Hurry up, teacher. The English teacher has been waiting at the door for a long time.

2, this question is to send points.

Is it my fault that I didn't get 100?

The PE teacher is ill, so we have math class this class.

I watched the PE teacher play basketball just now.

4. Today is the 3rd, so please ask the student with the student number of 3 to answer this question.

I finally know why there are 3 1 students in our class.

I know this problem at a glance. I definitely didn't choose A, C obviously, not to mention D, so I chose B.

Teacher, lend me your eyes. I will take the exam later.

I wrote the answer to this question on the blackboard last time, didn't I?

Well, I still cleaned the blackboard, but last time you took the exam without saying anything.

7. You are studying for yourself. Does it matter to me that you can't learn well? My salary will not be less than a penny.

So it's none of your business if I don't do my homework?

8. What are you reading? Look at the blackboard! Why are you looking at the blackboard? Look at me! Why are you looking at me? Read a book!

Teacher, where am I looking?

9. I can hear the whole building in the office. Our class is the noisiest!

Teacher, we weren't in the classroom last time in physical education class.

10, you are the worst students I have ever taught!

We have never seen a worse teacher than you.

50 funny quotations in one sentence _ Laugh to death

1, I allow you to walk into my world, but you are not allowed to walk around in my world.

2, Ming Sao is easy to hide and hard to prevent.

3, shameless, doing well is called excellent psychological quality!

I am relieved to know that you are not doing well.

The happiness of ostrich is just a pile of sand.

6. Teacher, I met a robber, but my homework was robbed.

7. How many students lost to the last part of the text: reciting the full text.

8. When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me.

9, chess and calligraphy can not, laundry and cooking are too tired.

10, I usually scold you, and I won't know that I am both civil and military until I hit you.

1 1. Although you are wearing cologne, I can still vaguely smell a scum.

12, God didn't give me much responsibility, but it still made my heart ache and tired.

13, women are anxious when men don't make money, and women regret when men make money.

14, there are no inseparable couples, only mistresses who don't work hard.

15, don't say sorry to me, because we don't matter.

16, not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs!

17, fell down, get up and cry.

Please don't take my tolerance for you as your shameless capital.

19, parents fool their children into calling education; Children fool their parents and say that their parents are derailed; Fooling each other is called the generation gap.

20. This is often the case, and it is too late to turn back. Even if you are willing to be a bad horse, there may not be a returning grass waiting for you.

2 1, dreaming is the earliest wireless communication mode in human history.

22. Red beans don't grow in the south, but grow on my face. I really miss them!

23. I am convinced that a person will come to this world because of my torture.

24. Don't look for me if you have nothing to do, and don't look for me if you have anything to do.

25, hum, the most rogue in winter, always like to freeze my hands and feet.

26, hands in pockets, nobody loves.

27, salted fish turn over, or salted fish.

28, saying that money is evil, it is fishing; Say beauty is a disaster, everyone wants it; It is said that the height is too cold and everyone is climbing; Say that alcohol and tobacco hurt the body and don't quit; Say heaven is the best, don't go!

29. Knowledge is like underwear, which is invisible but important.

30. Our goal: Look at the money and earn more.

3 1, you must work hard! For your Audi, my Dior.

32. Protect yourself and love others. Please don't come out in the middle of the night to scare people.

33. How to lose weight if you don't have enough to eat?

34. I like you so much that you will die.

35. When I love you, you are what you say. What do you say you are when I don't love you?

36. After studying for more than ten years, I think it is better to mix kindergartens!

37. If the exam could reward QB, the country would have been rich and strong.

38, people can't extricate themselves, except teeth and love.

39. A woman without talent is a virtue. I must be too evil.

40. Journey to the West tells us that all monsters with backstage were taken away, and those without backstage were killed by a stick.

4 1, don't talk to me about ideals, quit!

42. I thought I was decadent, and I didn't know that my morning paper was scrapped until today.

43. People have backgrounds, and people have backgrounds.

44. It doesn't matter if your head is empty. The key is not to get into the water.

45, everyone loves, flowers see bloom, cars see a flat tire!

46. If I'm drunk and I don't accept anyone, I'll hold the wall!

47, after breaking up, you when I sacrifice me when you die, finished.

48, people don't commit me, I don't commit crimes; If people offend me, comity three points; If people force me again, I'll give you an injection; People still attack me and kill the grass.

49. My advantages are: I am handsome; But my shortcoming is that I am not handsome.

50. Youth is dedicated to the house and middle age to the children.

Campus classic funny quotations

1, the motherland has not been reunified, and I have no intention of studying. With such a bright thread at the foot of my bed, Li Bai slept soundly.

3, although the famous flowers are taken, I will loosen the soil!

4. Self-study can be a success, including being a fool.

5. It turns out that eternity is just a misunderstanding.

6, hooligans are not terrible, they are afraid that hooligans have culture.

7. Don't look back. Looking back, everything has changed.

8. I was very sexy when I was a child, and my ass was exposed every day.

9. I knelt on the floor of the canteen with a spoon and begged for meat!

10, Qian Shan Wanshui is always in love, and it is not good to give one more.

1 1, life is really interesting, because life always plays with me.

12, I hate books less, and I don't have enough money to spend by the end of the month.

13, I can't bear the fleeting time, but I can't escape the teenagers here.

14, I am a little happy when I miss you, and a little sad when I am happy.

I thought it would be a tragedy, but it turned out to be a farce

I don't work overtime. Ben didn't add me. I work overtime. Add me to the class.

17, buy good things with reasonable prices, and don't buy inferior things with low prices.

18, the past has passed, the future is always the future, and the present is always in the crotch.

19, caterpillars and maggots are quite similar, but butterflies and flies are by no means the same.

20. Why doesn't Superman appear every time I eat bubble gum?

2 1, Jimmy said, give me a fulcrum and I can skip class all day.

22. Every time I meet the opposite sex about my age, I always look at each other.

23. besides looking good, nail polish has another advantage. You can shave when you are bored.

24. Looking for a job after graduation: Age is a treasure, relationship is very important, and ability is a reference.

25. grades are like slides. It's hard to climb up, but it only takes a moment to slide down.

26, you listen, or don't listen, the teacher is here, don't leave before class.

27, the school left a bangs to find parents, and it depends on my hairstyle if my grades don't go up?

28. After the Chinese exam, I cried. After the math exam, I found myself crying early.

29. I said to my deskmate: My deskmate is a pig! She shouted: Your deskmate is the pig!

30. You are beyond my imagination and I am beyond your imagination.

3 1. When I was a child, the watch I drew on my hand stopped moving, but it took away our best time.

32. In those days, I walked smartly into the Internet cafe wearing a red scarf and school uniform.

33. When I was a child, I played mobile phones in class. The team leader said stop playing. I said I don't play with your mobile phone.

Beethoven told us that the more you recite, the more you will score. This is the law of many points.

35. Flip a coin: surf the Internet on the front, sleep on the back, stand up and do your homework.

36. Pray to all possible gods that you will always live better than me.

37. The teacher's classic lie: I treat both good students and poor students equally.

38. Mom said: Even if you are jealous, you should pretend to drink soy sauce, and you can't look down on it.

39. In the future, we will share weal and woe. If you are in trouble, yours is mine, and mine is mine.

40. I really miss my childhood. When it's hot, I can go shirtless like a man.

4 1. After an English listening class, the only words I can understand are the first few Chinese words.

42. The same person with a telescope is called a general on the battlefield and becomes a hooligan at home.

43. In class, the teacher said: People who sleep should not talk, but those who talk should wake up.

44. When you are in a bad mood, call your friends in the middle of the night, wake them up and go to bed.

45. I studied sacred knowledge, and you actually measured it with scores, which is simply a stain on the academic!

46. If you stare at a simple word for a long time, you will find that you don't know the word, and the more you look at it, the less you understand it.

47. It seems that we are all at an awkward age, and our children call us uncles and aunts, but we are not convinced.

Student: Teacher, you are so beautiful today. Teacher: Thank you. Student: You're welcome. I lied to you.

49. Freshman girls think seniors want to get laid. In fact, seniors love instant noodles.

50. Poor family is ugly, 1.49 meters, primary school culture, rural hukou, three tile houses and ten acres of fertile land.

5 1. Adolescence love is spiritual opium. Whether you smoke or not, there are always countless Lin Zexu standing behind you.

52. The same director shouted on the loudspeaker: All students in Senior One, Senior Two and Senior Three are ready for the meeting!

53. When I arrived at the examination room, I completely collapsed. I saw tears all over the paper. I don't test anything I recite, and I can't test it.

54. Don't fail, I want to; If I don't review, I will; You can't have your cake and eat it, so I'm leaving.

55. We have so few tree resources in China because there are too many examination papers. No business, no killing!

56. I will be more bring disgrace to oneself without you. In the years without me, you will trample on yourself.

57. It is said that there is no distinction between arts and sciences in high schools now. Art occupies memory and science burns chips. So should I collapse now? .

58. Do you think I'm wasting my time by not studying at school? Time is money, in fact, I am showing off my wealth! You got it?

59. When I was a child, my worst dream was to find a toilet. The biggest fear is that people are not awake and the toilet is found.

In this harmonious society, primary school students celebrate Valentine's Day, middle school students celebrate Singles Day and college students celebrate Children's Day.

When I was a child, my deskmate asked me what monsters were like. I took a mirror and told him to look inside. Two seconds later, he cried.

An upright man is open and poised, the villain does his homework. Looking up, I found it was moonlight and bowed my head to do my homework. I sat up critically ill and didn't do my homework today.

63. Life is long. My brother watched it for five minutes and told me that the candidates would say: people are raw and meat is long. )

64. God deceived everyone, because hell is the most beautiful! The Buddha knew the truth, so the Buddha said: If I don't go to hell, who will go to hell?

Rommel resolutely decided to defy Hitler's instructions and interpret youth in his own way. Uncle Long, how do you interpret youth at that age? )

66. The teacher's greatest characteristic is: knowing perfectly well past asking, the teacher's greatest hobby is talking to himself, and the teacher's best skill is spitting.

67. One day, the teacher scolded the students in the class: You are so stupid, and your IQ is negative. My IQ is 100 times of yours! Student:

We may be spoiled now, but we won't die immediately in the face of wind and rain. You won't die immediately unless you are struck by lightning. )

69. The deskmate is a foodie. In the Chinese exam, antonyms are filled in, and there is a raw antonym. All the students fill it out, but only she does.

70. A teacher said: You are more unjust than Chang 'e! The students thought for a long time but didn't understand. After a long time, they realized that the teacher wanted to say that you were more wronged than Dou E, and there was nothing they could do.

Take me for example, I was born with the disintegration of the Soviet Union. Of course, their disintegration has nothing to do with me. Classmate, you are too cautious. We know that if you don't tell us. )

72. Part I: Senior students see how junior students teach sophomores to cheat freshmen; Bottom line: Freshman listens to sophomore talk about how junior dumped senior; Horizontal batch: you always have to return it when you come out.

73. We should show our own style, develop our sexual interests and hobbies, and don't be playthings in parents' hands. This house is so messy that I dare not think about it. The more I think about it, the more chaotic it is. )

74. Change the homework song: I look left and right and look down. It turns out that every question is hard to answer. I read and looked, thought and thought, and the answer written on it was really strange, alas! How strange!

75. Hold the fate by the throat, but also hold the cow by the throat. Otherwise, when you hold the fate by the throat, the cow will hold your throat. Tao of the environmental movement said: You can't just love, but do it!

76. Our teacher's class meeting notice: There will be a class meeting at seven o'clock tonight. I know everyone is too lazy to leave, so in order not to delay everyone's online time, we will hold it directly in the class group. All students should attend class on time, and I will call the roll by video.

77. You can't die in summer vacation! Can't die! What should I do if you die? I don't want to go with Mr. Xue Kai! I don't want it! Summer vacation jun, are you abandoning me? How am I supposed to live? Mr. Xue Kai, get away from me! I'm not going with you! Shit is boiling.

78. Pay tuition with Alipay! Confirm payment after the results come out! Good reviews and bad reviews to see a mood! If you fail, apply for a refund! The teacher followed her ass and said, honey, praise me! Honey, take this course, honey! Honey, the report card has been sent out! Please check it, dear!

79. The large-scale 4D horror disaster film "School Begins" will be released simultaneously in major cities in China in the middle and late August. It is reported that at the request of the school, the premiere of the film will be advanced from September 1 to August, and a free weekly ticket for the sister film "Military Training" will be given during the premiere week. The movie channel department estimates that the box office may exceed 100 million.

80. It is said that one afternoon in class, there were many students who skipped classes because of the thunder and lightning, stormy weather and bad weather. The teacher walked into the classroom and said slowly, "Thank you very much for so many students coming to my class in such bad weather today." Please call a name.

8 1, our school is a good school! Although we finish class late, we start class early! Although we have less rest, we have more classes! Although we are very cold in winter, we are very hot in summer! Although the holiday is late, the school starts early! Although we have less activities, we have more homework! Looking for a school, you should choose this! Go to school more and have fewer holidays!

82. I have been trying to copy every exam for more than ten years. For what? Is it for yourself? Not just to improve the class average! For the teacher's face! For the evaluation of the grade director, first evaluate the excellent! It's a shame for the headmaster to go to the Education Bureau for a meeting! I feel scared and sweaty every time I copy it. Did I mention complaining? I'm so selfless. What else do you want from me?

83. A headmaster gave a speech in the auditorium: In order to communicate with young people better, I read seven books of Harry Potter in the summer vacation. The school-running concept of Hogwarts is worth learning. The students in the audience are very happy. The headmaster sighed with emotion: No matter whether a great school is haunted, students are dead, teachers are dead, parents of students are killed, and the headmaster is killed or attacked by thugs, it can't stop it from starting school on time every year.

28 Classic Funny Quotations _ Laugh to death

1, my mother is in charge and my father is poorer than me. Today, I called the handsome guy, and the handsome guy told me happily:

Son, I saved 100 yuan, and I'll punch you in then. I burst into tears in an instant.

2. Take the last section of the high-speed train and take the most expensive sightseeing bus. When standing, everyone will line up in front of the car door, waiting for the door to open.

Sightseeing bus's door opened and a chubby uncle came out, surrounded by two young people in suits and ties.

Protect him with one hand and explore with the other, shouting: get out of the way, get out of the way. . .

The girl standing at the end smoothed her bangs. Simply put, what should I do, a funeral or a funeral? Line up.

My sister's underwear was blown to our balcony by the wind that day! I found Houda 'ao!

Copy it at once and lean on her balcony to help do it again.

Well, then you all guessed right! ! My sister next door just came out and saw me leaning hard.

Holding her freshly washed underwear in her hand. I don't want to live. She thinks I stole her underwear. . .

Passing by the door of a shopping mall, I heard a dialogue between a MM and the key.

Can you give me a key?

Key: Sure.

Then make me one. After a few seconds of silence.

The man with the key looked at MM and asked, Where is the key?

I have the key. Why should I ask you for it?

At noon today, my roommate went to the small restaurant next to the school to fry a braised potato chip and pack it. The boss packed two boxes for her.

Usually a box of vegetables and a box of rice.

When I took it back to the dormitory, I found it was a potato chip and a broken eggplant. . .

I wonder how another student looked when he went back to open two boxes of packaged rice. .

6. In class, the teacher asked questions, but no one responded. The teacher said:

Can you give me some feedback? I sang solo on it. What are you doing down there?

A classmate blurted out and went to the theatre.

7. Opposite the girls' dormitory is the boys' dormitory.

This night just entered the night, and everything was silent. Suddenly, I heard a boy's cry from the boy's dormitory building: xxx, I love you!

In an instant, all the women in the opposite building blew up, and everyone envied whose boyfriend was so romantic.

Just then, I heard another buddy shout: Who called my name just now?

The world suddenly became quiet.

When I was in college, there was a welcome party, and our class sang a song: "We are all a family".

Before taking the stage, the senior brother encouraged everyone to say: Junior brothers, don't be nervous, be as calm as the senior brother.

As a result, more than a dozen people took to the stage with neat steps.

After the big brother took the stage, he first announced: present a chorus for everyone!

The name of this song is "We are all human beings".

9. I have a very tall and handsome buddy. When traveling, I can't stand birds and flush the toilet. ...

Yes, everyone guessed. He went into the ladies' room, and the uncle at the door was very powerful. He pretended not to see it and let him in.

When we expected our buddies to be called hooligans and make a fool of themselves, a scene of fate appeared.

I only saw a beautiful woman come out and shouted to her friend, Wow, a handsome guy just went in.

I stole a look and didn't disturb him, for fear of scaring him to pee. ...

10, that day, Xiao Wang squeezed the bus, and a stout woman next to him shook her body and stepped on him.

The woman turned around and asked, did she hurt you? Xiao Wang felt hot when he saw that she was so guilty.

I shook my head shyly and said that it didn't hurt much. The voice just fell,

The woman immediately said excitedly, haha, it turns out that my weight loss has finally worked!

I stepped on many people's feet these days, and you are the only one who said it didn't hurt too much.

1 1, at noon, the canteen was cooked and thousands of troops rushed to the canteen.

One day, the two brothers finally rushed to the striker and suddenly stumbled on the stairs of the canteen.

The lunch box also fell to one side, and B immediately turned to look at A with concern.

A looked up and said, leave me alone! Run! ! Remember to burn some paper for me after supper.

12, during the afternoon recess, a petite beauty in the class was cleaning the blackboard.

Because he is not tall, he can't wipe a large area on tiptoe.

The way she worked hard greatly aroused my desire for protection!

Without saying anything, I went up to her and said kindly, let me help you. The way she was moved,

Say: thank you. Then I put my arm around her waist and picked her up.

13, I am a freshman in medical college, and my anatomy class is very tense.

In particular, I heard my classmates boast that their parents are top surgeons or have relevant experience.

After two hours of practical operation, the teacher praised my good operation ability and asked me if I had a family history.

I am embarrassed to answer: yes, my grandfather killed pigs.

14, in class, the teacher said: there is no failure in my life dictionary!

Just after that, a dictionary came out from the bottom. Xiao Xin said, teacher, I have to lend it to you!

15, there is no class in the first class in the morning. Roommate sent a message to remind her boyfriend to wake her up at 9: 30.

I was awakened by the bell and answered the phone. I heard a strange male voice say, get up, get up. A deep voice.

Scared my roommate to sit up. Hung up the phone and saw it was Tong Yuan.

I sent the wrong message last night. I sent my boyfriend's information to Tong Yuan. Damn, Tong Yuan is great.

16, male classmate, one day in class, the pen ran out of water, so I asked a girl not far away to borrow it.

Just listen to that girl shouting stupid? Men suddenly feel wronged, damn it,

You scolded me for this little thing? His anger was mingled with discontent,

Ho: Shit, I just borrowed a pen. Why are you scolding me?

The girl said weakly, I, I didn't scold you. I asked you what pen to use.

17, yes, I have a colleague who is also like that when it is serious.

One day I went out for dinner and went to the store to see many people. I saw a man sitting on the table.

He stepped forward and said, I'm sorry.

The man looked at him and left silently.

Later another colleague said, why don't we go to that fan?

Then I saw him go over and tell the person in front to get out of the way.

The man was anxious and said, Brother, where shall I sit? I'm here for dinner, too

Later I asked, that day was awesome, and he said, I thought that man was a waiter.

18, I accidentally yelled at my wife today, which made her cry.

It's no use trying to convince me all morning. There's nothing I can do.

My daughter hasn't eaten yet, and she is a little impatient. She says to her mother, OK, mom, can you stop crying?

You didn't choose the person yourself, who is to blame! Suddenly, my wife and I were in a mess. . .

19, I had dinner with my friends the day before yesterday. I got drunk and slipped out of the restaurant to throw up. There is a car next to me.

Unexpectedly, a policeman came. Move away! This is a no-parking area!

I waved my hand because I was ill and didn't want to talk. What happened? Drink? I took out my walkie-talkie and called a tow truck.

It's disgusting to watch the car being dragged further and further! It's not my car, how can I drive it ~!

20. I am a man Yesterday, my mother and I went out to buy clothes. When trying on clothes, I found that the fitting room couldn't be locked.

Just let my mom watch it. But as soon as I took off my pants, the door opened and a beautiful girl appeared.

Then I was shocked in an instant, wearing only a pair of underwear. . .

Later, my mother told me that the girl was beautiful and didn't stop me. I went, it's really my own mother!

2 1, a doctor killed someone else's baby, and the parents of the baby were very angry.

Say to the doctor: you should give my son a good funeral, but just return it, or I will sue the authorities.

The doctor promised to take it back for good treatment, so he put the body in the medicine box.

On the way home, I was invited to see a doctor by another family. When I opened the medicine, I was accidentally seen dead.

The patient asked the reason in surprise, and the doctor said that someone died again, which brought me back to life.

22. I have a friend who has been single, is 1.9 meters tall and works in a public institution.

A few days ago, the blind date, both sides feel good, ready to further develop.

So the girl asked the matchmaker if this man made it up (career establishment).

The matchmaker spoke without thinking, ran to a friend's house and said that the aunt asked if it was made up.

When my friend's mother heard this, she got angry: Oh, what the hell do you ask! Do you have a whip?

My son is 1.9 meters tall. How big a whip does she want?

23. In class on Monday, the teacher called the roll.

Zhang San? Here you are. Li si? Here you are. Wang Wu? reach

Obviously, all three voices come from the same person.

Suddenly, the atmosphere in the classroom froze to freezing point and the teacher was livid.

Quickly rushed to the windowsill: Uncle Wang, can you direct the reversing later?

24. When my mother called yesterday, the first thing she asked was whether the end of the world was real. What if I say it's true?

She said, then come back quickly and kill the pig first.

I dreamed of the end of the world yesterday. Aliens invaded the earth. We hid behind a tanker.

Still being discovered. Honey, cover for me. Got shot several times. Bloody. There were blood drops on the body.

It's extremely cold, I thought silently. Oh, my hero. I will treat you well in the future.

Wake up. I found the reason why it was cold was that the goods swept the quilt away. Theo. Instantly disillusioned.

26. When I got home, I saw my father standing on the balcony and lighting a cigarette, frowning and looking at the dark clouds outside the window.

Me: Dad, what's the matter?

Dad: It's going to rain. (takes a sip of cigarette)

Me:

Dad: Your mother can't go out for a walk when it rains, and then she will definitely lose all my happy beans.

27. In high school, boys play with compasses, and whoever they point at will come up with an idea to let him do what he wants.

If you don't listen, beat him together. A boy was shot and then the bell rang.

Everyone asked him to say I love you to the math teacher.

The math teacher is an old lady who can tell the square difference formula with tears.

At this time, the teacher came in with a triangle and said there was a class. Everyone stood up to say hello to the teacher.

The goods didn't move, and when they were sitting, the teacher ordered him: Everyone stood up and said hello, why didn't you move?

The goods directly open their mouths: Miss Guo, I love you! The whole class is crazy,

At this time, the math teacher's eyes were wet: I understand, classmate, I love you too!

28. I quit my job and went home to change my local number. It's been two months. This number is really deceptive.

Strangers called me to chop people up.

Tell the boss that I made a fortune and forgot my brother. Let me send the young lady there.

Ask me to send powder. I said I used this size before, big brother. How rich your life experience is!