My family lives far from school. Every day I ride a bike against the wind, but a terrible thing happened that day.
I rode my bike home halfway. I don't know what's wrong, but I just don't move. I had to carry my schoolbag and push my car home slowly. I met an old man who repaired the car on the way. He has white hair, a bronzed face, a pair of turbid eyes and several deep wrinkles on his forehead. The old man said to me, "Little girl, I'll help you repair your car!" " "I nodded happily. Grandpa is holding several tools around. After a while, my car was ready to ride. I just want to pay to thank my grandfather. Seeing that he hesitated for a while, he stopped me and said, "Forget it! We are engaged in this business for your convenience! " I smiled so sweetly.
I rode away. Looking back, my grandfather left me only a figure in the snow, as if a warm current was flowing under my feet.
Expert comments:
The back left a deep impression on the author and an indelible impression on our readers, because this is not an ordinary back, but an extraordinary back. Grandpa in the article helped me when I was in the most difficult time, which made me very moved. This article is a successful exercise based on real life and appropriate materials.
Grandpa, where are you? I often see you in front of my eyes. Why haven't you shown up since then? Please show up quickly so that I can give you a seat.
Hey, what would I have done that day if it weren't for you? Only my head stuck to the post, and I stood there in pain. That day:
"Whoops ..." "Why are you crying, little friend?" "I ... I have a headache." "Let me see." "ah! You have a fever. Come on, I have another seat here. You do it. Wait a minute. I'll take it away. It's so heavy! " "Thank you ... thank you ..." But that's not what moved me most. Next, the grandfather gave his seat to someone else, and a woman was holding a child. "Ye ... you ... Grandpa ..." "Huh?" "You ... you ... come and sit down." "..." "Sheng Xiaoyu, Sheng Xiaoyu, get off." Sun said to him, "Oh ..." "Grandpa ... Grandpa, goodbye." "hmm."
Grandpa, thank you for everything, so please show up quickly and let me give you my seat. At that time, you were old. If you don't show up, I ... I ... I won't have a chance. Show yourself quickly, grandpa.
Expert comments:
This is a narrative. The little author told a story about an old man who gave me his seat with a fever. The language of the article is not concise enough, and there are many typos, such as "you do it", which makes the narrative unreasonable. Grandpa gave me his seat. How could he give it to someone else?
How many times will it take for you and me to live this life?
You are my grandfather.
I am your grandson.
Among many grandchildren.
I hurt you the most.
it's you
Tell me a kind story and praise courage and integrity.
Vivid
My childhood
Is to spend it in the story you told me.
Gradually grow into a clear-headed person
Although, I am not a child anymore.
But I still miss the days when there were stories.
I don't know, next life.
You are still not my grandfather.
Or a passerby?
Now, you are lying in a hospital bed.
The hardships of being a grandson
When the whole world is in my heart
But I didn't do my duty as a grandson.
The disease is eating you up bit by bit.
I watched helplessly.
But there is nothing you can do.
I am most afraid of that day.
Between heaven and earth, black and white alternate
Crying again and again
weep
Only you are lying there quietly.
Has crossed the border.
A pair of old hands stretched out to us.
But we can't touch the real us.
So many forms of mourning
I've seen too much, and I don't feel anything.
neutral
However, it is chilling that
When everyone else is sad
Everyone else is smiling and joking.
That time, I saw them.
I just want to beat them on the ground and throw them out to feed the dogs.
However, as a child, there is nothing I can do.
And those, secret conspiracies.
I hope others die.
The ulterior motive behind the smiling face
In this way, will the soul of the deceased rest in peace?
Expert comments:
The title of this poem is very fresh, like bamboo shoots in spring, tender and crisp. The topic is so interesting that people can't help but want to read it. Imagination is wonderful, not only from life, but also higher than life, which broadens readers' horizons and is full of artistic charm.
Today, I opened my grandparents' photo album and found an old photo of my grandfather. Grandpa said it was taken when he was forty.
Grandpa in the photo is wearing a hat and cotton-padded clothes, with his hands in his pockets, standing in the brick and tile factory with a big smile on his face. There is a bike next to him. Not far away, there are many bicycles parked in the factory. "At that time, life was not so advanced, there were no battery cars and no motorcycles! Not to mention cars. " I said to myself. This photo is still black and white. I really feel sorry for grandpa and them. Grandpa said, "At that time, having a bike was a very proud thing. You have no idea how much I like riding a bike! " ! Go shopping by bike in the morning and keep warm by bike in the afternoon, especially in winter. For example, in summer, it is better to go to a place close to home than a battery car. Motorcycles are more convenient. "I said," Grandpa, you are really something. In the future, I want to be an inventor and make our China more developed in science and technology! Grandpa smiled and said to me, "son, I hope you have a dream." Now you should study hard and hope your dream can come true. "I nodded happily.
The photos are really good, which let me know the story of my grandfather when he was young, and also inspired my determination to serve my country.
Expert comments:
The idea is simple and intriguing, closely related to the center, and describes grandpa's old photos in detail. Between the lines, it shows that grandpa is a simple and patriotic person, and it also teaches me to study hard, realize my dreams and serve the motherland when I grow up. But some punctuation marks are not used accurately.
Grandpa, the night sky seems quieter than usual tonight.
The camphor tree outside the window made me think.
Is that you? Grandpa!
You are working on the yellow land again.
Why do you always do this?
Never leave the loess you love!
Many years have passed.
Look at this. Your tall and straight body is tired to your knees!
. . . . . .
Grandpa, do you remember?
Do you remember when I worked with you on the yellow land? !
In fact, I really wanted to say to you at that time:
I don't like doing that dirty and tired job!
But every time I see the smile on your face.
I don't have the heart to tell you.
. . . . . .
Grandpa, am I an unfilial grandson?
Yes, I am an unfilial grandson!
You raised me for thirteen years.
Now I come to this beautiful city.
But I seldom call you back.
You don't say it in your heart.
Actually, I understand. I really understand!
Your heart is bleeding and crying!
You're blaming me for not returning your calls.
Grandpa, I am really an unfilial grandson!
Can You Ever Forgive Me?
If you say, no!
I don't blame you, grandpa!
I really don't blame you, grandpa!
Because you are my grandfather who raised me for thirteen years!
Grandpa, no one can break the relationship!
Expert comments:
This poem talks face to face with grandpa in the second person, which is cordial, true and infectious. The repeated appearance of "grandpa" has the effect of summoning. The full text expresses my love, understanding and yearning for my grandfather, and also depicts an image of a hardworking and burdened grandfather.
Grandpa in the kitchen. My grandpa is very tall. He has smiling eyes, a straight nose and thick lips. Grandpa is good at cooking. Every time I go to grandpa's house, grandpa will cook me delicious and nutritious meals.
I came to grandpa's house today and smelled the tempting smell of food. I muttered to myself, what did grandpa cook today? I didn't know grandpa was frying shredded pork with fish flavor until I went to the kitchen
First, he chopped fungus, meat and bamboo shoots, and then fired. When the pot gets hot, he pours the oil and then puts the shredded pork into the pot. After the shredded pork became loose, he put the shredded fungus and bamboo shoots into the pot, and finally put the seasoning into the pot. Stir-fry a few times, and you can cook!
In this way, a plate of fish-flavored shredded pork with rich flavor, sweet in acid and sweet in salt was fried. I couldn't wait to put a piece of shredded pork in my mouth, tasted it, chewed it in my mouth, and it was elastic and soft, plus a slightly choking sauce. It is really delicious!
How's it going? Is the food cooked by my "kitchen grandpa" delicious?
Expert comments:
This article is about human narration. Using the first person, the narrative is true, cordial and natural, which narrows the distance between the work and the reader and gives the reader a real and vivid feeling. Grandpa's cooking is well deserved. He should be unskilled in cooking, and the food is delicious, which highlights the superb cooking skills of the characters.
My grandfather is sixty-seven years old this year. He has white hair and even a gray beard, but his frugal habit has not changed.
Once, when I was sitting on the sofa, I accidentally broke mechanical pencil. I picked it up and was about to throw it away. At this time, grandpa stopped me and said kindly, "You can't throw it. I can use glue. " I replied, "It's not like our family has no money. Moreover, a mechanical pencil is only one yuan, so it is good to buy another one. " Grandpa said, "No, no matter how rich you are, you can't spend it indiscriminately!" " "Say that finish, he took out 502 glue and skillfully stuck the broken place together. I looked at mechanical pencil, who had recovered as before, and thought: Grandpa is really frugal.
I remember another time, grandpa accidentally hung up his clothes while working. Mom and dad are going to buy another one for grandpa when they hear about it. Grandpa said, "No, clothes are more expensive now, and everything costs more than 100." It is better to sew it on. " Grandpa took a needle and thread and sewed it carefully one by one. After a while, he showed us the sewn clothes and said, "Isn't that enough?"
Grandpa's frugality has influenced the whole family invisibly, and I'm beginning to learn to be frugal now.
Expert comments:
The layout of the article is reasonable, starting with the topic-Grandpa loves frugality, and then describing two things in real life, which reflects Grandpa's frugality. The narrative is clear, the language is fluent and natural, and the story is vivid and concrete, which is very good.
My grandfather is over 70 years old. He has white hair and presbyopia, but he still loves reading and learning. My sister and I both call him Grandpa Bookworm.
Grandpa has a burnt-out kettle at home, which is the "great achievement" left by grandpa's concentration on reading.
It was a summer morning and my mother-in-law went out to buy food. Before going out, her mother-in-law urged her: "Grandpa, there is water burning on the stove. Fucking snacks, don't boil the water dry. " Grandpa quickly said, "No problem, don't worry, I'll stay here today!" " "Grandpa said, sitting at the door of the kitchen with a small stool and a book. After more than an hour, my mother-in-law came home and opened the door. The room is full of smoke. Grandpa is still sitting there absorbed in reading. The water in the pot has boiled, and there is not a drop of water at the bottom of the pot. My mother-in-law quickly said, "Grandpa, you are stuck in the book again. The pot is burnt out. If I come back late again, you will be in big trouble! ""Grandpa scratched his head and said, "I wonder why there is a strange smell at home ..."
Grandpa likes reading very much. He often says that books are the source of knowledge. Books can purify people's minds, let us know beauty and ugliness, and know good and evil. I want to be a person who loves reading like grandpa.
Expert comments:
This is a composition written by a writer. By focusing on the fact that my grandfather burned the kettle dry because he concentrated on reading, the author showed the characteristics of my grandfather's love of reading and expressed his hope to be a person who loves reading as much as his grandfather. The writing is concise and clear, but the effect is obvious!
The person who impressed me the most-my grandfather is by my side. Many people care about me and love me, but my grandfather impressed me the most.
My grandfather is an amiable old man. He is 66 years old. He is tall, with a few strands of white silk on his black hair and a pair of reading glasses on his nose. He keeps walking every day, and his body is particularly strong. My grandfather is very concerned about national current affairs. During the day, News 30, Legal Report and Yangzi Evening News accompanied him all the time. At seven o'clock in the evening, sit in front of the TV and watch the news broadcast on time. I remember once, when he was cooking, he was watching TV. Since he forgot the dishes in the pot, when grandma found that the dishes were burnt and called him, he was watching with relish and forgot. My grandfather is still a helpful person. Once, my grandfather and I were sitting on a bus, and an old man got on the bus with a child. Grandpa immediately stood up and offered his seat. I feel particularly embarrassed. I thought grandpa was an old man and would give up his seat, but I sat there motionless and couldn't help blaming myself. I quickly stood up and asked grandpa to sit down. Grandpa nodded and smiled.
This is the person who impressed me the most-grandpa.
Expert comments:
In the article, the author introduced Grandpa from three aspects: appearance, concern for national affairs and helpfulness. The narrative is complete and the content is substantial, highlighting my grandfather's deepest impression in my heart. The article adopts the total score structure, which is clear in organization, echoing from beginning to end and highlighting the theme; The description of grandpa's appearance is meticulous, such as "he is tall, with white silk on his black hair and a pair of reading glasses on his nose." He insists on walking every day and his body is particularly tough. "
Grandpa's hands have grown up, and my parents haven't been with me much. My grandfather grew up with me, but what impressed me most was his hands.
Grandpa's hand is eighteen centimeters long, nine centimeters wide and three centimeters thick. Grandpa's fingers are covered with calluses, which are rough and have a scar on his hand. It is said that grandpa was wounded by shrapnel when he was a soldier in the war.
Once, grandpa took me to my fifth uncle's house to play. It just rained heavily that day and the road was slippery. I almost fell down several times, but grandpa's big hand kept holding me. Holding grandpa's big hand, I feel a little sunshine-like warmth in rainy days.
Another time, in order to make a model, I needed to cut a piece of 10 cm wood into pieces with a knife. In the process of cutting again, I accidentally cut a little meat from my middle finger. Don't underestimate this, it is very painful. At that time, when I was young, I kept crying and shouting. Grandpa found medicine to apply to the wound to help me stop bleeding and always comforted me. Holding grandpa's hand, I slowly calmed down and stopped crying.
Thinking of grandpa's hand, I seem to see the happiness of my childhood!
Expert comments:
In this article, grandpa's hand accompanied the little author through a happy childhood. Those are a pair of hands that can bring me warmth and comfort. How can you not remember it deeply? Although the language of the article is not gorgeous, it is extremely accurate and vivid, with rich and true emotions, and it is interesting to read.