! I can't breathe!

Is that him? This thing, 80 points!

Two-headed mom, bake two sugar cakes tomorrow! -I said "double-headed dad", you are so stupid. You have never caught a fish, so you can eat a lot!

Two pounds is still high, that's it, that's it, that's it! "More than two catties? Four pounds is still high! " If you don't believe me, ask someone nearby, and spare one! "

Why is it so dark? Angry Zhang Fei, don't let that black Li Kui jy!

What do you mean, the rain hit the beach? !

Pour tea! -give a bowl of hot water!

Ding: "Isn't your police station in charge of Wotou at noon?"

Born from metaphor, He Shengliang was born. Zhou Yu, born of old lady Ji, and Zhuge Liang, born of old lady He!

"The big gun pokes the ground, and it is really out of breath, and the face does not change color." "He hasn't practiced."

Mom, someone stole from us. Thief (who)? I'm just kidding. Look at this kid.

The beard itches, DEN! -Yellow Crane Tower Horse

That was a mistake. I am the real Su Maowen.

Please lift your legs so that I can shout.

Brother, you have a cold. Be careful not to repeat (bodyguard)

Just to give you a taste of salt!

Feed the fish with boiling water!

Fortunately, this is to buy "monkey brand" soap, if you buy white bear soap? I must go to the Arctic Ocean! (Ma, "Buy a Monkey")

"There are three bowls of wine hanging outside the door. Who are you looking for? " ("Song Wu Da Hu")

"When the scorpion is caught, open the curtain-show you a small hand."

Ma Zhiming: I saw my brother. At three o'clock, he was furious, scared out of his wits, forced his legs and jumped ~ ~ ~

Huang Zumin: Let's go ~ ~!

Ma Zhiming: Shit!

Huang Zumin: Huh? I pulled it ~

Ma Zhiming: That little rat thief made my brother shit!

Huang Zumin: Is that gasoline? It's so scary!

Ma Zhiming: Don't panic, brother, wait until my brother dies!

The elephant cut off his nose-Jia Zhu.

Four words in Henan dialect is enough: who? Me! Why (ZHUA)? Pee!

If I had money, I would buy a cotton hat, Ma Lisan.

"We don't want to branch, let's solve it!" (Ma Zhiming, Huang Zumin, disputes)

When the ambulance arrived, it shouted "It's over, it's over". When the police car arrives, it is called "hold on, hold on".

Audience comrades, I miss you so much! (Feng Gong)

What does Zhao Yun do in the Three Kingdoms? He buys rice cakes! Zhao Yun has a lyric: "I am old, old", which means that he always buys rice cakes and never does anything else.

I am tall, my upper lip is close to the sky, and my lower lip is awkward ~

Where's your face?

We are shameless braggadocio.

My name is Gao Yingpei, and I am "tall, handsome and cultured". Look how miserable your name is. Your name is Fan Zhenyu, which means "crime, repression and prison!"

"I want to blossom!" (Yang Shaohua)

Isn't this full? (Ma Zhiming, the last sentence of the Huang Zumin dispute)

I hope the old singer will not get sick and live for two more years, and sing for everyone for two more years. It is commendable that the old calligrapher hopes to die two years early ("Leaving at Ten o'clock" Ma Lisan)

If you don't study, you can't keep up with the needs of the times (starting at ten o'clock)

Thank you for your encouragement. I assure you, I want to assure my comrades that if I can't realize my ideal, I won't be a good son and daughter of the motherland and a good citizen of the motherland.

Look at him pouting there, waiting for surgery-hemorrhoids.

Finished, four-year-old hemorrhoids, alas, by the way, there is a saying that "hemorrhoids" are not old-horses (give up their seats)

Looks like a dog from a distance, but looks like a dog from a close distance. Coax it and it won't move. -Dead dog.

With a kitchen knife in hand, watermelons of different sizes are cut on the chopping board. Peking Opera says: You eat!

Who dares to buy it? It scared away!

What are you touching on the ground?

I dropped my sugar.

What's the rush,

My teeth are stuck on it!

"This is our territory. Do you know who Guan Gong belongs to? " "I don't know." "He is Yan Xishan's team!" -"Guan Gong vs. Qin Qiong"

You are in Tang and I am in Han. Why are we fighting? -Hou Yu's "Guan Gong vs"

Doctor, I can't afford to nail when I pull out my tooth! -"tooth extraction"

Bangbang: What's your duty? The responsibility lies entirely with me. Look at me standing here, talking all the time. What's the point of holding a hat? Stand there and say a few words casually, um, ah, yes, hey, yo, oh, hey, and finally say "don't be scolded" and then bow your head, even if the task is successfully completed. On teasing

Which month has 28 days? No, February has 28 days.

"In that case, come on! Give three more bowls each. " -(Liu Baorui's Pearl Jade and White Jade Soup)

My uncle's pigeon, my uncle's pigeon, my uncle's pigeon, my mother's horse, my mother's horse, my mother's scolding horse, Niu Niu, Niu Niu, Niu Niu, Niu Niu, Niu Niu, Niu Niu, Niu Niu and Niu Lao.

Zhou Tao: Pick up the children from the kindergarten first.

Feng Gong: ......

Zhou Tao: My sister's!

Feng Gong: Whose is different? How can you think of anywhere else? ......

"Do you believe that you are unfortunate? Bad luck. Can you believe it? There is nothing to protect food, and the unlucky child is nothing! Am I afraid to taste it? This poor boy, let me try. Do you want me to try it? "

The child held up the apple: "You ... you always try it, you take a bite, you try?"

"Don't blame me for biting your hand?" Horses and "Practicing Qigong"

What a thief! What a thief! ! ! I put down my weapon, you give me a break! Whoa, whoa, whoa ~ ~ ~ ~ (catchy)-Ma Zhiming's bodyguard

That bold rat thief dared to make my brother angry.

Is that anger? It's so scary.

Radish hot tea, angry doctors crawling all over the street. -Folk therapy

It is not difficult for a person to lie. It's hard to lie for a lifetime and lie for decades. This is the hardest, the hardest, ah! -cattle, Feng Gong.

"Young people don't behave. This is a Buddhist shrine. Can you say buy? This has to say "please." "Oh, aunt, I don't understand. How much did you buy it? " "Well, it is such a fucking thing, 80 cents! "

Master Hou's How much is it?

A I heard that crosstalk performers are all knowledgeable.

B Well, what we know is very superficial. But in our line of work, you have to learn more and ask more questions.

Oh, no, I heard that you are good at math.

Ah, what kind of research? When I was at school, this course was slightly better than other courses.

A well, good! What math have you studied?

B is: addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, proportion, four principles, arithmetic, algebra, trigonometry, geometry and calculus. Well, actually, just so-so.

A hey! Boy 1

Well, although you have studied everything, your grades are not very good. You do the math: which exam is always more than 90 points, and even 100 points are not guaranteed.

A: Did you get bad grades?

B cough! Just so-so

A that's good. I have an arithmetic question for you.

B Well, that's not a pleasure. Let's learn from each other here.

Oh, no, I must learn from you.

B where, where.

I have studied this arithmetic problem for several years, but I haven't got a satisfactory answer yet.

A I want to consult a math expert.

B mm-hmm

A I'm afraid people are busy at work.

I ran into you here, okay? Please give me a hand.

oh ,

Huh?

B I may not be able to solve this problem. So, can you tell me what kind of problem this is?

A I have to ask you for advice.

B Oh, I dare not.

How much do you think this is equal to?

B Oh, what did you say?

What is a?

B is that a problem?

A it hasn't been counted for years.

B Gee, this question is too difficult.

Why don't I ask a math expert for advice?

Where are you? No need.

Huh?

B just ask my opinion.

Oh, can you solve my problem?

Of course.

I consulted some friends.

So what did they say?

They said there was nothing they could do.

B I see, this man doesn't want to be angry with you at all!

What is this?

Do you want to consult an expert on such arithmetic problems?

A I can't count!

Well, I can give you an accurate and satisfactory answer.

A Then I thank you very much. How much do you think this is equal to?

B, this is 2.5.

Oh, one equals 2.5?

B that's right! Make a formula: one times one equals one.

According to your calculation method, A seems to have reached the conclusion that one equals one.

Why does b still seem to be supposed to? Equal to one!

Who told you that one equals one? Are you a math expert?

B I, I just graduated from primary school.

That's strange. Why did you come to such a conclusion?

This is not surprising. He knows how old children are in arithmetic.

What do you call this? How old will the child know? Equal to one. Why did I live in vain? I don't know.

B ... actually, you don't know

I know. Why should I ask you?

B ... you can say!

If it's that simple, I'll consult a math expert.

B Yes ... You should also consult a math expert.

A blurting out without thinking fully shows your arrogance and arrogance! Don't jump to any conclusions easily, think more. Pick it up and say, well, hang it all!

Hey, this is my fault. I should think about it. I'll do the calculation again. One times one equals ... or one. Hey, I was almost fooled by him. I said, sir ...

A. think more.

B Oh, don't think about it. Well, this is one. That's for sure, it's an irrefutable formula.

A: You are learning from books.

Hmm?

A: You call this eating books. What the ancients said-

What did b say?

It is better for a person to study to death, to study to death, and to study to death than not to study at all. We pay attention to life and study, so you should put aside books and rethink this problem.

B I don't understand what you are saying.

Are you a crosstalk performer?

B yes.

A is engaged in language art, and the language vocabulary must be very rich.

Well, I dare not say any more.

A There is such a proverb. Have you heard of it? Veterans out-top two! One is what?

B this is equal to 1.

A, what about a top two veteran?

B ... yeah! These are the first two, not two!

A so what's the difference between top and equal?

B Well, the sum of the first two is equal to 2. It seems ... it should be the same.

Hum, this is not nonsense!

B: No, no, no! A person with knowledge, experience and willingness to learn can do the work of two people.

A: Cut the crap. If I ask you how much is it?

Second class ... according to the meaning of this sentence, it seems that this one is equal to two.

Why is A equal to 2?

B Well, that doesn't mean two. You are not satisfied.

Ah, what does that mean? Did I force you?

B Well, no, this fact convinced me. It should be concluded that one equals two.

A Oh, do you know these two proverbs?

B oh, what?

A hero doesn't need much-

B, one is worth ten!

What is a?

Ok, this is ten again.

A equals ten? This is not a conclusion. In the Great Leap Forward, we workers invented and created many machines. It used to be manual operation, but now it is machine operation.

B Hey, what kind of job do you want to talk about?

A: Just say the simplest, packaging.

Oh, packaging.

A pack of needles, bags and sweets used to be hand-packed.

B Yes, haven't you changed the machine packaging now?

A Yes, there are two proverbs, one tool for another, and one person is worth a hundred.

Well, this conclusion has been changed again. One equals one hundred. Hmm.

If everyone gets the hang of it-

B, it is also possible for one person to support 1000.

There is also an agricultural proverb that a seed goes into the ground-

B, ten thousand pills back to the warehouse!

What's the number of A?

Second class ... oh, this is equal to 10 thousand.

There are a few proverbs-

B I said, are you finished? Add proverbs to arithmetic? I can't figure out which accountant you read the proverb from this account book. The auditor came to see, oh, "one veteran is worth two, and one warrior is worth ten." What do you call this?

So what do you say is clear?

You must have a certain sum of money for this arithmetic problem.

A is specific and cannot be counted.

That's not necessarily true!

You said: How much is a penny?

A penny is ... a penny equals ... me, me, do you think five cents is ok?

First, why?

B: OK, it's a penny.

Why is five cents a cent?

Do you want to finish it successfully?

A I didn't ask you to write the accounts, so I said, how much is a penny?

B it's easy to calculate. A penny is equal to one tenth of a penny, one hundredth of a dime and one thousandth of a dollar. Well, it doesn't matter.

No, a penny has its economic value.

What is the economic value of B? A popsicle costs five cents. How do fifty people eat a popsicle?

Take a bite each.

B how big is it?

A small mouth.

B: Small mouth? That's not enough. Everyone can only touch the tip of the tongue a little, not very big. You have to meet a Lickitung. This popsicle is gone. What is the economic value?

What do you think a penny is?

B I haven't dated. I can see it, I need it, it's not in the bank, it's not in the ledger. How much it weighs.

A There are so many proverbs, do you know?

Listen, this proverb comes again! What?

Haida?

B big!

A is made drop by drop.

B that's true!

Is there much cloth?

One!

A little bit of dotted line is woven.

B sure!

Is the Great Hall of the People in the capital high? It is made of bricks and tiles. Is your grandmother old?

B I ...

She is getting old day by day.

Don't talk nonsense, okay

A penny on a person is negligible.

Oh!

You should know that there are more than 600 million people in our country.

B yes!

A Everyone should have a big account, and everyone should pay attention to a small amount.

Multiply a by more than 600 million, and you will get a huge number.

B yes.

A: Is that right?

B: That's right.

A So it's meaningful for us to save a little! We should carry forward the spirit of hard struggle, strict economy and building the country through thrift, and save a penny, an inch of cloth, a drop of oil, a stitch, a brick, a tile, a stone and a little spark, and bring these trivial things together into a huge one.

B yes.

A let it play a great role in construction!

B: Yes!

What are you yelling about?

B Hey, you're absolutely right!

What do you think of a penny?

b？

A You only like this big one.

B Oh, I really don't like that small one. I am a foreigner.

A, you only know how to start from the big picture, but don't know how to start from the small: just look at one side of the problem, without a global view; It will only be extravagant, not economical. This kind of ideological development is really dangerous-dangerous!

B Oh, he came to stand firm for me! Won't you ask me what a penny is? But who knows that you have more than six billion dollars behind this penny? Take it for a while and add it for a while, but no one!

Let me ask you one more question.

B oh, what?

How much do you say one person is equal to?

B where is a person? One person equals ... That depends on the size! The big one is heavier and the small one is lighter.

Why do you weigh yourself?

Why do I call it? You didn't make it clear. I know how much a person costs.

A There are two proverbs, do you know?

B: There are many proverbs here. Well, what?

A worker often says, "For the early realization of socialism, two days' work will be finished in one day!"! "What is this?

B This-equals two.

There are also two proverbs.

B what?

Race against time, three people go it alone! What is this equal to?

This is equal to three.

Now we China people have socialist consciousness, master attitude, infinite wisdom and selfless work spirit. In production, we are all versatile and the production efficiency is repetitive. How much do you think this is?

B, this?

A: Yes.

B, this, that is equal to-a lot of zeros.

A: Don't be vague. You're right.

B is that right?

A: Yes.

B Just this one, um-I don't know!

A didn't get it right for a long time!

What about B, right?

A I said that one equals several, which is an arithmetic problem with no answer. Whether it is more or less depends on our subjective ability. A little heat will give off a little light. Save a minute and create a wealth for the country. Save a penny and accumulate a penny for the country. This is our enthusiasm, consciousness and sense of responsibility. Is it?

B Yes, we should carry forward this spirit.

A is unique to me. How much do you think this is equal to?

So, my treat? On me ... well, just so-so.

What are your achievements in creating wealth for the country?

B didn't tell you anything?

So what is your economic income?

B just so-so!

A So what do you think of these new people and new things with their eyes open all day?

B just so-so!

Oh, you are so careless!

Who is careless?

What eye?